Daring the Wild Sparks (20 page)

When we get back to my mom’s, the three of us head upstairs to change our clothes. For some reason, Becks takes her clothes into the bathroom, instead of changing in my room with me. I slip my shirt off my shoulders and toss it next to my suitcase. Digging through my clothes, I find a T-shirt and a pair of sweatpants to put on.

Picking my phone up from the bed, I scroll through my pictures, stopping at my new favorite that Morgan had sent me of Becks. I sit down on the bed and stare at my girlfriend in a wedding dress. She’s so fucking beautiful. Every time I look at it, which is a lot, I am mesmerized by my Becks. Underneath the picture, Morgan said, “Look what you’re missing. Hadley has no idea I sent this, so don’t get mad at her. I made her wear it.”

Becks didn’t even tell me that she tried a wedding dress on. I had asked her on the phone what else she did, but she failed to mention doing this. She must’ve wanted to spare my feelings; either that or she didn’t want to hear me
not
care about it. Becks thinks I don’t know how her mind works, but I know more than she thinks.

I stare at Becks’ picture and imagine that she’s wearing the dress for me at our wedding. I wouldn’t be able to take my eyes off of her, especially since I’m having a hard time
not
staring at her in just a picture. Becks has a small smile on her face, but it’s hollow. It’s not real, kind of like how she accuses me of faking some of my smiles, which is absolutely true. My only real smiles are when I’m with her.

Fuck, I want to marry her.

I just wish I wasn’t such a fucking pussy.

Irritably sighing, I toss my phone down onto the bed and walk over to the window. I pry the blinds apart and peer through them. The night sky is clear with the stars twinkling and the moon shining bright. It’s supposed to rain sometime tomorrow, so the sky won’t be this clear for the rest of the weekend.

That gives me an idea.

I head downstairs to the rec room where Ricky is already kicking back with a beer, flipping through the channels. He’s wearing sweats and his gray T-shirt says, “Off duty cop.” Underneath is an image of a case of beer. Below that says, “Working on a case.”

“Where’s Hadley?” he asks, pausing the channel surfing to look over at me as I sit down next to him, hanging my arms over my knees.

“Upstairs.”

“You’re not going to talk to her?”

“Yeah, I will, but I want to let you know how sorry I am about this weekend and for being a shitty friend. I’ve never apologized for dragging you into this fucking mess. I’ve been a dick most of the time and I left you alone with my family last night.”

He rolls his eyes. “Finn, it’s okay. You didn’t know this was all going to happen. Besides, it got me away from Shay’s mother. That woman hates me.” He shrugs and takes a swig from his bottle of beer. “I feel like I’ve mattered somewhat here. I kept Simone entertained for a while.”

“You did more than that. I don’t know what I would’ve done without your help.” I grip his shoulder. “Thanks, bud. I don’t know how to repay you.”

“Make it right with your girl.” He grins and nods to the ceiling. “Go talk to her. Tell her your secret and mean it. Then as she’s crying happy tears, make sweet love to her.”

I drop my hand as I recoil and observe him suspiciously. “Damn, Rick. What movies are you watching down here?”

“Simone had me watch a couple chick flicks.” He grimaces and throws a hand up. “Man, I hate those damned things. They make me look like a total douche bag.”

I smirk and stand up. “Truth hurts, douche bag.”

“Fuck off, dickhead.” He laughs and resumes playing with the remote.

I go into the downstairs linen closet, finding an old blanket and a comforter my mom keeps for picnics and camping. I then look in the garage for the small heater Jack and I used to take with us on camping trips, only when we took Simone or my mom. Women. They refused to go unless they were guaranteed not to be cold during the night. I imagine Becks would be no different. I grab an extension cord and take everything I need outside.

After laying out everything, I run back upstairs and see my bedroom door is closed. I gingerly open it and peer in. Becks is lying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Her arms are folded over her chest and her feet are crossed at her ankles. She has changed into a pair of lounge pants that has flowers on them and a white T-shirt with my station’s logo that I got for her from work last summer.

I step into the room and walk over to my dresser, having some clothes here in case I need extras. Yanking out two old sweatshirts, I sit on the edge of the bed and hold one out for Becks to take.

