Dark Secrets (2 page)

By the size of the crowd anyone passing through town would’ve thought the Lawman popular, but they wouldn’t feel the fear and anticipation pressing against them the way I did. The Lawman was about as popular as a desert skitter in a boot, but much harder to be rid of. Brixen was supposedly impartial and upheld the law for all ten Unions…especially when it suited his purpose. I didn’t think he was corrupt, but he was ruthless when it came to adding coin to his purse. Everyone knew the rumor about the death of his last wife and was here for a look at the new one.

I had more interest than most. I needed to keep on the right side of his temper so the more I knew the better, and I couldn’t rely on his mind to show me everything. I’m sure if he had half an idea of the tricks I was pulling he’d have turned me over to the Arcane Union, who’d have hanged me for being a Rogue.

Some days getting out of Reseda seemed like a really good idea. But I had a business to run and people who depended on me.

A flash of white in the door of the Decihall caught my eye. The crowd around me strained forward. Their breath held in expectation. I found myself joining in, not sure if it was my anticipation or theirs. My heart pulsed too fast.

Whoever this woman was would feed the gossip mill for a while. I’d heard that some taverns were running a tab on how long she’d last. It was cruel fun, but that people can be cruel for their own entertainment was a lesson I’d learned six years ago when I’d first come to Reseda as a naïve sixteen-year-old hoping to join the Arcane Union.

Dressed head to toe in the most pure of whites, the Lawman stepped out of the Decihall. As was traditional for a wedding, he left the Decihall through the doorway of the Farmer, for fertility. I couldn’t see his wife, since she was on his other side.

The Lawman raised his hand and waved, thanking everyone for coming. I’m sure he realized we were only here to see his wife. He turned, and for a moment I saw long hair like gold, a color that was unusual in Westly County. Most folk had either copper-colored hair, like me, or dark hair if they’d drifted over from Easly County.

My heart clenched and missed a beat. A pang of longing for someone I’d left behind before I’d learned to value love.

Then the new wife stepped forward, dragged by Brixen’s hand. I couldn’t breathe. Brixen’s wife was my Anisa.

I stumbled back.

How had she ended up on that bastard’s arm? My blood ran hot then cold at the thought of what he’d do to her—and I knew everything that went on in his twisted mind.

Anisa smiled and waved. Her dress was Lawman’s white.

I had no right to feel resentful or want her back. I had walked away from her six years ago. But the memory of what we’d had still kept me awake at night.

I’d been young and full of pride, about to join the most powerful Union in Prasine. She was my promised, but when the Union had refused me entrance I’d been unable to go home. Shame had trapped me in Reseda. I couldn’t face her, knowing I’d failed to get in. Once I’d slipped further, I’d known I could never go back no matter how bad things became.

Now she was here. At Brixen’s side.

My stomach twisted and gave me a mouthful of bitter bile.

I’d fallen so deeply into the gutter that I had no hope of ever climbing out and being seen as anything but scum by her. The crowd began to shift and disperse; I slunk back the way I’d come, eager to be gone before either the Lawman or his wife set eyes on me. I couldn’t bear to be seen by either today. How was I going to face Brixen when he came to my bed?

The liquor I’d drunk became poison in my blood. In the small side road I placed my palm against the cool stone wall, my gut heaving. I swallowed hard and closed my eyes and fought for control. I couldn’t fall apart in public as that would be bad for business and would attract too much of the wrong attention.

I straightened slowly, then I smoothed my coat and forced my feet to move as if I had not a care in the world. But my boiling blood was killing me and every time I blinked I saw Anisa on the Lawman’s arm. Tonight she’d be in his bed. I wanted to turn around and tell her to run, that whatever he’d told her were lies. I didn’t want her to know the horror that dwelled in the Lawman’s heart. But I couldn’t say anything. She’d made her vow before the ten Lords, which was more than I’d ever done, and I doubted she’d believe a word out of my mouth.

With a false spring in my step I walked back to the Red Lust House. Korene was sitting at the front desk in case a traveller came by seeking a warm bed and company. She took one look at me and stood as if to make sure I didn’t fall over.

