Currant Events (22 page)

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Authors: Piers Anthony

Tags: #Humor, #Fantasy, #Science Fiction, #Young Adult

BOOK: Currant Events
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 Mikhail gazed at Noi. “She dreamed
me to be her ideal. But she is my ideal. I must be with her, or seek
oblivion.”

 

 Clio was extremely nervous about this,
but kept quiet. Their ploy would either work, or not.

 

 A chip appeared in Sherlock's hand.
“Take this chip of reverse wood. It will magically reverse you. For good
or ill.”

 

 Without hesitation, Mikhail took it.

 

 Nothing happened.

 

 “Not all reversals are immediately
apparent,” Sherlock said. “Let me get her shirt off so you can kiss
her again.”

 

 “I'll help!”

 

 They tackled the job as before, while
Clio wondered. How could the chip have no effect? Was it real reverse wood?

 

 Noi was now without the shirt. Mikhail
kissed her. She woke.

 

 Mikhail remained.

 

 “Mikhail!” Noi exclaimed,
sitting up. They kissed again.

 

 Sherlock glanced at Clio, nodding. It
had worked.

 

 Before they could celebrate, an awful
smell coalesced around them. It was like rotten fruit, only worse.

 

 Noi paused in her kissing. “That
smells like ripe duran.”

 

 “Duran?” Clio asked, trying
not to gag. “Is it poisonous?”

 

 “No, it's a fruit that tastes
better than it smells.”

 

 Then a little girl appeared, walking
along the path. She held a piece of fruit, from which she was nibbling. As she
approached, the smell intensified. Noi was right: the awful smell was from the
fruit.

 

 Clio happened to have a little bag in
her pocket that had a secure seal. She rushed to intercept the girl.
“Please-let me put that away for you,” she gasped. She almost
snatched the piece of fruit and jammed it in the bag, closing it tight.

 

 The smell alleviated, now that its source
was gone. She was able to breathe again. She inhaled enough to speak in a
normal manner. “Hello. I am Clio. Who are you?”

 

 “Malinee. I'm lost.”

 

 Another lost soul! And surely from the
Asia section of Mundania, by the look of her. “Where do you live?”

 

 “Thailand.”

 

 “That's where I live,” Noi
said.

 

 “Is it by chance a
peninsula?” Sherlock asked.

 

 “Oh, yes. Why?”

 

 “Peninsulas can be avenues.”
He didn't clarify further, and the girl did not inquire. “I'm not sure we
can get you back to Thailand, but would you like to travel with a dragon?”

 

 “A dragon!” Malinee said,
delighted. She spied the dragon, who was waiting down the path, and ran to give
its center neck a hug. It was evidently her type of dragon.

 

 Sherlock turned to Mikhail and Noi.
“How would the two of you like to take a long walk around the peninsula of
Xanth, conducting a dragon to where the folk will be able to help it get
settled? Taking Malinee along?”

 

 “Why not?” Mikhail asked.
“Suddenly everything is wonderful.”

 

 “Like a honeymoon,” Noi
agreed blissfully.

 

 Clio gave them general directions, and
the group started off, Malinee riding the dragon. They would surely get there
safely.

 

 “That worked out rather
well,” Sherlock said.

 

 “It was as though the four of them
were meant for each other,” Clio agreed. “But you know-”

 

 “That none of them will be able to
return to their Mundane peninsulas,” he said. “I thought it best not
to discuss that aspect.” He meant that some who died in Mundania came
thereafter to Xanth.

 

 “Actually some people find Xanth
alive.”

 

 “And some don't. But with the
fickleness of peninsular connections, they can't expect to return regardless.
So it seems best for them to make their homes in Xanth. In time they should
develop magic talents, as I did.”

 

 “As you did,” she agreed.
“It has been quite useful.”

 

 “Now we are four again. But I
wonder: was this another part of your quest? I can't see that you gained or
lost anything from the interaction, apart from the satisfaction of helping
three people and a dragon find their places.”

 

 Clio considered. “I am of course
glad to have helped them. I'm sure they'll all become good citizens of Xanth,
in their fashions, including the dragon.”

 

 “The dragon should be something of
a novelty, even among dragons. Three heads!”

