Cry For You (Fallen Star #2) (9 page)

I was wrecking things with Ruby. I knew she thought I was a sack of shit and I didn’t blame her.

That’s why I was making her breakfast in bed, because I wanted to prove to her how sorry I was. Although, with my cooking skills, it might just make her angrier. Still, you get points for trying in this life and I could make a cup of coffee even if I sucked at the rest of it.

She’d given me the silent treatment since the gig. Sure, she spoke to me when she had to but there were no jokes and, even worse, no insults. I’d have paid good money to have her tell me what an idiot I was with that teasing light in her eyes.

Once it’d been her and I against the world, snug and alone with nothing to come between us, but that had all changed. And the thing that had come between had been me. I’d done it all for her but I could never tell her that.

When I’d got back stage and seen that chick there, I did not want Ruby anywhere near her. How she’d even got backstage was beyond me. Hannah had made sure the security at the venue was tight. We didn’t want random fans coming backstage. We didn’t even want the support bands wandering into our room. I wanted Ruby to feel it was a safe place for her to be and I didn’t really want distractions either.

I figured I’d talk to the pizza chick for a few minutes then give her the flick. Devon and I had signal from the olden days. I’d say, “wow your hair looks great,” then tug my left earlobe. That meant “get this chick away from me” without actually having to be rude to a fan. Not all of them were crazy, some of them just got a little over enthused and it saved face for everyone if security asked them to leave.

Once pizza chick had gone, I’d go out and get Ruby. That’s what I thought.

The more pizza chick talked, the more I realised she wasn’t playing with a full deck. She was even on that scary forum of obsessed fans. I never went on that place but Devon had told me about it once. How some of them talked about finding out our home addresses and that kind of thing.

I really, really did not want her to see Ruby and I together. If she figured out we were a couple, Christ knew what would happen. She’d post it on the forum and the whole world would know in the worst possible way. If Ruby didn’t want people to know then I respected that. We couldn’t hide our relationship forever but I wanted it to happen on her terms not anyone else’s.

Pizza chick stroked my arm and I tried not to recoil.

“Wow, your hair looks great,” I’d said in my loudest, most obvious voice. I even glanced over at Devon. He ignored me. He didn’t make eye contact but I’m sure he heard me.

Anger simmered inside me like lava below a volcano. Devon had been taking being a dick to a whole new level.

Hannah had gone off with some guys from the record company and I couldn’t say anything to Lizzie in front of the crazy chick. I’d tried to play it cool in front of pizza chick but, in the end, when I saw Ruby with Devon, I forgot all common sense. I’d screwed things up altogether.

I couldn’t explain all that to Ruby. I didn’t want to scare her off but I could’ve at least apologised. Told her I’d acted like a real cock and been contrite. But I had a head full of pride and couldn’t say the words.

That made me pretty much the type of guy I wanted to punch in the face. Maybe if I punched myself in the face, I’d feel better. Maybe I could just punch Devon. I didn’t even want to see his smug face at rehearsal, looking like he knew secrets that I didn’t.

I wasn’t sure a piece of toast and a cup of instant coffee would be enough to fix all that. I’d have made her French toast if I knew how.

“What’s going on?” Ruby called sleepily from the bedroom.

“Nothing. Go back to sleep.”

Maybe I should go out and pick a flower from the garden to put on her breakfast tray. Chicks love that stuff. I wasn’t sure if Ruby was that kind of chick but even if she laughed at me, it’d be good. I’d love for her to laugh at me. Anything but this polite tension. I’d make the biggest idiot of myself ever if it helped.

While I waited for the toast to cook, I ran out and picked some kind of pink flower. It looked nice. I put it on the tray with her coffee and buttered the toast.

Then I carried it in to her.

“Huh? It’s too early to get up.”

“Just sit up,” I answered. This wasn’t easy. My heart pounded with the thought that she’d just say a polite thank you then turn away.

She sat up, brushing her hair out of her face.

Then she noticed the tray. She didn’t smile but her eyes lit up.

