Crushed (9 page)

Three
months later, we were still unable to keep our hands from one another, but life
was busy.

Ryan
started filming a TV show in LA. Which wasn’t bad, but it called for him to be
on set for 10 to 16 hours every day. He always insisted that I be there with
him.

Katie
Williams was a beautiful new actress. She was my age, and new to the world of
fame. She was sweet, every day when I came on set with Ryan, she would say
hello and we would chat while Ryan did his scenes.

It
was weird at times, because she was his romantic leading lady, but we became
fast friends.

We
would invite Alex over and Katie. Ryan and I thought they would make an amazing
couple. Alex never seemed really interested in her, but he would chat with her
all the same.

One
night we invited them both over to watch movies. Alex and Katie sat on the
couch. Ryan had a phone call and after a while when he didn’t return, I joined
him to see if everything was okay.

It
was Jason, apparently Lacey had started feeling contractions and they were
heading to the hospital. She was only 8 months, so she was a little early. He
told Ryan he would call us as soon as they got there and knew more.

We
went back into the living room and told Katie and Alex what was going on. Katie
didn’t look upset, she didn’t know Lacey, but she did say she would pray for
them.

I
couldn’t really pay attention to the movie. I knew Ryan couldn’t either, we
were both worried about Lacey and the baby. Alex seemed to be worried as well.

Jason
called back, as soon as Ryan’s phone started ringing we jumped

“Hello?”
Ryan said into the phone

Ryan
put him on speaker phone

“Lacey
is in labor, the doctor tried to stop it with medication as soon as we came in,
but they can’t. Her water broke. The baby is coming”

There
was fear in his voice. Jason was the strongest man I knew, even before Ryan. I
knew this was not good

“Is
Lace okay?” I asked

He
didn’t say anything for a moment

“No
Emmy, she’s not. She’s crying and she’s really scared. It’s not dangerously
early, but she knows the baby needs to wait a bit. She’s having a hard time,
can you come?”

“Of
course” I exclaimed “I will leave now.”

I
stood up and ran into the kitchen to grab my purse and keys

Ryan
had hung up with Jason

“Are
you coming?” I asked him.

“Yeah,
you go now. I will see Alex and Katie out, take a quick shower and I will head
up to see you guys.”

“Okay,
I’ll see you later.”

He
kissed my forehead “She’s going to be okay, she’s tough”

“I
know, she has to be. I’ll see you later, I love you.”

“Love
you too baby.” He said

I
turned to leave “bye Alex, bye Katie.”

They
both said goodbye as I was walking out the door.

When
I got to the hospital, Jason greeted me at the front desk.

“She’s
getting ready to push, she doesn’t want me in there and I have no fucking clue
what to do Em.”

He
pulled me into a hug, tears streaming down his face. I had never seen Jason cry
before

“I
can try and see if she will let me in, do you think she will?”

“She’s
been asking for you Em, she only wants you.” He tells me

When
I walk into the labor and delivery room, I see several nurses and about 4
doctors. 2 are for the baby. I see NICU on their name tags.

They
all nod at me as I walk through the door

Lacey
cries out as soon as she sees me “Oh thank God you are here Emmalyn, I need
you”

“Why
isn’t Jason in here?” I ask, crossing the room to take her hand as a
contraction rips through her. She screams out in pain

When
the pain subsides, she sobs “Because our baby is going to die, and I don’t want
him to see that.” She says

I
look up at the doctor who looks at Lacey with a sympathetic smile

“Sweetie,
I told you.” The doctor says “Your baby has a perfect heart rate right now,
there is no sign that the baby is in distress. It’s mom that we are worried
about.”

Lacey
didn’t look like she was listening. I grabbed a wet washcloth off of the side
table that was beside her bed. I dapped it in the water and began to wipe down
her face whispering soothing words of encouragement in her ear.

Every
time a contraction hit, she would grab my hand. Not letting go until it went
away.

“Can
I have Jason come back in? I think he really needs to be with you.”

She
looked at me, for the first time ever, Lacey looked beaten down and broken. She
was petrified of what could happen to her, to her unborn baby.

I
wanted to cry, I needed to, but I knew she needed me to be strong

“As
long as you don’t leave me Emmalyn, he can come in. But if anything goes wrong
with me or the baby I need you to promise me that you won’t let him watch. He
can’t handle that.”

