Dark Summer Dawn (21 page)

As soon as it was light, she packed swiftly, folding away the clothes she had brought with mechanical neatness. It had stopped snowing in the night, but the landscape outlooked hostile and alien in its white shroud, and she bit her lip until it bled, worrying that perhaps she might not be able to get away after all. But the milkman called, and after him the newspapers and the mail van, and she relaxed. At least the roads were passable even if driving' conditions were far from ideal.

She waited in her room until she saw Dane's car leave for the day, then she went downstairs and had a hurried breakfast of toast and coffee. When she had finished, she went to Chas's. room. He was dressed and in his wheelchair, frowning over the crossword and accepting glumly the pills that the nurse was inexorably offering him. His face lit up when he saw Lisa.

'There you are, my pet. It looks as if Julie will have a white wedding in more ways than one.'

'Yes, doesn't it?' she said steadily. 'But it looks as if I'm going to have to miss it. I had a letter from my agent this morning. It's a job—a big one, and it won't wait. Unless I return to London today I may miss it.'

'Would that be so very terrible?' Chas looked wounded, and Lisa felt immediate guilt.

'It is my living,' she pointed out gently.

'I was going to talk to you about that,' Chas said quickly. 'You don't have to work for a living, Lisa. I can still support my family, thank God, in spite of the recession. And it's going to be lonely in the house with Julie gone. I hoped you'd stay.'

'I can't.' Her voice broke very slightly. 'I—I must go back to London. I don't belong here, Chas. I'm an outsider, and I always will be. I love you, and I'll always be grateful to you, but it's better for everyone if I go—you must believe that.'

The nurse had already tactfully left the room and Chas leaned forward, his face concerned.

'Darling girl, I don't want to pry, but it's Dane, isn't it? He can be tough, I know. Has he hurt you? I'll talk to him…'

'No—please.' Lisa braced herself against the pleading look in her stepfather's eyes. 'There's nothing anyone can say or do. We're just better apart, that's all. I should never have come back here.' She paused. 'I'm sorry.'

'And so am I,' Chas said gently. 'More sorry than I can say. But you have your own life to lead, Lisa, and I can't interfere in that. Do you really have to leave before the wedding? Julie—everyone—will be so upset.'

'I've already explained to Julie that I can't be there,' Lisa said quietly. 'I think she understands.' And I can't interfere in her life and tell you that there shouldn't be any wedding, she thought unhappily. Julie must do what seems best to her, and I can only pray she doesn't wreck too many lives.

When she returned to her bedroom, Julie was waiting for her.

'You were serious, weren't you?' She gestured towards Lisa's case. 'You're really leaving. Because of me?'

'Not entirely,' Lisa returned with deliberate evasiveness.

Julie looked at her with painful eagerness. 'You've said goodbye to Daddy? Did you—did you tell him?'

'No,' said Lisa, and sighed at the expression of relief on Julie's face. 'It's ail right, Julie. Your secret as ever is safe with me.'

'You're an angel!' Julie planted a swift kiss on her cheek. 'It will all work out, Lisa, you see if it doesn't.'

'You have a great talent for self-deception,' Lisa said bitterly. 'But we won't discuss it any further. Do you want to risk driving me, or shall I phone for a taxi?'

'Oh, the snow's nothing,' Julie said negligently. She paused. 'Isn't there anyone else you want to say goodbye to?'

'No.' Lisa met her gaze squarely. 'No one.'

Julie shrugged. 'Then we may as well be on our way.' Her voice sounded nonchalant, but the look she sent Lisa was an uneasy one.

As they drove away from the house Lisa thought drily that for the first time in their lives Julie was probably relieved to see her go. She knew altogether too much.

They spoke in snatches as the car moved decorously along the snowy roads. Lisa was glad to see that Julie appeared to be concentrating on her driving, and taking fewer chances than on other occasions. It was a straight road, too, bordered on each side by dry stone walls and deep ditches. Beyond the walls, sheep huddled together, their fleeces brown and grey when seen against the dazzling whiteness around them.

As they waited at a 'Give Way' sign for another car to complete its manoeuvre, Julie said suddenly, 'That's funny —there's Dane.'

'Where?' Lisa sat forward sharply, peering through the windscreen. 'It can't be. He went to the works. I saw him leave.'

