Darker (20 page)

Stiffly, I returned to the coffee pot for a refill. I stared down into the mug, watching as the cream swirled through the black liquid. As badly as I wanted to obsess over what I’d just read, I needed to bring Lilah down. I steeled myself for the return to the computer. Veryl had blackmail material on her, and I was going to find it.

Sunrise came and went. Arys never showed, but I was only mildly surprised. After the way I’d left things between us, he was likely fuming. Well, I wasn’t too thrilled either.

The sound of water rushing through the pipes broke the silence. Jez was finished with her bath. I restrained myself from running to tell her what I’d found on Kale. We had time for that later; the poor girl needed to rest.

I found many more things, though, from Lena and Brogan’s relation to one of the most powerful witch families in North America to bios and tidbits on people I’d never met. Fatigue pulled at my eyelids as worry nagged my thoughts. As I neared the end of the files, a sense of dread developed.

Then, I found Lilah’s file. I held my breath as I devoured everything in it. Cha-ching! I hit the jackpot.

“
Thank you, Veryl,” I muttered aloud. “Your information hoarding has paid off.”

If I were Lilah, I’d have been worried, too. Veryl had some juicy dirt on her. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough.

She was in hiding, fleeing a particular angel, Salem. I didn’t know a lot about angel and demon politics, but I knew that whatever it was, it couldn’t have been in Lilah’s best personal interest.

Veryl had no record of exactly why she’d been imprisoned, but being confined in the angelic cage made her vulnerable and desperate. Soon, she manipulated an angel into freeing her; however, without blood from a creature of the light, she was still only a vampire. On the run ever since, she constantly sought a way to free herself and reclaim her former glory before being found by those hunting her.

When I couldn’t fight the fatigue anymore, I shut down the computer. I had a lot to think about but enough information to play some cards during a confrontation with Lilah. Satisfied, I climbed the stairs toward bed.

Halfway up, I walked into a cloud of pain. Heavy and negative, it almost stopped me in my tracks. I shielded against the overwhelming sensation. The sound of muffled sobs drew me to the master bedroom where Jez lay curled in the fetal position in the middle of my bed. Her shoulders shook, and her hair fell across her face.

My worries faded when I saw her there. Jez needed me. That mattered more right now.

I sat on the edge of the bed and touched her arm. She grabbed my hand and squeezed, a small action laced with emotion. I swallowed hard as hot tears stung my eyes. Jez’s agony was strong, and I loved her so much. It was impossible not to feel her breaking.

We sat in silence for several minutes. I couldn’t say anything that would ease her pain, and I didn’t want to cheapen the moment with phony words.

“
You can sleep in my bed. I’ll take the couch.” I finally said. “Can I get you an extra pillow? Anything?”

“
Will you stay? I don’t want to be alone.” Jez’s voice was hoarse. Her grip tightened around my hand.

I climbed onto the bed beside her. The strong earthy scent of Were filled my nostrils. Curling myself around her, I hugged her close. The wolf within considered her pack. After missing Shaz so desperately, I found a sense of familial comfort in Jez. The affectionate touch of another Were gave me a soothing reassurance that was all about animal and pack. It felt natural. Right.

A cold panic gripped me. I was going to lose my wolf. My heart raced, and I had to concentrate hard on staying calm. I didn’t want Jez to smell my fear. This was no time to be self-centered. Her pain came first; my worry could wait.

I held tight to Jez, burying my face in her gold locks. Only after she fell asleep did I let myself fall into a fitful slumber. In my dreams, I was still holding her, but as a victim instead. Her scent was no longer that of a kindred being but of my prey. I saw only blood, tasted only death.

I awoke with my heart thundering in my ears. Even in my dreams, I couldn’t escape from the future I so desperately feared.

Chapter Thirteen

I woke up with a smile. It was just past sunset when the dream-world images of Shaz faded and I came back to myself. At least not all of my dreams were unpleasant, but waking up to realize it wasn’t real was somewhat of a burn.

