Dark Secrets (9 page)

“
Why
not
tonight
?”
Desire
laced
my
blood
until
it
burned
.
My
hand
strayed
to
her
butt
and
held
her
even
closer
.

“
Because
they
will
know
if
we
sneak
off
.
I
want
it
to
be
our
moment
.”
Her
fingers
brushed
the
back
of
my
neck
.
She
was
right
,
of
course
.
But
if
she’d
wanted
to
wait
until
we
were
wed
I’d
have
waited
…
although
that
didn’t
stop
me
from
craving
her
touch
.

I
rested
my
forehead
against
hers
. “
Tomorrow
.”

* * *

I got up late—even for me. It was noon before I managed to saunter downstairs as if nothing were amiss. I knew if I did nothing, the chance would slip past, and I couldn’t let that happen. Second chances didn’t walk down the street every day. I wouldn’t leave Anisa again unless she told me to walk away.

Voices filtered up to me from the kitchen. The mood in the house was different to when I’d left last night. It bubbled and swelled with…curiosity. I paused in the doorway, not sure I’d woken up in the right lust house. Mine should’ve been full of woe and self-pity.

My staff stopped talking when they saw me.

Jawbreaker stood. “Morning, sir.”

True to his word, Jawbreaker was dressed in what must be his best coat. The Farmer Lord’s green, it was well made, with three nice buttons that still matched. But there was no trim or decorative stitching. I’d have to get him something finer to stand on the door.

“Don’t call me sir. Haidyn is fine.” I helped myself to bread, stewed apples and milk. A breakfast fit for a Lord. Then I glanced around the table, everyone now silent and watching me. I guessed introductions were a little late, and Korene hadn’t kicked him out yet, so that was promising. “Korene, I’ve asked Jawbreaker to keep the door.”

She nodded and smiled as if understanding exactly why I’d hired him. Was she expecting me to die or flee? Neither filled me with cheer. This was my home, but I couldn’t live here with Anisa. “I know, and he was telling us about what he saw on his way in.”

I raised an eyebrow but kept eating.

“I have to go past the Decihall to get here, since I live across down Miner Road.” Jawbreaker glanced at the table, as if admitting that he lived on a back lane was embarrassing. “Lawman’s got a carpenter making frames.”

I forced myself to swallow the lump of bread in my mouth and almost choked. “He’s planning a hanging.” So fast?

“Ten of ’em.”

I rubbed my jaw that was in good need of a shave. “Guess that means he’s upgraded from whores to Rogue Arcane.”

“Word is he’s turning over every rock to find some after the Arcane Union Master busted his bollocks.” Immediately Jawbreaker flushed crimson. “I didn’t mean to cuss in front of the women folk.”

“’Sokay. We’re used to bollocks.” Korene smiled and tried to put him at ease.

I appreciated his concern. He was going to fit in fine.

“And the post attached to them,” Noromon added.

The girls had a giggle at Jawbreaker’s obvious discomfort at the discussion of such intimate parts. It was nice to see yesterday’s rough handling hadn’t damaged their spirits. Or maybe, like me, they were too busy thumbing their nose at everyone to examine the hurt that couldn’t be seen.

But it was there. I felt it. Simmering quietly. It would take longer to fade and couldn’t be fixed by any healer.

Closing the doors for more than one night would admit we were wounded. And while I’m sure everyone had appreciated the evening off after the excitement of the morning, we had to open for business as usual—that and I no longer had the savings to support a closed lust house. I could probably pull together another two gold coins in silver and tinnies, but if we weren’t working we’d go through that pretty fast, and I didn’t want empty coffers. I couldn’t leave Korene with nothing.

Besides, if clients noticed that the burns were healed so soon, all that would mean was we had the coin to pay and hopefully our standing would go up. Or it would piss people off that a bunch of loose-skirts had that much coin. I gave a mental shrug. People were always judging us rightly or wrongly.

