Damned if I Do (15 page)

Jude

I kissed Edie fucking Harker.

It feels like it should be one of those “I shouldn’t have done that” things, but holy hell if it didn’t feel like everything I’d imagined it would be and more. I can still feel the press of her lips, her breath on my skin, the way she tasted.

It was heaven wrapped up in the sweet, conflicted, punk bundle that is Edie. She’s a contradiction in and of herself, so it shouldn’t surprise me that the way I feel for her is a contradiction as well.

A vampire and the Harker. Two things that shouldn’t work together, but they do. Our bodies sing to each other like some sort of duet.

I wonder how many other vampires have kissed a Harker in the past. I wonder how many of them lived afterward. And yet, at the same time, it doesn’t fucking matter, because they weren’t
me
kissing Edie fucking Harker.

Right now, all of what I’m concerned about is what happens next in my story.

There’s an out for her. A possibility that she can be cured, one that wasn’t there before. If I have to put my life on the line for hers, so be it.

She’s worth it.

Edie

I stay up long enough for Graeme to return. He looks absolutely wretched, which is understandable considering everything that he has gone through tonight. He comes in to check on me before stumbling over to his room. We leave the adjoining doors cracked in the unlikely event that something happens.

Hopefully unlikely. I doubt that I'll get any sleep.

I lay down to sleep on my right side. Purl takes up residence with me now, sensing that I’m in pain. I appreciate her weight at the foot of the bed, a familiar, welcoming presence. She was my mother’s cat and has been around for a long time. I don’t know what I’d do without her critical glances at me. Even though I’m exhausted, my thoughts wander. Sometimes that’s a bad thing.

I think back to Mike, my on-again-off-again boyfriend. My mind insistently compares Jude to him. Mike was fun and predictable and safe. I had no trouble messing around with him because I think a part of me always knew that it wasn't forever with him.

Jude’s complicated, multi-layered, unattainable, and an impossibility. It’s foolish to think that there could ever be anything between us.

And yet he feels oh so right.

Vampires and vampire hunters are not
supposed
to have any feelings like this. However, remembering his lips on mine, his tongue forcing my mouth open, even how gently he carried me up to the hotel, I know that there has never been any contest of who loved me more.

This was a scary, exciting first step in a burgeoning relationship.

I think back to Zhi and Maria and wonder what that display of affection of theirs truly was. Are they in a relationship or is that something else?

I press a palm to my eyes, rubbing them. It's almost four in the morning, and I really need to sleep somehow.

Tomorrow's a new day.

I'll figure out everything tomorrow. I need to rest, otherwise my body isn't going to heal from today's events.

I fluff up my pillow again, nestle up against the edge of the bed, facing towards the door in case something were to burst in after me.

The temperature drops suddenly. Has the air conditioner gone haywire? I feel the feathery light touch of a hand caressing my back. My throat constricts and I stifle a sob. My mother used to do this to me to help me sleep.

It's her now.

I fight the urge to look back behind me to make sure. I don't want to scare her away. Purl’s purring grows even louder with her presence.

I close my eyes and relish the touch. Strangely enough, it does calm me down, and I find myself on the edge of sleep, my mother's soft voice in my ear.

"
Shhhh…It's going to be all right, baby.
"

A tear slides down my cheek.

I miss you, Mom.

***

My phone wakes me up the next morning with The Clash singing my ringtone. My hand snakes across the bed to grab it and I bring it to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Are you okay?" It's Carl and he sounds worried.

I groan and roll onto my side. "Ugh, why did you call me so early?"

"Early?” There's a long pause on his end. “Edie, it's two o'clock."

"AM or PM?" I roll onto my back, my left side aching. Awoken by the sudden movement, Purl gets up with a hiss and jumps off the bed.

I glance at the digital alarm clock by the side of the bed. "PM," I confirm with a sigh. "What day is it?" I add with a chortle.

I obviously needed the sleep. Even now, I still feel like I could crawl into a hole with a bear and hibernate for an entire season. I'm bone weary, exhausted, and my side aches.

