Curves & Alphas: A Paranormal Box Set: (BBW Paranormal Shape Shifter Romance) (11 page)

“I’m sorry, lady,” she offered. “Do you even know what you are going to say if he does walk in? Or, are you planning on winging it?”

“No, I’ve rehearsed it in my head a million times,” I answered, sitting back down, looking away from her face to avoid the reflected knowledge of how pitiful I was being.

The tiny ache that had been throbbing at my temple became a sharp, shooting pain. I closed my eyes to block out the for light a second or two before glancing at Chloe and then looking back at the door.

“Do you want to bounce it off me?” she offered.

Not really wanting too, I gave her a vague summary, “I just want him to look me in the eye and tell me why he left that way. Why he never came back except to leave this note. I want to know what the note means. I mean, vague much? I think I deserve that. I plan on demanding it. I just hope to do so without these damned eyes of mine watering. Stupid things need an off button.”

“You do deserve that. It’s not unreasonable at all. I would just work on keeping that hurt anger in your voice down a bit in volume. Let him know he hurt you. The guilt should work in your favor, but don’t let the whole place know, okay?” she said with a consoling hand on my arm again.

“Okay,” I agreed.

I looked around then, to see if anyone had heard me this time. No one looked our way. So, I scanned the room for him again. Surely, he hadn’t gotten past my hawk eyes on the door, but just in case, I did my scan.

“Guys in here must think you’re really on the make the way you’re checking them out every fifteen minutes,” she warned with a shake of her head in scolding.

“Yeah, I’m sure they do the way they’re flocking to our table offering to buy us drinks,” I rebutted.

“Well, honestly, chic, you look like a crazy woman. Your glassy eyes are wild, and kind of terrifying. You seem like a girl who would turn into a stalker. I’m blaming you that
I
haven’t been hit on all night, either.”

“I can bear the weight of it. Why not? Pile it on. I don’t even know what to blame myself for with Lex. At least with you I know. Unlike him, you have no problem telling me like it is,” I stated with my eyes squinted into an exaggerated glare.

“Then I should tell you that it is time to go home. As hard as it is, you are just going to have to wait until next week to try to get answers from the guy.”

“Great, another week of playing the events over and over in my mind while listening for footsteps in the hall and wondering with each one if it could be him having had a change of heart. That of course lead me to that daydream. The one where he knocks on my door. I throw it open, and with the look of regret on his face, I throw myself into his arms. He kisses me in between his apologies before scooping me up and carrying off to bed!”

“Wow, you have it bad. I almost wish I’d had a guy who could make me so desperate after just one night with him. I can’t imagine what the sex was like, and you’re not giving me any good, juicy details.”

I gave her a crooked grimace before replying, “That’s just it. I felt like I knew him. I can’t explain it because I know I didn’t. Maybe it was some spell of his music. But, I got this glimpse of him that made me want to bare my soul to the man, and so I did. He didn’t just see my body naked, I let him inside—“

“Hey, ladies,” John, the owner of the bar, said, having come up beside our table. “Glad to see you here again. Sorry no Lex, pretty lady. And, I apologize for the band. Being the kind hearted sap I am, I agreed to let a friend of my wife’s grandkid’s band have a test tonight. They suck. I know!”

“Well,” I stammered. “They’re no Pragmatics.”

“That is being beyond kind,” Chloe interjected.

“Yeah, I know,” John sighed. “Took me so long to build this place back up. I’ll be lucky to pull anyone back in that was here tonight unless they’ve been here in the past. Hope they don’t tell their friends.”

“Maybe you should put that on a card and pass it out as they leave,” Chloe offered with a snarky tone and a smile so you couldn’t tell if she were serious or not.

I was more than aware that she was more than serious, and more than sick of this place.

“Well, you know I will be back next week, and so will anyone else who was here before tonight, I’m sure,” I comforted.

“Thanks. See ya then. You ladies enjoy the rest of your night,” he offered with a wave, and was off.

I couldn’t go on. Exhausted, I finally took the last gulp of my drink and nodded at Chloe.

“Take me home,” I sighed. “He’s not going to show tonight. I can’t take another minute in public,” I confessed.

What I really couldn’t take was holding back my tears any longer. Disappointment had finally taken me out. My entire body felt weighted, like I’d climbed a mountain today. I took a deep breath and led the way to the door. Chloe followed not far behind. Thankfully, she’d insisted on picking me up and driving each night so I could not only consume a good amount of liquid courage, but also so I could derail my roller coaster of emotions.

Tonight, so far, I’d had two beers and two shots of whiskey, along with two bowlfuls of pretzels. The motion of crunching them hard between my teeth had calmed me a touch, at times. So I’d tried the process over and over again. Regardless, by the time I stood up, my legs felt only a tad shaky. Still, I concentrated to walk a straight line without a single wobble. Didn’t want the owner to tell Lex I’d been in here night after night getting wasted while waiting for him.

As we walked out into the parking lot, I found myself scanning our surroundings all over again, but for another reason entirely. I still hadn’t told Chloe about the attack two weeks ago. Maybe I just needed to stay home more. Even with someone beside me, I still felt uncomfortable being out at night. Each of my sore-for-no-good-reason muscles tightened.  My mouth went dry as I squinted into the shadows. I even found myself craning my neck to look around cars.

“Give up. You’re not going to see him tonight,” Chloe lectured.

