Cry For You (Fallen Star #2) (5 page)

And, if you are going to camp out all night, you couldn't do it alone. There are times in life you need other people and the most important of those was for keeping your spot in line while you went to the toilet.

I'd get a ticket for those shows. I just knew I would. And somehow, it felt like that would be step one in my revenge plan.

Hannah had found a new space for us to use for rehearsal. I was on my way to meet her there. I’d tell her about this chick and see what she suggested.

I stared out the cab window, thinking I really should buy a car. Hell, I hadn’t driven a car in years and we were in such an isolated spot out there. If some crazy came nosing around, we were sitting ducks. Especially Ruby, there alone.

The thought of that almost made tell the driver to turn back home. I didn’t even know if Ruby could drive. I’d never seen her drive or heard her talk about it. I could teach her though. That made me grin, the thought of teaching her to drive. That’d result in a few fights. And tears, most likely mine.

That pizza delivery chick had scared the bejesus out of me. Of course, I didn’t want to let Ruby know that. She got freaked so easily. She’d just been getting on board with the whole going to watch me play and being part of my life thing that I didn’t want her pulling away from me. So, when she said anything, I laughed it off. There was no point getting her all upset for no reason.

But I’d been around long enough to know what a fan looked like when they’d crossed the line. I’d had some crazy ones all right. When you first start out in this business, well, when I first started out, I was young and stupid. Having some woman creep her way into your hotel room and offer it all up seemed like a huge perk. Sometimes, I’d get back to my room and find some chick naked in my bed. I didn’t question how she got there or what her motives were. If she said she just wanted to spend the night with me, I’d go for it. Any guy, if he’s young and single and full of hormones, would.

The thing was, even when they said it’d just be one night and they’d be gone in the morning, they usually weren’t. The next morning it’d be “take me on tour with you, Tex,” or “when will you be back in town?” Like one blowjob would make you lose your mind over them.

Some of them were okay but there’d been some real nutters. They’d cling to you and lose their shit. Threatening to kill themselves, threatening to kill me. Saying they’d sell their stories to the tabloids. Begging and pleading. One of them had drawn a knife on me once. I’ve still got the scar on my forearm where she swiped at me.

It was the eyes. In the end, I worked that out. Even when they were being sweet and obliging, some of them had that look in their eyes like they didn’t really see you but saw something else entirely. They wanted a dream or salvation and you were just the form they’d given to it.

Of course, some weren’t like that. Hell, some of them had been a heap of fun and maybe I would’ve been tempted to take one of them along to fool around with on tour but I had one big stop sign preventing that. I’d have had to introduce them to Julie.

Never going to happen.

I never told any of the groupies this but it was as much for their own protection as anything. Julie would’ve made minced meat out of them. She held nothing back when she put the “not good enough for my brother” stamp on someone.

I wondered what she would’ve thought of Ruby. Ruby would never have got that stamp that’s for sure. If anything, the two of them would’ve ganged up on me and I’d come off the worst.

Well, that’s what it would’ve been like in the good times. Before Julie got into the drugs, or the drugs got into Julie. Maybe, if someone like Ruby had been around instead of all the crazies, Julie would still be with me.

I’d do anything to protect Ruby. I’d wrap her up and save her from the entire world if I could. But she was a weird mix of soft and tough. Sometimes so vulnerable and other times fiery as hell. I never knew how much I could shelter her. I’d kill before I’d let the things that happened to Julie happen again though.

God, it was tough. I’d never been this conflicted over a woman before. I’d wanted to move the rehearsal somewhere else so she didn’t have to deal with us playing at the studio all the time but I hated leaving her alone.

But then, I’d have told her I loved her and have set a wedding date if I wasn’t so conflicted. Our future was together. It had to be. I was nothing without her. But she hated any kind of attention. What kind of a life could I offer her? Not the life she wanted, that’s for sure. That pizza chick would be the tip of the iceberg once the public found out about us.

I got to the rehearsal space. Hannah was already there.

