Damien's Destiny (12 page)

When she blushed a deep rose he knew she’d understood.

“You mean kissing me makes you want to do
that
?”

He didn’t like the horror sounding in her voice, although he should have expected it.

“Yes, my dear, it does. I long to show you how physical love between a man and a woman can be the most pleasurable experience in the world. If there is lasting love between the two when they join bodies it’s purely wonderful. For both of them.”

She tried to back away but he held her to him.

“Toria, I love you. I would never hurt you. Ever. Someday you will accept this as fact. Then I’ll give you pleasure you’ve never imagined.”

She scooted from under his arms and backed away, tears in her beautiful eyes.

“I thought you were different. I don’t want to ever ‘join bodies’ as you call it. It’s horrid and it hurts and I can’t believe you want to do it to me.”

“Toria, listen to me. I vow on my very soul I will never hurt you.”

He wasn’t sure she heard him as she turned and rushed from the room.

With a deep sigh, he glanced down at his still tented trousers. He tried to distract himself and picked up the latest newspaper. The report read that Cecil Rhodes had hired a young adventurer, Frank Johnson, to invade Mashonaland for him. Johnson hired volunteers with a promise of three thousand acres of land for each and twenty-one acres of mining claims. On Rhodes’ advice Johnson selected mostly sons of rich families, on the theory noble or wealthy families would be more likely to solicit British government support if their sons needed rescue. On 11 July, while Jason was nearing Africa to rescue Rafe, the small force of men crossed the river Tuli and invaded Lobengula’s country. In no time at all the British flag would fly over Mashonaland, completing the violation of the treaty Lobengula had been tricked into signing.

Damien read the news with disgust but no real surprise.

He suddenly wondered if Johnson knew about Rafe before making his decision to recruit primarily sons of wealthy families. Perhaps he’d heard from Rhodes a rescue effort for one such son was underway and it started him thinking of a clever method to insure cooperation from the aristocracy. No way to know for sure but a definite possibility.

That news didn’t do anything to improve a day ending even worse than it began.

* * * * *

Toria fled Damien as if he were in truth her private demon. Men were all alike. And she had been so sure he was different. They all wanted to harm women. Even her beloved Damien.

She threw herself on her bed and let the tears flow. Almost unbidden, Damien’s last words soon came winging into her frightened mind. He’d vowed on his soul never to injure her. He’d sworn his oath. How could he say that when his masculine body, his very masculine body, had betrayed his own desire? His thing had felt huge as he pressed himself against her.

His desire that would surely hurt her as much as the baron had.

How could he make the promise he had? Memories of her birthday three years before filed like a panorama behind her closed eyes. Images she’d tried again and again to erase but never with any success. The baron ripping off her clothes and then opening his trousers and immediately plunging his huge appendage into her. She remembered screaming with pain and how he’d smiled. That big stick probably had a name but she didn’t know it. Her mother died too early to have talked to her of such matters. Surely she would have warned her daughter of how vile men could be when she grew older. Her mother loved her. She wouldn’t have let her only child remain in ignorant danger.

A sudden thought startled her into opening her eyes and sitting upright. Her parents had both been happy. She’d forgotten just how wonderfully happy her mother was. Her memories were all of a laughing mother who touched her father at any opportunity. Her father’s glance was loving whenever he gazed at his wife or his daughter. Indeed, her father’s warm glance at her mother much resembled Damien’s fleeting looks at her.

Could she be wrong? Damien had been nothing but trustworthy. In so many situations and at so many times. No word or action ever showed him as other than a completely honorable man.

Even when he’d given her such pleasure, she’d known he was thinking only of her. Had it cost him to have her writhing in his arms and then let her loose? It might have. A new thought for her and a sobering one. She knew so little. And she felt ashamed.

She remembered how she’d felt fulfilled and glowing in a manner she’d never imagined and to an amazing extent. Had he found any satisfaction for himself? He’d been as always concentrating on her happiness and not his own. She just didn’t know if he’d found any pleasure in the encounter but she thought perhaps not. In fact he’d seemed almost in pain as he left.

What would her mother have done?

She lay back on her pillows. Memories of the nights when she and Damien walked in London came back, although in truth the remembrance of his kisses never left her completely. She’d felt so protected and so warm. In fact, she’d been delightfully hot. When Damien was close to her, even as much as a foot away, the heat from his big body reached out to her. A pleasing heat, yet at sometimes as jolting as lightning in a summer storm. Such a commanding man in every respect, beautiful in body as well as in spirit.

A man of intrepid honor.

She let her thoughts dwell on that splendid body. Broad shoulders, sloping to a narrow waist. Long legs whose every stride showed their power. Imposing height, every controlled motion conveying his inherent strength. Dark and handsome as a storybook hero. A magnificent male.

Nothing of weakness marred his character, either. She pitied the man who ever tried to oppose him. And his eyes. So intent when he’d haughtily stared down the baron, soft and melting when he gazed into hers. Little flecks of light sometimes flashing blue in his clear gray eyes. Beautiful eyes and an altogether beautiful man.

She was beginning to think herself insane. How could she reject him so violently? Had she alienated him forever with her ridiculous fears?

With a sharp sigh, her shoulders slumped. Yet she couldn’t have done differently. She couldn’t stand the thought of anyone, even Damien, ever invading her body again. She loved his touch, true and she hated to think she might be forced to give up the kisses and delicious warmth of his caresses. Her whole body seemed to tumble and float when he touched her so intimately. She’d never thought she could feel desire for any man but an unaccustomed quiver shook her body whenever he came near. She feared it was longing, a longing only Damien could ever assuage.

She would never know fulfillment. How could she? Going any further with any man, even Damien, would prove beyond her ability.