She looks at me. “What’s that for?” she asks, bewildered by my offering.

“Just put it on, please?” She accepts it and I pick up the black one from my lap and put it on. I tousle my hair and watch her as she sits up and stares at me.

“I don’t feel like going anywhere.”

Shaking my head, I say, “We’re not. I just want to go outside for a little bit.”

“It’s cold out, Finn.”

“I know.” I pull at the front of my shirt. “Sweatshirts. Come on, Becks. Trust me.”

She glances down to the dark blue sweatshirt and finally slides it over her head. I watch her roll up the sleeves. It’s huge on her, but damn, she looks so sexy wearing it. Becks looks sexy wearing anything.

Especially that wedding dress.

Trying not to stare at her, I stand and help her up from the bed. She bends to slip on her sneakers, another opportunity to check her out. I then take her hand as we head out of the room and downstairs.

So far, I’ve avoided my mother, but I think she’s doing that on purpose, probably giving me space until tomorrow. I’ll have to talk to her at some point before we leave Monday morning.

I lead Becks out to the back patio and down the steps into the grass. She follows without saying a word. Not far from the patio, since I had to plug the heater in, is where I laid out the blankets and the two pillows I grabbed from the couch downstairs.

“What’s this?”

“Well, I thought we could stargaze for a while.” I look at her sheepishly, now feeling like this is stupid or I didn’t do enough. “I know it’s not much, but I thought we could come out here and stare up at the sky and maybe…talk.”

She raises an eyebrow and flips her hand back to point. “Wow, Finn. Is that a heater?”

I look over at it and then back to her. “Yeah. I know it’s cold out here, but that thing kept us warm when we went camping. Sometimes too warm. It’s like a small fire.” I walk to the other side of the blankets. “See, you can even have your side of the bed.” I smile at her and cock my head, trying to get her to smile back at me.

She does.

Becks unthinkingly plays with the long sleeves of my shirt she’s wearing.  I bet it already smells like her: a mouthwatering combination of vanilla, flowers and
Becks
. She smiles. “You are so sweet, Finn Wilder.”

My own smile amplifies into a grin. “I know.” Her smile now matches my wide grin. She loves my cockiness. Sometimes.

Still smiling, she looks at me indecisively. “Should I take my shoes off?”

I shrug and cautiously regard her since I don’t know if she really does like this idea or not. “If you want. It doesn’t matter.”

She kneels down onto the makeshift bed and then sits, pulling her shoes off before sliding under the blanket.

I mirror Becks’ actions as she lies on her back, her head on her clasped hands. I don’t want to get too close to her because of what she said at Bethany’s. I didn’t do this to have sex with her.

I honestly didn’t.

At first.

And now that the thought enters my head again, it won’t leave; however, I won’t act upon it. I’ll prove to Becks that I’m not using her as just a “dick cozy,” as Morgan fucking referred to her as. I didn’t forget that.

I steeply inhale and lie down next to her, mimicking her position. We’re quiet for a minute or two. The only thing I hear is the heater nearby, which casts a soft glow over us. Also, the light from the kitchen faintly lights the patio above us.

I gaze up at the sky, glittering with what seems like a million stars, but know that isn’t possible. Clearing my throat, I ask, “Did you know that a human can’t see more than about 2,000 or so stars in the sky at once?”

I detect a smile in her voice without taking my eyes off the sky. “No, I didn’t.”

“I mean, there are billions of stars, but we can’t see all of them, especially all at once.” She makes a humming sound and I smile. “Also, there are more stars in the sky than there are grains of sands on Earth.”

“Wow.”

I nod and go on. “Did you know that the hottest stars are blue, not red?”

I hear her giggle. “No, Mr. Wizard. I did not.”

I summarily move my head to look at her and skeptically ask, “Are you making fun of me?”

Without taking her eyes from the theater above us, she replies, “Never.”

I smile and peer above us once again. “Uh-huh.”

We’re quiet again until she softly asks, “Did you know that every time I see a shooting star, I make a wish that you’ll never stop loving me?”

