Danny Baker Record Breaker (5): The World's Itchiest Pants (15 page)
Read Danny Baker Record Breaker (5): The World's Itchiest Pants Online
Authors: Steve Hartley
‘It’s a
display
box of
Welsh Mountain
Poo,’ corrected Danny, pointing out some of the sections. ‘That shiny poo’s from a Snowdonian Shuffling
Short-haired Sheep. The hairy poo’s from a Bryn Ballybont Burping Badger. The sloppy poo’s from a Wild Woodland Chuckling Chicken. This sausage-y poo’s from a Tallypant Vampire
Mole. And that specky poo’s from a . . .’
‘This is the world’s worst present!’ cried Natalie, thrusting the box back into Danny’s hands.
‘Don’t you like it?’ he asked, trying not to laugh.
‘Keep your smelly present!’ replied his sister, storming out of the room.
‘I knew I should have got her a stick of rock,’ grinned Danny.
The Great Big Book
of World Records
London
Dear Danny
Fantastic! You’ve done it again! You have broken the world record for Single-handed Ant-in-pant Multiple-person (and Animal) Ant Infestation. Coincidentally, Bunny Grylls
was the previous record holder. In 2003 she accidentally spread an ant infestation of her pants to thirty-nine archaeologists she was leading through the Mexican jungle to study the lost Aztec city
of PLppapoppapeppapootle.
I am delighted to enclose yet another certificate for your collection.
Good on ya, Danny! (That means ‘Well done’ in Australian.)
Best wishes
Eric Bibby
Keeper of the Records
Matthew stood by Danny’s bed and studied the box of animal droppings hanging on the wall next to Danny’s collection of world-record certificates.
‘Didn’t Nat the Brat like her present then?’ he asked.
‘No,’ laughed Danny. ‘She’s weird. Who
wouldn’t
want a box of poo?’
Danny rummaged under his bed and pulled out a jam-jar containing a slice of slimy Welsh laver bread. A seething mass of Rotty-log Restless Roaming Ants swarmed all over it, nibbling and chewing
their seaweed supper.
‘It’s lucky I brought home something else for her,’ he grinned. ‘She might not want poo on her wall, but she’s sure to want ants in her pants!’
Steve Hartley is a sensible man. He has a sensible job, a sensible family, lives in a sensible house and drives a sensible car. But underneath it all, he longs to be silly.
There have been occasional forays into silliness: Steve has been a football mascot called Desmond Dragon, and has tasted World Record success himself – taking part in both a mass yodel and a
mass yo-yo. But he wanted more, and so his alter ego – Danny Baker Record Breaker – was created. Steve lives in Lancashire with his wife and teenage daughter.
You can find out more about Steve
on his extremely silly website:
Books by Steve Hartley
DANNY BAKER RECORD BREAKER
The World’s Biggest Bogey
DANNY BAKER RECORD BREAKER
The World’s Awesomest Air-Barf
DANNY BAKER RECORD BREAKER
The World’s Loudest Armpit Fart
DANNY BAKER RECORD BREAKER
The World’s Stickiest Earwax
DANNY BAKER RECORD BREAKER
The World’s Itchiest Pants
Look out for
DANNY BAKER RECORD BREAKER
The World’s Windiest Baby
This is entirely a work of fiction and any resemblance to the real world is purely coincidental.
First published 2011 by Macmillan Children’s Books
This electronic edition published 2011 by Macmillan Children’s Books
an imprint of Pan Macmillan, a division of Macmillan Publishers Limited
Pan Macmillan, 20 New Wharf Road, London N1 9RR
Basingstoke and Oxford
Associated companies throughout the world
www.panmacmillan.com
ISBN 978-1-447-20104-5 PDF
ISBN 978-1-447-20103-8 EPUB
Text copyright © Steve Hartley 2011
Illustrations copyright © Kate Pankhurst 2011
The right of Steve Hartley and Kate Pankhurst to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act
1988.
You may not copy, store, distribute, transmit, reproduce or otherwise make available this publication (or any part of it) in any form, or by any means (electronic, digital,
optical, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the publisher. Any person who does any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be
liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
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