Jez was gone from the bed. Only her scent remained to indicate she’d been there. I found her in the kitchen with a bottle of wine in one hand and an unlit cigarette in the other. She leaned back in a chair at the table, my laptop open in front of her.

“
Hey.” She raised the bottle in greeting. Shadows lined her eyes. She clearly hadn’t slept well. “You should probably put a password on this thing. Anyone could read this shit.”

The bottle was almost empty. Jez had moved quickly from the crying stage to the drinking stage. It worried me. This stage was brutal; I’d been there myself.

“
I’m destroying them once I read every last word. But, you’re right.” I stared into the fridge out of habit before deciding I didn’t have much of an appetite. “So, what do you think?”

“
I think if you’ve found out who exactly Lilah is hiding from, we’ve solved that problem. I also think you read the part about Kale and freaked out, which would explain why you came to bed stinking like fear.” Tipping the bottle to her lips, she drained the last of it in one long swallow. “You were born to be a wolf, Alexa. The vampire thing happened by chance. Don’t worry. You’ll figure this out.”

I forced a tight smile. “I hope so. I’m going to talk to Brogan and Willow about it, see if they know anything that will help. Until then, I’m going to take my mind off it by beating some answers out of Falon. I want to have a little chat with Lilah, and he’s going to tell me how to find her.”

“
I’m coming. I owe that smarmy angel a boot in the face. At the very least,” Jez proclaimed, frowning at the empty wine bottle. “Where do you keep the hard stuff?”

“
No way.” I plucked the cigarette out of her hand and tossed it in the sink. “If you’re with me tonight, then there will be none of this. No drinking. No smoking.”

“
But I—,”

“
No, Jez. I know it’s easier to escape than it is to deal, but if you come, you need to have your shit together. Beat some ass now. Drown your sorrows later.”

She groaned and cast her eyes down to the floor. She was struggling to contain the rage and hurt that dominated her. It was difficult to refrain from responding to the strength of such emotion.

“
Don’t feel like you need to do this,” I said.

“
I can’t stay here brooding. I need to feel like I’m doing something to avenge Zoey. I can’t let Lilah get away with it.” With a hard set to Jez’s jaw, tears filled her bright green eyes, but they didn’t fall. When she met my gaze, the predator inside her peered out at me.

Jez was hungry for vengeance; Zoey’s death had broken her. Their relationship had meant more than I’d realized. They had only been together a couple months, but I understood how easily a bond could be forged. To have it broken so quickly had devastated her.

The doorbell rang, startling us both. I hadn’t left the house yet, and already I was jumpy. Anticipation for what I planned to do with my night had me on edge. I ran down the long hallway to the front door, pleasantly surprised to find Kylarai on the other side, but she didn’t look happy.

“
Come on in.” I stood back. “I was just about to get ready to head out. What’s up?”

Kylarai peered out at me from behind a fringe of dark brown bangs. Her hair lay atop her shoulders in trendy layers that made her grey eyes stand out in contrast. Wearing butt-hugging blue jeans and a long, form-fitting sweater, Ky looked both professional and hot. Her energy was messy and scattered. It betrayed her fashionably well put together appearance.

“
Sorry to just drop in,” she said, anxiously tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “I need to talk to you. About the pack.”

“
What about them? Did something else happen?” My pulse quickened. Lilah was susceptible to sunlight. Could she have hurt someone else so soon?

“
No, nothing like that,” she assured me. “I saw them earlier today. We had somewhat of a pack meeting. About you.”

She spit out that last bit like it hurt her to say it. I realized where this was going; part of me had been expecting it.

I led the way back to the kitchen and waited patiently for Kylarai to give her condolences to Jez. I wouldn’t trust me either, but I wasn’t in a rush to hear that my pack didn’t trust me with their safety.

“
Go on.” I gestured for her to continue when she looked uncertainly from me to Jez. “Tell me what the pack had to say. Since they’re meeting without me, I can only assume it means one thing.”

