Damage (Havoc #2) (16 page)

I couldn’t flex away the last lurch of my stomach.  It was so violent I bucked forward.  “I’ll be right back,” I whispered suddenly, fearing I’d be sick any second.  Running to the back, I shoved fast through the bathroom doors, rushing into a stall and heaving to get nothing.  I tried again – nothing.  Slightly staggering to the sink, I gripped the edges, hanging my head and breathing out hard.  I checked my text messages. 
Are you okay?
From Jesse-slash-Sean.  I closed my eyes, sucking in steady breaths that went from deeper to deep to normal.  I started a reply just as the door swung open.

By the time my head shot up, Stefan had my ass rammed against his erection, his lips pressed to my neck.  “Better yet, let’s just do it right here.”

Dread shot through my chest.  My phone clattered into the sink.  Eyes wide, I stared through the mirror and watched Stefan run his hands down my body till he reached the edge of my skirt.  He jerked it just above my panties before I pushed his hands back down.  “Not here,” I whispered.  “We’re in a public
bathroom
,” I forced a nervous giggle.

“And you’re so fucking hot I don’t give a shit.”  Stefan was unflappable.  His hands moved to my neckline.  I gripped his wrists as he tried to tug it down.

“I’m not doing this in a public – ”

“You don’t understand how bad I need this, Mya.” 
What the fuck – Mya?
His gaffe amused me enough to ease my panic.  I paused, watching dryly through the reflection as he rubbed up against me, kissing down the curve of my neck.

“Isla,” I said.

“You’re so gorgeous I forgot.”

God.
  I wanted to snort in his face but I reminded myself that I had a job to do.  I went back the saccharine voice I’d been using on him.  I pleaded sensually in a way that made me almost sick.  “Please.  I want you to fuck me in my bed.”

“I can make you come anywhere.”  His whisper was urgent, borderline temperamental.  “Christ, look at you.  You’re so fucking sexy. 
Fuck
, I can’t wait.”  I fell over the sink as he yanked my skirt up.  When I straightened up, he shoved me back down.  I pushed against his arm but he was stronger.  He had his fly unzipped and his hand down his boxers when the door burst open again.  The blood drained from my face.

“
Piece of shit.”

Jesse’s snarl grated my ear as I felt both him and Stefan crash into me.  I shrunk to the ground with a shriek, ducking and covering my head as they wrestled furiously above me, punches thrown as Stefan repeated the same line over and over:

“
Man, she said she was single!
”

What? I looked up to see a black hood pulled over Jesse’s face, one fist pulling Stefan’s sweater over his head as the other slammed brutally into his stomach – once, twice, over and over till he dropped to the ground in front of me.  His hand shot out to yank Jesse’s leg.  My hands slid over wet tile as I scrambled back, crying out as Jesse crashed to the ground, his head bouncing like a ball off the floor.  For a moment, there was silence.  Then I heard Stefan’s unbridled shock.

“What the
fuck.
”

Curled up in the corner, I slowly lifted my head out from behind my knees, opening my eyes to see Stefan on his feet, standing over Jesse, whose hood had slipped right off.  My hands wrapped over my mouth, my insides churning as I realize it was over.  The plan was dead.  Stefan fixed his wild stare to the ground, his rigid shoulders falling the second his eyes confirmed what he was seeing.

“Jesse?”

His voice – stripped of the bravado and swagger he’d put on for me – was barely a whisper.  I was still frozen, shaking from head to toe as I watched Jesse breathe hard, paralyzed as he gaped up in silence at his younger brother.  The room spun, my heartbeat in my ears as a dull ache began to pulse in my temple.  I had hit my head.  I didn’t know when and try as I did, I couldn’t gather myself, couldn’t figure out if seconds or full minutes were passing by.  I watched in slow motion as Stefan looked at Jesse, then me.