“What happened?” She touched the sleeve of my coat for a heartbeat. Korene was one of the few people I could easily be around, for the simple reason that I was around her all the time and had learned to separate her thoughts from mine. Not even she knew my power had grown beyond the need for touch. I knew her mind when she walked into a room, but I hadn’t the heart to tell her how badly I was falling apart. She was my business partner and depended on me.

I couldn’t form a word. I didn’t know where to start, and Korene knew my past better than anyone.

“Haidyn?”

I slumped onto a chaise, usually draped with one of my beautiful staff, and rested my head in my hands. My palms were smooth from the lack of real work. If I’d been a real man with a trade and papers they’d be roughened with labor. I’d prefer that to the scars that formed in my mind every time I let someone in and turned their thoughts into reality.

Her skirts swished in shades of green as she kneeled in front of me. “What did Brixen do? Are we in trouble?”

I lifted my gaze. Korene was truly worried. The only thing that scared my whores was the threat of the brand.

“We are fine,” I said softly, my voice on the edge of breaking. And we were. For us in the lust house, life would go on as usual. I’m sure that for most folk who’d seen the Lawman’s marriage service life would remain unchanged. But for me, something had been broken and could never be fixed.

“Then what? You look like you’ve seen a skinless fox.”

Seeing that nightmare hunting me down would’ve been preferable.

“I know Brixen’s wife.” My voice was flat.

There was a pause before Korene spoke. “Know, as in
know
?” She raised her eyebrows suggestively. We might trade in flesh but that didn’t mean we were crude in our discussions of it. That was reserved for those who plied the taverns and corners. I knew because that’s where I’d started out before working my way up to owner of the best lust house in Reseda. I had all the trappings of wealth and status without any of the benefits.

I nodded. Just once, before I’d left for Reseda. It was a memory I clung to the way a drowning man might hold fast to driftwood.

Her lips made a small O. “I’m guessing he doesn’t know that.”

Now that would be bad for business. Yet it brought a smile to my lips. I’d been Anisa’s first lover and she mine for the simple reason that we were to be married once I’d finished my apprenticeship. I’m sure she had come to regret that rash moment alone.

“Probably not.” I debated how much to tell Korene, but she knew most everything else. “Anisa and I were to be married.” She had been my first love, my only love, but I’d been so young and dumb I hadn’t realized what I’d held.

“But you didn’t wait.”

“Of course not. We were sixteen and I was leaving for Reseda to get my Arcane apprenticeship started.” And we were desperately in love. Out of all the boys she’d chosen me, and her parents had concurred. Not all families welcomed an Arcane with open arms. And while my power was small everyone had assumed my place was assured. They believed the propaganda spread by the Arcane Union.

But when I had gone to the Arcane Union in Reseda to get my apprenticeship and earn my papers, they’d turned me away. Master Cog had laughed.
What
use
is
the
power
to
make
one
person
happy?

When I was sixteen that was all I’d been able to manage, and I had to be touching the person. I’d stayed in Reseda out of shame and fear. Afraid Anisa wouldn’t love me if I weren’t Arcane. I’d hoped to find myself a trade on my own, swear to a Lord and then go home worth something. I was something now. Something worthy of pity and scorn and half-hidden glances as people wondered what really happened in a lust house.

If I’d returned home at least I’d have had a Lord and a trade, if not a wife. Instead I’d let my family and Anisa think I’d vanished in the city, an important Arcane. Maybe they thought I was dead.

Korene handed me a glass of bizum and sat next to me. “It’s not that bad. Brixen will never find out. I’m sure she won’t say anything.”

Anisa couldn’t. If she did, Brixen would snap, and there wasn’t much holding him together already. The idea that his wife wasn’t pure when he married her would eat him up. The knowledge that it was I made it ten times worse. That thought alone gave me reason to give a low chuckle. While I could imagine him in a fit of rage so brutal it made his heart stop, the reality was it had never killed him…yet. I lived in hope.

“I know she won’t speak, but I also know what he’s like and I know what he’ll do to her.” My grip on the glass tightened. I hated the days he came to my lust house, knowing he could buy my silence with threats and coin. He wasn’t above the law; he
was
the law.

“You still love her.”

