Crushing on the Wrong Joshua (6 page)

“Dad wanted me to go to my Aunt's. Thankfully he didn't make me,” Amber laughed.

“That bad, huh?” Joshua asked.

“You don't even wanna know,” Amber shook her head and bent to retrieve her book.

“Do you want to go for a walk or something?” Joshua asked.

“I think I should get home,” Amber said.

“It's on my way home, so I'll walk with you, if you like?” Joshua offered.

“Okay,” Amber nodded, tucking the book back into her purse.

“I bet O'Bannon has another pop quiz in the morning,” Joshua said.

“What?” Amber said, “I hope not.”

“He's going quiz happy. I heard him talking to Mrs. Rolling after school on Friday and he mentioned something about writing one up over the weekend,” Joshua said.

“Ugh,” Amber groaned.

“I think he gets some sadistic kick out of it,” Joshua laughed.

“I think so do you,” Amber laughed.

“What's that supposed to mean?” Joshua asked.

“It means that you enjoy making me dread math,” Amber said.

“Not really, it was just something to talk about,” Joshua shrugged.

“Either way, this is my house, so I'll see you in math tomorrow,” Amber said and sprinted up the walk.

Chapter Seven

Monday

Monday morning found Amber exhaustedly dragging herself to the bus stop. She had stayed up to finish her book and began another. Her body had been exhausted, but her mind wouldn't shut up. Her thoughts chased each other back and forth while she tried to concentrate on reading. The bag filled with her Joshua Nelson memorabilia still sat in the back of her closet. Amber hadn't managed the nerve to take it out to the curb yet.

Her thoughts skirted from Joshua Nelson and the improbability of ever hooking up and Joshua Kirk. Joshua Kirk was average. He was cute, but not sexy. He was funny, but not hilarious. He didn't play a sport or a guitar. Joshua Kirk claimed to spend a lot of time at the library, but Amber had never noticed him there. Was she really so lost in her own world that she failed to notice him? It had to be the answer, because why would someone lie about hanging out at the library? It implied the lack of a social life. Even Greg, whose nose was constantly buried in a book never hung out at the library.

Amber wasn't sure what to do now. The spell hadn't worked and she had given up on Joshua Nelson, even if she didn't want to throw the stuff out yet. Joshua Kirk seemed nice enough, but Amber didn't know if she was ready to move on. More than that, she wasn't sure Joshua Kirk was the type of guy she wanted to move on with. After all, Amber planned to marry her high-school sweetheart, just like her parents had. So she had to be careful. Joshua Nelson would have been perfect. Well, if he had quit stroking his own ego long enough to notice her.

“The plan is just to avoid him,” Amber thought to herself, “Just avoid him and the
other
Joshua.”

“Come on, Amber!” Larry called.

Amber blinked and scurried onto the bus. She hadn't heard it pull up.

“You alive inside that thick skull this morning, Amber?” Larry asked.

“Barely,” Amber said and collapsed into her normal seat.

She pulled out the book she had begun last night and began to read. Amber knew the bus route by heart. She had traveled the route every morning for school this year and last, because most mornings her dad had to leave for work too early to drive her. Her heart skipped a beat when the bus rolled to a halt at the newly added stop. Joshua Kirk's stop.

Amber raised the book, covering her face and pretending to be deeply enchanted by the story. She even made it a point to laugh out loud. Usually, that kept people from disturbing her.

“Hey, Amber,” Joshua said, sliding into the seat in front of her.

“Hi, Joshua,” Amber said.

“Josh is fine,” he laughed, “Joshua is my father's name.”

“Joshua sounds more elegant,” Amber laughed and closed her book.

“Well, I don't care much about elegance, so Josh will work,” Joshua said.

“Okay,” Amber nodded, “Josh it is.”

“So you ready for O'Bannon's pop quiz?” Joshua grinned.

“Of course and I'm so very thrilled to have the opportunity to take it,” Amber rolled her eyes.

“I'll be sure to tell O'Bannon that,” Joshua laughed, “Maybe he can write up some extra quizzes just for you.”

“Shut up,” Amber laughed, “Why were you eavesdropping on Mr. O'Bannon and Mrs. Kelly anyway?”

“I wasn't,” Joshua shrugged, “I was at my locker and they were talking in the hallway.”

“Sure,” Amber teased.

“They were!” Joshua laughed.

“I don't believe you,” Amber grinned.

The bus pulled to a stop and their classmates began to unload. Joshua smiled at Amber and she couldn't help it, she smiled too.

“So much for avoiding him,” Amber thought to herself as she waited by her locker for Tamara.

Tamara came sprinting down the hall two minutes before the first period bell rang.

“I've got to get to history,” Amber said, “I'll talk to you at lunch.”

“Later,” Tamara said.

Fortunately Mr. O'Bannon didn't issue the dreaded pop quiz. He assigned the class six pages of book work instead. Amber could feel Joshua trying to catch her eye, but ignored him, feigning concentration.

“Hey,” Joshua said, sliding into an empty desk next to her.

