Dark Summer Dawn (20 page)

As she spoke, her hands moved untying the sash of her robe and pushing it from her shoulders. It fell to the carpet around her feet, and she looked at him with her heart in her eyes, desiring him totally, mutely begging him to desire her in return.

He didn't move. He was so still, he might have been carved out of stone. He said thickly, 'Of course it isn't as simple as that. If I said I wasn't tempted, I'd either be a saint or a liar, and I've never been a saint, as you have good reason to know. But it's a question of priorities, and yours, such as they are, are elsewhere. Now cover yourself, and get out of here.'

For a moment Lisa still stood there, unable to accept that once again she had failed. It was almost ludicrous, she thought dazedly. She knew without conceit the effect she had on most men who looked at her. There was hunger in Simon's face each time she walked across the room, although he kept it under a tight rein. And yet she could stand here in front of Dane, naked, and it made no difference. He was turning her away again.

She bent swiftly and retrieved her robe, fastening it round herself with grace and a kind of pathetic dignity as she strove silently to master her emotions.

Dane got to his feet. 'For God's sake, go!' There was an edge to his voice. His control was shaken and she knew it, but it had not broken and there was nothing for her here but rejection, as it seemed there had always been.

Silently Lisa turned and left the room. She felt numb as she climbed the stairs, except for a tightness in her throat, and a hot burning sensation behind her eyes. But she was not going to let herself cry. She'd shed too many tears already.

Later, she thought detachedly, she would probably feel ashamed at the way she had offered herself. But not now.

All she could think of now was flight, away from this place and away from this man for ever.

CHAPTER NINE

Lisa went into the darkness of her room and stood there, trying to collect together the thoughts that seemed to be buzzing aimlessly in her brain, and which she needed to channel into some kind of decisive action.

But what? she thought. It was impossible for her to leave now. She would have to wait for daylight at least and make her way to Leeds for the first available train to London. She would have to think of some story that would satisfy Chas, and she would have to tell Julie that she could not stay for the wedding—find some convincing explanation for her absence. Not the truth, of course. That was also impossible.

When she heard the sound of the muffled sob for one crazy reeling moment she thought it came from her own throat, and she put a hand over her mouth, desperately damming back any further sound.

And then she realised that it came from the adjoining room. She stiffened, listening intently. It was probably nothing, she tried to tell herself. A bad dream perhaps. People sometimes cried out in bad dreams. But even as she listened the sound of Julie's weeping became louder and more persistent.

Some of the rigidity left Lisa and a deep sigh welled up inside her, even a flicker of resentment. She was desperately unhappy, yet it was Julie who was crying in the night, and she would have to go to her as she had done ever since they were children together, and soothe her and bring her calm and what comfort she could.

The bedside lamp was on in Julie's room and Julie was lying across the bed, her body shaking, her face half hidden in the pillow. Lisa sat down on the bed and placed a tentative hand on her shoulder, realising with brief amazement that Julie was fully dressed.

She said gently past the pain in her throat, 'Darling— what is it? Please tell me.'

'I can't.' There was a moan in Julie's muffled voice. 'I can't tell anyone.'

Lisa sighed again. 'And you can't go on forever carrying this burden of secrecy of yours. What is it?' She paused, remembering the subdued anger on Tony's face before dinner, the stormy feeling in the air. 'Have you quarrelled?'

There was a silence, and then Julie sat up, flinging her arms round Lisa and putting her wet face down on her shoulder.

'Yes,' she wailed, her slim body shaking again. 'Yes— and, oh Lisa, I can't bear it! I'm never going to see him again.'

Lisa bit her lip. 'Julie love, these things happen in the weeks before a wedding. I'm sure it isn't anything really serious. I could see you weren't on the best of terms, but.. '

'It's true,' Julie insisted almost hysterically. 'He told me that we mustn't meet any more. He said it was madness. I— I nearly told him about the baby. I wanted to tell him, but I couldn't find the words.'

'Do you want me to tell him for you?'

There was a pause and then Julie shook her head. 'No,' she said dully.

'But he can't just escape all his responsibilities like this,' Lisa said sharply. 'The wedding is so soon. What are his family going to think?'

'His family?' Julie gave a little cracked laugh. 'You mean the Bainbridges, don't you? You think I'm talking about Tony?'

'Of course.' Lisa felt cold suddenly, as if a hitherto confusing pattern had suddenly taken on a recognisable and frightening shape. 'Isn't this what you're telling me? That you've quarrelled with Tony?'

Julie shook her head slowly. Her eyes drowned in tears looked into Lisa's.

'It's James,' she said on a little catch of the breath. 'James Dalton. I've loved him for over a year. But she'll never let him go. He belongs to her, just one of the possessions her father's money has bought. He hasn't anything of his own. Even the house is in her name only.' The words seemed to tumble out of her as Lisa listened, stricken. 'He doesn't love her. She treats him like dirt. She even blames him for the fact that they haven't any children— she says it's his fault. But she's wrong.'

