Curves & Alphas: A Paranormal Box Set: (BBW Paranormal Shape Shifter Romance) (14 page)

“Shit!” he exclaimed. “You don’t get it at all.”

“Really? Then explain it to me,”

“I wish I could. With everything, every fiber of my being, I want to. But, I honestly can’t. What I can say, though it probably is ill-advised, is that I want you in the worst way. If I could find a way, and I’ve thought about it non-stop since that night at your apartment, I would have come back to you, that night, a second after I walked out the door. I’d spend every moment I could with you. It takes everything in me to stay away. I want you! Don’t doubt that. But, I have to make clear that we can never be together. And, as much as it pains me, I can’t tell you why. I’m so sorry.”

“I’m so sorry,” I mumbled.

“Huh?”

“Nothing, just sick of the phrase,” I sighed.

I looked up at him then. His eyes, they pleaded his case. I couldn’t find anything but pure sincerity in them. I let my lower lip pout out. I didn’t know how to process what he’d just said to me. That he wanted me but couldn’t have me left me in the same situation, I guessed, since closure was the last thing I felt.

“I am sorry. I wish it were different. This curse—“ he left off.

“I’m a curse? Great”

“No. No. Listen, just know that I think you are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. I want you. You know me as a stranger, but I… well, it’s not the same for me. And, I want you. Never, never, doubt that. But we just can’t… I can’t…”

I looked up at him, letting the tears fall down my cheeks. He wiped them away, and a sob escaped with his touch.

“I’m so stupid. I should have never talked to you two weeks ago. It was selfish of me to take that one night with you, to fool myself into thinking it could be any other way. I was weak. Forgive me,” he pleaded.

“I won’t regret it. You are the most amazing stranger I have ever met. And, until know, you said the most wonderful things. Now, nothing you say makes any kind of sense,” I sobbed. “But, I won’t regret our night together. I just wish there could be more of them. I wish I could feel you against me again,” I left off.

Turning to go, I stopped only when his hand reached out for mine. A warmth shot up my arm. A knowing leveled my up and down emotions. His lips found mine then, hard and possessive. Seconds into the kiss, just as my body began to respond back, to lean into him, he pushed his groin into my stomach and my back against the wall. With a fierce noise emanating from his chest, he lifted my body, again like I weighed nothing despite my generous curves. I wrapped my legs around his broad waist in an effort to hang on.  Dizzy, I couldn’t pull away. I couldn’t have stopped kissing him if my life had depended upon it. In fact, I felt my life depended upon being near him despite this impossibility he spoke of. Probably just the wanting what you can’t have. For the moment, I was taking what was being offered to me.

An obvious erection pushed against my panties, my dress having ridden up to my waist. With my back flush against the wall again, he rocked into me. I cursed the material that separated my flesh from his. Wet material curved around his cock and pushed into my folds. I ached, throbbed to have him inside me again, stretching me, moving inside me in an undeniable connection.

“Fuck,” he breathed out as his kisses continued.

My lips swelling, heating, I still gave as good as I got. In fact, I grabbed for his ass, tried to dig into the rock hard muscles there. In encouragement, I slipped my hands down the back of his jeans. This time when he made that fierce, predatory sound, I didn’t flinch. Instead, I pressed my fingertips into the solid muscles there that rippled under my touch. I wasn’t the only one shaking. He did want me. I reveled in that as much as the inevitable separation that had to occur, according to him. Regardless, I was taking whatever I could get. I’d deal with the backlash later.

Or, Chloe would. Chloe! I hoped she wouldn’t pick now to be the time in which she came to check on me. He bit his way to my neck suddenly, blessedly interrupting my distracting thoughts. I merely dropped my head back against the wall to let him. His teeth, rough and sharp, scraped along my tender skin. The pain and pleasure shot to my core. I pulled his ass toward me as if I could push him inside me with each thrust. It’s all I wanted, all my body, mind, and soul could think about, joining with this familiar stranger who was becoming both more and less strange with each passing moment.

A different woman in this moment, I gave myself over to the situation despite the reality. Easy enough, as no one made me feel sexier or more wanted than this man who claimed we couldn’t be together.  He dropped my ass down onto some sort of metal filing cabinet. His hand moved in between us. I could feel him fight the button and zipper of his jeans. Daring to look, I watched as he made short work of dropping his pants, letting his erection spring forward. The tight red skin decorated by thick veins looked just as I had so often pictured it over the past few weeks. Who could forget such a virile part of a man once they’d witnessed it?