Her entire frame shuddered as her thoughts carried her back to the horror she could never forget. She’d tried and tried to put the baron and his violence behind her but still she knew he lurked out there, waiting to ravish her body again. And hurt her again. She’d tried to bury every hateful memory but they always lurked in the back of her mind.

She must stop such useless thinking and try to compose herself for sleep.

Still her thoughts churned. Could she be wrong? Would trusting Damien bring her pain or pleasure? Was she being fair to Damien? Surely she’d offended the one person in this world she didn’t wish to harm. Who meant so much to her. So very much.

A part of her definitely wanted to let him show her the heaven his kisses pledged. His eyes promised her a paradise she knew she’d never find without Damien leading the way.

But heaven help her, how could she even think letting him show her more?

She tossed and turned on her bed, finding no answer. Why on earth couldn’t she make up her mind?

Why couldn’t she even understand herself?

Chapter Ten

Damien knew that above all he must lessen Toria’s fear of him. He forced a friendly brother attitude he was far from feeling. Of course he felt friendly but not exactly like a brother. After a day of seeing her eyes upon him whenever she thought he wasn’t looking, he casually suggested an early ride the next morning.

Merciful Merlin, the chit had no idea how her luminous eyes revealed her thoughts. He knew she kept studying him but he refused to invade her mind to find out what those thoughts could be. After a slight hesitation, which he’d expected, she agreed. Which he’d also expected. She loved Dolly and the exercise too much to resist.

They set out in the direction of the boundary between Tregaron and the vacant land. Toria’s eyes kept roving, never quite looking directly at him. Suddenly she straightened slightly as if she’d come to a decision. She urged Dolly ahead, then looked over her shoulder and laughed. A forced laugh but still a laugh.

Before he could determine what to say she called back.

“I’ll race you, Damien. To the big tree up ahead.”

Before he could stop her she set off, rapidly increasing Dolly’s stride to a gallop.

“Come back, Toria,” he shouted after her but she’d taken off. Damn it, they’d soon be past Tregaron property. As she flashed by the invisible border he saw one of the guards come out from the shade of a smaller tree and then step back when he saw Damien thunder by. Damien didn’t think Toria had even seen the man and he too ignored him as he posted after Toria. At least the man did his job.

The large tree still loomed quite a way off and Damien and Araby were gaining. But to his dismay, they were now well into the territory of the vacant land. He’d certainly not meant her to go this far but then he wasn’t sure he’d ever pointed out the non-visible boundary between the properties. He’d thought his being with her would be enough.

Merlin’s magic but she looked magnificent. Tawny hair matching the color of the ripening wheat they’d just passed but much more vibrant. Glowing with golden streaks in the sunlight. Beautiful carriage and excellent control of her mare. Dolly’s black coat formed an excellent contrast for the vivid coloring and vitality of his beautiful Toria.

But as soon as he caught up with her he’d clearly explain the limits and how far she could go even when he rode with her. Although he could sense no present danger, he didn’t like her being off his own property.

They were nearing the tree and he flashed by her, reining in so he was only slightly ahead.

As they neared the tree and slowed, she laughed with delight. All the glories of the morning sun seemed concentrated on her glowing face and mischievous smile.

He grinned, suddenly pleased after all she’d proposed the race. He suspected she’d done so on purpose. Was she then regretful she’d fled from him two nights before? Did she want to reestablish their former rapport? The day seemed even sunnier as he halted both their horses.

She looked down at him, still laughing as he vaulted off Araby and lifted his arms to lift her down.

“Come down here, you madcap girl. At least we can sit in the shade for a moment.”

He longed to press her body to his as she slid off Dolly but he resisted. Another surprise, for she looked almost disappointed when he abruptly let her go.

Then she ran her fingers through her loosened hair and shook her head.

“That dratted ribbon fell off again. And you must have cheated, my lord. I don’t know how but I’m sure you did. I had a good head start, you know.”

She grinned at him and he shook his finger at her.

“My girl, if anyone cheated it was you. You took off without the proper warning.”

“Just words, Damien. I almost beat you and you know it.”

He took her hand and started to help her sit under the leafy tree. She relaxed for a moment and then uttered an exclamation of surprise.

“Oh look, Damien. Back there in the trees. A small shack. If it’s on your land you should be ashamed. It’s quite disreputable.”

Dismay flooded through him at how far they’d raced but he spoke lightly.

“No, it’s not my shame, you critical wench. Where we are right now is far past the border between Tregaron and the neighboring property. I don’t know who owns the hut but the neglect is not mine.”

“Can we go look at it? I dearly love mysteries. Does anybody use it at all? Maybe a secret meeting place for highway robbers?”

Damien laughed. “You’re a romantic at heart, aren’t you? I’m sure it’s just an old shack with nothing in it. It’s certainly dilapidated. I think we should go home now. It’s only an abandoned hut.”

Suddenly his prophetic senses took over. He saw himself jerking open the door of the shack, as if in a hurry. He didn’t know how but this shack would come to be important. He thought of taking her home and coming back alone but her eager face made him hesitate. Surely one quick look inside couldn’t be dangerous. And he didn’t want to spoil her happy mood just when she seemed again receptive to him.

“Let’s go, Madame Adventurer,” as he took her hand and led her through the woods.

On closer inspection they found the hut rundown but not as dilapidated as distant appearances suggested. The side facing Tregaron property appeared to be the most neglected. Someone had boarded the windows but even here the slats seemed a little newer than the shabby wood originally forming the shack. Why had he never investigated before? Mostly because of his concentration on Tregaron. There’d been much to do when he first inherited and his love for the place motivated most of his actions for years. His father had neglected his properties for too long after his wife died, although he’d never neglected Damien. He’d made sure he taught his son everything he knew about being a mage. But he’d had no other friends his first ten years. Probably why he loved Jason and Raphael so much.