And then he ran.

chapter twenty-three

A two-hour search produced nothing so we eventually returned in silence to our suite at the Monarch, none of us wanting to explain to Nate as he followed with his eyes wide and his arms out, waiting for an explanation.

“What the
fuck
happened?” he finally demanded.  Jesse ignored him to fill two plastic bags with ice.  He pressed one to his head and tossed the other to me.  Abram raked his fingers through his hair, pulling with a second of frustration before muttering the full explanation between his teeth.  Nate stood in the middle of the room as he listened, visible fury mounting in his grey eyes.

“We’ll figure it out,” Abram said brusquely, pinning Nate with the “
calm the fuck down
” stare before he could fly into one of his usual rages.  This time, however, I knew Abram wasn’t calm either.  He was just painfully aware that a meltdown now would set us back to the point where it’d be impossible to find Stefan.  At the same time, he was seconds from snapping.  Fearing it, I watched Nate carefully, anticipating his lunge at Jesse.  But it didn’t happen.  Instead, he opted to do his damage with his words.

“Couldn’t stand to see your brother fuck her too, huh?”

“
Nate
,” I exhaled but he didn’t hear me.  Or he ignored me.  My heart pounded as Abram turned to him with a narrowed glare.

“Is that what it was?” Nate cocked his head an inch at Jesse, who stared back with those dead, bored eyes.  “You actually think she’s yours.  For fuck’s sake, you couldn’t even let your brother put her hands on her for two seconds for the sake of this entire fucking plan.”

I felt the room spin again.  Fear crackled over my skin like static as I watched Abram get in Nate’s face.  “What are you talking about?”

“These two.”  Nate dragged his pointed finger from Jesse to me.  “These two blowing our fucking cover because they’ve been messing around this entire time.”  I shook my head, too enraged to find my words.  I felt hot tears burn my eye as Abram turned to me.

“That is not what happened,” I whispered through my teeth, my throat so tight it felt like no air was coming through.  The look Nate hit me with was one of true, bitter amusement.

“Then what happened that night in the alley? You tripped and fell on his fucking mouth?”

“The fuck are you even talking about?” Jesse finally asked, as pissed as he was confused.

“The night you decided to crash Gavin’s gala and ruin a mourning mother’s peace.  That night,” Nate spat, his face growing red.  “I told this one to keep an eye on you so you didn’t get away.  I’m pretty sure I didn’t tell her to climb in your lap and
act like a whore
to get you to stay.”

Jesse chucked his ice to charge at Nate.  Abram yanked Nate back, giving him whiplash in the process of getting between them.  “You wanna twice before you talk about her that way,” he warned Nate in a throaty growl.

“Trust me, I’ve thought about it even when I didn’t want to.  I don’t know how you haven’t realized –  maybe she’s really got you too fucked in the head to see straight – but there’s
been
something going on between her and Toro.  This
entire fucking time.
” Nate whipped his head to me, his chest heaving violently as he huffed and puffed.  “You love Abram?” he asked me, his eyebrows lifting high above his wild eyes. “If you love this man, look him in the eye and tell him that there’s nothing going on between you and Toro.  Not a single fucking thing.  Not once or ever.  I know what I saw that night in that alley and so do you, so if you have the nerve to lie to him right now, we can call it.  You don’t love him.  You never did.”

Dots of light blurred my vision.  I fought my closing throat to breathe.  “Abram,” I started.  The second I whispered his name his shoulders dropped.  He stared back at me already betrayed.  The emotions were on my face and he’d spent the past four months reading them to a tee.

“Fuck, Isla,” he breathed out, staring in disbelief.

“It’s not what you think,” I begged.  “It only started because – ”

“Did you sleep with him.”  He could barely manage to make it sound like a question.  I could feel the heat of Jesse’s stare, the satisfaction of Nate’s crossed arms as my eyes pled with Abram.

“Yes.”

His face fell to the ground.  I practically heard his heart drop into his stomach as he started for the door.