A few steps ahead, I’d figured she wouldn’t have seen me. She’d been so focused on getting out of here, I’d thought she’d have eyes only for her car. She stepped forward, though, put her arm on my back, and guided me forward. I couldn’t help but think of last weekend, and Lex’s hand on my back. She walked me to her car, some small red hybrid thing. Chloe had a good job in advertising, being unbelievable at knowing what people wanted. I considered it a gift of hers, one I often benefitted from. I had to wonder sometimes what exactly it was that she got from me, from this friendship. She was too all-together to need anything from anyone, always had been. 

My stomach knotted with need. I looked up at that moon, now exactly half a grayish orb. A thin wisp of clouds floated over it. A real horror show type scene. Maybe I did need to move onto another genre of books. In fact, I’d gone for horror all week just to avoid romance altogether.

In that moment, I sensed someone watching us. I focused on the car, placing my hands against it for balance even as I reached to open the door. Gripping the handle, I paused. A shiver, one born of danger, sent my instincts into overdrive. Adrenaline rushed through me, quickening my heart, putting my muscles at the ready. With an abrupt turn, I saw the eyes. My wolf. The two golden orbs peered at me from around the corner of the building. All sense of danger vanished into thin air.

“You haven’t abandoned me,” I spoke the words out loud.

The mixture of relief with my original flight or fight response left me weak and dizzy. I trembled as heat washed through my core. My breaths erratic, I gulped for air, the crispness and coolness of it burning my lungs and working like caffeine for my overwrought brain. I shook my head in an attempt to fully clear the cotton there, preventing me from making a rational, best move here.

Stepping toward the animal with great care, I heard a long sigh, one us humans would think exasperation. The sound had a deep mournful tone of sadness that hung in the air around me as if I could feel each and every emotion the animal felt. That had never happened before. To my addled emotions was added confusion, the internal fight with one’s self to stay or to go, to interact or to run away. Hints of anger like punches to the gut encompassed a full love, one that overrode everything.

None of it made any sense, yet I felt it, my body and my brain reacting to each feeling so foreign to my own, yet easily understood as if we shared a bond I couldn’t possibly comprehend. I needed to catch the unseen culprit who had punched me in the gut and tried to strangle me. I fought for clarity, blinking, gripping my hands into fists, taking deep breaths. None of it helped. The only thing clear to me was the overriding drive to reach out and touch this beast, my wolf who could also be deemed a fierce savior.

As I quickened just a bit my slow pace, to come out from the shelter of the car, Chloe asked, “Where the hell are you going? You think you are going to find him around the corner, in the alley? Shit, Christina. This is bordering on psychotic. I’m done being nice. I’m getting down right worried.”

I couldn’t respond. I felt drawn to my wolf, my guide. As I inched closer, the eyes, those familiar eyes, they flashed between the memories of my spirit guide and my savior from two weeks ago. They had to be one and the same. I was almost sure of it now. Maybe my mind, in a state of stress-induced insanity, just hadn’t been able to handle the sum of the equation.  I didn’t know what to do with it now, if I should be afraid and run away or if I should be grateful and throw my arms around his neck. The third option was to go back to denying it altogether.

Would he even let me get that close? Would he let me touch him, or would he maul me too? Instinct said he’d save me, protect me, whatever the situation. He couldn’t help his nature, the way he knew to help. Animal trainers sometimes learned that animal instincts could prevail no matter what relationship they had with the animal. The story of that lion trainer who’d died when his animal had tried to save him came to mind. The beast had snapped the guy’s neck trying to move him away from perceived danger with his powerful jaw.

In an instant, the moment I paused, the hairs raised on my neck. At the same time, I heard a low growl, and the eyes disappeared. Hearing the scratch of claws on pavement, I ran to the side of the building. I saw the fur already in the distance, too far away for me to even bother trying to catch up with. The muscled hind quarters bounded the creature forward and away from me at inconceivable speeds.

I fell into a lean against the brick wall. A little light-headed, through the stars that threatened to turn my vision to black, I saw the animal stop. He looked over his shoulder at me. I’d never gotten this close, not enough to realize that my spirit guide was so large an animal. He truly wasn’t the size of a normal wolf. The beauty and majesty of the creature increased with every additional inch and ounce, it seemed. He or she nodded its head at me before it took off into the night. My gut told me the wolf was a he, just as I’d always referred to him in my thoughts.

“What the hell, Christina!” Chloe said as she stormed my way. “I seriously don’t know what I’m going to do with you. What did you see over here? It wasn’t a man that looked like Lex this time, was it? I honestly didn’t see a thing. You have to stop chasing ghosts.”

“No, I didn’t see a man. Sorry, I thought I saw a dog,” I mumbled the first thing that popped into my head, the closest thing to truth I could come by.

“A dog? A stray animal roaming the streets of New York?” she questioned. “What were you thinking of doing, rescuing it? You do know, I mean you did grow up here, that strays on these mean streets can be as nasty as the human riffraff, and worse at times? Go to the pound, for crying out loud!”

“Yeah, I don’t know what I was thinking. He seemed so small, though, and his eyes so sad. I couldn’t help myself...he just surprised me, sorry. I must have spooked him anyway. He ran as soon as I started this way. I even went slow,” I lied, it all coming to me as I went.

Maybe my writing skills were coming in handy. I felt bad for once again keeping things from her and for embellishing the truth to the point of a lie, but she looked like she believed me. The hidden truths and outright lies seemed to be multiplying rapidly these days. What a horrible friend I’d become, no longer just the needy one, but the dishonest and two-faced one, as well. Once my vision steadied enough, I turned to indicate we could go.