He yanked at my panties. The seams of the lacey black number I’d painstakingly chosen to wear tonight tore easily away at the strappy sides. Although I felt the bite of pain as the thin ribbons at my hips released, nothing could have made me happier in the moment. Though I’d never been with a man who had arms the size of his, his strength still seemed unbelievable, even now that I’d witnessed it more than once.

“Shit. Sorry,” he grumbled. “We need to stop.”

I shook my head and grabbed for his cock before he had the chance to change his mind. When his head hit my wetness, the noise rumbled deep within him again. I had a wolf spirit guide, and I’d found myself a guy that sounded like an animal. What were the odds? These thoughts faded away, though, as he pushed into me.

The hint of contractions began as he relentlessly took me, pushed in and pulled out to a steady, fast beat. I couldn’t stop the continued fight to grab his ass. The way the muscles moved under my hands as much a turn-on as anything else. His face had fallen into the curve of my neck, then. His hot breaths warmed me more. If I didn’t know better, I’d have sworn I heard a few quiet sobs rip from his throat. I was surprised none came from mine.

“I don’t know how to not love you,” he whispered.

His words were so low that I doubted I’d heard them correctly.
Love?
He couldn’t have said ‘love’.  The rush of pleasure that took over my body then erased the thoughts from my mind. I trembled as I climbed to orgasm along with him. My hands moved up to hold onto his shoulders as we continued to move together. I could feel the sweat moistening my skin. Under my fingers, I could feel him heat the same way.

With each thrust he moved in deeper. I took all of him I could get, even to the point of that pain and pleasure point. I needed it rough. Wanted it with a violence that shocked me. Though nothing with him should have, not anymore. I used my inner walls to squeeze him, bring him the pleasure he gave me. My stomach knotted with the roll of heat.

He bit down on my neck as we climaxed. Not enough to hurt me. I, on the other hand, bit my own lip beyond the point of pain to stifle my cries. Fast and furious, the rupture of pleasure blinded me to the rest of the world. All I knew was the movement of our two bodies and the way his hard cock moving inside me felt. When we’d finished, he fell against me, putting my back at an odd angle, the wall supporting me now that he’d forced my shoulder blades against it with his weight. I felt him tremble even as my legs shook around him.

“Someone might come,” he said, sounding defeated.

He backed away then. I nearly wept with the loss of him. Bending down, right where my legs were still splayed open, he grabbed the shreds of my panties with one hand and the waist of his jeans with another. He lifted the black lace up to me, then shrugged and shoved them in his pocket. As he righted himself, stuffed his cock into his jeans and zippered with haste, I sat there still exposed.

“Someone might come any minute,” he stated, nodding to me.

I stood up and smoothed down my own dress, though I still felt undressed without underwear. His cum running onto my thigh gave me the realization that we’d failed to think of protection.

“I need a bathroom, and we really need to talk,” I stuttered.

“I’m sorry,” he said again like a broken record. “I—“

He left off as footsteps sounded on the stage. The drummer from his band stepped through the curtain, then. He stopped suddenly. I was sure we looked quite the sight. The sweat on my red face had to be a dead giveaway as to what he’d just walked in on. He smiled, a coy and crooked grin that said he merely claimed his ‘sorry’ before he backed out.

“I’m sorry…”

“Stop saying that,” I growled this time. “I just wish everyone would stop saying that damn phrase. I know you can’t talk now. And, I know you couldn’t tell me anything even if you could. Have a good set.”

I kissed him on the cheek. He nodded and pushed me toward the back of the room. I saw a door there. Still staring at him as he did at me, I pushed it open and found myself in the club along the far side wall. The bathroom at the back, I moved quickly, praying no one could see the proof of what we’d just done running down my leg.

We just had unprotected sex
, rattled through my mind. But it had felt so damn good. Al least I’d basically just ended my cycle and I probably couldn’t get pregnant. Although, I knew nothing about his sexual history. In fact, I knew nothing about him period save for what he did on that stage and what he did to me. The post-orgasm quivers merged with my rising frustrated tremors. I rushed through my clean-up, thankful that Chloe had given me space. Surely she’d seen him whisk me away backstage. At least she hadn’t walked in on us mid-climax or something.

I paused at the door. My hand on the brick wall to steady myself, I gathered composure from the deepest recesses of my being. I needed to go out there and explain what had just happened to Chloe without bursting into tears with him on the stage.

Good luck with that,
I thought to myself as I slammed my hand against the door to go face the inevitable.