I drank the last of my milk then stood. “Right. Jawbreaker, you’re with me. You need new colors. The rest of you get ready to reopen tonight.” We’d find out how the kind folk of Reseda felt about us.

“You’re going to check out the frames,” Korene accused.

I was, but only as part of my other business. Taking Jawbreaker to the seamstress had given me the opening I needed to see Anisa. “I’ll have to go past to get to Weaver Road.”

“Don’t go buying trouble.”

“I got no coin to spend.” I smiled, but already I knew I was going to be borrowing. I had to hear it from Anisa’s lips whether she wanted to stay or flee. The letter gave me a reason to hope, but in daylight it was casting a long shadow. Brixen could have forced her hand. It could be a trap. But there was only one way to find out.

Waiting outside on the street was the boy from yesterday. I nodded to him and he followed. Walking past the half-constructed frames chilled my blood and made me shiver. I was glad I wasn’t wearing a scarf around my neck—another month, and the cold would settle and I wouldn’t be leaving my house without one—since already I could feel my fate tightening around my throat. Every day I lingered, the noose drew tighter.

The Lawman had gone to the outskirts to round up suspects to weight his ropes. I hoped a truth-seeker would be there to question the men and prove he’d gotten it wrong and had once again failed, but I doubted that would happen. The Union needed this show of power as much as Brixen. Men who refused to adapt to change broke. I wasn’t going to be one of them, but even though I’d known this day would come I still hadn’t planned for it. I’d expected the solution to appear. Maybe it had, in the form of Anisa.

If not for her, would I be so keen to act?

I left Jawbreaker at the seamstress, who got all my trade. I’m sure the wealthy ladies of town who got their dresses sewn there would be thrilled to know my loose-skirts had the same finery. I sent the boy on an errand…well, the seamstress sent him on one. He was going to tell Anisa that the red fabric had arrived to be viewed with the Mistress Spool.

Maybe it was too vague and she wouldn’t come. But I couldn’t risk being more open. I didn’t know how closely the militia were watching her in Brixen’s absence. There was no point in me waiting around; plus I wanted the militia following me to see me leave, so I went to fulfill my other errands, praying to the Hunter I’d put out a strong enough lure and that I wasn’t baiting my own trap.

With my hands in my pockets and my hat pulled down low, I slipped down Farmer Road then cut along one of the ring roads that wrapped the ten spoke roads spreading from the Decihall. The further out the ring roads got, the wider the spacing. At the fringes were the abattoirs, big workshops, breweries and small farms—what you found depended on what road you took.

I took a circuitous route, picking up a few small things. Fresh paper and red wax for letters. Herbs to keep the babies away, all the while hoping that militia man trailing me would get bored when he realized I was about a whore’s business. When I was sure the man had stop following me I meandered back to see Mistress Spool. I slipped in the back, my heart bouncing high in my chest.

Sure enough, as I walked into the cloth room I saw her, moving between sheets of fabric hanging from rope strung across the raised celling. She was gazing at the colors and delicate patterns. Back home we couldn’t have afforded anything of this quality. She probably couldn’t now. She touched the edge of a sheet of red shot through with the palest of greens. As much as I liked it, it didn’t suit her. Neither did the white she was wearing.

In a few days she’d aged. Fear had pulled her lips into a line where I was used to seeing a smile, her hair was drawn tightly back without a ribbon in sight and her eyes were never still, as if even here she couldn’t relax.

“I think this would suit you better.” I held up a corner of deep blue.

Anisa spun. Her eyes widened and for a moment there was something other than wariness there. I wanted to put my arms around her and swear everything would be all right. But there was too much between us.

“You shouldn’t be here.” She moved closer.

I took a couple of paces to the next lot of cloths and pretended to examine them. “I have business here.”

“So do I, apparently.” She kept her gaze on the fabric. “Someone might see us talking.” There was a catch in her voice that made my heart ache.

