Dangerous Intentions (12 page)

“I feel the same way about you. Now, do you want a nice cup of tea?”

“No. I think I’ll just get some sleep.” The day’s events had really taken their toll on my body.

“That’s a good idea. You need your rest.” Grace tucked the sheets around me. “I’ll see you later.”

Dustin reentered the room after Grace left. He removed his shoes and climbed into bed next to me.

“What are you doing?” I giggled in spite of myself.

He wrapped an arm around me and swept me closer to him. “Not what you think I’m doing. I just want to be here with you. Let me just hold you, okay?”

“Okay.” I inhaled. I really didn’t have to go through this alone. Dustin was here for me as a friend. For now. I had no idea what the future held or what I wanted it to hold for me—for us. But for now, I would gladly take the comfort he offered. “Thank you.” I turned my face and buried it in his neck, inhaling his comforting scent.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

I woke up feeling as if my world had been tipped on its head and its contents poured out. When I looked into the mirror, I hardly recognized myself. My face was rumpled from a night of weeping for the baby I’d never get to meet.

I splashed cold water on my face and brushed my hair into a ponytail. Then I went back to the bedroom, got dressed in jeans and a plain t-shirt, and just stood at the window staring out into the distance at the grazing cows. A truck rolled up into my line of vision and two men climbed out—Dustin’s employees.

Life went on while my wheels had stopped turning.

I couldn’t help feeling guilty that I’d caused the death of my baby. I had not wanted it; I couldn’t embrace having a baby whose father was Jude. I had not wanted to be linked to Jude forever. It seemed I got what I wanted—except not having the baby felt wrong too. The baby had been innocent. I would have been able to raise it to be a good person, to be more like me than Jude. But I would never get that chance now.

I dropped down onto the bed as tears burned my eyes.

“Morning, sleepyhead.” Grace was suddenly in the doorway, carrying a breakfast tray. “I thought I’d surprise you with breakfast in bed. How are you feeling?”

I wiped my cheek and sat up, forcing a brave smile. “I really don’t know.”

Grace came to sit next to me, the tray on her lap. She must have known I wasn’t ready for a full meal. On the tray was only a cup of tea and some fruit.

She placed a hand on my knee. “I know how it feels to have a miscarriage. God knows I had enough of them in my lifetime.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that.” Grace was such a warm, loving person. It didn’t seem right that she was denied the chance to be a mother when she was clearly born to be one. “That’s horrible.”

Grace inhaled. “Things don’t always work out the way we want them to. I had my niece to look after. Cancer took her mother’s life when Lorna was just five years old. Maybe God wanted me to be her mother. So I don’t feel as if I missed out on anything.”

“You’re brave to think like that.”

“And you are stronger than you think. I see it in your eyes.”

“I wish I could be braver. I just don’t know how to be at the moment.” I reached for the pear on the tray and bit into it.

“Sometimes you don’t need to know. You just do what you have to do and the braveness comes to support you when you need it most. You left that man of yours. And you went to the cops. That took guts.”

After returning from Serendipity, I had told Grace everything. She was worried and at the same time proud of me.

I breathed in deeply. “I want to live, Grace. I want to really live.”

“And you can. You can’t let that man hold you back. You just live your life.”

I looked at Grace with determination. “I don’t think I’ll be able to live freely as long as he’s roaming the streets.”

Grace took one of my hands. “He will be found. And God will eventually make him pay for what he’s done.”

“I don’t know if there’s a price high enough for the crimes he’s committed.”

Chapter Twenty-Nine

The alarm shrilled and I opened my eyes easily. I hadn’t been able to sleep anyway. My eyes were clear, devoid of drowsiness. Since losing the baby five days ago, sleep had been hard to come by. No matter how much I craved it.

Thunder rolled. It had been raining almost non-stop for the past two days and the August air had cooled drastically. I climbed out of bed and pulled on a pair of jeans, and one of the pullovers Dustin had given me. This one smelled of his cologne—ocean-fresh, calming, and masculine.