Kylarai sucked in a breath. She was having a hard time making eye contact. It didn’t seem fair that she had to be the one to speak for them all. Of course, she was one of my best friends, so it made sense.

“
They want you out, Alexa.” Her words were rushed. Though she was nervously fidgeting with a stray penny lying on the counter top, her eyes were finally on me. “We’ve lost two wolves this week and Julian not so long ago. They think you bring danger to us all. They think you’re more vampire now than wolf. Nobody trusts you.”

The silence was deafening. Jez regarded me with wide eyes, awaiting my reaction. Kylarai was miserable. I could see this was the last thing she wanted to be doing right now.

“
Fair enough,” I said, my voice hollow, lacking emotion. The vampire remark stung especially deep after what I’d recently learned.

“
I’m sorry.” Kylarai’s soft declaration was pained. “I love you like a sister, Lex, but you and I both know they’re right. Things have changed for you. It’s not safe for us anymore.”

I nodded, having a hard time finding the words. “Fine. I’m out. No argument here. So who takes over? You?”

“
Yeah. At least until Shaz gets back.”

The urge to punch something was strong. My anger wasn’t directed at Kylarai. This wasn’t her fault; it was mine. If I lost my wolf because of my blood bond with Arys, that would be my fault, too. I was doing a fantastic job of fucking things up. If I didn’t stay mad, I might cry. So, I chose to nurture the growing ire. It would come in handy later.

“
You know what? You should be Alpha, Kylarai. Not me. I’m cool with this. Really. You can tell everyone I’ll keep my distance.” Being cast out of my pack hurt like a bitch, yet I couldn’t deny the truth. “They’re better off without me.”

“
I feel like an ass,” Kylarai said, staring across the living room at a vase filled with fake flowers. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to do this.”

“
Stop apologizing. Only a true leader can kick a friend out for the good of all. I respect you, Ky. That will never change.”

She grabbed me in a big hug, crushing the air from my lungs. “If you need me, really need me, I’ve got your back. You know that, right?”

“
Of course.”

Kylarai had been there for me through some bad times. Back when Raoul was playing with both my head and my heart, before Shaz and I were anything but friends, she had been the mother hen of our pack, taking care of those in need. Recently, she had found love after a few failed relationships. She deserved to be happy and safe.

“
Watch your back, ok? Lilah shouldn’t be a problem much longer, but in the meantime, stay safe. Don’t let your guard down.” I was confident Kylarai could take care of herself. Hell, she’d torn her abusive husband’s throat out and fought at my side many times. She would make a great pack leader.

“
I should go. Coby’s waiting for me in the car.” She returned to the front door, casting apologetic glances my way. “We need to have that housewarming party you keep putting off.”

“
Oh, we will,” Jez piped up from the kitchen. “I won’t let her get out of it again.”

Kylarai smiled, and though it held sadness, it still lit up her face. “I’ll come by one night soon. We’ll go for a run. It’s been a while.”

I smiled and nodded, doing my best to squelch the growing urge to scream. After a few more insistent hugs and promises to see me soon, Kylarai made her way to her Escalade in the driveway.

I closed the door and leaned against it. “Well, my night is off to a fucking great start.”

Jez appeared at the end of the hall. “I’m not going to insult you by asking if you’re ok. I imagine it feels kind of like being picked last in gym class. Nobody wants you on their team.”

I laughed, a bitter sound that resonated through the empty corridor. “Nice try, Jez. Don’t expect me to believe you were picked last.”

“
No, but I know what it’s like to walk alone.”

We stood at opposite ends of the hall, staring at one another. Jez was the only werecat I knew. I imagined that came with its share of loneliness. Cats might be solitary creatures, but they too craved love and affection.

“
I feel like I’ve lost my wolf and my pack all in one day,” I said, waiting for the emotion to hit me. Instead, I was numb. A hollow sense of calm always overcame me when I needed to shut down and escape. It would help me now, but I’d pay for it later when the floodgates broke open.

I stared at Jez, noting the predatory glint in her eyes. She had lost so much more, yet there she stood, ready to fight back.