“You came here to talk.” I moved to stand next to her. “I got your note.” Even now I was waiting for a militia man to burst in and arrest me.

She nodded. “And you ignored it. This is too dangerous. You ran away once. Turn away again now.” Her words were sharp. Then she glanced away, unable to look at me.

“Give me a chance, Anisa. I’ve grown up.”

“So have I. I don’t have time for the boy who ran away and broke my heart.” She turned her back on me as if to leave. Her posture was too rigid, as if she was fighting to say the right thing instead of doing what she wanted. Once she wouldn’t have cared. Now she was trapped. She had duties and obligations because of her marriage to a Lawman.

“You prefer the man who breaks your body?” I regretted the words as soon as they left my mouth. They were too harsh.

She flinched, but stopped walking. “He found the ribbon. Even if I want to see you, I can’t.” She looked over her shoulder. “Even here.”

“I know. He gave me the ribbon back. I know what he did to you.”

Anisa turned around. “He called you a…” She stumbled over the word and settled for something safer. “Loose-skirt.” Her blue eyes searched my face as if hoping for a denial.

I had nothing to say except for the truth. If I’d imagined going home and saying I’d failed to get in to the Arcane Union was hard, this was like pulling out my teeth. Once out, they couldn’t be put back in, and nothing would be the same again.

I slowly unbuttoned my coat, then the top two buttons of my shirt. I pulled the fabric aside. “He did this yesterday. I was one of the whores getting branded.”

I wondered what Brixen had told her. That she shouldn’t talk to whores in general, or that she shouldn’t talk to me? Had he told her that he’d brand me as punishment to keep me away?

Her gaze flicked between the scar and my face. “You paid a healer?”

Everyone knew how much that cost. That
I
could afford to do that was going to be a slap in the face for some.

“For all of us.”

She reached out and touched the smooth scar. “Does it hurt?”

“Not anymore.” The memory of the brand still made me wince and the memory of the healing made me want to throw up. Now I couldn’t feel a thing. The skin had lost all sensation and I was numb to her touch.

“What happened to you?”

I gave her a sad smile and covered her hand with mine. “You can’t guess? The Union turned me away. Told me I had nothing to give.” I looked down at our joined hands. She was the only person I could tolerate touching me. The only one who had ever touched me in kindness. Her thoughts didn’t try to force their way in, and I didn’t need to know what was in her mind. I wanted to know what was in her heart and that kept me safe. My love for her hadn’t died, even if she no longer loved me. “I couldn’t come home. I needed to prove myself.”

“You sold yourself.” She pulled her hand away, not out of disgust but out of caution. Her gaze flicked to the doorways, even though we were alone out the back of the shop.

“No.” If I told her the truth, she could tell the Union or her husband, but death was no longer fearsome. Some days I’d have welcomed it into my bed. “I sell my mind.”

She frowned, her golden eyebrows lowering.

“You’re the only person I’ve ever been with.”

Understanding parted her lips in a silent gasp. “You’re Rogue?”

“Not officially.” Not if I could help it.

“Accidently?” The smile I knew was back, glinting in her eyes for just a moment. “Does Brixen know? Is that why he hates you?”

I shook my head. “If he knew, I’d hang.” I paused, not sure what I could tell her without hurting her, but it was better all the bitter truths were out instead of left to fester. “Do you know where he goes once a ten-night?”

She shook her head slowly, as if realizing even as she denied knowing.

“He comes to see me in the Red Lust House. I know the desires that fill his mind and I know what happened to his first wife. And what he does to you.”

Anisa lowered her gaze to my boots. “You know him better than me.” She crossed her arms as if fighting off a chill. “He seemed like a good man when he came to town. My mother was impressed with his manners and charm. She convinced me to give up hoping. But once I was in his house…” She lifted her chin and glared at me. “I waited and waited. After my father died, my mother married me off to the first well-positioned man who came looking for a wife.”