 

 “It has been a season for placing
dragons,” she said, glancing down at Drew in her pocket. “But it is
true: this does not seem to have been guided by the compass.”

 

 “Is it pointing anywhere
now?”

 

 She glanced at her wrist. The blue
arrow was pointing toward the pocket where she had put the bag. “Oh-I
forgot to return the fruit to Malinee.”

 

 “I doubt she cares. She's got a
dragon now.”

 

 “But what am I to do with this?
The smell is atrocious, and it's unlikely to improve with time.”

 

 “Try leaving it somewhere.”

 

 She set the bag somewhat gingerly at
the base of a tree. But as she walked away from it, the blue arrow on her wrist
swung around to orient on it.

 

 “That's what I thought,”
Sherlock said. “This was a compass episode. For the duran.”

 

 “But what would I ever want with
such a vile smelling thing?”

 

 “I don't know. But I suspect we'll
find out, in due course.”

 

 “In due course,” she agreed
weakly.

 

  

 

 

 

  

Xanth 28 - Currant Events
Chapter 11. Bad Dreams

 

 There was no suitable campsite, but day
was ending, so they stopped by a river and Sherlock conjured a number of
reverse wood chips to make a protective ring around them. Then he foraged for
blankets and pies, while Clio consulted with the dragons. There were dangerous
creatures in the vicinity, but none that wouldn't be stopped by the reverse
wood.

 

 She got busy with brush and a fragment
of firewood she found, and it made a fire to heat the pies. They ate and
settled down for the night, guarded by the dragons' extended awareness.

 

 “This is our first night together
alone in the open,” she said. “I find it awkward.”

 

 “I will sleep elsewhere, if you
wish. I do not wish to embarrass you.”

 

 “Please. I think I need to speak
with a certain candor. The compass led me to you, and keeps me with you. I am
beginning to wonder whether we are intended to associate longer.”

 

 “Perhaps as long as it takes to
complete your mission, so you can return to Mount Parnassus.”

 

 This was twice as difficult as she had
imagined. “Would it bother you if it turned out to be longer than
that?”

 

 He paused before answering.
“No.”

 

 “I don't mean to presume. But you
are a nice man, and I like your company.”

 

 “Thank you.”

 

 “Would you by any chance be
amenable to residing on Mount Parnassus?”

 

 “You mean to stay with you?”

 

 “Yes.”

 

 He thought about it. “I would want
to be useful. I'm not sure that there is much use for reverse wood there.”

 

 “Surely uses could be found.”

 

 “You, as I understand it, are
eternal. I am already middle-aged, and would fade out before too long on your
scale.”

 

 “Not if you ate a leaf from the
Tree of Life. You would become eternal too.”

 

 He gazed at her in the gloom. “I
fear a misunderstanding. May I be blunt?”

 

 “By all means.”

 

 “I thought your interest in me was
as a person who can be useful as a traveling companion. Is it more?”

 

 “Yes.”

 

 “I have liabilities that make me
doubt. I am unprepossessing.”

 

 “As I come to know you, I find
qualities that impress me.”

 

 “I am middle-aged.”

 

 “I am older.”

 

 “I am black.”

 

 “I don't understand.”

 

 “That is perhaps an appealing
thing about you. Neither did you understand my remark about the disciplinary
board enjoying spanking the princess.”

 

 “That's true. Do you care to
explain?”

 

 “The princess was a buxom lass.
There are men who might like to touch her bottom under the pretext of
discipline. Spanking has a special reputation when it applies to big
girls.”

 

 “I still don't understand.”

 

 “Because you have never been
exposed to the baser human instincts. That's an engaging quality.”

 

 Clio was frustrated by her inability to
decipher this. She shifted to the other confusion. “What is this about
your being black? All members of the Black Wave are.”

 

 “I was an adult when we migrated
from Mundania to Xanth. My appreciation of particular aspects of human nature
was fairly well set. You might say I remain Mundane in a certain fundamental
manner, despite my recent development of a magic talent. It affects my
outlook.”

 

 “What outlook is this?”

