Damned if I Do (20 page)

Edie

I’m alone with two very powerful vampires. It is necessary, but I do not like the idea of being alone with them.

I should’ve brought my smokes.

“What did you want to show me?” I ask through dry lips. I wet them with my tongue, still tasting Jude on them. It had been an impulsive kiss, but it gave me the strength to stand here alone, because I know that it’s keeping Jude safe.

“I want to show you what we’re dealing with,” the Progenitor answers. “Why there must always be a Progenitor. The evil that I keep at bay.”

“Sounds lovely,” I say sarcastically.

Both Esther and he disregard my comment.

“My sources say that you’ve been seeing ghosts,” the Progenitor says, “and can even enter trances.”

I nod. The thought that they’ve been keeping tabs on me is unsettling.

“This is basically the same thing,” Esther explains. “We’re going to enter a trance to visit the Void.”

“The Void? The same place where I can visit the dead?”

The Progenitor smiles. “One and the same. Only,” he adds, “it will be different than the one you can visit on your own. With me here it will be…a new experience for you.”

“O…kay…” I look down at the floor, noticing that it’s missing quite a few of the elements from Aunt Tessa’s altar when I entered the void. “Will we need a circle?”

“No,” Esther says. “Not for this. This is going to be a short express trip to the evils of this world.”

I don’t like the sound of that.

“Are you ready?” the Progenitor asks.

No.
“Yes.”

He closes his eyes and starts mumbling something in a language that I don’t understand. Whatever it is, it sounds
old
, like something invented when humans were first gaining language skills. I can tell that it is some sort of spell, similar to what Aunt Tessa used when I went into the trance.

His entire body seizes and the mumbling becomes chanting, repeating the same guttural phrase over and over again. I shiver at the sound.

Suddenly, I don’t want to travel into the Void.

Esther must sense this, because she takes the Progenitor’s hand into her own, and then grabs mine. The shock hits me all at once and I jolt, stiffening as the electric shock takes over my body. I'm torn from this reality and thrown into another one far from here.

No longer am I in the penthouse of the Ritz Carlton. Whereas before, in the Void, I was in nothingness. Here there is scenery and landscape. And it’s not pretty.

I'm alone, standing on the precipice of a rocky cliff overlooking an ocean of blood. The coppery scent in the air confirms it, roiling my stomach. I manage to keep the little dinner we grabbed at McDonald’s I had down.

Well, this is a little…different…

I hold a hand up to my mouth and pinch my nose. As a vampire hunter, I've always been more than a little sensitive to the smell of blood. It means that there's death nearby. And if not death, then vampires, which are quickly followed by death.

This is completely different than the other experience, like some other dimension of the Void. It feels like the very embodiment of evil.

Electricity fills the dark sky about me, wild and free.
Magic
, I realize. Uncontrolled, unbridled, and without restraint. I can smell it almost as much as the copper.

I get the feeling that I'm being watched from all angles, and the static in the air makes my hair stand on end. The air compresses on me, sucking the air from my lungs and filling it with an unseen miasma.

Holy shit,
it's trying to suffocate me. I fight it at first, but the overpowering feeling of despair roots me to my spot. I gasp and claw at my throat, blackness edging on my vision.

Then, as suddenly as it attacked, it leaves me breathless. Lightning strikes and bisects the sky, throwing the world into a blinding shock of light. I find the strength to scream, grabbing at my head as I stumble backward, away from it.

I need to get out of here. I need to figure out how to get back to reality. I look behind me, making as if to run, but the Progenitor and Esther stand before me, their bodies glowing, their hands clasped.

"Take me back," I croak.

"You need to understand, Harker," the Progenitor says.

"Understand? There’s nothing to understand here.”

“There is,” the Progenitor says. “This is the embodiment of the evil that I carry within me. Inside.”

"What do you mean
inside
?" I ask. "As in…we're inside you? Now?" I glance back at the sky and the ocean filled with blood. "And this…"

"This is one side of the evil," Esther says. "The evil that we reign in to protect the world. When the vampire virus is spread, this is what we're passing on. Replicating."

I give my bad hand a shake. "So you're saying
this
is inside my hand?"

She nods. "And spreading throughout your body. It's inside every vampire. Darkness isn't the absence of light; evil isn't the absence of good. It doesn't need the other to exist. It simply is. Having one who contains it is the only way of restraining it."

"And you carry this with you for an eternity."

The corner of the Progenitor's turns up. "Something like that."

"Does it hurt?"

He hesitates, then nods, closing his eyes. "Every day."

