At the automatic doors, my eyes blurred and my knees buckled. Someone touched my shoulder. This was it. I whimpered.
‘Are you all right, love?’ asked the security woman.
I chewed my lip, fighting the tears springing to my eyes. ‘Bit sick.’
‘You look shocking. Want me to call someone? Your mum?’
I shook my head.
‘Mum’s next door at the supermarket. I just came in to buy a birthday present.’ I opened my sweaty hand and
showed her the lip-gloss and receipt. It scared me how the lie just slipped off my tongue.
She looked around.
‘I can have someone find her—’
‘No. The car’s close. I just need fresh air, but thanks.’ I stumbled through the doors and down the ramp to the public toilets next to the car park, slamming the cubicle door behind me.
Slumped on the toilet seat, the lip-gloss I’d paid for on my lap and my head in my hands, I sucked in a lungful of air. The stolen lip-gloss dug into my hip. Once my heart slowed and my knees felt like they were made of bone again, I washed my face and hands and headed outside.
Khaden and Sas were waiting under the trees. Khaden was wearing the sunglasses Sas had stolen and Sas held a lamp with a cream shade.
‘What took you so long?’ asked Sas.
I tossed the lip-gloss at her.
She caught it and smiled. ‘Ruby! Nice work.’ Her face collapsed into a frown. ‘Except for the receipt sticking out of your pocket.’
‘I paid for the one you’re holding.’ I pulled the stolen lip-gloss from between my shorts and knickers. ‘But I stole this one.’
‘That’s ten bucks, Sas,’ said Khaden, holding out his open hand, palm up.
‘Pay you next week.’
The pavement buckled under me.
‘Did you have bet on whether I’d do it or not?’
They glanced at each other.
‘When did I become such a joke to you two?’ I yelled.
‘Hey, Ruby,’ said Khaden, his eyes wide, ‘don’t be like that.’
‘How should I be? One minute you’re normal and the next it’s like you hate me. Like you don’t want me around.’
Sas scoffed. ‘Paranoid.’
‘Paranoid?’ My voice was screechy. ‘You’re always picking on me, laughing at me or blaming me for stuff, like Grace being hurt. How was that even my fault?’
Sas folded her arms, her eyes like steel. ‘You know what, Ruby, if you want to act like an idiot, fine, but I have stuff to do.’
‘Whatever Sas.’ I turned towards the tram stop.
‘Hey, Ruby.’ Khaden reached for my arm. ‘We were just mucking around. We didn’t mean anything...’
‘Yeah,’ I said, shrugging off his hand. ‘Gotta go.’
On the packed tram, I sat on a backwards-facing seat beside an old granny who clutched her bag to her chest and hummed. As we lurched away from the junction, I kept watching the laneway, just in case Sas and Khaden came after me. But they didn’t.
Khaden had to trot to keep up with Sas. Every few steps, he looked over his shoulder, hoping Ruby would run after them. What had happened, sucked.
Sas took a sharp left turn and stopped at the traffic lights. She poked the button, her right leg jiggling.
Khaden placed his fingers on the arms of his sunglasses.
‘Hey.’
When Sas turned to look at him, he stuck out his tongue and wiggled the glasses, making them jump up down on his nose.
At first Sas frowned, then she laughed. ‘Idiot.’
The lights changed. As Sas and Khaden crossed the street, Khaden’s hand brushed against Sas’s. He linked his finger around hers and felt the tension ease out of her.
‘Feel like a shake?’ he asked when they neared a café.
‘Sure.’
They ordered and sat at the window seat.
Khaden stirred his drink with the straw and watched Sas sip her vanilla milkshake. She flicked her hair back from her shoulder and sunlight sparkled on her nose stud. All the words he’d been piecing together jumbled.
Sas looked over her milkshake at him. ‘You going to drink that?’
‘Yeah, just thinking.’
‘What about?’
Khaden took a deep breath. ‘Ruby.’
Sas’s shoulders slumped. ‘Khade...’
‘What’s going on with you two?’
‘I don’t know.’ She leaned back in her seat and the words flowed from her in a rush. ‘Ruby always thinks she has it worse than anyone else. She complains all the time, about everything, but what has she got to complain about? Her life is dead easy. And what’s the deal with her being so scared all the time?’
Khaden poked a bubble with his straw.
‘I’m trying, honest, Khade, but she’s so frustrating.’ Sas sighed and rested her chin on her palm. ‘Has Ruby said something to you?’
‘Nah, it’s just there’s something up with her, and you.’ He looked straight into Sas’s eyes. ‘How come you don’t talk about your dad anymore?’
Sas ran her thumbnail along the edge of the wooden bench top. ‘It’s complicated.’
‘Complicated I get.’
‘Should I try harder with Ruby?’ asked Sas, her brow furrowed.
‘I reckon.’
She finished her drink. ‘So, I’m being mean?’
Khaden took a deep breath. ‘A bit.’ He sipped his drink and waited for Sas to speak.