“Is this for me? What do you want? You must want something if I’m being treated like this.”

The words I wanted to say stuck in my throat. I needed to get things right with us. I really wanted to take her in my arms and tell her she meant the world to me but I worried that would be moving too fast. I had to tread gently.

“I just wanted to do something nice for you. Is that a crime?”

“You want me to do something really nasty, don’t you?”

I turned away because I didn’t want her to see me grin. Was it weird to feel happy because she was being mean to me again? I went back to the kitchen and got my coffee then returned not sure what to do next.

She moved over and made room for me on the bed beside her. That was almost like her saying she’d forgiven me. It spoke volumes in Ruby language.

“You can have a bit of my toast but, if you get crumbs in my bed, I will kill you.”

“If I get crumbs in your bed, you can always sleep in my bed.”

Yep, there’d been no sex since that night. That angry fuck against the wall. She’d said she was tired and not in the mood and slept in her own bed. But this wasn’t just about the sex. I could live without that if I had to but I’d much rather not.

“You know, I’m sorry about the other night,” I mumbled.

“What did you say? I couldn’t quite hear you.”

I punched her on the arm, just lightly.

“Watch it. You’ll spill my coffee.”

“You heard me. You heard me just fine. I don’t need to repeat it. I acted like a jackass.”

“You sure as hell did.”

But she leaned against my shoulder and let me put my arm around her. And that meant more than anything.

The internet was supposed to be my friend but it'd betrayed me. And, just in case I missed seeing those photos plastered over every site, I had an inbox full of emails telling me about them. I don't even know how half those people knew my email address.

When I'd first seen the photos, they hadn't registered. Celebrity gossip isn't my thing so I tend to mentally blank it out. It was just a photo of some people in an argument. Yawn. Who cares?

Then I realised one of the guys looked a whole lot like Tex so I looked closer.

That girl in the photo trending on every social media site was me.

In less than 2 days, photos of the fight in the band room had travelled all around the world. And they looked bad. Really bad. I was like the bone in a dog fight between Tex and Devon. Tex had eyes that burnt with crazy and I looked like a cheap whore willing to go with whoever'd have me. It looked like most of the text around the photos implied the same thing.

Hell.

I didn't even open the emails. I shut my laptop and hid it under my bed. Then I put a blanket over it to further conceal it. If I kept the internet buried, it couldn't hurt me. Maybe I should unplug the modem too. My life was like a horror movie where the thing you love the most has turned evil and wants to destroy you.

"Ruby, do you want coffee?"

I didn't answer. Tex could act like nothing was wrong but all the world was wrong. All the kittens and rainbows and happiness had been taken away and replaced by horrible photos of me in my most private moments. I knew what people were like online. They'd be dissecting me. They'd be taking one photo taken at one moment of my life and building a whole "me" from that photo. They'd comment on it, saying I was a slut or a bitch or maybe that I looked like an okay person. But even the nice judgements were still judgements.

"Ruby?"

Tex stood in the doorway.

"Ruby, what's wrong?"

I was devastated. The only consolation I had was that this whole thing would be forgotten in a day or two. Hopefully.

Tex rushed over and put his arm around me.

"Are you sick? You look awful."

I had to tell him. I had to let him know about the scandal. He'd hate it. He'd hidden out in his house for years, avoiding the public eye. Then he'd played one festival and one show and was front page news. I didn't understand that level of fame. I never wanted to have to. I hated it when the woman at the corner shop remembered my name. If I could live my entire life under the radar, I'd be happy.

I didn't want to say the words though. Once I said them out loud, they'd become true facts. True facts that would end up leading to talks about our future and our feelings and all the things I wanted to hide under my bed with my laptop.

I just wanted to stay like this, with him beside me, holding me tight. I wanted to lean my head on his shoulder and bury my face into his neck. Then the world would go away.

I untangled myself from him and got his phone.

"Read this, I'm going out for a walk," I said and got up one of the articles.

I pulled on my boots.

"Wait, Ruby..."

