Damaged and the Outlaw (8 page)

Except as I
watched her singing, I had felt something more than horny. Maybe pride in her
fearless behavior. When she caressed the back of Sawyer’s head in a gentle way,
I imagined her as a mother. For a moment before I squashed the idea, I thought
about her as the mother of my kids. It was ridiculous. I’d never be a father.
Yet, Raven was mine in some way.

Leaning against
the Harley, I understood Raven. In fact, I understood her well enough to know
she had ditched me. I also sensed she knew me well enough to know I would give
chase. As the Harley came to life, I figured if she wanted to play that we
could play. I intended to win though.

Bailey’s SUV was
a block up when I spotted it. Instead of taking the highway that led to her
house, she screeched around a corner in the other direction. Lark and Aaron
were about to get a visitor I suspected.

Speeding through
the evening traffic, I noticed Bailey turn into the alley towards Aaron’s
place. As I nearly reached where the SUV idled, she screeched away. Raven
wasn’t visible, but she easily could have gone through the back gate. I roared
around to the front of the house and parked. While storming to the front door,
I heard Aaron’s little Boston Terriers barking as if the house was under
attack.

I knocked once
before Lark answered. A tiny chick to begin with, she seemed smaller than usual
in her pajamas and Barney slippers.

“Really, Lark?
Barney?” I asked. “Oh, and tell Raven to come outside.”

“I like Barney
and Raven isn’t here.”

“Bullshit. No
one likes Barney and I saw Bailey drop her off.”

“Fuck off,
dipshit. I like Barney and I’m someone.”

“Tell him, baby!”
Aaron yelled from the couch. “Feel free to sic the dogs on him too.”

Rolling my eyes,
I pushed the door open a bit more then eased past Lark and her growing baby
bump.

“Where is she?”

“I don’t know,”
she said, running her hand through dark messy hair. “Probably with Bailey.”

“I saw Bailey
drop her off.”

“Did you see
Raven get out of the car or did you see the car stop then take off? I suspect
you’ve been had, buddy.”

Rubbing my face,
I glanced around then focused on Aaron who sat eating popcorn while wearing
only boxers.

“You hooked up
with Raven, huh?” he asked. “Awesome, man. I give her a week to beat you into
submission.”

“Fuck off.”

Lark smacked my
arm. “Don’t cuss in front of the babies!”

As she and Aaron
laughed at me, I checked around the house. Baby stuff filled the spare room.
Wedding presents were stacked against the wall in what should have been a
dining room. I saw a tiny house full of crap, but no Raven.

“She tricked
me,” I admitted.

“Sorry, but you
should know better than to have done whatever you did to make her trick you.”

“She didn’t tell
you?”

Lark shuffled
over to Aaron and sat next to him on the couch. “Why would Raven tell me about
you two screwing? Is it serious? Should I be knitting booties for you too?”

“You’re
knitting?”

“Yep. See?” she
said, waving her hand towards bags of unopened knitting supplies.

“She’s pacing
herself,” Aaron added.

“Well, sorry to
interrupt your wedded bliss.”

“Raven won’t
make it easy for you. If she went home, she’ll hide in that big Johansson house
until you leave.”

“Seriously,
dude,” Aaron muttered, mouth full of popcorn. “Try playing hard to get a
little. This chasing after a chick makes you seem desperate.”

Laughing at me
again, they cuddled up with their dogs while I left them to be lame.
Really,
Barney?

Revving my
Harley, I considered chasing Raven down at the Johansson place, but I suspected
she really didn’t want to be caught. A part of me didn’t care what she wanted.
I was horny and she was the girl I wanted to nail. Screw her needs.

A bigger part of
me wanted to make my time with Raven mean something. I’d pissed her off and
she’d punished me. We were even. Tomorrow, we’d start again.

Bailey was the
only girl in the world who had
East Bound and Down
ready for a car
chase. When we ditched Vaughn and ran for it, she hit a button and gave me a
grin. She was still smiling when I jumped out of the car and ran for the back
gate at Aaron and Lark’s place. As I unlocked the backdoor, I heard Bailey’s
SUV screech away with the song still playing from the open windows. I suspected
she and Sawyer would cause more trouble before the night was over.

Once inside the
house, I only had enough time to startle Lark coming out of the bathroom and
beg her to hide me. She likely thought the cops were coming. Or maybe an irate
loser I’d fought with in a bar. Despite her lack of prep time, she handled
Vaughn perfectly. I’d never heard her lie so well. Marriage had apparently
given her new skills.

Crowded into a
tiny coat closet, I prepared for Vaughn to open the door and give me some
irrational shit about how I was stalking him by running away. Instead, Lark
opened the door and shook her head.

“Vaughn?
Really?”