After a few minutes she looked up and smiled. ‘Ready to go?’
‘Yeah, I’ll take this with me,’ said Khaden.
At home, I dumped my hat and bag on the bench and pegged out the load of washing still in the machine. I was folding the dry clothes at the kitchen table when Harrison came home, wearing his supermarket uniform. Mojo, who’d been moping at my feet, jumped on him, her tail wagging like crazy.
‘Thought you worked until six,’ I said.
Harrison reached down and scratched Mojo’s ears. ‘Tomorrow’s shift is ’til six. What’s it to you anyway?’
‘Just making conversation.’
‘Or trying to work out how you can sneak out again tomorrow.’
‘Yeah right, I snuck out today and went shopping.’ I snatched a towel from the basket and shook it with a snap. ‘And the fairies I employed did all the cleaning.’ I took another towel from the basket.
‘I came home for lunch.’
The blood drained from my face is a cold rush.
‘I’m right! You did take off.’ Harrison’s voice was filled with delight. He’d been baiting me, as usual.
‘I told you, I—’
‘Don’t, Ruby, the guilt’s all over your face.’ He leant against the kitchen bench. ‘So where’d you go? Chadstone?’
I chucked his jocks, followed by the socks I’d already paired, at his face. ‘This is your job.’
Harrison grinned. ‘Not for the next couple of weeks.’
I growled deep in my throat and snatched up the towels, tripping on the chair leg on the way to the linen cupboard.
‘Karma.’ Harrison’s laugh was like tiny knives on my skin.
Khaden tossed the last load of timber into the industrial bin and began flattening tile and grout boxes for recycling. He was pulling packing tape off a large carton when Mr Neri came out the back.
‘Eh, Khaden, take a break,’ he called. ‘Those boxes won’t run off.’ He sat on the cement step and took a pack of cigarettes from his top pocket.
Khaden bunched the tape into a ball, chucked it in the bin and sat on the step beside Mr Neri.
‘Want one?’ he asked as he held the lighter to the cigarette.
Khaden looked at the picture of the black teeth and scarred mouth on the back of the packet. ‘Nah, I’ll pass.’
Mr Neri sucked on the cigarette. The end flared red. ‘So, Maria said you should come for dinner tonight.’ He blew out smoke in a steady stream. ‘She’s making lasagna.’
Khaden’s mouth watered. ‘I’ll have to check with Dad.’
‘Bring him, and Taj.’
‘You sure? I—’
Mr Neri raised his right hand. Cigarette smoke drifted into Khaden’s face. ‘No arguments. Dinner tonight, all of us.’
‘Thanks.’ Khaden stared at the moss growing where the asphalt met the concrete steps.
‘Khaden, you okay? At home?’
It was as though the smoke from Mr Neri’s cigarette had bunched in Khaden’s throat. ‘Yeah.’
‘It doesn’t sound okay.’
Khaden glanced at his boss and neighbour, and let out a shaky sigh.
‘Maybe Mike and I will talk, tonight.’
A chill, like an electric charge, raced through Khaden. ‘You know what, it’s probably better if you don’t. Dad’s just worried about Taj, and—’
‘Worried? Sounds angry—too angry, too often.’
Joey stuck his head out the back door. ‘Dad, that new supplier is here.’
Mr Neri dropped his cigarette, ground it into the asphalt and patted Khaden on the shoulder. ‘It’s not right, Khaden.’
As if things weren’t complicated enough, now I’ve gone and turned Ruby the Good into Ruby the Bad. Because of me, Ruby hung out with us, even though she was grounded, and stole a lip-gloss. Sure, I dared her to do both things, but I didn’t think she would.
What worries me more than Ruby sneaking out and stealing, is how she freaked outside the shop. She was all sweaty and paranoid, which was gross enough, but then she had this major hissy fit and caught a tram home without us. What’s that all about? She’s doing my head in.
If Dad had just trusted me enough to tell me the truth, to treat me like an adult, everything would be normal between Ruby and me, I know it.
Khaden stumbled out of the park and up the street to Sas’s place. He took a deep breath and knocked on her front door. While he waited, he stared at his bare feet. As the door opened, a slice of yellow light splashed across his grubby toes.
Sas gasped. ‘Your dad?’
Without looking up, Khaden nodded.
Sas’s mum Lou called down the corridor.
‘Would you two like a Milo?’ Her bright voice jarred in the silence.
Sas stepped aside to allow Khaden in.
‘Oh my, Khaden,’ said Lou, rushing forward. ‘What on earth happened?’ She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and guided him inside.
Khaden made a croaking noise, then started to cry. He hurt too much to be embarrassed.
‘Sas, bring the first aid box from the kitchen cupboard,’
said Lou, her voice gentle, but strong. ‘I’ll need towels, a face washer and bowl of warm water too.’