'Perhaps he had to come back for something.' Before Lisa could say or do anything, Julie sounded her horn and waved. 'He's seen us,' she added with satisfaction.

Lisa smothered a groan. 'Don't stop,' she said urgently.

'What?' Julie glanced at her. 'But he's stopping. He obviously wants to speak to us.'

'Well, I don't want to speak to him. Julie, for God's sake drive on—please!' The emotion throbbed in Lisa's voice and Julie gave a puzzled sigh.

'Oh, very well. But he won't be too pleased.' She let in the clutch abruptly and the car jerked forward. ,

Lisa sat back in her seat, but Julie's next words had her twisting round anxiously. 'He's following us.'

'But that's ridiculous!'

'Do you want us to leave him behind? I can try if you like.' Julie accelerated and the little car shot forward.

'No, don't!' Lisa was appalled at the idea.

Julie looked in her mirror. 'He's flashing his lights. He wants us to stop.' She giggled. 'We'll give him a run for his money.'

She accelerated again and Lisa said sharply, 'Julie, slow down, for heaven's sake!'

'Why should I?' Julie demanded recklessly. 'After all, you were the one who didn't want to talk to him.'

'But we can't outrun him, even if the road was perfect.' Lisa watched the mounting speedometer needle with alarm.

'Oh, don't make such a fuss,' sighed Julie. 'It's only snowy. There isn't really any ice.'

As she spoke the car seemed to lurch and begin to slide sideways. Lisa saw Julie, white-faced, wrench at the wheel, and tried to call a warning, but the word stuck in her throat. She felt the car lift as they hit the verge and then slide forward into the ditch. She felt something hit her head, and then everything went dark.

There was a blur of light, and the sound of voices—urgent voices but far in the distance. She tried to answer because she thought she heard her name being called, but there was no sound, as if her throat muscles would not obey her. Eventually she seemed to croak something, and that seemed to satisfy the voices, because they stopped, and she was able to sleep.

She came awake slowly, aware of a throbbing pain in her temple, and a more generalised ache throughout her body and limbs. The first person she saw was Chas sitting beside her. She was in bed in a strange room, obviously a side ward in a hospital.

She smiled at him, using her facial muscles gingerly.

'I feel like a walking bruise,' she said.

Chas took her hand. 'You're going to feel like that for a day or two,' he said. 'That damned car turned over.'

She had just been going to ask him what she was doing there, but then it all came flooding back, and she bit back a little cry.

'Julie—is Julie all right?'

'She's going to be fine,' he said heavily, after a pause, and Lisa looked into his face and saw the knowledge there, and the sorrow.

She said in a low voice, 'She's lost the baby, hasn't she?'

'Yes.' His shoulders sagged defeatedly. 'I'm trying to tell myself it's all for the best—under the circumstances. I only wish I could believe it.' He hesitated. 'It's hit Tony hard— damned hard. I've cancelled the wedding, naturally. It would probably have had to be postponed as it was, but there's no chance now of it ever taking place. He did offer to come and see her, but I could tell his heart wasn't in it, so I think they're best apart.'

Lisa said, 'I suppose so. I tried to tell her…'

'Did you know that Tony wasn't the father?' The' sharpin Chas's voice revealed the strain he was under.

'Yes, I knew. She told me.' Lisa waited for the next question, but it didn't come.

'I blame myself in many ways. She wasn't strong when she was a young child, and I always gave in to her more than I should have done.' He swallowed. 'If my Jennifer—if your mother had lived, she might have been different. Julie, cared for her, cared for her opinion. As it was, we all protected her, made excuses for her, where I should have taken a firm line with her.' He shook his head almost wonderingly. 'But she would have deceived him—deceived that poor lad into marrying her. That's what I find so hard to take. She's behaved as if morality were only for other people.'

He needed to talk, Lisa knew, and the least she could do was listen, but when eventually Miss Henderson arrived to take him back to Stoniscliffe, her head was throbbing quite agonisingly.

The room to herself again, she lay back on her pillows and closed her eyes, as a few scalding tears trickled under her lashes and down her pale cheeks.

'Weeping for your ruined beauty?' Dane asked harshly.

Her eyes flew open, and her lips parted in a startled gasp as she looked up at him. How long had he been standing there watching her weep? she wondered.