'Oh God,' Lisa muttered. She swallowed. 'Julie, are you trying to tell me that James is the baby's father?'

'Yes,' Julie said simply with a certain pride.

'But Tony—where does he figure in all this?' Lisa demanded almost wildly.

Julie gave a defensive shrug. 'He wanted to marry me. I couldn't have James, and I needed someone to look after me.'

'But you can't do this,' Lisa said urgently. 'Didn't your own sense of decency—of morality—tell you that you can't marry one man to provide you with a ready-made father for someone else's child?'

'But Tony wants to marry me.' Julie's face had relapsed into a sullen scowl. 'He was always hanging round. He's happy, so why should you make a fuss?'

'He didn't look very happy tonight.'

'Oh, that.' Julie shrugged again swiftly. 'That wasn't important. I'll just have to be nice to him, that's all. He'll soon come round.'

'So while you were supposed to be deciding on carpets, I suppose you were really having one of your assignations with James. And that also explains those early walks,' Lisa said grimly. 'May I enquire, just for the record, why you tried to thrust me at him?

Julie thrust out her bottom lip. She looked very young and Lisa longed to box her ears.

'Celia was suspecting things. She was almost accusing James of having an affair—so…'

'So you thought you'd make me the target for her justifiable susicions,' Lisa supplied drily. 'Thank you so much! I don't envy you when she discovers the truth. She'll probably tear you apart.'

'You wouldn't tell her? Lisa—promise me…'

'I shan't say a word.' Lisa got to her feet. 'I'm leaving by the first train tomorrow anyway.'

'Because of this?' Julie stared up at her.

'For reasons of my own.'

'But you won't be here for the wedding.'

'Julie!' Lisa had turned to leave, but now she swung back on her stepsister. 'Are you quite mad? You can't intend to go through with this marriage. You couldn't do such a thing. You don't love Tony—that's been more than evident all along, even if I didn't want to believe it. You've made a fine mess of your own life, but you can't drag him into it. It wouldn't be fair.'

'But I've got to marry him!' Julie's voice held panic. 'What about the baby? What could I do?'

Lisa groaned and sat down on the bed again, taking her stepsister's trembling hands into hers.

'You could start to control your own life instead of letting it control you,' she said, making her voice harsher than usual. 'You can't run and dodge and hide behind other people for ever. Besides, there's a practical point. Tony may be doting, but he isn't a fool. Unless you and he have been lovers, there is no way in which he'll accept that baby as his own, and from what you've been saying, I gather that you haven't slept together. Have you?

Julie stared down, her lips mutinously folded. 'No,' she muttered at last. She was trembling and her fingers plucked convulsively at the pattern of the bedcover, pulling at the threads. 'Lisa, I'm so frightened! Please help me. What can I do?'

'You could come to London with me,' Lisa said reluctantly. 'There's room at the flat, although it would be a squash. And I could support you until the baby's born at least. Your father has been making me an allowance and I haven't touched it, not a penny. We could use that.'

'I can't,' Julie whispered, her eyes enormous. 'Everyone would find out, and I couldn't bear it.'

'You'll have to face up to it sooner or later,' Lisa returned wearily. 'Have you considered what will happen when James gets to hear of your pregnancy and does some calculations?'

'He won't,' said Julie, but her voice lacked conviction. 'But I can't call off the wedding, Lisa. You must see that. Daddy still hasn't fully recovered. The shock might make him ill again.'

Her voice had brightened a little, as if she had now justified herself, Lisa thought with a silent groan. Did Julie really think anything would be gained by protecting Charles from a small scandal now, when so much deeper trouble was waiting for them?

She made herself speak calmly. 'I can't argue with you any more, Julie. We'll talk again tomorrow before I go. Can I count on you to drive me to Leeds for the train?'

'Of course I will,' Julie assured her, then hesitated. 'But —but I won't come with you, Lisa. I just couldn't.'

Lisa forced a smile. 'Then I won't say any more about it. But you must think about what I've said, Julie. You can't ruin people's lives in order to protect yourself.'

She lay in bed, but sleep was impossible. She made herself think about Julie because it made a barrier to the pain that she experienced each time she let herself think about Dane. There was a wellspring of agony inside her just waiting for an opportunity to release itself, and she couldn't allow it to happen. So instead she lay staring into the darkness and wondering why she hadn't guessed the truth about Julie when all the clues had been there.

Perhaps after all, her protectiveness towards her stepsister had been a disservice, she thought wretchedly. Instead of taking the blame on her own shoulders and suffering for it, perhaps it would have been better if she had told Dane that it was Julie who had been slipping away to the Hammonds' parties. She had intended to shield Julie from his anger and had brought it on herself.

It could all have been so different, she thought. Yet now Julie, the cherished and protected, seemed to think she was above the ordinary moral laws of society.

We've all handled her with kid gloves for too long, Lisa acknowledged to herself, watching dry-eyed a cold grey dawn lift the immediate darkness from her window.