Chapter Nine

Once I was back at the table, Chloe stared at me, unwavering. I knew she deserved an explanation. I just found it hard to put a voice to it. I gulped down some beer under the weight of her eyes. Looked at the still empty stage, and then back at her. Her head had cocked to the side in warning by this time.

“Okay, just trying to sort it all out in my mind is all. It surely didn’t go as planned,” I sighed and took another long pull from my beer. “I’m doing my best. Just be patient. I can’t burst into tears with him up there playing. So if I start talking and then clam up suddenly I hope you understand.”

She nodded. I knew she’d get that. The rustle of feet, even with my head, turned my attention back to the stage. He walked out from behind the curtain with the rest of the band. He looked at me and my face reddened. In my wacked-out mind, at the moment, it felt like just his look would alert the entire club that we’d just had sex backstage. To add further to the humiliation I felt, though still only the two of us knew what it was, the fact that I could see the slight bulge of my underwear in his pocket.

As my face got hotter, he granted me a smile that he soon tempered. As he picked up his guitar, I didn’t know how I’d manage to wait until the end of the night to talk to him again. Without any other choice, I’d manage it, somehow. Worst part was, he probably wouldn’t say anything different. He gave no indication of ever telling me his secret of why he thought we couldn’t be together. So, I didn’t know how long I could ride out his obvious desire for me. I already knew, without a shadow of even the most minimal doubt, that I’d ride that out literally as long as I could, and deal with the backlash later.

“What exactly was that painful smile about?” Chloe asked, her hand on my arm as she leaned into me. She turned to me then. “And why is your face so red?”

I leaned in to whisper in her ear, “See that small bump, where he has something in his jeans pocket?”

“Yeah? You threw your heart in there and he kept it?” she said with an exaggerated grimace.

I appreciated her try at minimizing the situation to save me tears. I was attempting the same thing by only hinting at what had happened without having to explain it fully in words. The heat that came with the threat of tears already presented itself with just having to look at him. His soulful voice, the one I’d heard say the nicest and the worst things to me, didn’t help matters one tiny little bit.

“Basically. But no. In his pocket is what’s left of my underwear,” I sighed.

“What? Seriously? Behind the curtain as I sat here worried about you?”

“It wasn’t planned!” I retorted.

“So, what was his reason for leaving you two weeks ago and not talking to you since if that’s how he reacted to seeing you?”

“I have no idea.”

Her shoulders fell as her mouth formed a grimace. “You’ve got to be kidding me. You didn’t ask, you just let him screw you, in public? Who are you?”

“I have no idea anymore,” I hissed.

“So what did he or you say? Surely one of you said something first? Or during!”

“Sure, he apologized in riddles that gave me no clue as to the why of it all. In the middle of him doing that and me demanding an answer, well... our bodies sort of fell together,” I admitted with a goofy grimace of my own to battle the tears.

“Just fell together, huh? Wow, wish I could just fall into someone like that.”

“Well, it was more of a struggle, actually, a pushing and pulling on both sides until he had me on some filing cabinet or something. It was definitely metal. A box wouldn’t have survived all of this,” I stated matter-of-factly as I motioned down my body, a desperate attempt for humor.

I looked up at the stage to see his eyes closed as he belted out a rather high note for his range. He then opened them to sing to the darkness just past the spotlight. I’d seen him do that before, especially in more passionate moments of his songs, but I had to wonder this time if it wasn’t because he didn’t want to look at me. It had to be hard to concentrate on the chords and the words, knowing the girl at the table in front of you was surely telling her girlfriend all about the quickie you’d just had behind the curtain.

“So, obviously he has an attraction to you. Now, we just have to find out why he’s avoiding or denying it,” Chloe questioned, her head shaking back and forth.

“Right. So if it’s just that easy, why don’t you ask him,” I challenged.

She took a dainty sip of her girly drink as she looked at him and then back at me.

“Maybe I will,” she accepted the challenge. “In fact, you get one more chance at getting him to spill, and then he will have to deal with me! I want answers, damn it.”

“Oh, no,” I chuckled. “He does not want the wrath of Chloe to fall down upon his house.”

As I hit my beer again, noticing that I’d already nearly finished the thing, I couldn’t help but wonder where he lived. I let my eyes settle on him. Without food and the sudden intake of beer, my vision blurred a tad and then righted. I’d need to get some food and a plain diet coke in order to drive home. More important, I needed my wits about me to talk to him later.

