Damien's Destiny (15 page)

Damien could have told him Rafe would probably not wake for a while but didn’t. He wanted to be alone with Toria, even if having her near his always surging body proved its own kind of torture. Nodding his head, he took Toria’s hand and led her from the inn. He started to put his palm at the small of her back to guide her and then let his arm drop. He knew well he shouldn’t touch her. Being so near to her all day nearly wrecked his composure. He’d better not forget for an instant what the feel of her did to him. He hardened his features, dropped her hand and motioned her ahead.

She looked puzzled as he stiffened his stance but headed toward the beach under the majestic cliffs of Dover.

Toria understood an instant later why Damien appeared almost frozen in place. After all, he’d tried to explain to her before how her presence affected him.

They walked in almost total silence for a while, although Damien once commented he was sorry the low clouds near the coast of France spoiled the view for her.

Toria didn’t even respond. When she took time to reflect his behavior didn’t baffle her as it once would have. He’d made himself perfectly plain on the ride to Dover.

She knew he wouldn’t touch her unless she asked him. Knew he was exerting rigid control so he would not lay a finger on her.

Did she want to feel his touch? To feel her blood surge again with his incredible kisses? Surely nobody could kiss as well as Damien. Did she want him to bring her pleasure again with his expert hands? Hands that could take her to heaven in a shorter time than she’d known possible. But then she’d never imagined such pleasure existed.

Definitely she wanted his kisses and his skill with pleasuring her body. Still she now suspected he’d paid a price for giving her this taste of rapture. It definitely wasn’t fair to ask him to kiss and caress her unless she was prepared to go further.

They walked a long time, the sand more prevalent here than home at Tregaron, where so many small rocks dotted the beach. They paced briskly until the sun started to drift lower in the sky and Damien suggested they return to the inn. The walk had stretched their carriage-bound muscles but done little for their spirits.

Still perturbed, Toria said quietly she’d go to her room and walked toward the stairs. She knew Damien’s eyes followed her movements as always but he said nothing beyond a terse good night.

She closed the door and sat in a surprisingly comfortable armchair, watching as night inched its way over the Dover sky. The colors of sunset faded, although in truth there’d been little color this night, just a slight reflection showing in the cresting waves. Still night came slowly until it was gradually a true dark. Her window was open and she could again smell the salty tang of the ocean. She’d become quite fond of the deep water smell at Tregaron, although here by the harbor it seemed different and stronger. A variation of the usual scent of the sea made the air not quite so enticing. Probably the usual odors of a bustling town plus the harbor itself, instead of the pure freshness of Tregaron. Or was it the ringing of the harbor bells and the sounds of the sailors occasionally shouting to each other that made her restive? In any case, Dover was definitely not Tregaron.

She loved Tregaron. And she suspected she loved Damien.

As she knew he loved her.

The next thought followed inexorably. Why should she let her ridiculous emotions keep them apart? She’d accepted long ago Damien possessed almost supernatural powers. He probably already knew or suspected what had driven her that long ago day when she’d walked into the waters off Tregaron beach.

If she went to him, as she thought she must, she felt obligated he knew the truth about the baron before she invited him to kiss her. If she hoped for any future with him she must begin by trusting him with the incident she’d never discussed with anyone. She tried to settle her emotions as she waited for him to come to his room. She schooled herself to think only of Damien and the astonishing fact she loved him. Surely she loved him enough she could show him she cared. No other thoughts should enter her mind.

Chapter Twelve

Toria loosened her hair and brushed it with the customary hundred strokes. She donned her night rail and robe and curled up barefoot in her chair. It seemed to her she remained there for hours. Had he gone striding off for another march along the beach? She knew he’d shortened his pace to accommodate her. Maybe he’d wanted more vigorous exercise. He drank little but had he changed his habits and gone to the barroom?

She immediately let herself dream about his gorgeous body, tall and spare but muscled in all the right places. Power personified in one large, attractive package. How would he look if he stripped himself of his shirt? And his pants? No, she wouldn’t think of what might lie below his trim waist. She forced her thoughts back to his face, the strong features that haunted her dreams. Tonight she intended to run her fingers through his shock of dark hair and learn its feel. Surely it would be crisp and silky as it clung to her hand.

She finally heard his footsteps in the hall and held her breath until he shut his door. She tied the sash of her night rail a little tighter and waited for what estimated at about five minutes. She wanted him relaxed but pray God, not completely undressed. Although he’d hardly answer the door nude.

Immediately images of a naked powerful body flitted through her head, Damien’s body. A strong masculine body capable of hurting hers. Hurting her terribly. She resolutely shoved her fears aside and padded to the next room and knocked on his door. She loved Damien and she wanted his kisses. And his innate strength thrilled her whenever she thought of his broad shoulders and muscled fitness. She’d seen his body rippling as they rode across the Tregaron property and sweat making his shirt cling to him. Every movement held a sleek type of grace. His masculinity fascinated her even as she feared it. She wanted him to bring her bliss again and her heart vowed to do whatever necessary to give him equal pleasure.

He answered the knock, belting a dressing robe around him and looking stunned when he saw her.

“Toria! What can I do for you? It must be important for you to come to my door at this hour.”

He’d given her the opening she wanted.

“I think it very important. May I come in?”

His face didn’t change. “I don’t think it wise, Toria.”

She smiled the smile she knew he loved, hoping it would soften him. “Please, Damien.”

He looked a little less grim. “You know I can refuse you nothing, my dear. Come in. But only for a short while.”