 

 “As a general rule, in Mundania,
white folk are not interested in black folk unless there is something specific
to be obtained from them. Such as money, or entertainment, or brute labor on
less pleasant chores. So it seems to me that you would not be interested in me
as anything other than a temporary assistant.”

 

 “Because of your color?” she
asked incredulously.

 

 “Yes.”

 

 “I truly don't understand.”

 

 "You are saying that my
liabilities are no bar to a more personal relationship?

 

 “What liabilities?”

 

 Sherlock shrugged. “I think you
are serious. But my mundane background doubts.”

 

 Almost, she understood. “I have my
own liability.”

 

 He smiled. “Not that I know
of.”

 

 Now at last she had the courage.
“My curves aren't real.”

 

 “It's dark now, but they certainly
look real by daylight.”

 

 “I was cursed to have no curves of
my own, but to find some. I found a nymph bark that provides me a shape I
otherwise lack.”

 

 “I don't understand.”

 

 She laughed. “It's nice that this
time it is you who is baffled. I'll show you.”

 

 “I can't see you in this
light.”

 

 “Perhaps that helps.” She
nerved herself before she could change her mind again, took off her clothing,
then stripped the bark. Now she was naked. She was being bolder than she ever
had been in her life, but now seemed to be the time. “Give me your
hand.”

 

 “I don't understand,” he
repeated.

 

 She found his hand in the dark and
brought it to her torso. “This is my body. As you can surely feel, it has
no curves.”

 

 “That can't be you!”

 

 “It is me. Establish it.”

 

 “May I?”

 

 “Yes.”

 

 He sat up and used both hands, running
them over her bare body. “I don't believe it.”

 

 “It is nevertheless true. I will
leave the bark off in the morning, if you wish to verify it by daylight.”

 

 He abruptly withdrew. “No
need.”

 

 She had turned him off, as she had
feared. “I apologize for misrepresenting myself. It was foolish
vanity.”

 

 “Please don't.”

 

 She was silent. She had done what she
had to do, and paid the price she had to pay. She put the bark back on, and her
clothing. Then she settled miserably to sleep.

 

 Sherlock said nothing in the morning.
He went about his business as usual, fetching in pies for breakfast. They ate,
and organized for the day's walk. The blue arrow pointed on along the trail,
and the red arrow was back, with little time remaining. They were close to
another contact.

 

 It wasn't long before they found it.
Five walking skeletons appeared, coming toward them. Their hollow eyes spied
the two, and they rattled their bones menacingly.

 

 “Marrow Bones and Gracile Ossein
are nice folk,” Clio murmured. “Somehow I don't think these ones
are.” In fact, this seemed to be her Danger of the Day.

 

 The skeletons charged, grinning with
their skull faces, reaching out with their bone fingers. Sherlock stepped in
front of Clio, a chip of wood appearing in his hand. He flipped it at the nearest
skeleton. It touched, and the skeleton transformed into a mild-looking man. The
man looked surprised.

 

 The other skeletons closed in. Sherlock
flipped more chips, and they became inoffensive men and women.

 

 “Who are you?” Clio demanded.

 

 “We're actors in dreams,” one
man said. “I think we need to find the casting agency for good
dreams.”

 

 “Dreams! What are you doing out
here in Xanth, by daylight?”

 

 “We don't know. We were going to a
casting call, but lost our way.”

 

 “Bad dreams!” Sherlock said.
“You're from the gourd!”

 

 “Yes. But we don't want to act in
that kind anymore.”

 

 “You'll have to find a
daymare,” Clio said. “They know where the good dreams are made.”

 

 “We'll find one,” the man
agreed, and led the group on down the trail. One of their hands brushed Clio's
hand, and passed through it; he was a man of no substance. That made sense, as
the creatures of the dream realm normally had no reality in the physical realm.

 

 “How did they get out?”
Sherlock asked.

 

 Clio glanced at the compass. The red
arrow was on its mark. “I think that's for us to discover. There must be a
hole in the dream framework.”

 

 “There must be. I've never heard
of this happening before.”

 

 “Things do go wrong on
occasion.” She was privately glad that they were able to talk about
things. She had been afraid that after her revelation of the night Sherlock
would find some pretext to depart, and she could hardly blame him. Yet she had
had to tell him the truth some time.

