Cruel Legacy (36 page)

How could he explain to her, make her understand that he didn't want to argue... he just wanted to put his side, to hear her say that she understood, that she knew how bad he felt, that she didn't blame him for what had happened?

Perhaps Neil had a point, he reflected later as he and Paul walked home. Perhaps it might be worth while thinking about taking some kind of course, getting some professional qualification.

He was enjoying the time he spent at the centre; he liked coaching, the work he was doing, enjoyed watching his pupils' confidence and skills improve. It gave him a real buzz, made him feel good... made him feel that there was some purpose in life. He lengthened his stride, suddenly eager to get home. Neil had given him a number to ring— the professional organisation who would be able to tell him about the options open to him if he took his advice and tried to get some professional qualifications.

'Brown bread,' Paul complained when Joel called both his children down for their tea. 'I don't like brown bread. I want white.'

'What's this?' Cathy demanded, poking suspiciously at the lasagne Joel had made. 'It hasn't got any meat in it, has it?'

She was toying with the idea of becoming a vegetarian ... when it suited her.

'Nope,' Joel assured her.

The books he had borrowed from the library had all had sections in them on diet and he had been appalled, when he'd read the ingredients listed on the packets of some of the ready-made meals he had been buying, to see just how little nutrition some of them contained.

Robustly ignoring Sally's irritation, he had decided he could do better himself... much better.

'Brown bread's better for you,' he told Paul. 'And besides, it's all there is...'

Paul scowled, but he still ate the meal, Joel noticed, as did Cathy, even if she was picking suspiciously at it.

'What's for pudding?' Paul asked him.

'Fruit salad and yoghurt,' he told him.

He had bought the fruit cheaply from a market stall late on market day and he had felt quite proud of the meal he had produced. There was a lot more to this nutrition business than he had realised. Food was the fuel that powered the body; and just like any engine the body's engine worked more efficiently on the right kind of fuel.

'Uggh... it's not sweet enough,' Cathy complained as she took a spoonful of the fruit salad.

'Yes, it is... too much sugar's bad for you...'

'Yuck, you're worse than Mum,' Cathy grumbled, but again she ate it none the less, Joel noted:

He looked up as he heard Sally opening the back door.

'Lucky you, Mum,' Cathy teased. 'You're just in time to have some of Dad's delicious nutritious fruit salad.'

'Yeah—the reason this stuff's so good for you is that you wouldn't want to have any seconds,' Paul commented, but there was no malice beneath the teasing grumbling, and they had both cleaned their plates.

'Yes, you sit down, Sal,' Joel invited. 'I'll put the kettle on. You'll never guess what Neil suggested today,' he told her. 'He seems to think that '

'Joel, how could you?' Sally interrupted him angrily, ignoring what he said. 'When Daphne rang me at work to tell me what you did, I could hardly believe it.. .do you have any idea how much that wallpaper cost?' she demanded, her voice rising. 'Daphne was practically hysterical. If you didn't know which way the design ran, you should have checked with Daphne first...'

She stopped abruptly, her eyes widening as she accused, 'You did know, didn't you...? You did it
deliberately.
You deliberately hung Daphne's wallpaper upside-down.' Her voice had risen slightly with each word. She was trembling with anger. When Paul started giggling she rounded on him furiously, telling him, 'It isn't funny! Joel, what on earth possessed you?' she demanded. 'Daphne is furious and I don't blame her. The whole room will have to be stripped and redecorated. I've had to offer to pay for the wallpaper,

of course... have you any idea how much it cost...?' Her voice was rising again.

'Tell her to deduct the cost from the money she's not paying me,' Joel suggested sarcastically.

Sally flushed. 'Is that why you did it?' she demanded. 'Because...'

'Because she wheedled her way round you to get the job done for nothing,' Joel supplied for her. 'No...it wasn't...'

'Then why?' Sally demanded bitterly. 'You
must
have known how upset she would be... She ordered that paper specially, Joel. She saw it in a magazine. Imagine how she must have felt when her neighbour told her that it was on upside-down... how humiliated and mortified...'

Just as he had felt when Sally had practically ordered him to go round and do the work, Joel reflected grimly.

'Your sister's a snob,' he told Sally flatly now. 'All that matters to her is impressing other people, showing off in front of them. She watched me working.' Watched him... she had practically stood over him like a gaoler; at lunchtime there had been a cup of tea and a couple of semi-stale biscuits. 'She could have told me it was on the wrong way...'

Sally's face was flushed and angry.

'I know you've never liked her, Joel, but I never thought you could behave so...so...so badly... You must have known that she'd discover what you'd done.'

Joel shrugged. He had had a bit of trouble deciding which way the paper's pattern should run himself at first, and if Daphne had bothered to treat him half decently he would have told her so, but her arrogant attitude towards him had irritated him to such an extent that, when she had come into the room to complain that he had only hung one piece of paper, instead of telling her that he had not been wasting time as she was implying but had actually been carefully studying the paper, he had said nothing.

It was Daphne herself who had bossily instructed him on how she wanted it to be hung; all he had done was follow her instructions.

'I did what I was told to do,' he told Sally flatly now.

'But you
knew
it was on the wrong way,' she insisted. 'Don't bother denying it, Joel. I can see it in your eyes. You should have told Daphne...'

'Since when did your sister listen to anything I might have to say? I'm nothing... no one. I'm not entitled to have an opinion. I'm too thick to have an opinion—that's what she thinks.'

'That's not true,' Sally protested, but her voice lacked conviction. 'You'll have to go back and redo it,' she told Joel.