Lying in bed with all my thoughts coursing through my head would be a waste of time. I’d brave the rain and go feed Hope.

I tiptoed down the stairs, careful not to wake Dustin even though it was almost seven. He would be up soon, if he wasn’t already in his office.

When I reached the last step, thunder crashed outside and I jumped. I stopped moving for a moment and inhaled.

From a stand behind the door, I reached for one of Dustin’s raincoats and stepped into my knee-high PVC boots. I heard the clatter of plates and pans in the kitchen. Grace was probably making breakfast.

As soon as I opened the door, a spray of rain hit me. I stepped out and closed it quickly behind me so the water wouldn’t enter the house.

I thought of driving one of Dustin’s trucks to the barn, but a refreshing walk in the rain was just as tempting. Rain always reminded me of my childhood, when Liz and I would run through puddles and dance with the raindrops.

Feeling unstoppable in my boots, I walked straight through the mud puddles, which resembled coffee with milk. I pushed my hands into my pockets and enjoyed the sound of the rain beating down on the hood of my raincoat, my shoulders, and back. I hunched my shoulders forward to avoid getting water in my eyes and trudged on.

I found Hope in the small stall Dustin and I had created for her close to the barn, since she refused to go into the building anymore. The stall had a roof so she was safe from the rain. She lay on her bed of hay, waiting for me, and lifted her head as I approached.

“Hey, little one.” I removed the raincoat and approached the makeshift feeding station where I prepared her bottle. The milk was already there, along with bottles and a small portable stove for warming it.

With a fresh bottle of milk in my hand, I approached the calf, and she instinctively moved her mouth in the direction of the bottle. She trusted me, and I adored her. I made myself comfortable and looked up at the small barn windows, where the rain slammed against the panes. Feeding Hope was relaxing and comforting for both of us.

When I was done, I patted her on the head, sighed, and stood up. “I’ll see you later.” I cleaned the bottle and everything else I had used to prepare it, and prepared to leave.

Slipping into my raincoat, I glanced through a slit in the door and saw that the rain had slowed to a drizzle and the thunder had stopped. Shame that I wouldn’t be able to experience another walk through the rain. But at least the air would be fresh and invigorating.

I stepped out the door and hurried down the path, inhaling the smells of damp soil and grass. I wanted to make it back in time to have breakfast with Dustin. Halfway down the path, I saw something white on the ground.

At first I thought it was a piece of folded paper that had been carried on the wind from somewhere. But when I reached it my heart began to thump. I didn’t pick it up, didn’t want to touch it. I backed away with my hands cupping my mouth, unable to breathe. I inhaled deeply and released the breath in a scream.

I stumbled down the path, almost tripping, but the image of the fresh snow-white calla lily loomed in my mind.

Grace and Dustin heard my screams before I reached the house and they burst out the door. I collapsed on the front steps, panting, my heart nearly exploding inside my chest.

They waited until I had calmed down, and then Dustin led me into the house. He asked me to sit at the kitchen table.

I explained to them what I saw and they looked at each other, perplexed. They obviously thought it was nothing.

“He did it to me once before. The first time I escaped… I found a calla lily on my breakfast tray at the inn where I was hiding. I had carried calla lilies on my wedding day.”

“It was a really windy morning. Are you sure the flower wasn’t swept onto the path somehow?” Dustin’s brow was knitted. “Randy and Marge have a big flower garden not far from here. Maybe—”

“If the wind had dropped it there, it would have been dirty. But it was clean and placed strategically on a small patch of grass.” I looked at Dustin with pleading eyes. “He’s close. I can feel it.” My words were a whisper now.

Dustin grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “Do you want me to take you somewhere else that’s safe? We could leave right now.”

“No.” My body screamed yes. But my mind knew the truth. Wherever I went, he would find me. Running exhausted me. I was terrified to death, but I could be the bait that put Jude behind bars. “I don’t want to leave, but I do need some kind of protection.”