“Looks fine to me but then what do I know?” she said.

I grinned and took a look around. It wasn’t too shabby and it was conveniently located for all of us.

“I’m happy,” said Devon, and Brownie nodded.

“It looks like this is it then. I don’t really want to be buggering around looking at places.”

While Brownie set up his drum kit, I took Hannah aside and told her about the pizza chick.

“Maybe she was just shocked to see you,” Hannah said. “Imagine if you were a fan and you are just going about your day, delivering pizzas. You turn up at some shack in the middle of nowhere and the guy answering the door is your favourite rock star. You’d be a bit stunned.”

I scratched my chin. That was true but it was the eyes. I couldn’t really put it in words but there was something wrong there. Then, I’d only got a brief glimpse of her before she’d run off.

“Let me know if anything else weird happens. And maybe order your pizza from somewhere else.”

I nodded. That chick would not be coming back, that’s for sure.

“What’s the matter, Tex? Seeing ghosts or something?” Devon sneered. “Not everybody’s after you.”

What did he know? Maybe if he was a bit more wary of people around him, things would’ve turned out differently all around. Devon was a dick, that’s for sure. I ignored him and plugged in my guitar. We were there to rehearse, not to be friends.

"Ruby, it's awesome to see you!" The look of surprise on Lizzie's face spoke volumes. And she wasn't the only one to look at me like that. I might be a crotchety hermit but I did leave the house and socialise sometimes. It was just that I preferred not to.

It was Brownie and Lizzie's engagement party, so I had to go. I’d not spent much time with them but really liked both of them. They were easy to be around and didn't give me grief if I needed some alone time. They weren't those pushy “get out of your comfort zone” types.

I'd even worn a cute dress that I'd ordered online. I so rarely got out of sweat pants that it'd taken me half the morning to shave my legs. Then Tex pushed me on the bed saying he wanted to know if sex with me was different with smooth legs. I think there were huge flaws in his logic but I wasn't complaining.

I was fine. I kept telling myself that, trying to believe it.

Lizzie took us through the house to the garden and handed us beers. The garden was full of people, which gave me an uneasy moment, but Tex squeezed my hand and gave me the reassurance that came from being with him.

"There's some food on the table if you're hungry."

Some food? It's a wonder that table didn't collapse with all that food on it. Socialising did have its good points. My mouth watered just looking at that massive table full of food. There were three big sponge cakes and a bowl of something that looked like chocolate pudding as well as trays and trays of savouries. Then there were mountains of salads. Not the crappy lettuce and tomato kind but premium salads like potato.

“Was I supposed to bring something?” I never knew the right thing to do.

“Of course not. And it’s not like we need more food.”

The smell of the BBQ wafted over to me, making my stomach rumble with delight. Brownie stood by the grill wearing a “kiss the cook” apron with a BBQ tool in his hand.

I was so glad that Tex’s bandmates were so down to earth. I’d have hated going to some fancy shindig with snotty rich people. Even though FORSAKEN had made some major money on the festival and were selling more than they ever had, the guys were still ordinary. Well, except for Devon. But even he’d be like he was regardless of the success or failure of the band.

Even though I smiled and acted happy, it'd been a real struggle for me to come along to this party. The thought of meeting new people and making conversation with them almost had me crying in the corner. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd voluntarily gone to a party. Maybe back before I dropped out of uni – and even it was a rare thing.

I’d intended on making an excuse the morning before the party so I could get out of it but I really wanted to prove to Tex that I could be normal. I wasn’t some wilting violet who needed to be mollycoddled. He didn’t need a girlfriend like that.

Tex wandered off to talk to Brownie while Lizzie took me under her wing. We walked over to a shady spot under a tree where a group of people sat in a circle. She pulled up a chair for me then introduced me around. Her friends and family. She seemed to have a never ending supply of friends and family. How ever did she keep track of them all?

"Ruby is fantastic," she told someone. "She is a games programmer. I have no idea how she does it. I can't even play games, let alone program them."