“Abram – ”

“She didn’t know who I was,” Jesse cut in, shoving hard past Nate to follow him.  “Don’t take this out on her.  I planned it.  Look, whoever rented her apartment for you wasn’t very careful, alright? I couldn’t track you down but I found out that you started a lease the day after you disappeared.  Thought you might be there but I found Isla instead.  And fuck, man, I didn’t know if she was some assassin in a cocktail dress so I faked my name and I got to know her first.  I’m sorry.”

Abram turned slowly, a tempest of fury torching the blue of his eyes to a steely grey.  “You tricked her.” His jaw was taut as a crossbow, his shoulders and forearms equally tight.  “Into having sex with you.”

“That’s not what it was.  I didn’t lie about everything, I liked her, alright?” Jesse hissed with irritation.  “I was trying to figure out how to save my own fucking life and it just so happened that she was there, she wasn’t trying to kill me and she made me feel really fucking good while I tried to sort shit out.”

Abram threw Jesse against the wall in a blur.  “You preyed on her decency.  You manipulated her,” he snarled.  “Don’t say another word about how good she made you feel, you disgusting piece of shit, you deserve to burn like your worthless brother.”

Jesse flinched at the remark.  “Yeah,” he sneered, recovering quickly.  "We’ll be waiting for you. Me and Stef.  I guess we’ll just find a way to send a message upstairs.  Tell Gavin that you were too much of a prick to get to see him ever agai – ”

The piercing cry was mine as Abram slammed Jesse’s head into the wall. I burst forward, wanting to scream that he was already hurt, but Nate had me yanked back fast, holding me against him and muttering a dozen variations of “
I warned you
” as Abram became something other than human.  His body moved swiftly and powerfully, like a mercilessly efficient machine as he beat Jesse till his fist was quickly bright red, covered in blood.  I watched in horror as Jesse, his body slower and weaker each time, forced himself to rise to his feet after every blow.  He wouldn’t stop, standing tall only to crumble again with the next punch, his face a little less recognizable each time.  I was sick to my stomach.  I knew he could fight back but he wasn’t doing it.  Because of me.  I wasn’t sure at first but when I saw him look at me before the next hit, his stare deep but hollow, I knew he was taking the worst time to honor me – to honor the promise I’d forced him to make at the pool hall.  “
No fighting for the rest of the trip.  You have my word
.”

I shook my head, falling to my knees in Nate’s grip.  “Jesse,” I begged, meek and inaudible.  But even if I’d had the voice he wouldn’t have heard.  There was no life left in his green eyes.  He was in a pain beyond what Abram was delivering.  I could feel him giving up.  And it felt like my fault.

I knew Abram had gone too far when even Nate released me to pull him off Jesse’s limp body.  A heap on the ground, I tried to pick myself up.  But I was out of energy, the life sucked out of me to make room for the most wretched guilt and misery. My tears soaked into the white rug under my palms.  I couldn’t move.  I only listened to Nate’s attempts to control Abram.  I don’t know how long I stayed there for.

But I knew that Abram had used up the last of his energy, and that perhaps Jesse was dead, because the one to pick me up off the floor was Nate.  He carried me to the bedroom, put me in bed and took off my shoes before telling me to go straight to sleep.  That’s how I knew that whatever the damage was outside, it was bad.

chapter twenty-four

I would’ve never guessed that after Abram’s discovery of my affair with Jesse, I’d be the one avoiding him.  I was sure I wouldn’t have if he’d blown off his steam, thrown a few punches and called it a night.  But the torture he’d been saving for Stefan had been unleashed last night upon Jesse.

I cursed Stefan.  Without even being there, he had nearly killed his brother by somehow remaining in his head.  He was forever Jesse’s defect.  His soft spot.  And when Abram used him to go for the jugular, Jesse hit right back with Gavin’s name.  I shook my head as my eyes traveled over the blood-soaked bandages.  For God’s sake, they were playing the same exact game with each other, both of them weak for the same exact reasons.  Their brothers.  How could they not see it? They were vastly different but in one way, exactly the same.  The only difference last night was that Jesse had, for some unexplainable reason, decided to finally forfeit the game.  And for me.  And because he’s given up, he’d wound up in the hospital.