Five minutes later, Dustin had called Rimes, who promised to drive to the ranch as soon as possible to take a look at where I had found the flower and ask me a few more questions. In the meantime, one of his colleagues in Stony Creek would come to the ranch.

When I asked him for protection, he went through the process of applying for a protection order. The process sounded too complicated and time-consuming. Dustin, furious at how long the process could take, told Rimes he would personally hire a bodyguard to watch me.

After a few phone calls to a local security company, a burly man with a hunched back, thick black hair, and a thick mustache arrived. His name was Steve. For a moment he brought back memories of Nolan, Jude’s driver and bodyguard, but this man had a warmer look to his face and he smiled easily, even if he didn’t speak much. When he did speak, he had a mild British accent. He made me feel safe, not suffocated as I had been in Nolan’s presence.

Nothing else suspicious occurred in the week after Steve started the job, and I started thinking that maybe the flower had been a coincidence after all, but still I stayed on my guard, especially since the police still hadn’t located Jude. He could be anywhere, near or far. Out of desperation, I even tried calling the phone number that only the two of us knew, but apparently the number no longer existed.

Since no more prostitute deaths had been reported, I wanted to believe that maybe he had skipped the country, but I knew firsthand that his obsession ran too deep. He wouldn’t leave so easily. He was just hiding well until the police gave up, or he got closer to what he wanted most. Me.

Chapter Thirty

I sank my body into the bath and allowed the sudsy water to swallow me whole and the heat to seep into my skin. I leaned my head back and watched the flickering candles that rested on small wooden plates attached to thin chains hanging from the ceiling. The room was aglow with soft, soothing light.

To distract myself from thinking about the fact that it had been almost three weeks and the cops still hadn’t located Jude, I closed my eyes and thought of Dustin, remembering his kiss that night we went out with the guys. I felt a tingle down my spine. I still had strong feelings for him, feelings I pushed down because my life was just way too complicated right now. But he still cared for me.

“He’s never brought a woman here before,” Grace had said to me a few times. “You must really mean a lot to him.”

One thing was for sure. As soon as Jude was behind bars, I would start a new life—my own life. I would no longer be looked after by a man. I was even toying with the idea of signing up for art or photography classes. I could become a wedding photographer or something else fun. And of course I’d paint or sculpt. My heart warmed at the idea of being free to follow my bliss, to do all the things that made me happy without asking for anyone’s permission. I’d never willingly give my freedom away again. And when I was ready for a relationship, it would be with someone who gave me the space to be me, the space to breathe. Someone like Dustin.

I didn’t even realize I’d fallen asleep, but it must have been for a while because when I opened my eyes, they felt heavy and the water had cooled. I climbed out of the bath and wrapped a large towel around my body, goose bumps appearing on my skin as the cool air hit it.

Ten minutes later I was lying on top of the sheets, trying to read, and wondering whether I should just change and go to sleep or wait for Dustin. I checked to see if he had called. It was Friday and he had gone out for a drink with the guys. He had been hesitant about leaving me, but I assured him I’d be okay. And Steve was downstairs doing his job.

There were three missed calls from Dustin and one text message.

I read the text first, but it was made up of a single word:
Don’t
.

I squinted as if I would be able to read the meaning that way. What did he mean by don’t? Maybe he had been in the process of writing the text and decided to call instead. But it was weird that he wasn’t home yet and it was almost eleven. He was always home by ten. I clicked on his name. I would just return his call, not ask him where he was. I wasn’t his wife and I didn’t want him to feel as if I was controlling him.

The call went straight to voicemail. I looked at the phone for a while, gazing at the text, still wondering what he had meant to write. And then I gave up and placed it next to me on the bed. I fell asleep immediately and was woken up about an hour later by sounds coming from downstairs. I figured it must be Dustin talking to Steve. It couldn’t be Grace, because she and Travis had planned to visit her niece for the weekend. And even if Grace were around, she wouldn’t come over so late.

I climbed out of bed and looked out the window. It was definitely Dustin. His truck was parked outside.