"I just do simple stuff, nothing complicated." I blushed because I didn't want people thinking I was a nerd. “I don’t make any money out of it or anything.”

An old lady sitting with a napkin spread out on her lap smiled at me.

“You must be so clever, dear. I don’t understand those computers at all. Lizzie has been trying to set me up on Facebook but it’s so confusing.”

Lizzie smiled at her. “All the photos will be up soon and it’ll be easy for you to look at them, Nan.”

I balanced my beer on my knee and looked around. The main reason Brownie had wanted Tex to play the festival was so he could buy a house and this was the house that he'd bought. We'd hurried through the inside to the garden so I hadn’t seen much but the garden was lovely. Lizzie looked like she'd be the sort to know about things like buying furniture and arranging it all. The opposite to me. I had no idea where to even start. She'd made the garden look amazing for the party, with lanterns hanging everywhere.

I gulped. I'd never be the kind of person who'd do that. I was more like the kind who ordered in pizza. Well, actually, I was the exact kind who ordered in pizza, except I'd lost my appetite for that recently. The thought of that weird woman still unnerved me.

“So if you don’t make money out of programming, what do you do for a living?” one of Lizzie’s sisters asked me.

That was a simple question. I should just say I worked as Tex’s housekeeper. But then maybe they’d think that was weird since it was obvious that Tex and I were there together.

My heart started racing and I could feel myself redden. I was overthinking this. I knew I was overthinking. But knowing it didn’t help. I remembered those things my shrink had told me to do. I took a deep breath and told myself I could cope.

But it’d been too long. People looked at me now as though wondering why I was too stupid to answer a simple question. I turned to Lizzie for help but she was occupied with her grandmother.

My hands shook and I sat on them to hide them before anyone noticed.

I needed to say something, anything.

Across the garden, Tex nodded for me to come over. I jumped up and ran to him, feeling as if he’d saved me. He put his arm around me and kissed me on the cheek. I clutched onto him tight.

“Are you okay?” he whispered.

I nodded.

I picked up a plate and started on the food. It would be a fun day and I would be okay. I needed to be positive. I focused on the food instead of my inner turmoil.

That cheesecake looked super delicious but I should eat real food first, not go straight for the sweets. Even standing at the table trying to get something to eat was an ordeal when there were so many people around. They’d judge everything I ate.

No they wouldn’t. They wouldn’t even notice.

I ended up just shovelling food on the plate so I could sit back down. Even if it wasn’t right.

“So, you’re Tex’s girlfriend?” said a middle-aged man. I had no idea who he was. Another relative? “I’d have not thought you’d be his type.”

What the hell did he mean by that?

I sat back down next to Tex. He’d noticed that I was struggling before and had helped me out. I couldn’t believe that. But how long would he keep doing that? Eventually, he’d find it tiresome. I needed to harden up.

Half the people at the party came over to say hello to Tex. He and Brownie had gone to school together so it made sense that so many of Brownie's relatives knew him. I felt safe at Tex's side. He did all the hard work, making small talk and remembering who people were and what to say to them and I did the easy stuff – smiling and eating food.

"I guess you'll be next," said Lizzie as she pressed me to have more cake.

"Huh?"

"The next one married."

I sat up straight and pulled away from Tex, as though just by touching him I was getting too close. Married? I'd never thought of that. My insides went zinging in a million directions at once. Happy but freaked out. Marriage seemed like something old people did. The talk of moving in to the new house with him had been commitment enough. The future and what would happen in it was something we never discussed.

I never discussed.

I tried not to think about.

I wasn't even sure it was possible. Every day I woke up and the fact that Tex was still with me seemed like the most amazing thing in the world. I could lose myself in a dream of forevers and happily ever afters but I found it hard to believe that is how it would be. I couldn't go there. Those kinds of things involved trust and hope.

One day at a time was enough for me. But was it enough for Tex?