Nate had driven us when Jesse wouldn’t stop bleeding.  He’d spent the first few hours with me in the waiting room, both of us still and silent.  Staring straight ahead, I listed all the reasons why I shouldn’t punch Nate in the face.  I wanted to.  But I was sure that was the last thing either of us needed so I told myself that he was Gavin’s cousin.  He was Gavin’s blood.  He grew up with that man and had known him his entire life.  He had tried to be peaceful after the murder, tried to honor his Aunt Sylvie’s wishes, but Abram had fed him with hate till he was equally thirsty for blood.  They had invested time, sleep and sanity in their plan to avenge Gavin.  From the first day that I stumbled into their world, I had been a roadblock.  I slowed Abram down, piqued Nate’s suspicions and caused rifts.  I was an unwelcome distraction.  I took Abram’s head out of the game at the most crucial times and caused unnecessary bloodshed.

And that was all
before
I slept with Jesse.

If there was any such thing as the universe telling two people not to be together, I was beginning to think that it was happening with Abram and me.  Perhaps the whole time, I’d been interpreting us entirely wrong.  It wasn’t that we kept climbing obstacles together, it was that we kept ignoring the signs.  For God’s sake, I had met him covered in blood in a dark alley.  That night caused me to crash my bike and land myself in a hospital I couldn’t afford to pay.  The job he offered to ease my stress resulted in me witnessing brutality worse than the goriest scenes in gangster movies.  God or the universe or whomever had thrown me a thousand reasons to get out of the relationship and I’d ignored every one because I couldn’t stop wanting Abram.  So He finally decided to put the hammer down.  “
Can’t you see? You can’t be happy together.  You never will
.”

I didn’t doubt that I loved Abram.  I didn’t doubt that he loved me.  But maybe love didn’t always mean compatibility.  We clicked right away.  It felt like I’d known him for ages.  Our chemistry was perfect but perhaps the spark lit too wild a fire.  After all, wherever we went, blood and chaos seemed to follow.

I closed my eyes.  The dull sounds of the waiting room numbed me so much I didn’t realize I was crying till I felt a gentle tap on my knee.  The mother of two across from me had gotten up to give me a tissue.  She shot Nate an accusing look, as if asking where his need to comfort was.  “She’s not my girlfriend,” Nate said defensively, which only made him look worse.  In the ensuing quiet, he shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

“I know you’d know better,” the mom whispered to her son, no older than four.  It didn’t show on my lips but I smiled inside as the boy nodded, giving Nate the “
you’re a bad man
” look.  It was nice to see Nate sufficiently shamed.  No one could do it thus far but apparently, a toddler could.  For the next few minutes, I could see Nate silently struggling to gather his words for me.  Finally, he turned and heaved a sigh.

“I want you to know I never planned on telling.  Even after this was over.”

I looked at him, saying nothing, mostly because I wasn’t sure if I knew what he was talking about.  He went on.

“Look, whether or not you acknowledged it to even yourself, I could see something between you and Toro.  It was hit-you-in-the-face obvious and Abe couldn’t tell because he’s been in love with you since the first week you stayed at the penthouse.  I don’t think he’s gone a minute without thinking of you since you found us in the alley that night.”  He shifted back in his chair, turning his stare back to his hands.  “I was pissed because I’d never seen him act that way.  He just convinced me to do this and he got me all fired up and we were going to get Jesse Toro, we were gonna fucking do it.  If there was anyone in the world who could do it, it was Abram.  I grew up thinking he was Superman.”  Nate made brief eye contact with the little boy across from us.  He dropped his eyes.  “I was an asshole to you because he started slipping at the worst time possible.  There was a period after he met you where we went to Italy for a week.  Almost had Toro.  Screwed up and lost him because Abram flipped the numbers on the address.”  He shook his head with renewed disbelief.  “He doesn’t make mistakes like this, Isla.  He’s a machine.  At least he usually is.  He’s supposed to be the best at everything.  He’s a motherfuckin’ beast.”