 

 “Is this something your compass
suggests you need to deal with?”

 

 “It did point us toward the
skeletons, and the time was when they appeared. I suppose it could be
coincidence.”

 

 “I doubt it. The compass seems to
have its own mind.”

 

 She smiled with understanding. “It
does.”

 

 “What does it say now?”

 

 She looked. “Another short
deadline, down the path.”

 

 “Should we flee it?”

 

 “No. I have to complete my mission
as soon as possible.”

 

 “There is a time limit?”

 

 “There may be.”

 

 “Something is coming,” Drew
said.

 

 Then a ghost appeared. It was a wild
frightening one, drifting above the path, its sheet flapping. It spied them
with its vacant eye-holes and floated menacingly toward them.

 

 “I have a weird notion,”
Sherlock said. “Is it possible that we aren't supposed to nullify the bad
dreams? All they can do is scare us, and frankly, I'm not scared.”

 

 “But they could do mischief to
others. I think we'd better nullify them.”

 

 “As you wish.” He flipped a
chip at the ghost, which became a flat soft children's bedsheet, decorated with
cute animals, and drifted away.

 

 “You mentioned a time limit,”
Sherlock said as they proceeded on along the trail. “Is this something I
should know about?”

 

 “Yes, probably. It's-”

 

 “More coming,” Drew said.

 

 Then a swarm of ugly things appeared.
They were indescribable, but had aspects of squashed caterpillars with messy
tentacles and drooling mouths. “Get a load of this!” one exclaimed.
“An old black man and a sexy slut! Charge!”

 

 “Oh, my,” Clio said.
“Those are ghastlies. They're dirty and horrible to touch, and their
mouths are worse.”

 

 “There are too many to catch with
chips,” Sherlock said.

 

 “Just get out of their way,
lest-” She was too late; they were already swarming over the two of them.

 

 “Lest?” he asked as he shook
them off.

 

 “Lest they defecate on us.”

 

 Indeed, they were already dripping with
stink. “Ugh!”

 

 The ghastlies tumbled on down the path,
looking for others to besmirch.

 

 “This is getting out of
hand,” Clio said.

 

 “Out of something, anyway.”
He tried to brush off some of the guano, but it just smeared worse. Clio was no
better off; she feared her hair would never be the same. Even the two little
dragons had been soiled.

 

 “We've got to find a way to plug
that leak,” Clio said.

 

 “I agree. But first I'd like to
get clean.”

 

 “Yes! There's a stream nearby;
we'll wash there.”

 

 They slogged down to the stream.
“We'll have to strip.”

 

 “I know it,” she agreed.
“It isn't as though we have physical secrets from each other.”

 

 They pulled off their clothing, and
Clio also removed the nymph bark, which had gotten grimed too. They splashed
water on themselves, washing off the clinging filth. The two dragons dived
under the surface and came up again, shaking their wings; they weren't any
happier about the foulness. Sherlock helped her with her hair, which she had to
let down and immerse in the water, slowly rinsing it.

 

 “I wonder,” he said.

 

 “Yes?”

 

 “If those were more escapees from
the dream realm, how could their refuse be solid?”

 

 “That's an excellent question. It
shouldn't be. It should be more apparent than real.”

 

 The remaining gook disappeared.
“We figured it out, and it went,” Sherlock said. “It was all in
our minds.”

 

 She tried to laugh. “I never
realized my mind could be so dirty.”

 

 “We were fooled too,” Drew
said, chagrined.

 

 Sherlock looked around.
“Uh-oh.”

 

 “More horrors?” she asked,
alarmed.

 

 “Not exactly. It's that I think we
lost our clothes.”

 

 She checked. Everything was gone.
“The stream must have carried them away while we were distracted. We
weren't really dirty; we merely thought we were. But the water is real, and it
acted as water does. We'll have to hurry to recover them.”

 

 “I'll do it.” He waded
downstream, only to pause before getting far. “Uh-oh,” he repeated.

 

 “I hate that expression! What is
it?”

 

 “There's a waterfall. Our clothes
are gone.”

 

 “How can there be a waterfall?
This is level land.”

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