I didn't want to wait. I wanted to escape and just be in denial for a while. Maybe, while I was gone, he'd think of something to make this all go away.

When I first started stomping down the driveway, I didn't notice anything strange. I didn't notice anything. I was too wrapped up in my cloak of misery. But a noise startled me. There was someone creeping around the building site for the new house. An intruder.

"Get out of there, you lousy bastard. Piss off or I'll call the cops!" I screamed and waved my arms in an attempt to scare him off. Instead of running though, he raised his camera and took a photo of me. Then I noticed, out of sight of the studio, there were at least three cars parked in the driveway. There had to be more of them around.

My stomach churned and I just stared at him for a moment, unable to react or move, like I was an animal caught in the headlights of a huge truck.

Then he moved and I realised I had to get away. I forced my shaking legs into action and ran back to the house. Tears prickled in my eyes and I had to force down the screams building inside of me. I almost tripped over a loose board on the porch and hurled myself against the door, unable to turn the door handle because my hands trembled too much. I had to get inside.

Finally, it turned. I rushed inside and locked it behind.

"What the hell, Ruby?"

"There are people out there. Reporters."

Tex took me in his arms, holding me so tenderly I couldn't believe he was the same guy who'd been such a bastard. I started to feel a little better with the security of his arms around me but I still felt sick to my stomach. I hated leaving the house but I liked to know that if I wanted to, I could. He stroked my hair until my breathing went back to normal.

"Ring the police. We have to get rid of them." My voice was shrill.

"I've called Hannah. She's coming over."

"I want the police here. I want them arrested." I tried to be calm but my voice had a hysterical edge.

The window. They'd be able to see in if they came up on the porch. I didn't want their little rat faces staring in at me. I ran into the bedroom and grabbed a blanket.

"Help me," I said. "We have to put this up at the window. They'll come up and take photos otherwise."

Tex shook his head but looked around for something to help me put the blanket up.

"There are nails on the building site," he said. "Otherwise we have nothing here."

"You can't go out there. They'll get you."

He rubbed my arm. "It's okay. The worst they can do is take a photo of me."

I couldn't believe he was so calm. He was the one who got insane when anyone recognised him. He had gotten up though and was walking to the door.

"I'll lock the door behind you. Let me know it's you when you get back."

"Ruby, it's some reporters, not the zombie apocalypse."

"I don't like it."

"I don't either but maybe the best thing would be for the two of us to go out there together. Tell them the truth and let them take some photos. That way, they'd have nothing to creep around for. And the public are going to find out some time. Well, have found out. We need to get our side of the story out there."

I ran my hands through my hair. I couldn't do that. I could never do that.

"Let's wait for Hannah, okay?"

"You mean before I get the nails or after?"

"After. Let's just go in the other room and shut the door. Hannah will call when she gets here."

"Okay, but I want to make coffee first. Since I've missed out."

He really wasn't taking this serious enough for my liking. I went into the bedroom, worried there'd be faces pressed against the windows any moment.

Tex sat the coffee cup down on the floor next to my bed.

"What do you want to do, Ruby?" he asked.

I shrugged.

"I don't even know where to start." I knew what I wanted and that was to go back to how things were a month ago. The two of us alone in the studio. No outsiders. No intruders. But that would never happen. Beyond that, I couldn't even compute that I was with someone so famous that some photos snapped of him would turn the internet upside down and have lowlifes hiding in the bushes around the studio.

"What do you want to do?" I looked up at him, standing next my bed, trying to gauge his feelings.

"For starters, we can't live like prisoners. Things like this happen."

"Did they happen before?"

He nodded. "I never knew when I'd be photographed and put on display. You get used to it."

He might. I never would. I never wanted to be judged by people and have them comment on me. His life and his career might depend on that but mine didn't. I'd never be the star, and would never want to be, but being the star's girlfriend seemed so much worse. You got all the hate and jealousy.

"Where's your laptop?" said Tex. He took a sip of his coffee.

I pointed under the bed.