He closed the door and then walked to the window across the large room, looking out through the dark glass. The room was redolent of Damien’s unique scent, a mixture of spice, bay rum and the man himself. She inhaled deeply to take in his aroma, loving the knowledge she was in his bedroom and close to his stunning body. The body now stiffened in resistance against her.

“What is it you want, Toria?”

His voice and his posture were unnaturally rigid. Toria thought that a good sign. Certainly better than angry or indifferent. She swallowed and forced herself to say the words she’d determined to say.

“I want you to hold me in your arms and kiss me, Damien.”

He didn’t turn around, just stood staring out at the night. “You know I can’t kiss you, Toria. If that’s all you came for you’d better return to your own room.”

Suddenly she wanted desperately to convince him. She did love him and she knew he loved her. Only her ridiculous fears kept them apart. She crossed to him and pulled on his sleeve.

“Please, Damien.”

He slowly turned to face her, studying her face as if it held the secrets of the universe.

“You make my life a living hell when you say something like this. You’ll hate me if I refuse and if I accept you might hate me even more.”

“Please, Damien. I’ve been shut away from emotion too long. If you’ll only do what I ask you’ll help me erase the demons that haunt me. But it’s only fair you know first what those demons are.”

She swallowed several times, her eyes on the floor and then looked up at him. No longer did he seem the frozen statue who’d answered the door. Warmth and love shone in his eyes and something else she was afraid might be pity.

“I know the baron haunts your memories, my dear. You don’t have to go into detail. Is he what you want me to help you forget?”

She shuddered and kept her eyes on his. “I want you to know, Damien. Heath raped me. I’m not a virgin.”

Against her will a few tears escaped from her eyes.

His strong arms reached out and grabbed her to him, as he rocked her body against him as one would a beloved child.

“Toria, Toria, don’t distress yourself so. I’ve always known that. My mage’s powers told me that and much more. If we’re confessing, I truly am a mage. I’m a wizard and an enchanter. I have powers that could make most people dread me. Can you accept me as a mage? Some people might find that harder to understand than your despicable guardian’s abuse of you. It was abuse, you know. The shame is all his.”

Toria stood within his arms and now laid her head sweetly on his chest. Just being there was enough for the moment. She ran her hands over his body, loving the feel of the muscles that rippled as she explored his torso from his powerful shoulders down to his waist. He wore nothing but trousers beneath his robe so she snuggled closer to his enveloping heat. His words didn’t surprise her. She’d suspected he knew about that ugly night but honor demanded she make sure. She would not mislead him. And she’d long realized and accepted his being a mage. He possessed great power but not for himself. He used his impressive strength mostly for others. She did not fear his abilities.

She sighed with a relief that made him smile as he drew her closer.

“Do you think anything matters to me except you and the wonderful girl you are? Did you ever consider how even the bad things in one’s life help shape a person and that strength often comes through surviving the most difficult events? I love you Toria, not in spite of your worst experiences but partly because of them.”

She nestled against him for a moment, putting both her palms against his bare chest and loving the sound and feel of his thudding heart. He was so very warm and his heat reached out, surrounding and soothing her. How could she not adore this wonderful man? She’d once thought it impossible she’d ever fall in love. She’d never dreamed a man’s arms could bring peaceful joy as well as a thrilling excitement. She feared going further into the unknown world of passion but knew she wanted to experience again the pleasure he’d given her. She wouldn’t think beyond this moment.

After all, Damien had promised he’d never hurt her.

“Don’t you want me, Damien? I want to kiss you.”

He groaned as he leaned a little from her.

“If you check my body you’ll see how much I want you. I always want you. I think of you, I catch a glimpse of you, I have only to breathe and I want you. That’s definitely not the problem.”

He lowered his face to hers, capturing her lips in a blazing kiss that left them both gasping.

“Toria, I think I’ll always yearn to kiss you. In this world and beyond. Which I believe we will share together.”

He lightly held her shoulders and turned her toward the bed behind them.

“Are you really ready for me, Toria? May I take you to my bed where I’ve always dreamed of your being?”

Incapable of speech, she nodded. His gray eyes smoldered as he gazed down at her with all the love in his heart and led her to his bed.

His kiss raged with such desire she stiffened for an instant and he instantly lessened the pressure on her lips. She knew he was being patient with her, as he kissed her repeatedly, his lips gentle and only becoming more carnal as she tentatively began to return his caresses. As the longing gathered in his eyes and on his lips, she opened her mouth and welcomed him in. He wasn’t slow to avail himself of her acceptance, swooping his tongue to taste every crevice. In spite of her fear she imitated his motions, her own tongue rubbing his. She soon found the sweet remembered heat beginning to build. As her own desire increased her fear lessened and she gasped again, this time with mounting pleasure. She threaded her fingers into his dark hair and clutched him to her. He loosened her hold and grinned, then moved his kisses to her neck and throat and she shifted impatiently trying to reach his lips with her own. She moved her tentative caresses to his body. Her fingers were not as well shaped and long fingered as his but she did her best, loving the feel of his muscled chest and squirming against him. His spicy masculine odor was mixed with another scent she didn’t recognize, although she suspected it was simply desire. His and hers, as she wriggled against him to try to bring her body even closer. A dampness between her legs surprised her, although she remembered that dimly from when he’d brought her such pleasure.

“Be patient, Toria,” he chuckled. “You deserve to be kissed on every inch.”

She felt his scalding heat as he caressed her flesh, warming her long frozen senses. His mouth moved over her breasts, sucking her rigid nipples through her night rail. She’d thrown off her robe before she started toward the bed but her rail was thin and no barrier at all as he expertly roused her emotions. She felt the heat beginning to build throughout her body and welcomed it. This was what she wanted. To be part of Damien.