As Sas ran down the hall, Lou led Khaden to the lounge room. He slumped on the sofa, bloodied face in his hands. Lou rubbed his back in slow circles.
Sas placed towels, a bowl and a plastic box filled with first aid stuff on the coffee table.
‘Thanks, love,’ said Lou, dipping a face washer into the bowl.
While Lou cleaned his face, Khaden stared straight ahead at the frosted glass door, refusing to flinch or complain, even though it hurt like hell.
‘Should we go to the hospital?’ whispered Sas.
‘No,’ snapped Khaden. ‘I mean, I’m fine. Honest.’ He pulled away from Lou. ‘Thanks and everything, but ... I’m sorry, I should go—’
Lou froze mid-wring of the face cloth. ‘First of all, Khaden, do not apologise. I’m glad you trusted us enough to come here, and second, you will
not
go anywhere. You’ll sleep on the sofa, won’t he Sas?’
‘Yes. Sure. I’ll make up a bed.’ Sas left the room again, this time returning with a doona and pillow.
‘Now, would you two like a Milo?’ asked Lou, gathering up the bowl and first aid box. This time her voice wasn’t bright, but low and calm.
‘Thanks, Mum.’
Sas made up the sofa opposite Khaden, the only sound the rustle of the sheets against the upholstery. She fluffed the pillow, placed it on the doona and crossed the room to sit beside Khaden.
‘Khaden, that story about gastro and hitting your head on the toilet seat, was that—’
‘Dad?’ Khaden finished her question. He took a deep breath and told her about the smashed window and how he’d spent the night at the park in the tram.
Sas shook her head. ‘You should have come here.’
‘I did, but the lights were out.’
‘It wouldn’t have mattered.’ Sas reached out and let her fingers brush his.
Khaden swallowed her hand in his and squeezed. ‘And tonight, well, we had dinner at Neri’s, you know, our neighbours? Mrs Neri does the best lasagna ever.’
Sas smiled.
‘After dinner, Taj and Joey went to see a band. I helped Mrs Neri with the dishes and Mr Neri asked Dad to look at his Commodore. They hadn’t been gone long when Dad stormed back inside. Mrs Neri tried to calm him down, but Dad was beyond it.’
Khaden swallowed and shifted his grip on Sas’s hand.
‘We went home and...’ Khaden shrugged. Images like photographs flash through his memory. Mike’s twisted mouth. His fist, which seemed larger than Khaden’s face. The explosions of black, gold stars and red. Falling. The fluff under the sofa. A discarded cassette, its tape unspooled and twisted, beside the fluff. A shudder skidded down his spine. ‘Dad went mental.’
‘Milo and Tim Tams,’ said Lou, carrying a tray into the room.
It’s after midnight. There’s too much crap swirling around my brain for me to sleep. I’m so desperate to clear it, I even tried to call Dad. Twice. Wonder if he’ll notice the missed calls on his mobile? I guess not. I hung up before any connected.
Why can’t everything be like it used to be between us? When I had a problem I talked to Dad about it, but now, because Dad can’t be honest with me, I have to work stuff out on my own, and that sucks.
I knew when I read Khaden’s texts that something was up. I had this whole speech worked out to con Mum into letting him come over so late, but I didn’t need it. She was in the office working—chatting to the mystery red-arm-hair man—and said yes before I’d finished asking.
A minute after I messaged him to say it was okay to come over, Khaden knocked on the door. Even if he’d run the
whole way, it should have taken him longer than that to reach my place.
When I opened the door, I didn’t know what to do. His face was a mess and he looked so sad. I’d have hugged him, but I was frightened he’d break into tiny pieces. I knew his dad had done it before I asked. How does a father do that to a kid? Even though I’m mad at Dad and trying to drive him nuts, I know he’d never hit me. Ever.
Mum appeared and next thing she had me running around like a slave, gathering stuff for Khaden. For the first time, I was happy to be bossed around.
I just about lost it when I saw Khaden crying and Mum rubbing his back in slow circles like she does when one of us girls are sick or sad. I wanted to say something, do something to make it better, but didn’t know what to say or do. When Mum left to make hot drinks, I sat beside him and listened.
By the time Mum came back with the Milos and Tim Tams, (which proves my theory she does have a secret Tim Tam stash), I was furious with Mike. What was his problem? How could he hurt gentle, kind Khaden?
Funny, I thought I was madder at Dad that I could be at anyone, but now I hate Mike more than I’ve hated anything or anyone in my whole life, even Lee.
Since I came to bed, I’ve been writing in my journal, and thinking. I’ve decided I hate Mike, I’m sad for Khade, and just a tiny bit happy for me. Not that I’m a freak or anything, I’m just happy Khade trusted me enough to come here.
You know what else? And here’s the big shock—I’m
grateful to Mum for not being all ditzy and for just getting on with it and looking after Khaden.
And the last thing—after tonight, I’ve decided that the thing with Dad wasn’t so bad after all, not that I’m about to admit that to anyone yet.