I swallow nervously, looking between the two of them. Esther's face is still passive, not looking at anything in particular. She’s the Progenitor’s chosen replacement. She’s signing up for this gig.

I wonder what she thinks of this whole thing, if this is a choice. Will she end up like Anthony, wanting unfathomable power. Will it corrupt her? Will she eventually embrace the darkness and spread it again?

The Progenitor looks almost nostalgic as he looks over this wasteland. “There must always be a Progenitor,” he says. “One who can hold this within himself, on who keeps it at bay. Without a Progenitor,
this
will be unleashed upon your world with apocalyptic consequences.” Our eyes meet. "You understand, Harker? The sacrifice the Progenitor makes?"

"Yes," I murmur. A tear wells up in my right eye. "I do. It's a terrible burden to bear."

He looks at the female vampire and his face softens. "Esther will be a strong Progenitor. She will call back all of the evil I have unfortunately spread throughout my long reign. And you will have your normal life, just like you always wanted."

"It's not fair," I say.

The Progenitor chuckles. "Nothing in life is ever fair. That's why I'm looking forward to oblivion so much."

His words echo in my mind as I stare at him, shocked. This is a man who
wants
to die and will do so at any cost. I don't judge those who choose suicide as a way out. I've had quite a few different situations where the idea was tempting, though not enough for me to make any actual attempt. Even when Meghan died and I realized my fate, I never wanted to end it like that. However, that doesn't mean that I don't sympathize with those who want to. If, after living an eternity, he wanted a way out, I wasn’t going to hold that against him. Especially when he was burdened by something as horrible as this.

"I'm sorry," I say. "I'm so sorry."

The Progenitor smiles and bows his head. "You're about to help out more than anyone else in thousands of years."

Esther has a grim smile on her face, and I feel like she's taking the role of the Progenitor out of necessity rather than for the actual position. Although that could change at any point in time in the future, I know.

Can I trust her? According to the current Progenitor, I'll lose all my hunter powers. I'll be cured and Jude would be returned to human, but we'd be helpless to intervene if anything happened.

It wouldn't be my problem anymore.
I bite my lip, thinking that. It doesn't feel right. I guess a life of servitude to humanity instills a sense of responsibility that you can never shake.

"Good to know I'm good for something," I say, shaking my head.

The Progenitor laughs. “You’re good for quite a few things, Miss Harker.” He reaches out and grabs my hand.

A shock hits me again, and I'm back in the penthouse, standing exactly where I'd been before. I suck in a deep breath, glad to be back in the relatively normal world, staggering backwards.

Back here, I feel hollow, like I’ve been made transparent for everyone to see my insides. It’s a terrifying feeling. I guess that’s what it’s like when you see the evil that could easily destroy your world.

“Is it normal to feel like you’ve been run over by a train after that?” I ask.

“Yes,” Esther agrees. She looks pale herself.

“You see now why you must do what you have to?” the Progenitor asks gently.

“Yes,” I whisper. I close my eyes, feeling the tears drip down my face in big rivulets.

Now, I’m able to see a future that I've never believed possible before me. Amelia can live without fear of waking up in the middle of the night with vampires swarming all over her house. I can explore a life where I don’t have to hunt vampires, because there’d only be one, Esther as the Progenitor. And I can face the future with Jude, who’d no longer be a vampire.

It sounds wonderful. Hell, it sounds too good to be true.

So long as Esther is a good person it could work. Not that I trust the Progenitor, but at least he's offering this up as an option. Anthony made it clear that his intentions were to have absolute power, and I wonder now about her intentions?

"Why do you think you're worthy of being the Progenitor?" I ask Esther point-blank. "That you will remain vigilant and not let it get out of hand? Or spread the virus?"

She chuckles. "Oh Harker," she says in her accented voice. "I am prepared to go live by myself for a long time."

"You want
that
?" I could think of nothing worse than being by yourself for centuries, living with that hell inside your body.

"I want what's best," she says simply.

For some reason, as I look at her, I believe her.

"Anthony said that my blood wasn't ready," I tell them.

"That's only a problem if you're trying to fight me and I'm unwilling," the Progenitor explains. "That is not the case for Esther."

I look up at them. "Okay. What do we need to do to get started with this?"

A grin spreads across Esther’s face. “We’re ready now if you’d like.

“
Now
? You don’t want to wait or think on it any longer?”

“Trust me, Miss Harker,” the Progenitor says, “
Edie
. When you’ve been around as long as me, you don’t want to wait any longer for it to end.”

“Why all of the sudden interest then, after waiting so long already?”