“Children,” I warned.

“Sorry,” Nate muttered, lowering his voice.  His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed.  “I’m sorry I said it tonight.  I just couldn’t believe we had Stefan and lost him.  But now I don’t even fucking care anymore.”  He paused at his own language, eyeing the mom and her kids.  She was giving him a hard stare.  “I don’t care anymore,” he repeated quietly, without the profanity.  “I’m just tired.  I don’t have the energy for this anymore.  I wish Stefan were dead but I don’t feel like killing myself while hunting him.  Unless he falls in my lap and gives me the gun to shoot, I’m done with this game.  He’s gonna be impossible to find at this point.”

Nate left shortly after that, compelled to check on Abram.  He told me to call when I was ready to go.  Minutes after he left, the doctor came out to let me see Jesse.  She would later turn a blind eye and have the nurses follow suit when visiting hours ended.  So I stayed the night with him, my mind restless till after sunrise, when I finally fell asleep.

When I woke up, wincing at the crick in my neck, he was already smirking at me – as much as he could at least.  “Morning, sunshine.”

“Morning.”

We didn’t speak for the next five minutes.  I watched him as he purposely avoided answering the question I shouldn’t have had to ask him, studying the components of a less-than-appetizing breakfast the nurse had delivered.  His left arm worked fine but his right, according to the doctor, had “snapped backwards.”  His ribs were bandaged – I could see that through the side of his hospital gown.  I was sure there were more wounds hidden under there but what I couldn’t take my eyes off were the stitches on his forehead.  Right where mine had been.  It looked like he had several more.  Apparently, Abram Lenox hit harder than Manhattan pavement.

“Why didn’t you fight back?” I finally broke the silence.  Jesse took his time to turn to me.  “I know it’s not just because I asked you not to.”

He looked at me.  “It was.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“What do I have to fight for anymore, Isla?” he demanded.  “Besides you, what is it? Everything before I met you was for Stefan. I lived half a life so he could live a full one but turns out it was all for nothing.  He’s going to die anyway.  If Abram doesn’t get him, my family will.”  He shook his head, his bottom lip disappearing between his teeth.  “This stupid kid I lived for – he wasted my time.  I should’ve been living for something worthwhile.  For something good – some
one
good.  The way I saw it last night, life as I knew it was over anyway.  I’m gonna hate myself if Abe kills Stefan.  I’m gonna hate my family if Abe doesn’t do it and they’re the ones who have to.  I can’t come up with a single happy thought anymore.  I can’t imagine myself living again without this shitstorm consuming my mind every minute.  Unless I think of myself with you.  And I figure, if I can’t have exactly who I want, then fuck it.  You didn’t want me to fight and if last night didn’t change your mind about who you wanted to be with, then let Abram beat the life out of me.  I don’t care.”

His emotional words tore at me.  I dropped my eyes but he called me out.

“No, you don’t get to look away now, Isla.  You made me answer the question.  We didn’t have to talk about this but now that we are, you’re gonna look in my eyes.  You’re not going to act all pouty and squeamish.”

Pouty and squeamish?
“What are you talking about, Jesse?” I countered defensively.

“I’m talking about the fact that I want you.  It only makes you uncomfortable because you know that you could want me just as bad.  You know for a fact that we’d be good together because when we love, we love the same way – with everything we have.  Tell me I’m wrong.”  He paused and gave me all the time in the world that I didn’t use.  “You just won’t let yourself find out about us because you love Abram and you’re not the kind of girl to indulge temptation – not if it means being even a little unfaithful.  And that’s perfectly fine.  That just gives me all the more proof that you’re the incredible woman I want.”  He sneered, his split lip curling as he looked at me.  “And fuck me, I guess I’ll just have to think about how it would’ve happened if we’d found each other first.”