“Hi again, Josh,” she said but didn't look.

“Are you going to the library after school today?” he asked.

“Yes,” Amber said.

“Cool, me too! We could walk together if you like?” he offered.

“My dad's driving me,” Amber said.

“We could hang out there and maybe work on this math work together,” Joshua said.

“Maybe, we'll see. I might finish it before class is over,” Amber said.

“I thought I told you two to leave the romance for outside of my classroom,” Mr. O'Bannon said.

Amber blushed, sinking down low in her seat, silently wishing she was invisible.

After school Amber told her dad that she didn't need to go to the library.

“You okay? Are you sick or something?” her dad asked.

“No, why?” Amber asked.

“Because you don't ever not need to go to the library. You'd live there if they'd let you,” he laughed.

“I don't need to go,” she shrugged, “I don't have any homework.”

“What's up, Kiddo?”

“Nothing, really. I just want to go home and read.”

Chapter Eight

Tuesday

Amber walked to school Tuesday morning. She didn't want to talk to Joshua Kirk again. Something felt wrong about it. His smile gave her butterflies, but also made the hair on the back of her neck stand up. Not to mention, he kept getting her into trouble in class. Why didn't he just leave her alone?

After first period Amber dashed into the nurse's office and lied about having a headache.

“I've already taken medicine this morning,” Amber lied, “I just really need to lie down for awhile.”

“Okay, Amber, you lay down here for a bit. If you don't feel better soon, we'll see about getting in touch with your dad so you can go home,” Nurse Holly smiled.

Wednesday

Avoiding Josh on Wednesday presented more a problem. She couldn't hide in the nurse’s office two days in a row without arousing suspicion. Amber went to class and worked with her head down. Josh tried to get her attention, but she ignored him. It wasn't too difficult. The bulk of her attention centered on her aching calves. She wasn't used to the long walk to school and doing it two days in a roll had taken its toll on her.

“Hey, what happened to you yesterday?”  he asked after the bell rang.

“I had some stuff to do,” Amber said.

“Oh, cool,” Joshua grinned, “So how about hanging out today?”

“Maybe,” Amber shrugged.

“We could go to the coffee shop or something,” he suggested.

“No thanks, I have stuff I have to do at the library today. I stay pretty busy,” Amber said, quickening her pace.

“Okay, some other time then,” Joshua said.

Amber's heart sank into her stomach. His tone sounded similar to Greg's when she told him she couldn't be his girlfriend. She took a deep breath and walked quickly to her locker.

“What's up?” Tamara asked.

“Nothing,” Amber shook her head.

“That looks like a big nothing,” her BFF laughed.

“I don't want to talk about it,” Amber said.

“Fine, but if you want to spill it later you know where to find me,” Tamara said.

“Let's just get to class,” Amber sighed.

Drama was usually one of her favorite classes, but today she couldn't concentrate on the monologue she was supposed to be memorizing.

“I'm supposed to be moving on and not thinking about Joshua Nelson,”
Amber said to herself staring at her monologue with unseeing eyes,
“I shouldn't be cold towards the other Joshua just because he isn't as great as Joshua Nelson.”

Amber spent the rest of the day debating whether she would go to the library or not. When the last bell of the day rang Amber ducked into the bathroom and examined her reflection. The girl that looked back at her had her green eyes, but there was something different about her.

“I'm beginning to look older,” Amber whispered, her words echoed around the empty bathroom, “Like an adult. Like my mother. What would you tell me to do, Mom?”

Amber waited in silence for an answer she knew would never come.

“Is it okay that I like him? Will it be like Joshua Nelson in the end? He'll find out how boring I am and ignore me? That's why he never noticed me, I was always too boring,”
Amber sighed,
“Maybe I shouldn't go to the library. He'll give up on me eventually. Greg had.”

Amber leaned her head against the mirror and squeezed her eyes shut. She breathed deeply. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

“If I skip going there two days in a row day will get suspicious,” she groaned to her reflection, “So to the library I go.”

Giving into the inevitable Amber left the bathroom and headed out the big double doors. The air was becoming cooler as autumn wrapped its arms around the Earth. A strong wind blew, knocking red, orange, and gold leaves from the trees. Amber watched as they drifted to the ground. The outside of the school was eerily quiet without her classmates laughing and talking. A few stragglers sat reading or texting. Amber embraced the silence as she reached out to pluck a bright gold leaf from the air before it hit the ground.

HONK! HONK!

Amber dropped the leaf and looked up. Her dad's truck was parked in the loading and unloading zone and he looked impatient.

“What took you so long?” he asked, when she climbed into the truck.

“I was in the bathroom,” Amber said.

“Well, I have a dinner meeting in less than an hour. Am I taking you to the library or am I taking you home?” he asked.

“The library please,” Amber said before she could chicken out.

“Sure, kiddo,” he said.

Amber watched out the window as buildings and trees morphed into blurred monsters. She looked down at the road watching the slate gray blur move the truck along until it came to a stop in the library parking lot. For a moment Amber didn't move.