Falling into the lulling melody of his music, I let the soulful rock-type beats he made cry out from his guitar ripple through me. My stomach tightened. I could see his erection as it had been just a short time ago, about to enter me. That damn bulge of his jeans that I could see only a hint of under his guitar, it had my mind on baser needs. I squirmed in my chair, reminding myself that I had no underwear on and wore a short dress. He had to sit with one leg up on the stool, letting the other one fall to the ground. It gave me just enough of a view of his wonderful package that I felt the huge need to continually unwrap apparently.

“You know I think it might be good advice that a girl should always carry a second set of underwear in her purse,” I mused to Chloe.

She laughed, almost spitting out the sip of drink she’d just put in her mouth. I held up my hands in caution lest I wear a wet dress, too.

“Right. Good advice, because up until this moment, neither of us have ever needed that second set.”

“Sure, there is that, but still, I’m wishing that I’d listened right about now.”

“Listen, I hate to pry,” she said. “But really, he had to give some type of excuse for not getting in touch with you for two weeks. You said he talked in riddles. Some details, please.”

“Sorry. I appreciate the minute to cool down, chill out a bit. Actually he said that he couldn’t be with me, that he wasn’t allowed. He even used the word ‘curse’. I mean, I just don’t get it. He said he’d been stupid to even let himself believe for one night that he could be with me. Really, none of it made sense,” I rambled.

He even said that he loved me
, I didn’t voice on purpose. Though, my whole body ignited with the not at all distant memory. Could he have really said the word
love
? Seriously, none of it made sense. Not at all. No easy explanation explained away such bizarre words. I listened to Chloe make noises, grunts and huffs as she processed what I’d just told her with about as much success as I’d had at puzzling it out.

Looking back to the stage, I let myself relax. I let the music wash over me. I remembered a lot of the words from two weeks ago. I had tried to recall as many of them as I could over the past days. Surely, he knew love and heartbreak all too well. His insights into the subjects could burden even the happiest of souls. I could see how the whole suicide cartoon of him had come to pass. Letting myself just be, exist at one with his voice, the night passed quickly.

He’d spoken to other people during his break. I hadn’t minded. As I’d told Chloe as she’d belly-ached about it, there would be no point in starting up a conversation with only ten minutes to spare. I’d wait it out and talk to him after. Before I knew it, he’d announced the final song of the night.

“I wrote a new song since I played here last. It may still be a little rough, but I’d like to share it with you,” Lex said into the microphone.

He gave me a quick, non-descript glance before he looked down at his hands on the guitar. I watched the muscles in his fingers tighten before he placed them again. Then he took an uncharacteristic deep breath. I felt my own forehead furrow. I’d never seen him nervous, except maybe when he’d left my room, when he’d seen me tonight, and now.

The chords from his guitar were low and had a sadness about them, a longing in the way he held the chords and slowly strummed his guitar. The sounds from the keyboard and drums, as well as the other guitar guy, all only added to this sensation of, maybe, mourning. It felt an appropriate tune for a funeral: it had just that type of sound with just a little angry edge to it, as if to speak of regret.

I had a wide range of tastes when it came to music, but I always chose the genre by mood, knowing how the tune, the sounds coming from the instruments depending upon the beat, would affect my own range of happiness or sadness. This song could make the happy troubled, in my opinion.

If that hadn’t all been enough, the lyrics spoke of an impossible love. Yes, he’d used the word. He sang of things beyond his control, of a separation that made life so hard to bare that sometimes he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t find the urge to keep living. Then he sang about the pain and pleasure of seeing this forbidden angel, how without her he didn’t feel whole. Just the thought of her made him a better man, and yet the only way he could exist was without her. He even cried out words about a curse, one of his own existence as a man, part of and yet exiled from the only pure desire of his heart.

I blinked back tears as Chloe reached under the table and gave my hand a squeeze. If for one second I’d have wondered if the song were about me, he barely took his eyes off me as he sang it. I could feel several sets of eyes in the room looking my way. I swallowed hard, concentrating on each rise and fall of my chest for some semblance of control over my body. I’d nearly made it through the song without losing my shit completely, when he finally belted out with anger and sorrow a line about his own personal hell, living apart from the one who held his heart, all while being the only one who could truly save her.

The applause in the room thundered afterward, startling me at first, and then merely echoing the thumping of my heart. He gave me one last glance, his face fallen, without hope. I got the odd sensation of being able to read his emotions, too, but I was sure it was just the music.