Climbing out of
the closet, I hugged her. “I’m sorry he mocked Barney. I think the purple dino
is pretty awesome too.”

Lark grinned at
me then took my hand and walked to her bedroom. The bed was a mess and I
suspected recently used. Good to know the sexing didn’t end with the marriage
vows.

“Raven, what
happened to giving up men?”

“It was too
hard,” I said, playing with her wild hair. “You need a haircut.”

“I know, but
Vaughn isn’t a man who will love you. He’ll cheat and dump you.”

“He’s not that
bad. He’s actually funny. I’ve never had a guy make me laugh like Vaughn does.”

“I’m not saying
he’s bad. I think Vaughn is great as a friend, but he isn’t what you need.
He’ll disappoint you and it’ll be your fault for thinking he wouldn’t.”

Sighing, I
kicked off my shoes. “Can I stay tonight? I’ll sleep on the couch since the
spare room is kidded up.”

“Are you
listening to me?”

“Yes, but I’m
not done with Vaughn yet.”

“Why hide then?”

“He was a jerk
and needed punishing. We’re even now.

“What do you
hope will happen with him?”

Lark looked
tired and I worried about her. She was never good about complaining about her
problems.

“Are you feeling
okay?”

“I’ll answer if
you answer me first about Vaughn.”

“He’s like a
vacation. I know he’ll leave me tired and grumpy when it’s over, but I have to
enjoy my time while I have the chance.”

“I assume he’s a
good fuck.”

“Hell yeah, but
he’s really funny too. He says the most random shit. My life is ordinary and
Vaughn’s not average. I want a taste of something special before I get too old
to dream.”

“You’re twenty
two.”

Sighing, I
pulled a band from my jeans pocket and tied up my hair into a sloppy bun.

“I want what you
have, Lark. You know I want to be a mom and settle down. I can’t have that yet.
Soon, I want to have a kid and it’ll be with some loser I hook up with and it
won’t be special like you have with Aaron. It’ll mean nothing, but I want to
have the most I can in life. I know men are bad news, but I can have the rest.
Not yet though. Vaughn is like my last hurrah before I get serious about life and
he’s the perfect guy for it too.”

Scooting closer,
I pulled Lark against me and she sighed in an exhausted way.

“With Dex, I
thought we were in love. I believed him even when he lied. I always believe
their lies, but Vaughn is honest. He says he just wants to fuck and have fun.
Even if I want to dream of more, he’ll keep me grounded. That’s why he’s
perfect. He’s not pretending to care more than he does. I want romance and a
man like you have. I want that, but I’ll never have it. With any other guy,
he’d lie and I’d believe him. I’m desperate to have the lies be true. Vaughn is
my chance to have fun without believing lies.”

“I admit Vaughn
tends to blurt out whatever he’s thinking. I can see why you’d like that. I
also know he’s handsome and sexy and you’ve always liked bad boys. I do get it,
but I worry about you.”

“I worry about
you too,” I said softly as I caressed her head resting against my chest. “You
look tired.”

Lark didn’t
speak for a minute. When she finally looked at me, I saw a lot of different
emotions swirling in those bright green eyes.

“I feel like
shit. I’m tired and dizzy. I can’t eat ninety percent of the food I used to
eat. I feel awful, but I’m afraid to complain.”

“Why?”

“Maddy just had
her baby and she was so tough about the whole thing. I’m surprised she didn’t
give birth in the middle of the grocery store then go back to picking up things
for dinner. Next to her, I’m a weakling. Also, Farah is going to be all brave
and awesome too. I don’t want to be the whiner.”

“First of all,
Maddy’s got that natural breeder look about her. Some chicks are like that and
you can’t let the exception be your rule. Besides, you’re having twins. You
have more baby cooking to do than she did, so screw comparisons.”

“I just don’t
want people to think less of me.”

“By people, do
you mean Aaron?”

“We barely met
and got married and now I’m getting fat and I’m tired all the time. I don’t
want him to lose interest.”

“Oh, Lark,
you’re so fucking stupid sometimes.”

“Yeah, I know,”
she said, grinning. “We have that in common.”

“So true.”

“Mom said that
I’m like her and she had a guy like Aaron and she suffocated him and he ditched
her. I know Mom sucks, but what if she’s right and I wear down Aaron and he
stops loving me?”

“Any man who
would want Mom must be shit. Aaron isn’t shit.”

“I know, but I
get scared of messing up everything I have.”

Kissing her
forehead, I stood up and walked to the bedroom door. “Hey, Mister Clean, get
over here.”

Laughing, Lark
followed me into the hallway where Aaron appeared, clearly loving his new
nickname.