I snap my head back to her. Does she really think that I’ll ever leave her? I can’t imagine that I ever would, unless she found someone else. Then I would undoubtedly take off. I couldn’t live in Richmond if Becks didn’t love me anymore. It wouldn’t be home without her, not to mention I’d be afraid of running into her somewhere. That would be like a hot poker to my heart.

“Becks, I won’t. Why? Do you think I will?”

She vacillates answering me, so I roll to my side, facing her, but she doesn’t look at me. Reaching over, I tilt her face to me. “Baby.”

I see tears filling her eyes and her bottom lip begins to tremble. Instantly, I prop myself up on my elbow and lean closer. “What’s wrong? Will you talk to me
now
?” I urgently ask her. “It’s driving me crazy not to know what’s going on with you.”

Becks shakes her head as her eyes close, and she puts her hands over her face in an effort to hide the evidence of her crying.

“Becks,” I state firmly. “Don’t do this to me. You said I was your best friend. If I really am, why can’t you talk to me?” I gently tug at her left hand to take it away from her face, in which I then hold in my left. “Baby, I want to know what’s wrong. I can’t stand
my
best friend not talking to me. I need you to tell me what’s bothering you.”

She still doesn’t say a word. I worriedly lick my lips and ask, “Is it anything I said? Our arguments? My walking out yesterday? What I said at Bethany’s before we went down to the beach?”

She sniffs and wipes her eyes with her other hand. “No, Finn.”

“Then what? I hate badgering you, but you’ve put up a wall between us, Becks. You’re crying and I need to know why. If it’s something I did, then I want to know so I can fix it.” I debate whether to move closer to her because she might think I’m attempting to take advantage of her.

Fuck it.

Letting go of her hand, I push up with my elbow and slowly edge over to her. She keeps her eyes closed as mine drift up and down her body, undecided what I should do. Tentatively, I put my arm around her as I hover next to her. Her body suddenly tenses. She doesn’t even want me touching her like this? I pull my hips further back to not give her the wrong impression. At this moment, the last thing I want with her is sex.

Waiting for her to say something, I move my hand up to her face, gently pushing her hands away, one at a time, and caress her cheeks. I whisper down to her, “I told you not to hide your crying, baby. That’s what I’m here for. I want to take care of you.” Becks sobs harder and it has me…scared. Is she afraid to tell me something?

Maybe she
doesn’t
want me anymore.

I bow my head over her shoulder and sigh heavily. She inhales as I stare at the dark blue sweatshirt material in front of me.

She finally whispers, “I’m not good enough for you.”

I jerk my head up. “What?” She quivers again with sobs and I probe, “Not good enough for me? Becks, why do you think that? You’re
everything
I’ve ever wanted. You’re the girl I was waiting for when I was in high school, college and the years after that. I meant it. If you had gone to high school with me, I would’ve asked you out then, too, and we’d
still
be together.”

She shakes her head. “What about that girl you used to make fun of in high school because she liked you? I feel sorry for her. Why wasn’t she good enough for you? Maybe she was your
soulmate, but you ignored her.”

“Becks, she wasn’t. I didn’t actively go out of my way to make fun of her. I only said things to her in front of my team because of how she was haunting me. She was everywhere I was during school and after school, it didn’t matter. I was relentlessly teased because of her. She would sit on the bleachers and stare at me all through practice. I had to ask my coach to tell her to leave. That was embarrassing. She was a stalker, not a shy girl who liked me. I even heard her in the halls loudly talking about me. She was fucking annoying, Becks. If she had a crush on me and not had acted the way she did, I wouldn’t have made fun of her. I wasn’t a bully or a conceited jock like some of my teammates were. I loved playing ball. I didn’t see it as some kind of status symbol or popularity booster. I just played. That’s all I wanted to do. I didn’t want to even date because of her. She had turned me off from dating.” I push a hand through my hair and look around the dark yard. “I was pretty lame in high school. My friends thought I was getting my fair share of the action because I lied to them. My friend Pete knew I wasn’t dating, but I made everyone else think I was. They thought I was seeing girls from other schools, so I let them believe it. I wasn’t into whoring around like my friends were.” I look down at her quiet reaction to all of this. I smile halfheartedly as I say, “I guess I was waiting for someone special, but by the time I had graduated college and started my career, I was beginning to think she’d never come along.”