Daniel's Gift (41 page)

"Yes, but do we love each other enough?"

Beverly sighed. "I suppose only you and Luke can answer that question."

* * *

Luke pulled off his dress shoes and threw them into the closet, taking pleasure in the way they landed haphazardly amidst the neatness of his clothes. On impulse, he got up and moved everything around. He mixed up his short-sleeved shirts and his pants, his jeans and his dress shirts, until everything was wrinkled and cluttered.

When he was done, some of his anger had faded. Deep down, he knew that Denise was struggling with the situation. He was her husband, and he owed it to her to try to work things out. It was just so damned difficult now that he had spent time with Jenny.

He loved Jenny. The thought hit him with startling clarity. He loved her, not just the girl he remembered but the woman she was now. He wanted to be with her and Danny, to be a family, to walk on the beach, to drive fast, to live on the edge, because the business of medicine just wasn't enough for him anymore. He wanted to keep it in his life, but he wanted it to be a smaller part of his existence.

But how could he leave Denise? How could he break his marriage vows? A tiny voice inside him mocked his conscience. Denise had broken her vows. She was a beautiful, vain, ambitious woman. That was also clear. At one time she had been the perfect fit, the right hand glove to his left. Now, they were mismatched, an apple and an orange trying to grow on the same tree.

With a sigh, he took off his slacks and traded them for blue jeans, the oldest, most faded pair he could find. Maybe it was his destiny to make mistakes with women, first Jenny, now Denise. When was he going to get the timing right?

It certainly wasn't right now. Although he was looking forward to spending the evening with Jenny, the thought of Danny fighting for his life hung over them like a thick cloud. Speaking of Danny ...

Luke looked around his bedroom. "Where are you, Danny? Can you hear me? Can you talk to me? I gave your mom your present. She cried. Did you know that? Did you see her, too? I wish we could talk for a long time. You could tell me everything about your life, everything I've missed."

His eyes grew moist as he thought about his son. "I wish I could have seen you when you were a baby," he whispered. "I wish I'd taken you to kindergarten for the first time. Did you know that I cried my eyes out on the first day of school? My mother was horrified. Sheridans love school, you know. I didn't want to leave my parents. My mother told me to be brave, to hold my head high, and to work hard, because they expected a lot out of me."

Luke paused. "I wouldn't have done that to you. I would have held your hand, walked you into the classroom. Come back to me, Danny. I need you. Jenny needs you. We can be a family."

Luke waited, hoping, but the only sound in the room was the clock ticking, second by second, reminding him that time was not on Danny's side.

* * *

Danny sat on the roof of Luke's house, listening to his dad's words. He felt incredibly unhappy.

"What's wrong, kid?"

Jacob walked along the edge of the roof, as if it were a balance beam, making a perfectly executed turn at the end.

"My dad is so sad."

"I expect he is."

"How long has it been, anyway?"

"A couple of weeks by human time, a couple of days by ours. But you've been having fun, haven't you?"

"Yeah," Danny admitted. "I liked winter ball. That was cool. And catching a ride on that jet -- out of this world. Mom would have loved it. She likes to go fast."

"That she does. I had to save her life once. She took a curve about sixty miles an hour. The wheels spun out, almost went over a cliff."

"No kidding?"

Jacob sent him a dry look. "Would I kid you?"

Danny rolled his eyes. "Yeah."

Jacob laughed and plopped down next to him. "I saved your life, too, you know."

"If you'd saved my life, I wouldn't be here right now."

"I don't mean this last time but when you were five."

"Five?" Danny sent him a skeptical look.

"Ifs true. You were riding a two-wheeler for the first time. Your mom took you to Bayside Park, remember?"

"I guess. But I don't remember almost dying."

"It was your second time without your mom running alongside you. Your bike was wobbling all over the place. You would have been fine, except a little kid ran across the path. You yanked the wheel, only not far enough. I had to turn it twice more, otherwise your head would have hit the cement wall, instead of the bush."

Danny stared at him in amazement, suddenly remembering the incident with surprising clarity. "Mom said how lucky I was."

"Wasn't luck, it was me." Jacob stuck out his chest proudly. "Saved your hide, I did."

Danny nodded in appreciation. "Cool. So how come you didn't save me from that car?"

"Wasn't my place. I get my orders from above."

Danny sighed. "Can I talk to my dad again?"

"Maybe later. Someone wants to see you." Jacob's face grew serious. "It will take a while to get there. You'll see things that are very important. Watch and listen to what everyone has to say. And no smart talk."

Danny sat up straight, feeling suddenly terrified. "It's God, isn't it? You're taking me to see Him. It's time for me to decide, to make my choice. Or else -- He's going to make it for me, isn't he?"

Chapter Twenty-Seven

"Here's Danny at eighteen months."

Jenny hit the Fast Forward button on the video as Luke took a bite of pizza. "See those pudgy cheeks? He looks just like you."

Luke, his mouth full of pizza, expanded his cheeks even further. Jenny laughed with delight. He loved seeing her so carefree. It reminded him of when they first met. Her smile had been missing the last few weeks. How he wanted to put it back on her face and make it stay -- forever.

"Here's Danny on Halloween. We had a great time. He smiled cute, and I got all the candy."

Luke squinted his eyes. "Who is he supposed to be?"

"Toto."

"Excuse me?"

"Toto. From The Wizard of Oz."

"You couldn't make him the Scarecrow or the Tin Man, you had to make him the dog?" Luke looked at her and shook his head in bewilderment.

"Everybody does those costumes. I wanted Danny to be different. And he was. Of course, as he got older, he didn't want to be different, and I had to dress him like all the other little boys in town." Jenny forwarded the tape to Danny's fifth birthday party. "Look at him in his helmet."