The Progenitor’s face darkens. “We’re down to only two of you left—you and the previous Harker’s daughter. Since you’re the only ones who can offer up the right mix of blood, it’s now, or I may not get the chance for a long time. I’d have to create more familiars, and that takes time.”

I shiver.

It’s now or never.

Jude

"You can't be serious. This can’t be really happening," Carl says unhappily, playing with the charm around his neck.

Edie’s leaning against the outside of the Ritz Carlton, taking in a long drag on her cigarette. She won’t say what she saw in private with Esther and the Progenitor, only that it’s something she doesn’t feel like she should share. At the same time, I can tell that she’s shaken to her core. She can’t stop the tremble in her hands as she brings her cigarette to her lips.

"It'll stop vampires,” she says. “It'll save me and free both of us from a life of servitude. Isn't this what we always wanted?"

"Yeah," Carl says, still sounding unsure. "It seems too easy. Like, why hasn't this happened before?"

"It's coming at a convenient time," she says vaguely. She stubs the smoke out underneath her foot.

She looks tired. Her black and red hair is hanging limply and she looks incredibly pale, like she hasn't seen the sun in centuries. Dark bags hang under her eyes, a testament to the fact that she hasn't been sleeping well.

If all goes according to plan, I want to take her on a vacation where she can sleep.

It's sometime after ten o'clock and the Progenitor and Esther are in the basement of the Ritz Carlton to get set up for some sort of ritual. What that means exactly, I'm not sure, but we’re all supposed to show up in another fifteen minutes.

When Edie opened the doors after her private meeting with Esther and the Progenitor, she looked scared. She won’t even hint at what they showed her, though I know it must have been bad.

"Why the hell does there have to be a ritual?" Carl asks. "It sounds ridiculous."

"Because we're dealing with forces that are far older than us," Edie replies.

"I want you safe, Cuz," he says softly.

Edie nods. "I will be, after this. We both will be."

"It sounds too good to be true. I don't know what to think. I mean…no more vampires? Can you imagine?"

"I've been imagining it ever since my mother was killed," Edie says.

I can’t even imagine what Edie must have gone through as a kid. She never told me much about her mother, a Harker years before we met, but I can tell that her death has impacted Edie in so many ways.

"We'll help you," I promise, my voice rough with emotion. "With whatever you need."

Edie forces a smile. "We should head back in. Don’t want to be late for this thing.”

I fall into step beside her. "I need to talk to you, in private."

She looks up at me in surprise. "You want to talk? Now?"

I can’t think of a better time. Because after this, there might not
be
another time. I don’t want her to think that I’m taking advantage of this, I only want her to know exactly what I’m thinking. About
after
.  I nod silently.

She sighs and looks back to her cousin. "Okay. Carl…"

For the first time all night, Carl cracks a smile and nods approvingly. Which is funny, because I always thought
he
had something for me. “I’ll be right here.”

I grab Edie’s hand, and duck into an alcove beside the hotel, out of sight.

"What did you want to—"

My lips crash against hers with the same desperation I felt last night. I want Edie. All of her.

I press her against the wall, the thud of her body against the brick setting my senses on fire. She clings to me, moaning against my lips, and I hold onto her as if our lives depend on it.

I break the connection with our lips and rest my forehead against hers.

“I love you, Edie Harker.”

She searches my face, curiosity playing across her beautiful features. “I know…”

No “I love you” back, and my heart aches at the silence. Yet, she’s not pushing me back, and I can feel the curve of her body as I press her against the wall. Her expression is full of wonder. I swallow the lump back down my throat.

“What are you going to do after this?” I ask.

She chuckles lightly. "I'll be cured. No more vampires."

“I mean,
after
? What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I never thought there’d
be
an after, to be honest.”

The admission makes me want to punch brick walls. Because she always thought there was no way out for her, she’d been resigned to the fate presented before her. Now she can have the life she has only dreamed of.

And I hope that it’s with me.

"You could consider…
me
…" I say. "I don't know much about me or my past, but I'd take care of you,
Edie.
"

My emotions lay bare as I present my heart to her. I feel naked, like all of my defenses that I’ve spent the last fifty years building up have been obliterated. All because I met a vampire hunter that has captured all of who I am.

She touches the side of my face with her hand and I lean into her palm and kiss it.

"I’d like that, Jude…”

I barely have time to process what she said before she kisses me, this time with a desperate hunger, probing. This is her. Kissing me. Of her own accord. One of the few free choices she has made in her entire life.

"I may not be worth it,” I say, “but you are. Regardless, I'm here for you."

She shakes her head. “No. You’re totally worth it, Jude.”

This time I kiss her, and I lose myself in it again. I don’t want this to ever end.