“Listen up, Yule
Brenner,” I said, sending Lark into giggles. “My sister is cooking up two kids
that you stuck inside her. She needs more damn love than you’re giving. If you
don’t do a better job of babying her, I’m going to have to replace you. Hmm, I
just saw this guy Jake that I knew from high school. He’s ripped and works at
the gym.
The gym, Aaron
.”

My
brother-in-law stared unaffected until I finished then he gazed down at his
wife. Lark must have known what was coming because she started giggling.

“My sweet muse,”
he murmured and she laughed harder, “do you need more love than I’m giving?”

Aaron swept Lark
into his arms and cradled her like a kid. “Poor thing. I’ll just need to pay
more attention.”

As he kissed all
over her, Lark stopped giggling and began moaning affirmations.

“Good thing you
obeyed because I think Jake might be gay.”

After giving me
a wink, Aaron gestured for me to go away. I was the one to obey this time.
Leaving them to cuddle and more in the bedroom, I watched television and
finished the popcorn. Professor joined me, but Pollack was wary. I think it was
because I was always barking at her. In my defense, she started it.

Restless without
a hot blonde in my bed, I stopped by Whiskey Kirk’s for a few drinks. I spotted
more than a few possibilities for bedroom duty, but I wanted a particular chick
and anyone else would leave me disappointed.

In a different
life where I hadn’t made a split second decision to derail everything, I might
have a chance to make a real life with Raven. Of course, if I hadn’t made that decision
years ago, I wouldn’t have ended up in Ellsberg and met her.

Logic aside, if
I could dig my way out of the hole I made for myself, I could go on a real date
with Raven. Stop pissing around with the friends with benefits and be more.
When she shared the shit about her dad, I saw how much more complicated and
fragile she was than the badass bitch she showed me before. I wanted to know
more.
Hell, I wanted to know everything.

While Cooper
could fix things with the Devils, I knew doing what needed to be done might not
be in his best interest. Calling in a cleaner from Memphis might make him look
weak or unstable. A war when he was a newlywed and still in school wasn’t what
the kid needed. Had Kirk been in charge as things deteriorated with the Devils,
he no doubt would have spilt blood by now. He enjoyed luxuries Cooper didn’t.

I wanted to
daydream about Raven and the life we might share if I weren’t a dead man
walking. Instead, the door opened to the bar and I saw the chick who made me
into an outlaw.

Harlow
looked healthy
and happy thanks to the Todds. The blonde teenager no longer hid behind others
and her smile came easier, but it froze once she saw me. Those blue eyes were
like a deer in the headlights. Or an abused child faced with an angry parent. Harlow always stared at me like she was still waiting for me to kill her. Even when I made
her laugh, she’d quickly flinch out of my way. I didn’t blame her for fearing
me.
Even hating me.
I know I hated her a little bit too.

Giving her a
head nod, I turned away and stared at my beer. In the mirror behind the bar, I
saw how Harlow arrived with Tad Todds and a few of his other charity cases.
They sat at a back table and ordered. I knew Harlow was watching me without
even seeing her in the mirror. Like we shared a mental connection, I could feel
her accusations.

My life in Tucson wasn’t a fairytale. It was ugly and rough, but it was better than I’d had in a long
time. With the motorcycle club, I belonged somewhere. I had a family for the
first time ever. My mom was safe and I found a level of respect. A good life
even if I had to clean up the horrors left behind by my brothers. If I had
cleaned up just one more, I could still be in that life. Hell, I’d probably be
married to some pretty thing by then.

If I had done my
job, I’d have the life I wanted. Thinking back to the night in that room with a
drugged Harlow staring up at me and crying for her mommy, I knew I’d change
nothing. She ruined my life, but someone had ruined hers first.

So my future
wouldn’t involve a life in Tucson with a cute chick and a yard full of kids.
Besides, Raven was better than those girls in Tucson. She understood me. Deep
down inside, we were the same. I wasn’t sure why she was special, but I dug
everything about her. Even when she was a pain in the ass like when she ditched
me, I couldn’t imagine anyone better.

My dream kids
deserved someone great and they certainly deserved a father who didn’t murder
teenage girls. If those children ever became a reality, they needed what I
never had growing up. A man who would take Harlow’s life wasn’t a man I wanted
to see in the mirror.

Finishing my
beer, I paid the tab and glanced over at Harlow. As I expected, she was
watching me. Our eyes met again and she held my gaze. She was stronger now.
Maybe she was really happy too. The Todds were good people and their love
healed ugly wounds. Might even heal the horror of the night Harlow and I met.

As I left the
bar, I accepted she was better off in Ellsberg. For the first time in a while,
I thought I was better off too. Dead man walking or not, I had something to
look forward to thanks to Raven. Tomorrow, I’d track her down and make things
work again. She’d fight me a little then give in. Whatever happened afterwards
would be a fun surprise.