Damage (Havoc #2) (11 page)

I pressed the back of my wrist against my mouth, silencing my tears as I thought of lovely Elle at sixteen, crying in her room and finally realizing that it didn’t pay to be hopeful.  I imagined bullying at school.  I imagined the girls who used to heckle me for being a “slut.”  Word got out that I hooked up at a college party and it was over from there.  Those same girls still existed in Elle’s generation and with her, they’d taunt her for being inexperienced.  Probably dumped for not putting out.  Elle would be bitter for being socially set back by the cancer.  She had, with every ounce of strength in her tirelessly fighting body, beaten the sickness just for a chance at being a normal teenager – only to find that the world was cruel to girls who stayed innocent and sweet.

She’d endure shoves in the hallway, vicious rumors, notes passed around her in class.  Then one more humiliation by the mean girls – some prank in the locker room, private photos posted online – and Elle would snap.  The world would see her scars and she’d think,
this wasn’t what I fought for
.  I wasn’t sure if she’d hurt herself or the girls but I knew in my heart she could do something drastic and terrible.

“
Isla.
”

A mangled breath ripped from my throat.  I gasped, blinking raindrops from my eyes to see Jesse holding my cheeks, staring into me.

“Where did you go?”

My chest heaved as I panted.  I knew the answer to that question –
I went to see Elle
– but I wasn’t going to answer.  My dress was a pile of wet cloth at my knees as I caught my breath, realizing that I’d gone from holding Jesse’s hands to having his wrapped around mine.  When he repeated his question, I only shook my head.  Jesse’s murmur was close to my cheek.

“You were thinking about her.”

“Yes.”

“You wouldn’t be able to do it either.”  Jesse gazed at my lips.  “No matter what she did, you wouldn’t be able to stop defending her.”

“No.  I wouldn’t.”

Jesse closed his eyes for a second.  “Tell me it still needs to be done, Isla.”

“What?”

“I need to hear it from you.  I need to hear you say that Stefan deserves what he’s going to get because I don’t know if I can stop myself from waking up one day and leaving without you guys.  I could find him easy and I’d hide with him till the rest of our family was dead.  I could do it.”

Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad
, I wanted to say, imagining the chance to live with Elle forever.  To buy her new clothes and just show her the world.  Tears streamed from my eyes.  “Don’t make me do that, Jesse.  Please don’t put it all on me.”

“Isla,” he pleaded, his breath brushing my lips.

My tears hit the ground with the rain. 
Okay, run with him
, I decided. 
Just let him know what he did wrong.  Don’t ever let him forget.  Give him another chance at life but make him repent every day.
  Somehow, that idea made me feel good.  It gave me the most bizarre sense of relief.  I wanted to just tell Jesse that and give him the happiness he so wanted.  But my lips refused to do it.

“He deserves it,” I blurted, sobbing.  “Stefan deserves everything he’s going to get.”

As true as they were, each word swung like a hammer at my chest, cracking my ribs and rattling my heart.  But I had to say them.  Stefan Toro had tortured and killed someone.  If Elle ever did something so gruesome, I’d understand that she needed to face a punishment.  I’d just never be able to get over it.  I’d never have peace again in my life, and I’d never be happy.  Lifting my gaze at Jesse, I looked at him with true sadness, wondering if he knew what torment lay ahead of him forever.  I felt so, so sorry.  I wished I could help him but I couldn’t.  Letting Stefan go free would destroy Abram and rightfully so.  He had done something atrocious and he didn’t deserve a rebirth.  It wouldn’t be fair.  So my heart bled for Jesse – for the pain he felt now and the pain he’d feel for the rest of his life.

“I’m sorry,” I breathed as Jesse finally let his tears fall.  I said the it over and over but I knew it meant nothing anymore so I pulled him into my arms, holding him against my chest, trying to comfort him the way Stefan had on that bloody kitchen floor so many years ago.  “I swear, I’m so sorry.”

He said something like
it’s okay,
though he couldn’t get the words all the way out.  He cupped my cheek when he sat up again, raking his fingers into my soaking wet hair and pressing his forehead to mine.  Our hot breaths collided in the thick air and I felt his mouth drawing closer to mine, my heart racing with fear that he’d kiss me.  Instead, he only whispered two words that sounded sweet as they left his lips.

“No wonder.”

I didn’t know what it meant but before I could ask, I heard a clatter at the end of the alley.  Tearing apart from Jesse, I turned to see someone standing there watching us.  I shouldn’t have rushed to my feet.  It made me look guilty, as if I’d done something wrong.  But whether or not I did, it clearly wouldn’t have mattered because Nate was already seething as he stood there, drawing conclusions to something that never happened.