I glanced at Korene. She was beautiful, copper hair and the brown eyes that spoke of northern blood. I knew she had hoped that we’d be more than business partners one day.

Did I love Anisa? I loved the memory I had of our time together. I loved the alternative life I’d created for us in my mind. In reality, my power would’ve grown and I’d still be losing my mind, but at least I’d have papers and a place in the afterland. All the wealth and notoriety I had now would do me no good when I died. I’d be barred and forced to wander outside the gates for eternity, along with the thieves and murderers. Punished for giving pleasure.

I’d trade everything for a chance at putting my life right. For one more chance with Anisa. But it had passed long ago and she was now as out of reach as the Lords’ grace.

I wasn’t naïve anymore, just a fool. If I wasn’t the same boy she’d once loved, I was sure she wasn’t the same girl I’d loved. The Anisa I knew would never have ended up on Brixen’s arm.

Even so, I said, “Yes.” That was the most dangerous word I’d ever spoken.

“If you do anything, not even the Free Arcane Association will be able to save you from hanging.”

Hanging, reserved for the worst criminals and Rogue Arcane. It was the only way to kill an Arcane fast, but stealing the Lawman’s wife would get me hanged, regardless of what I was or pretended not to be.

Some days, having my neck snapped didn’t seem like a bad thing. At least if I were dead, other people’s desires and thoughts would no longer haunt me. I’d haunt them instead. A breath without a body and no place to go. I had to get papers before I died. I knew that. I just didn’t know how to plead my case to a Lord and His Union Master.

I swallowed the bizum. It slid down my throat, exploded softly in my stomach. Heat spread out and smothered my magic so I could no longer feel the fear in Korene. I flicked her a smile that I hoped looked sincere. “Have no concern. I’ll keep Brixen happy.”

She gazed at me as if she were seeing straight through me. “You can’t lie to me, Haidyn.”

No one could. If the Arcane Union had accepted women she’d have been a truth-seeker in their employ. But they didn’t, and working for me was better than being put on the wheel and drained of life and magic to power the lightning boxes people so admired—if they knew the source of power, they might have drawn back in revulsion. There are worse things than swinging like a thief or a Rogue. The Union made troublemakers disappear.

“You’re right. No one could make him happy.” Not me, not Anisa, not his first wife. Brixen was the problem. Some people are just rotten. It starts inside and spreads slowly, poisoning all they touch.

Brixen was a man at war with himself. He liked men more than women, but the only way he could indulge was in a lust house. If anyone knew he was seeing a man, he’d lose status and face, finding himself the butt of many jokes told in taverns.

Who was I kidding? He already was the subject of jokes—the black kind that made mention of bribes and favors and his first wife.

Korene laughed. “That is the truth.”

I got up, made some excuse about getting up early to see the wedding that was half true and went to lie down. From my room in the attic—my actual bedroom, not the one where I saw clients—I could see the top of the Decihall.

For the first time in too many years I prayed to the Arcane Lord for help. Not for myself. I was used to the madness slowly stealing my mind. I prayed Anisa would be spared the sting of the Lawman’s touch. That he’d find a kindness I’d never seen in him and treat her well. I prayed she’d be happy. That he’d be happy and wouldn’t darken my door and soil my bed with his seed again.

As usual, my prayers went unheard.

Three days later, on the day of the Arcane Lord, I waited, pretending to be unconcerned while trying to keep hope suppressed. Surely the Lawman would stay home tonight? Spend the evening with his wife. The thought turned my stomach until I wasn’t sure which was worse, him visiting me or staying with Anisa. I saw only a few clients each night. While I could’ve seen more, it would’ve shattered the illusion I was actually having sex with my clients. Unlike a woman, a man can only perform so many times. Because I was faking, I had to fake convincingly. Everything I did had to hold up to scrutiny, so a lot of my night was spent near the front, keeping an eye on the walk-ins and, tonight, one eye on the clock.

Noromon, the other man in my lust house, joined me. Between the two of us we’d thrown out more than a few unsavory types. On the street and in the taverns there’d been no choice but to take coin from drunks. I’d learned to be quick to get my hand on their skin and take control of their mind. These days I did it with more finesse and less contact.