Then his actual words penetrated her consciousness and she lifted a hand and touched the pad of dressing and the bandage on her forehead and winced.

'Don't look so petrified,' the grim voice went on. 'It's not a serious cut. They tell me there won't even be a scar. You've got off lightly again, Lisa.'

'Don't,' she whispered. 'Oh God, please don't!'

His hand gripped her wrist, bruising the flesh, and she gave a little cry.

'Just where did you think you were going this morning?' he asked coldly. 'How did you manage to persuade Julie to take you in those conditions? You know she isn't a wonderful driver at the best of times. But that wouldn't weigh with you, would it, Lisa? Running away is the only answer you have, and it didn't matter to you that you were risking not just your own life but my sister's as well.'

She closed her eyes against the hard, bitter light in his. He was blaming her for what had happened. He thought she had encouraged Julie to speed. She wanted to defend herself, to fling his words back in his face, but her head was aching too badly, and she felt too weak.

She said in a low voice, 'I didn't mean this to happen.'

'Oh, I give you credit for that. But there are some things you can't escape the responsibility for by pleading your good intentions, and my sister's life ruined is only one of them.'

'How am I supposed to be responsible for that?' She wanted to cradle her aching head in her hands, but knew he would interpret it as a ploy to gain sympathy.

'Whose example did she have to follow in her most impressionable years? Yours, Lisa, only yours. She thought the world of you, and always has done. Did she know about your association with Laurie Hammond? Did she think it was romantic perhaps? And these sordid associations of yours in London—did she find them glamorous? Oh, yes, Amber Girl, you set the example, only Julie wasn't quite as wise in the ways of the world, as able to avoid the consequences of her actions. You made an innocent girl think that sleeping around was fun.'

His words were like hammer blows striking her to the heart, and she reeled back under them..

'Julie's life is in pieces around her, and you've escaped with a slight scratch. The pattern just repeats itself endlessly. I realise now why she was so desperate to have you here, why you were the only one who would do. Because you'd know what to do, wouldn't you, Lisa, you'd be able to find a way out of this mess she was in—perhaps even recommend a good abortion clinic where they wouldn't ask too many questions. But your advice was different, wasn't it? You told her to go on with this charade of a wedding, and take the unfortunate Bainbridges for everything they'd got.'

'No,' she uttered faintly. Her mouth was burningly, bitterly dry, and there were small coloured lights dancing meaninglessly in front of her eyes. Dane seemed to loom over her, the anger and darkness within him striking at her soul's core. She fumbled for the buzzer switch beside the bed, but there was no strength in her fingers, and the darkness was crowding around her again, only this time she almost welcomed it. As it was, the last thing she saw was the bitterness in Dane's eyes before she fell, silently screaming, into the abyss.

She was dimly aware of noise, of bustle, and the small , sharp pain of an injection in her arm, and she subsided gratefully into the peace of a drugged sleep.

It was daylight when she opened her eyes, a bright cold day with a brilliant blue sky, and a sharp sun glittering on the snow-covered rooftops she could see from the window. Almost as if there had been some prearranged signal, the door opened and a nurse came in carrying a washbowl and a towel.

'Feeling better today, are we?' she asked breezily. 'Dr Simms says you're to stay with us for a couple more days for observation after last night's little do. And you're not to have visitors if they're going to upset you.'

A reluctant smile touched Lisa's lips as she heard the note of admonishment.

She said, 'You can leave me the bowl. I can manage for myself.'

'Well, if you're sure.' The young nurse cast a harassed glance at her watch. 'It will be time for rounds, and we're all behind today. Someone will be along presently to change your dressing.'

She whisked out again, leaving Lisa to enjoy the refreshment of a leisurely wash. Her head was only aching slightly today, and she felt more comfortable generally.

The real hurt was within, deep and savage, as Dane's words came accusingly back at her. Always and always he would believe the worst, and always the evidence would condemn her.

It hadn't merely been his own anger which had made him speak so cruelly to her, she thought tiredly. His behaviour had also been prompted by his anxiety and concern for Julie, and she could understand that.

She thought, 'He loves Julie. He cares about her.' And somehow that realisation only made the inner pain worse. Because once, for a brief ephemeral time, Dane might have loved her too. Once his awakening desire might have been transmuted into something deeper, and more tender.