“You’re a piece of work,” he muttered when I got to him.

“It’s not what it – ”

He was gone before I could catch him, with only a half-minute lead though that was all he needed to tell Abram before I could get to him first.

chapter fourteen

Rain-drenched and barefoot, I ran back to the hotel, flying through the front entrance.  Several Monarch staffers marched forward, no doubt to demand I put on my shoes, but they were pulled back before they could reach me.  Abram’s security – they were in my corner.  I tried to give a nod of thanks before disappearing into the elevators, finally shoving my feet back into my heels.

The party was over and my pulse was hammering by the time I got up to the floor.  But through the cracked doors, I could hear low, muffled conversation.  Abram and Nate.  There was something ghostly about the way their hushed voices echoed through the empty event hall.

“There she is.”

Nate’s voice was hard when I finally pushed through the doors.  He was sitting with Abram at a table in the very center of the enormous room, under the biggest, most ornate chandelier.  They both held glasses of Scotch in their hands.  Their tuxes were impossibly neat, as if nothing had happened tonight at all. 
If only
.  I couldn’t even pretend that was true, my breath quivering when Abram’s wolfish stare finally landed on me.  Right away, I could see the anger.  The sheer disappointment.  My heart dropped so heavy into my stomach I had to clutch it with my arms.  “Abram, let me explain.”
My voice broke off toward the end as he rose to his feet and came to me, all six feet and four inches of his stiffened body rendering me speechless. Intimidated. He ignored me, his jaw tighter than a bow and arrow as he stood in front of me.

But to my surprise, his gentle hand cupped my cheek.  The breath I let out filled his mouth as he kissed me, pulling me tight into his arms, as if I’d disappear if he let go.  “Isla, I’m so sorry for tonight.”  His low murmur caressed my skin and suddenly, relief crashed upon me.  I tried to contain my relief as he apologized for the chaos – for the mess I had to take care of while he was manning the gala.  I kept my silence as I realized that Nate hadn’t said a word.

Whatever he had been discussing with Abram, it had nothing to do with how he found Jesse and me in the alley.  The night had been a disaster but it could’ve been worse.  I had no idea what was going on but I didn’t question it, only gathering my poise to finally respond.  “It’s okay, Abram.  I’m fine.  I’m just glad you are, too,” I said genuinely before peering carefully past him at Nate.  He stood behind Abram, his cold grey eyes glued to me with revulsion.  Our stares locked in silent battle, I realized he hadn’t sealed his lips out of compassion.  Of course not.  Whatever he had planned for me, I’d have to wait for it.  And in the meantime, I’d be left guessing.

“Mr. Lenox.”

The three of us turned to see security holding Jesse, whose soaked body dripped on their shoes.  The four of them looked humorously dutiful as they flexed their muscles to secure a broken man who clearly wasn’t fighting back.  I stared pitifully at Jesse, realizing in that moment that he needed Abram.  He was still here because he needed him.  He needed Nate.  Without them, he would have already caved to the relentless sympathy he carried for his brother.  He’d find Stefan, help him run again and as a result, join him as a target of the Toro Family.

With a single motion, Abram had the men let go.  I was on edge as I watched him walk slowly to Jesse, my body tensed and ready to bolt forward and hold him back.  But he didn’t swing.  He wasn’t looking to fight.  “Give me the location,” was all he said.

Tired, swaying as he dripped onto the shiny hardwood, Jesse reached in his pocket.  Tossing Abram his cell phone, he muttered the passcode.  Once it was unlocked, Abram lifted his eyebrows.  “Stefan’s birthday,” he said, not looking up from the screen.  Jesse stared at the water pooling on the ground.

“Yeah.”

Christ
.  I dropped my eyes.  Elle’s birthday was my passcode too.  My heart gave another twist though I tried to look unaffected, the heat of Nate’s glare still blazing into my flesh.  It burned hotter when Jesse turned his tortured gaze to me, watching me, refusing to look away as Abram went through his phone.  I closed my eyes, overwhelmed by the stress.  I was the only person in the room who had nothing to do with Stefan Toro and yet I was in the very center of his drama.

“Listen.”

Abram’s voice snapped me out of it.  I opened my eyes to find him glaring at Jesse.