“Get a move on, Amber!” her father said, “I'm already running late.”

“Sorry, Dad,” she mumbled, “I'll see you later.”

“Behave,” he said and pulled away.

Amber watched until his tail lights faded away. The library had morphed from place of refuge to a place of the forbidden and unknown. Its shell looked the same, but Amber knew something had changed. It just wasn't the same. Inside she'd find Joshua Kirk and he'd talk to her.

“Let's just get this over with,” Amber sighed and pushed open the heavy door, “When are they going to install automatic doors? They're so behind the times, geez.”

Amber turned in the last of the books that had taken up the space on her bedside nightstand before beginning to wander the bookshelves, keeping on the lookout for Joshua. An elderly woman wearing a flowered dress sat in an armchair reading a smutty romance novel. A businessman was typing rapidly at his laptop, looking both worried and excited.

“Are these people always here?” Amber pondered silently.

A mother sat at a short table with her twin toddlers. Amber smiled as the mother ran her hair over one of the boys' blonde hair.

“Hopefully they stay together forever,” Amber whispered under her breath and renewed her search for reading material.

She turned the corner down another aisle of books and blinked. At the far end Joshua Kirk stood leaning against the shelves, his elbow resting in front of the paperbacks. His other hand held a science fiction paperback from the seventies. Amber read it a year ago, but the ending hadn't made sense.

“That one ends weirdly,” Amber said, as she approached him.

“Not really,” Joshua shrugged.

“Have you read it before?” Amber asked.

“Yeah, twice. It's one of my favorites,” he said, placing his bookmark inside and meeting Amber's eyes, “I thought you stayed really busy?”

Amber tried to ignore the hot blush spreading across her cheeks.

“I usually do,” she said, “Like right now I'm looking for something to read.”

“You should read this one again,” he said and offered the book to her.

“No, I'm okay,” Amber shook her head.

“Read it again. It might make better sense the second time around,” he said, still holding out the book.

“I don't think so. It just didn't end right. All through the book the main character is chasing after Gretta. He's in love with her. He's been in love with her since they were little kids and neighbors and in the end he just walks away. Brett walks away and leaves her to drown,” Amber said.

“No, he didn't,” Joshua said.

“Yes, he did!” Amber said, “I've read the book.”

“No, he didn't. Brett was in the psych ward. Gretta was the nurse who took care of him, but he didn't know it. He didn't have memory of anything that happened after the accident, but she got married and moved on. In the end, Brett's memory returns and his minds conjures a hallucination of her being gone forever so he can move on,” Joshua explained.

As he spoke Amber found herself lulled by the sound of his voice. His words fell up and down, like Mrs. Kelly when she read poetry to the class.

“That's deep,” Amber laughed.

“Like I said, read it again,” Joshua grinned.

“I will,” Amber nodded.

“So what else do you read?” he asked.

“Just about anything I can get my hands on,” Amber admitted.

“Then read these three next,” Joshua said pointing out three other paperbacks, “They're by the same guy and they're freaking awesome.”

“Do Gretta and Brett ever get together?” Amber asked.

“No, they were never intended to. He was just obsessed with her,” Joshua shrugged.

“That's a bummer,” Amber sighed.

“Not everyone can have their happy ending. Some people have to miss out on one for someone else to have theirs,” Joshua said.

“I don't believe that,” Amber laughed.

“Most girls don't,” Joshua shrugged, “So now that you have something to read what are you busy with?”

“Well, at the moment I'm really busy talking to this guy from math,” Amber laughed.

“And how long is this going to be keeping you busy?” Joshua grinned.

“For awhile, I guess,” Amber shrugged, “but my schedule changes frequently.”

“Fair enough, wanna sit down?” Joshua asked.

“Sure,” Amber said and led the way to her favorite table.

“Why do you always sit at that table?” he asked.

“Do you have another you want to sit at?” Amber asked blushing.

“No, I usually sit upstairs in the armchairs,” Joshua said, “but here's fine.”

“Good, because this is my favorite table, because it's at the very center of all the books,” Amber said, setting her backpack down before taking her usual seat at the table.

She slid her feet out of her flip-flops and curled one leg under the other. Joshua sat down across from her and they both stared at the table for a moment. Amber's heart began to race again and her palms were sweaty. This reaction would have been normal, if Joshua Nelson had walked by recently, but not sitting here with the other Joshua.

“So what do you do besides read?” he asked.

“Go to school,” Amber laughed.

“I mean besides what the government and your parents force you to do,” he chuckled.

“Umm. Read,” Amber laughed, “and hangout with Tamara.”

“Tamara? Isn't she the one with the crazy couponer for a Mom?” he asked.

“Yes, but Mrs. Page isn't crazy,” Amber said, “She's actually really freakin' nice.”

“Well, what do you and Tamara do, because I've never seen a novel in that girl's hands,” Joshua laughed.

“We shop, hang out at the mall, just chit-chatting really, and sometimes we watch movies, but I don't like them much,” Amber said, “What about you?”