As I leaned back against Tex, I felt his body stiffen. Had I done something wrong? But it wasn’t me. I followed Tex’s gaze to where Devon stood in the doorway. The tension between him and Tex was subtle but it was always there. Even while Tex smiled and said “hello”, I noticed the change in him.

The two of them would never be friends like they'd been when they were young but both of them wanted Brownie and Lizzie to have a great day so they smiled and joked around. To anyone who didn't know them, you'd think they were best mates but it was only on the surface.

Sometimes in rehearsal, Tex would snap, lashing out with his words. The nasty streak in Tex was the worst part of him. Devon always tried to laugh it off but I wondered if that was mostly for the sake of the band. It was no secret Devon had money troubles before they'd reformed so he had a lot at stake, enough to ignore a few harsh words.

"Hey, Ruby," Devon said. "Do you know someone called Danielle?"

I shook my head, wondering why he asked. Maybe it was someone I'd gone to school with. I couldn't remember half those girls. They'd just jelled into a mass of mean girls. Like the movie only bitchier.

"I'm not even sure if her name was really Danielle. She seemed dodgy and unsure about it, like she was lying. She said you'd put me as a contact on your insurance and she wanted to check some details about you. It didn't sound right to me so I told her I didn't know you."

He took a sip of beer and I shuddered. It was probably nothing but too many weird things had happened lately for me to just dismiss it. I didn't even have any insurance.

"Are you sure it was me she was asking about?"

"Yep."

"That's strange." I shook my head, hoping to shake the gnawing thoughts as though they were mosquitos buzzing around.

Still, with the late afternoon sun shining through the trees in the garden and a soft breeze carrying the scent of spring flowers, I couldn’t stay too anxious. That slight alcohol buzz settled in my body, when you are nowhere near drunk just happy to be alive.

One of Lizzie's sisters started hassling the guys to play a few songs. Not the pregnant sister, another one. She seemed to have a tribe of sisters and they were all on the pretty side of normal. The sense of camaraderie between them made me wonder if I would've been a different person if I'd had siblings.

"Sorry," said Tex. "I didn't bring my guitar with me."

He gave his wry grin though, like he wished he'd thought of it.

"Brownie has a guitar," said Lizzie. "His old acoustic he had in high school. Not sure how in tune it is, and it'd definitely not be up to your standards..."

"Bring it out, got to entertain the people after all."

That surprised me but then Tex was much more relaxed about playing lately. Not so long ago, a suggestion like that would've had him storming out in a bad mood. He'd really mellowed from when I first met him. I’d thought that he was a man who didn't even know how to smile. Even if we didn't last forever, even if this was just a temporary thing, being part of what had broken him out of that stupor he'd been in was definitely worth it.

Lizzie's sister clapped her hands.

"I can't believe we have a real rock star playing at our party." Her eyes were wide with delight.

"Hey, you have Brownie around all the time and
he's
a rock star." Tex always emphasised that the band wasn't just him. He hated being the centre of attention. Well, he loved it on stage but off stage, he hated it.

"He doesn't look it though. He makes fart jokes. That's so not rock."

"So does Tex," I said and Tex punched me lightly on the arm.

Lizzie came back with the acoustic. Tex took it and mucked around tuning it. I caught Devon's eye and got him to take my seat beside Tex so they could sing together. Brownie had grabbed his sticks and cleared off the food at the end of the table so he could join in.

All the party guests gathered their chairs around in a circle.

Tex consulted with Devon and they started. Not playing their own songs but an old Johnny Cash cover that everyone sang along with. I'd shuffled on to the edge of a bench next to Lizzie and she had a satisfied smile on her face.

"This is my favourite song," she said. "They must've been rehearsing it in secret."

When they finished, everyone applauded. A few people called out requests.

"Play Julie's Song," someone said.

I pressed my teeth into my bottom lip, hoping Tex would ignore that. What an idiot. That was not a song appropriate for a party like this. Even if they didn't know the history of that song, surely they could clue on that it wasn't apt.

"Not today," Tex said with a nod. "Today, we're here to party."

I smiled again as the moment passed. I would survive this party at least.