“You only ever found me because of Abram.”

“I know,” Jesse murmured, holding his gaze on me before letting it slide to my lips, skim over my collarbones.  He leaned his head back in the bed, staring up at the wall.  “You still love him.  Right?”

“I can’t look at him right now,” I replied.  He knew to wait.  “But yes.  I love him.”

Jesse nodded.  He studied the agony pursing my lips and gave a laugh.  “Look, it’s fine, I’ve come to terms with it.  No one ever said that a girl would have only one guy in love with her at a time.  That would make things too good, too easy.  And life’s not fair but I think we both figured that one out awhile ago.”  He shrugged – or rather, tried, winced and then only shrugged the shoulder that wasn’t broken.  It only made me feel worse but when he flashed me a crooked little smile, I felt everything in me ease, my heart beating again.  “Don’t feel guilty, Isla.  Abe didn’t kill me.  I’ll live.  I’ll eventually look at other girls.  I’ll probably do it the second I get out of here.”  He laughed when I laughed.  “I get it.  You can’t help who you love.  And when it comes to a woman like you, I’ll settle for coming in second place.  It’s still a hell of a compliment to me.”

My gaze dipped as I smiled.  I let it be quiet for a second.  “Thank you, Jesse.”

“For what?”

“I don’t know.”  I dug deep to try to find out what I meant but came up empty.  “I guess always being up front.  Except that first time.”  I smirked.  “And I guess just… I think if I hadn’t met you under the circumstances that I did, I’d have been really happy to know somebody like you.  I still am.  But it would’ve been a really good friendship if we’d just met at bar.”

His lips twisted up with mischief.  “You know it would’ve been more than friendship.”

I smiled. 
Yeah
, but I didn’t say it.  There was no point.  And for the next five minutes together, I enjoyed the silence with Jesse.  It was a peaceful one and probably the first and last we’d have.  The fact that I should never see him again after Vegas didn’t escape me, even in our sweet moment of tranquility.  The reality was that he and Abram would never co-exist.  Ever.  And though it would take a bit of time, I’d forgive Abram and we’d carry on.  I’d answer his texts and calls and we would go back to being us.  Or rather, we would finally start.

“Your man?” Jesse nodded at my phone, which I’d put on silent after all of Abram’s calls.  But the screen wasn’t lit with his name.  It was lit with a number I didn’t recognize.

“I don’t think so,” I murmured, frowning as I opened up the text.

hi beautiful. Wow I owe u an apology for what happened Some real fucked up shit with an old friend im pretty tight right now. I’ll be busy late tonight got to take care of some important shit Im sure you can understand. but I would really love to finish where we left off last night. Need to take off the edge real bad. I got some blow we can have a party just us two before I roll

I practically smothered myself with my own hand.  I hadn’t even understood whom the text was from until the second to last sentence. 
Holy shit
.  Stefan Toro really was as idiotic as he was deceitful.  There was truly no chance that he’d have survived this long without Jesse’s sacrifice.

“
Isla
.”  Jesse’s voice slowly faded back into my ears.  I turned to him with a look that he read straight through, his eyes flitting back and forth over mine for barely a second before he exhaled with hard disbelief.  “You’re kidding me.”

I shook my head and showed him the text.  I was sure he didn’t finish reading it before handing the phone back.  “Call Abram.  Get this done tonight,” he said.  His voice was firm, laced with fervor.  “Do it so you can start your life.”

Breathless, with trembling hands, I called Abram.  He picked up on the first ring.  The conversation lasted barely three minutes before he had hung up and gotten Nate to come get me.  When I hung up, I took Jesse’s hand and leaned over to press a kiss on his forehead.