He sat down his coffee cup and bent down. He pulled out the blanket then the laptop.

"You can't make things go away by burying them. Not literally, not figuratively. The pictures will still be online."

"I'm not looking at them. I'm not reading the comments on them, that's for sure."

"Yeah, it's probably wise not to read the comments. But it'll pass. Maybe tomorrow someone else will be the big news. We just have to weather it out until then."

Wow, since when had he become the practical one, full of advice?

"Who took the photos anyway? Who was backstage? There was you guys and Hannah plus a couple of bigwigs she'd brought along. Bigwigs don't go around posting photos online.

It was that girl, the one with the pizza. As soon as I thought of her, the churning in my stomach solidified into a big lump and that lump said it had to be her. The look she'd given me when she'd seen me in the crowd had been pure malice.

"She worked for the venue, I think. She wouldn't have taken the photos though. She was really nice." Something about Tex’s voice made me think he was holding something back.

"What? You're kidding. How have you survived in the world this long? She was suspicious as all hell. "

He shook his head. How could he be so oblivious? Everyone else that was in that room had no reason for taking photos and posting them all over the net.

"She's the same girl who delivered our pizza. Don't you think that's strange?"

"You can't jump to conclusions. There was that chick with Devon. It could've been her."

"Like hell I can't. She's a stalker. That's for sure. She's a creepy stalker."

Tex's phone beeped. "Hannah's here," he said.

"Make her do a secret knock to get in."

He raised his eyebrows. "Really?"

"No, but check out the window to make sure it's her."

He went to the front room and I stared at my laptop. Tex was wrong. Hiding things was best. My laptop had become filled with horrible things. I couldn't even put a filter on it to avoid the gossip. It was everywhere.

Finally, Hannah knocked. It'd taken her ages to get to the door. She had an empty coffee cup in her hand, which she threw in the bin.

"Those beasts are blocking the driveway. I had to walk up from the road." She walked in the bedroom and gave me a look then moved almost like she was going to hug me but stopped herself. "Are you okay?"

I nodded.

"No, she's not. She's a mess."

Tex sat on the bed beside me, wrapping me in his arms while Hannah went to work. While she was on the phone to the building contractors, she dug in her handbag and got out a bar of chocolate.

"This will make you feel better," she mouthed then got back to the contractors.

Within no time, she had them organised to increase the security fencing around the building site and the entire property. Then she went outside and ordered the reporters off the property. She told them she'd organised tow trucks and they had five minutes to get out or their cars would be removed from the property.

"You really should get in touch with your parents too," Tex said, nodding at my laptop. "If they see the photos, they are going to be worried about you."

How did he know that? He was right, of course. They'd obviously seen the photos because they'd emailed me but what could I say to them anyway? That I was fine, but I wasn't. That I was a mess, which would be a shitty thing to say when they could do nothing.

Hannah had been right though. The chocolate bar had made me feel better. She should be a doctor. It was the best diagnosis I'd ever had.

Tex went out to check that the reporters had left, leaving Hannah and I alone.

"You know, a similar thing happened to me. It was pretty awful. In the end, the best thing I did was get up in public and face up to people."

"I can't do that," I said. "I just can't."

I picked at a hole in the knee of my sweatpants, fraying the edges. I couldn't even imagine what it'd be like to do something like that.

"No one is going to force you. Just, if you felt inclined, we could organise a press conference where the two of you announce your relationship. You don't even have to be there for it. Tex could do it alone."

"I don't even know if he'd want to do that. What are we going to say? We might have some undefined thing going on that may or may not last." I sighed without looking up.

"Okay, understood." Even though I couldn't see her, I could sense her gaze on me, trying to make sense of it all. "There are other things to worry about too. Like the fire. We don't want too much talk of that. And, of course, Julie. Tex has put himself in the limelight but we don't want too much probing. There are things about Tex – I mean, I know him and you know him and he's a great guy but, if the press twists things around, he might end up looking a bit nuts."

I nodded. A bit nuts was understating things. And he did look crazed in that photo.