I
nodded in agreement and walked out to get Jason.

He
was sitting on a chair right outside the door. Head in his hands shaking his
knee up and down in nervousness.

I
put my hand on his shoulder “Jason.”

He
looked up at me standing quickly

“She’s
okay.” I reassured him. “I talked her into letting you come in, as long as I
don’t leave and you promise to leave if anything goes wrong –which it won’t-
she said you can come. She’s scared Jason, she’s got herself thinking that the
baby is going to die.”

He
looked sad “I know, as soon as he or she is born she will be fine, she’s going
to be fine soon.”

We
were interrupted by a screech from Lacey. We ran in and noticed that the doctor
who was between Lacey’s leg was shouting orders at the NICU staff

“The
head is showing, we need to get ready” was all I could understand. Something
about oxygen and heart monitors

Jason
ran over to the other side of Lacey, leaving the side I had been at before
open. She reached for his hand and he gladly gave it to her, placing a quick
gentle kiss on her lips

“I’m
so sorry I was so mean to you.” She cried out

“It
is okay baby, I’m here. I am not going anywhere.”

Another
contraction came

“Okay
Lacey.” The doctor said “I need three good pushes from you and your baby will
be here. On the count of three I want you to start

As
soon as the three seconds were up the doctor started counting “one…two…three”
when she got to 10 Lacey sat back taking a deep breath. A few seconds later she
started pushing again to the same countdown; “one…two…three. Four…” and stopped

After
the third one, the doctor reached in and when I saw her hands again there was a
bright red baby covered in white patches two seconds later a strong and shrill
newborn scream filled the air.

Sighs
of relief came from Lacey, Jason and I. As well as plenty of tears

“It’s
a boy” the doctor smiled, handing the baby to the NICU nurse, who placed him
into a bassinet while the doctors looked over him. An oxygen mask was placed on
his tiny little face

“He’s
doing well” the doctor explained to Lacey and Jason “but he is a little early
and we want to make sure his lungs are fully mature, so the oxygen is just to
help him if he needs it.”

Jason
looked relieved.

Lacey
looked exhausted. She fell asleep soon after

They
took the baby to the NICU for the night, to run tests on him.

I
realized about an hour after he was born that Ryan never showed up. I stepped
out to call him and see where he was

Before
I could call him I saw that I had a voicemail from Alex

That’s
odd. I thought... He never leaves a voicemail.

“Hey
Emmalyn it’s me, Alex. Um.
Pause.
I um. I need to tell you
something, and you will probably hate me, and I know that I will deserve it. I
love you. I have loved you for a while now. I know that you are Ryan’s and I
know that you love him, you live with him and you will probably forgive him
after I tell you what I need to. Just know that I do love you, and I am always
going to be here for you, no matter what. But tonight was the end of Ryan and
I’s friendship. I will never be able to sit in the same room as him again after
what he has done.

Katie
didn’t leave when I did tonight. She spilled iced coffee all over her pants
right before we were leaving and Ryan said she could head into your room and
grab a pair of pants from your dresser he said you wouldn’t mind. I took that
as my cue to head out. Ryan said he was going to head over to the hospital as
soon as he got a shower. I said goodbye and walked out the door.

I
realized when I got down the road, that I left my phone in the guest bathroom.
I turned around and headed back in the house, using my key.

When
I got upstairs I heard moaning coming from your room. The guest bedroom. I was
fucking livid. I knew he was in there fucking her. Only a few hours after you
left. When I opened the door I noticed that Ryan had nothing but a towel on, he
was soaking wet like he had just left the shower. And that’s when I saw Katie,
sprawled out on the bed, fingering herself and calling his name. He was just
standing there watching her. He didn’t tell her to leave, I saw his face. He
didn’t look like a man who was watching someone other than his girlfriend
masturbating in his house. I watched for a few more minutes. He told her she
had to go, he told her that they were just friends and that he didn’t want her.
But something in his voice told me that he wasn’t sure if that was true or not.
He didn’t sound convincing.

Ryan
realized I was there shortly after. When he came out he had a shocked look on
his face and tried to convince me that nothing had happened, that he did
nothing wrong. But he was talking so fast it was like he was trying to convince
himself and me.