'I can't,' he responded. 'I'm too busy down at the centre...'

Sally stared at him angrily.

Daphne had rung her up right in the middle of one of the specialists' rounds. She had tried to tell her sister that it wasn't a convenient time to speak to her, but Daphne had ignored her hints as she'd told her furiously what Joel had done, her voice rising so sharply that Sally had suspected that half the ward must be able to hear what she was saying.

In the end she had had to cut her short, apologising and assuring her that Joel would repaper the room.

Fortunately it obviously hadn't occurred to her that Joel had hung it incorrectly deliberately. Tears of frustration and anger clogged her throat. How
could
Joel have behaved so stupidly? He
must
have known what would happen, and all the extra shifts she had been working to pay the bills and to try to put a bit of money on one side would have to go towards paying for Daphne's wallpaper now.

'Too busy doing what?' she demanded. 'Wasting time with your friends? Joel, you know...'

'Mum, Dad's coaching the '

'Be quiet, Paul,' Sally told him irritably. 'Go up to your rooms, both of you.'

Out of the corner of her eye Sally saw the looks Paul and Cathy exchanged as Paul shrugged and walked towards the door. She wasn't used to hearing either of them, but especially Paul, defend their father, and for some reason the fact that he had done so grated on her, adding to her anger.

'How could you be so irresponsible, Joel?' she demanded after they had gone. 'You must have known what would happen. Have you any idea how many extra hours I'll have to work to pay for that paper... ?'

'We're not paying for it,' Joel told her.

'No,' Sally agreed fiercely.
'We're
not.../ am. Something about the look on his face made her feel sore and unhappy inside, but somehow she couldn't stop the words from tumbling out. She had felt so guilty when Daphne had told her what he had done, torn between wanting to placate her sister and conversely wanting simply to put the phone down and walk away.

Couldn't Joel see that his petty revenge on Daphne for what he considered to be her snobbery was hurting her much more than it was her sister?

To tell the truth, Joel was beginning to feel guilty about what he had done: not on Daphne's account—nothing could change his opinion of her—but on Sally's.

But at the same time he was also angry at the way she automatically took her sister's side, refusing to see his point of view, dismissing his work at the centre as unimportant, a waste of time, making him feel useless, worthless.

'We'll have to pay for it now. I've told Daphne we would, and you'll have to go round and apologise to her.'

Joel swung round. 'Me, apologise to her?' His mouth hardened. 'No way,' he told Sally curtly.

'You can do it when you go round to repaper the room,' Sally continued doggedly. Panic was twisting her stomach. In order to get Daphne off the phone she had agreed with her that Joel must apologise, and if Joel continued to refuse to do so...

'I'm not going round,' Joel told her. 'Not to apologise and not to redo her bloody dining-room. As I just said, I've got better things to do.'

He watched her broodingly five minutes later as she left the room and went upstairs. She
did
look tired and drained, and a part of him had longed to go over to her and take her in his arms... to hold her as he used to... as she used to want him to do when they were first married and she had needed and wanted him.

He remembered how, when she was first pregnant with Cathy, her back aching with the weight of the baby, she had used to nestle gratefully in his arms while he held her and rubbed her aching muscles. He had felt so guilty and responsible for her discomfort, but she had laughed at him, saying that an aching back was a small price to pay for the baby they both wanted.

Now he felt equally guilty, but for different reasons. But how could he go to her and hold her, reassure her and comfort her, when both of them knew that he hadn't been able to keep the promises he had originally given her?

'I'm pregnant,' she had told him, awe and wonder in her voice, her expression quickly changing as she asked him, 'How will we manage, Joel, without my wages? I..

'We'll manage,' he had said then. 'I've got a bit put by and I'm due to get a rise soon.'

How proud and confident she had made him feel as she'd looked up adoringly at him before snuggling back into his arms, her fears put to rest by his reassurance.

These days she'd treat that kind of comment from him with contempt and derision... and with good reason, he acknowledged grimly.

It was about a week later that the sound of the telephone ringing woke Sally up from a deep sleep. Joel had gone out, down to the leisure centre, no doubt, and the children were back at school.

Groggily she got out of bed and went downstairs to answer it.

'Sally... it's Kenneth.'

Her heart flipped over and then started to race. "Kenneth...' She leaned weakly against the wall, her face flushed and hot.

'When can I see you?' she heard him asking.

She wasn't going to see him again; she had already made that decision. It was safer... wiser.

'I've got an appointment at the hospital on Monday,' Kenneth told her without waiting for her to reply. 'What time does your shift end?'

'Two o'clock,' she told him automatically, adding quickly, 'But Kenneth, I can't '

'I'll be waiting for you,' he told her softly, cutting across her anxious objections.

He had hung up before she could make a firm denial. Shakily Sally leaned against the wall, cradling the receiver against her body as she closed her eyes guiltily.

She should not be doing this; she was a married woman and, no matter how physically platonic her relationship with Kenneth might be, she knew that her feelings for him, the happiness she experienced in his company, did threaten her relationship with Joel.

As she replaced the receiver, she swallowed uncomfortably. How many times recently had she inwardly made comparisons between Kenneth and Joel; how many times had she found herself looking at Joel, watching him, listening to him and wishing that...?

That what?

It was Joel's fault she was feeling like this, she reassured herself angrily. If he weren't so wrapped up in his own life, if just for once he asked her what she wanted, how she felt, if just for once he would give her the same consideration and support he expected to receive from her, things might be different.

Daphne and Kenneth were both right. He did take her for granted. He was selfish and inconsiderate.