"So no more vampires hunting you?" Carl asks, relieved. "I was about ready to drive up to the Ramada Inn and bust down the door."

I rub my eyes with my free hand, noticing that everything is stiff on my left side and that it aches a bit, however there is no sharp pain. "None that I know of."

"Well, our friend Zhi called me this morning. Dunno how he got my number, but—"

"Zhi?" I sit up instantly in bed. "What did he want?"

"He's on his way up here. Says there's some big news he needs to share with us. He's coming to my house."

He's coming here?
Immediately I sense that something feels off, something that I need to be a part of.

"Fuck. How far out is he? Why the hell haven't you called me earlier?"

Carl snickers. "I thought for sure you would have called when you woke up."

"How long ago did he call?"

"About thirty minutes ago. You're fine."

I do the math in my head and stifle a groan. "All right, I'm on my way." I pause, considering that I'll be leaving Graeme and Amelia alone and I don’t want to risk it. "Do you think that I can bring Graeme and Amelia over?"

Carl gets what I mean without me having to say it. "Lemme see." I hear a muffled conversation between him and his mother, then he comes back onto the line. "Yeah, bring them," Carl says. "Mom will make up the guest room for them."

I close my eyes and nod gratefully, even though he can't see it. "Okay. See you at three."

"See you," he says. "And, Cuz?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad you're safe."

He hangs up without another word, and I collapse back in bed for a moment to muster up the strength to get going.

What little sleep I got last night was blissfully void of any nightmares or dreams. I'm glad that I didn't have any sort of demon trying to claw its way through my subconscious and remind me of what happened.

"I blew up the house," I say, recalling that particular event. "Fuck."

Nothing like the realization that
you're
the reason why your family doesn't have a home to start your day. My hands find my wound and gently press against it. It doesn't feel like my body is being torn apart, so I guess that's a plus. I do wonder if, because I’m sick, my healing abilities will start to slow down.

I hate to think of that though. I
need
to heal faster…

I check my phone again to see that there isn’t anything from Jude. I feel a bit disappointed at that; I’d been hoping for something else from him, although I’m not sure what.

I need some time to myself where I can digest this, maybe talk to him, and figure out where to go from here. Because I certainly don't know.

For now, though, I need to deal with the task at hand. I need to get up and see how Graeme and Amelia are doing.

I'm dreading it.

I slide off the bed and pad over to the doors that link our two rooms. I gingerly open them to see Graeme and Amelia sitting on one of the beds with some coloring books. The bed they're on is still made, while the other one is rumpled. Graeme apparently shared the bed with Amelia last night, which makes me feel proud that he’s my brother-in-law. I certainly don't want to let the three-year-old out of my sight; I can't imagine how protective he feels.

"Aunt Edie!"

Still dressed in her PJs, Amelia runs over to me and throws her arms around me. I hug her back, glad that they're all right. "Hey, Squirt, how are you?"

"Fine."

Graeme stands up from the bed, jostling Purl again, who had taken up residence on the bed sometime during the night. His face is pallid with dark bags hanging underneath each eye, and his hair is messy, which isn't like him. He hasn't slept at all. Then I remember that it's Monday and that Graeme hasn't gone into work.

"Didn't sleep?" I ask.

He shakes his head with a short laugh. "Hell no. And don't repeat that, Amelia."

Amelia's mouth is wide at her father's slip up. I really have to watch myself around her; she soaks up everything like a sponge.

"I'm heading over to Carl's and Tessa's. On business. You guys can stay there tonight. It's safe."

Graeme blinks and lets out a breath. "Yes," he agrees. "That would be good. I'd feel safer there."

"Go ahead and get packed," I say, although I look around and realize with a sinking feeling that they don't have much.

Graeme bends to scoop the crayons on the bed into Amelia's backpack. Meanwhile, she is looking up at me, wide-eyed. "I wanna go to McDonald's," she proclaims loudly.