He
didn’t touch her Em, you have to know that. I don’t care that he didn’t. The
way he was looking at her was like he wanted to. Like if I hadn’t been there he
would have. I know he had a phone call from the prison from his father after
you left. I know he was hurting and of course couldn’t go to you because you
were with Lacey, but he would have fucked her if I hadn’t been there.

Be
careful from now on who you let into your life.

Just
so you know, I punched him in the face before I left. I am sure you will hear
all about that. I just... I want what is best for you, I know I transport drugs
and guns for a living and I live on the wrong side of the law, but I would
never ever look at another woman, if I had you to crawl into bed with each and
every night.

I’m
just warning you. I have to go. Good luck to you with Ryan, and give Jason and
Lacey my love... I love you Emmalyn... Bye”

 I
listened to the message 3 times. And each time it was worse than the first. I
clicked 3 to save the message before hitting end.

I
had 15 text messages from Ryan

All
ranging from

R:
“How’s the baby?”

R:
“Is it here yet?”

R:
“Is Lacey okay?”

R:
“my dad’s getting out.”

R:
“Can you call if you get a chance?”

I
assume the rest were from after the Katie and Alex incident

R:
“I love you.”

R:
“I hope you always know that.”

I
stopped reading after that. They were begging for me to call him begging for me
to tell him that I loved him. I didn’t know what to do.

I
pulled up a blank text and responded as briefly which is unlike me.

E:
“Evry1’s good. It’s a boy. TTYL”

He
text back right away, but I didn’t open it. I turned off my phone and went to
the nurse’s station. I told her that I would be going home for the night after
I said goodnight to Lacey and Jason and gave her my number if either of them
needed anything. She smiled and took down my information. I told her I would be
back first thing in the morning.

When
I went in to say good night to Lacey and Jason, I noticed that Lacey was
looking out the window. She had a beautiful view of the city, but she didn’t
seem to be looking at anything in particular. I gave her a kiss and told her I
would be back in the morning.

Jason
came out into the hall with me. I told him about Alex’s voicemail.

He
seemed angry with his brother

“What
do you mean he got a call from the prison?”

“I
don’t know the details, I am sure I will at some point, but for now I am going
to grab a hotel room for the night nearby. I will be back first thing in the
morning to help you with Lacey.”

He
seemed deep in thought. He thanked me for being there and then gave me a kiss
and I turned to leave.

I
checked into the hotel about 20 minutes later. I stopped to grab some dinner
first realizing I hadn’t eaten in hours and to buy a few outfits to keep in my
car as well as some pajamas for tonight and some things for the baby.

When
I got to my room, I grabbed quick shower, came out and sat down to eat. Before
I started I turned on my phone in case the nurse needed me

As
soon as the welcome screen went away and my background came up, did my phone
give me a notification for texts.

22.

I
didn’t click on one.

I
set my phone down and began to eat. Thinking about Ryan. Is that his game? Does
he like Katie?

I
wasn’t going to get too upset, he didn’t sleep with her. I was thankful for
that. Maybe he had a good reason for the way things happened. I would talk to
him. I was still in shock from Alex’s voice mail and his declarations.

He
started calling shortly after

Voice
mail after voicemail. He was drunk. He kept begging me to call him. Telling me
how he needed to talk to me. He needed to see me.

When
he called again I answered

Clearly
he wasn’t expecting this “Em?”

“Yeah,
I’m here” I said quietly

“Thank
God baby, I’ve been trying to call you all night. I didn’t touch her baby. She
was in your room, I went in to grab you some clothes before I got dressed and
headed out and she was there.” His words were slurring

“Are
you drunk Ryan?” I asked

“Yeah.”
He responded sounding ashamed

“Can
we talk some other time? I’m exhausted and I need to get some sleep before I
head back to the hospital in the morning to see Lacey and the baby.”

“Are
you... Are you coming home?” he asked quietly

“No.”
I responded firmly “I don’t know what I am doing Ryan, but when a chick gets
naked in a place that you share with your fiancé, you should probably kick her
out and not stare at her. I will see you later. I don’t know when you will go
and see Jason and the baby, but when you do I will see you then.”

He
didn’t like that answer. I heard him pull the phone away, and swear, but when
he came back he just said “Okay, Em, just know that I do love you. So fucking
much.”

I
hung up on him before he had a chance to say anything else.