"Where is this at?"

"Malibu Grand Prix. I got Danny a race car driver outfit, and took him for a ride on the track in one of those little go-carts. He loved it."

"Not as much as you, I'll bet."

"I admit I had a good time." Her voice dropped a notch. "Every minute with Danny has been the best time of my life. He's a great kid. I wish you could know him, Luke, really know him. He has this wonderful sense of humor, kind of dry, like yours." She tossed him a tender glance, then gazed at the television where Danny's freckled face was frozen in time on the screen. "Danny has a big heart. He cares about everyone. He's always watching out for the little kids at school. He's the best."

"You did a good job raising him."

Jenny stopped the videotape, setting the remote down on the coffee table with a shaky hand. "I can't do this right now."

Luke caught his breath at the pain that flashed in her eyes. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. Damn. I didn't mean to make you cry."

Jenny took the corner of her long-sleeved sweater and wiped it against her wet eyes. "It doesn't take much to make me cry these days."

Luke nodded in complete understanding, angry that he had asked her to show him the tape. He should have anticipated that seeing Danny alive and happy would only remind her that he was now critically ill.

"You can watch it. I'll make popcorn."

Luke sat back on the couch and stared at the screen. Danny was making a face, fingers in his ears, tongue stuck out, nose wrinkled up like a discarded napkin. Had there ever been a cuter kid?

He started the tape again, feeling incredibly proud of his offspring. This child was part of him. This kid with the missing teeth and the eyes that filled with wonder at each new moment in his life was his son.

For twenty more minutes, Luke watched the tape. He saw a magician make a rabbit come out of a hat on Danny's sixth birthday. Then there was Christmas and Easter, Danny's first soccer game, his baseball play-offs, the Halloween carnival at school, the Winter Concert, where Danny played a horridly distorted version of "Heart and Soul" on the piano.

The tape was filled with joy, smiles, hugs, and laughter. Love. It was everywhere -- in Jenny's open arms, in Danny's giggle, in the tender moment when Jenny carried a sleeping Danny upstairs and put him to bed while someone unknown filmed the scene.

Luke's eyes filled with moisture as Jenny tucked the covers around his son's body, tightly, as if she were wrapping him in a warm, safe cocoon. She sat on the edge of Danny's bed and smoothed his hair down with her fingers. Then she kissed his cheek.

Danny blinked his eyes open, his small face framed by Jenny's hair. He smiled up at her. "I love you, Mommy. I'll love you forever."

And Jenny's words, so soft, so fraught with emotion. "I love you, too, forever."

Danny drifted back to sleep. The tape jumped ahead into a hideously loud Easter egg hunt a couple of months later. Luke shut off the video and stared at the dark television set, remembering every word, every image.

It wasn't just Danny that he couldn't forget, it was Jenny, too. Seeing how she had grown over the years, how she had developed from a young, insecure, reckless girl into a loving, caring mother. Obviously, she had struggled, but she had made it work. Jenny had

filled his son's life with love, the way she had once filled his. He couldn't have asked for a better woman to mother his child. If only he could have shared their life. If only he hadn't made such a selfish mistake. If only -- things could have been different.

Luke got to his feet to go in search of Jenny. In the kitchen, he found a bowl of freshly made popcorn, but the room was empty. He walked down the hall, peeked into Danny's room. Nothing. Finally, he saw her sitting cross-legged on her bed next to a large box.

Her dark hair fell across her face. When she looked up at him, Luke was surprised to see a trail of tears across her skin. He was on the bed next to her, holding her close, before he realized he had even moved.

She was soft in his arms, her breasts spilling against his chest, her head tucked under his chin, her arms wrapped around his waist. His body responded in kind, hardening everywhere they touched, his nerves tingling, his mind moving past comfort to desire.

Luke pushed her away. Jenny looked surprised.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. What's all this?" It was everything he could do not to touch her, not to push her back against the pillows and make love to her. Beads of sweat broke out along his brow. "Damn. It's hot in here."

Jenny stared at him for a long moment. "You always used to say that, whenever ..."

Luke got up and walked out of the bedroom. He grabbed at the first available anchor -- the bathroom. There was cold water there, and he splashed it against his face until the heat receded, until he could think clearly again.

When he left the bathroom, Jenny had moved her box of photographs into the living room and was sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table. Luke was pleased by the change in locale.

He sat down on the edge of the couch, picking up a handful of photos. They were much the same as the videotape, stolen moments in time.

"I'm not much of a scrapbook person," Jenny said with a small smile. "Takes too much organization." She spread her arms open wide. "It's hard to believe this might be all I have left of my son."

"Don't say that. Danny will wake up."

"You sound so confident." Jenny's voice was hushed. "I miss the sound of his voice. I miss his bright, sparkling eyes, his drooping curls. I even miss his temper." Jenny put a hand to her heart. "It hurts right here, down deep. A part of me is gone. I want to see him again, Luke. I want to hold him. I want to tell him I love him, and have him hear me."

Luke didn't say a word, he couldn't. His throat was too tight, his emotions too close to the surface.

"Why did it have to be Danny, Luke? Why couldn't it have been me? I've lived thirty-one years. Danny has only had twelve. Think of how much he's going to miss, the senior prom, high school graduation, college, his first job, his first apartment, his first love affair."

"Jenny, stop."

"Marriage and children. He's barely begun to live, Luke. This is so unfair."

Luke moved from the couch to the floor, putting his fingers against her lips, feeling the heat of her anger and desperation on his skin. "I think whatever happens, Jenny, that Danny will be okay."

Her eyes widened in surprise, confusion. "What -- what are you saying?"