“If this is Stefan’s location, he’s in a small fucking town.  The fact of the matter is, the second he catches wind of Nate or myself, he’ll run. We were never on great terms and I’m sure they didn’t get better after the beating he took from us, so without a doubt, tracking him would be easier with your help.  As far as I know, his instinct isn’t to run from you, so I imagine you’d be able to lure him out with far less effort than it would take for either Nate or myself.”  Abram kept his voice even, professional.  But I could see the corner of his lip twitching, still curling with hatred.  “I’m sure if you went all in on this, Toro, our common interests would be enough motivation for us to work together.  On the topic of motivation, we all know what your family would do to you if you were to let Stefan go.  They’re counting on you.  So let’s take this moment to cut the bullshit and agree that moving forward, we’re all after the same thing.”  Abram let his words hang in the air for another few seconds of silence before holding out his hand.  “When this is all over, we’ll never have to look at each other again.”

My heart beat fast as I watched Jesse shake Abram’s hand.  “Sounds like a fuckin’ plan,” he muttered with little enthusiasm.

Midway into their discussion of the next step, I excused myself.  I needed a break.  My body was over-stimulated, the rush of my blood buzzing like a swarm of angry bees under my skin.  As crazy as things were tonight, I was quickly realizing that they were only about to get worse.  I’d be going with them to hunt Stefan Toro – I knew that for a fact.  A handshake wouldn’t stop these men from tearing each other apart – only I would.  For that very reason, I wanted to go and I didn’t.  I wasn’t ready for the pressure but I didn’t have a choice.

“Trying to bail?”

The voice behind me belonged to Nate.  I turned to glare.  “Trying to find a bathroom.”

“Let me show you.”

I said nothing as Nate walked me to an empty women’s room, following me inside.  I forced myself to ignore him as I stood in front of the mirror, grabbing a stack of thick, white napkins and drying my body.  The silence was deafening as Nate watched me.

“I had a feeling there was something to it,” he finally said.

“What.”

“The fact that you were so eager to help Toro.”

I shot him a look.  “I was eager to help
Abram
.  I thought if he knew that Stefan was the one who killed Gavin, it would be over and he could just relax and forget everything.  How the hell was I supposed to know you guys helped Stefan
fake
his own death? I was just trying to put an end to the drama.”

“I have a feeling you like the drama,” Nate said, coming closer.  It was a pointless remark to rile me up so I ignored him.  He forced my attention by snatching the napkins from my hands.  “How was it, anyway?”

“How was what?” I asked between my teeth.

Nate closed the gap between us, his eyes fixed tight on my face, intent on catching any flinch, anything to give away my shame.  “You slept with Jesse.  Don’t deny it.  I don’t know when or how it happened but I know you went to bed with a man you knew Abram hated.  Because you just
love
the drama,” he said, almost in singsong.

“No,” I shook my head.
  I had no idea who he was.  He was Sean when I met him
.  “That’s not remotely true, Nate, so just leave me the fuck alone,” I hissed, storming past Nate.  But he caught me by the arm.

“You make a pact with Toro or something? You gonna let him and Stefan ambush us when we get there?”

“Are you
high
right now?” With him, it was a legitimate question.

“Fuck you.”

“You’re out of your mind, Nate.  Just let go of me.”

“Answer me one thing.  You plan on fucking Stefan, too?”

“
Get the fuck off of me,”
I hardly recognized the growl of my voice or the strength in my body as I flung Nate off of me.  We jostled all the way to the door. Nate snarled at me, spitting his vile words barely an inch from my face. 
“Bitch,” “whore”
and every hateful word under the sun till I broke and hissed like a snake in his face.

“I
love
Abram, you asshole
,
now get
away
from me!”

I burst out the door, tears burning out my eyes.  Emotion tore through my heart as I ran as fast as I could in my heels and my heavy dress soaked in water.  When I crashed into a body, I knew from the way it immediately held me that it was Abram’s, and I felt instant sorrow for the way I’d first vocalized my love for him.  I loved Abram.  I loved him with all my heart and fuck Nate for making me say it to him first, with nothing but hate in my words.

“
Baby
, what the hell are you – ”

Tears clouding my vision, I pulled Abram into a kiss – one deep, hot and hard enough to say sorry.  To take us away from everything for at least a second.  Wrapping my arms around his neck, I breathed him in, clutching him so tight my tears streaked his skin.  He kissed me back through his worry, urgent whispers of
baby
and
what’s wrong
filling the spaces between my lips against his.  My heart broke into a million pieces as he comforted me, as he gave me all of his love and effort without even knowing what was going on.

But of course Nate interrupted.  “We’ll meet at the penthouse at seven,” he said to Abram, who pulled gently away from me.  As he responded, I looked behind him to see Jesse.  His eyes were the only part of him that looked remotely alive as he watched me hold onto Abram.  He didn’t look away even as Abram kissed the side of my head.

“Come on,” he murmured softly.  “Let me take you upstairs.”