"Amelia," Graeme warns as he stuffs a blanket into a duffle bag. "I don't think—"

I give her a hug and grin widely at her. "You want to go to McDonald's? I think you should."

She squeals and hugs me tighter. I grunt due to that added pressure against my side, but I don't want to let her go. She doesn't notice, and instead asks, "Can we? Can we?"

I catch Graeme's panicked look. "It is daytime after all," I remind him.

Granted, there are still dangers in the daytime, though I doubt they have anything to worry about. It's me they're after, so as long as they're always in public places that have nothing to do with vampires, I am one hundred percent confident that they'll be all right.

I'll watch them to make sure that they are. I have about 50 minutes until we need to be at Carl's, and they can wait if I'm late. I'm not the end-all-be-all in this. Someone else can take the reins.

Graeme visibly relaxes. "Okay," he acquiesces.

"Now?" Amelia presses with a big grin.

I press my forehead to hers, looking deep into her eyes. "Now."

***

Luckily, there's a McDonald's a stone's throw from the Ramada Inn. It means that in thirty minutes, we can check out of the hotel, I can spend some time with Graeme and Amelia, she can get a little bit of playtime in, and I can head over to Carl's and none will be the wiser.

Maybe I'm being overprotective, more so than Graeme, but Amelia needs it. I certainly need a bit of respite.

We head to the fast food joint, Graeme and Amelia in his Kia Soul and me in my Lancer.

After eating her monthly dose of french fries and soda, Amelia tackles the Playland with renewed vigor while Graeme and I sit on the benches with Purl in her cat carrier. We’re slurping milkshakes while watching the three year old terrorize the other kids despite her diminutive stature. One would almost think we're a normal family.

The sun is bright in my eyes and I squint, wishing I'd brought my sunglasses. I glance at my watch: 2:38. Though I probably should start rounding her up and get going, I don't want to. There are only so many moments left like this where I can enjoy a moment with my niece. Whatever happens from here on out, Amelia is only going to be this age once.

When it's over, it's gone for good, and that realization makes me sad.

Graeme reaches the end of his milkshake with a loud sucking sound and casts his eyes down. "Look, I know I don't say it enough, but I want to say thanks."

"For what?"

He leans back against the table, propping himself on his elbows. "For saving our lives. And for this." He gestures with his drink to indicate everything. "We needed this."

"Don't mention it."

Graeme sobers a bit and pokes at the lid with his straw. "Why do you think they came after us last night?"

Do I tell him? That they were trying to get at me in order to upset the balance of vampires in the world? Or do I shrug and say I don't know, leaving them out of the bigger picture? I see Graeme's furrowed brow and I can sense his unease just under the surface. He's worried about Amelia's safety; he wants to keep her safe. For him, not knowing anything right now is worse.

"They're after me," I state.

"Because you're…whatever you are?"

I know he is angry about my family's lot in life. It killed his wife Meghan, it's going to kill me, and it is eventually going to kill his daughter. I wonder if he truly regrets marrying into this mess. He was outside of it, lived his life in ignorant bliss of the things that go bump in the night. Now he's entrenched in it because his daughter is the last heir to a horrible legacy.

Maybe I could give him a bit of hope, even though it feels like a lie because it feels like a lie to myself. However, I think having your house burned to the ground warrants a breath of hope.

"Yeah. But I'm trying to stop them. Stop them from ever getting to Amelia."

He narrows his eyes in confusion. "As in…?" He glances back at Amelia, as if seeing her with fresh eyes. He takes a hand and rubs his stubbly chin, then he takes a shuddering breath. "Whatever it takes to get Amelia out of this," he whispers. His voice is raw. "Whatever it takes, please do it. I don't want her to end up like…"

…like Meghan.

Like me.

"I will," I promise. I don't want to fill him in on any more. I glance back at my watch. It's 2:46. We really should get going.

Graeme sits up. "Amelia!"

Amelia stops and looks back at us with a giant pout. She stomps her foot, but eventually, her father wins out and he scoops her up. I deposit our trash in the bins outside, and follow him to our dual cars.