Cross My Heart (35 page)

“You should’ve called yesterday! I would’ve come over!”

“I know, I was—I am, actually—really bummed out about it.”

“So . . . is this something I should keep to myself?”

“No point. I’m going to have to tell my parents
.
I know my mom is furious. And well, I guess the fewer people I have to tell the better.”

“You know I
can help with that,” she replies. I can tell she’
s smiling
,
trying to make me feel better.

“I know. I’m counting on you. Just let everyone know I don’t really want to talk about it.
No apologies or pitiful looks, k
?”

“Got it.”

“So,
um, what did Blake say?” I ask
after a few, quiet moments.

“Nothing. He didn’t say a word all day. It was really awkward.”

“He knows,” I confirm
.

“
Everyone
knows. Please be honest with me, Jaden. Do you
like
him?”

I know she’
s talking about Parker.
I sigh
again
. I
want
to give her
a complete and honest a
nswer to this question. I want
an answer, period
. But in the end:
“I don’t know,” I confess
.

“You c
an’t do this to Blake,” she says
calmly. “If you need time to think about things . . . or whatever . . . you can’t just keep leading him on. It’s not fair to any of you.”

“I know,” I reply
, inhaling deeply. “You’re right . . . I just . . . I don’t know. I mean, I might not have anything to worry about after today. It’s probably not even my decision to make. I’m probably as good as dumped.”

“Possibly.”

Another silence fa
ll
s
between us. At that
moment, Blake i
s the le
ast of my problems. I still have
to get gas,
and face whatever wrath waits at home. I tell
Savannah I
’ll
see her in the morning
and turn
off the phone for the last time that day.

*
  
*
  
*

I didn
’t anticipate how nervous I
’d
be when I finally
park
my car at the street in front of my
house. I also didn’t count on
Sarah being
home—or Daniel, or Phillip. I
just assumed it
would be
something they’d hear a
bout later—not be part of. I ta
k
e
a series of deep breaths, trying to calm my racing nerves.
There is nothing I
cannot handle
.
My hands tremble as I reach
for the fro
nt door knob, but before I can turn it, the door swi
ng
s wide
.

I open
my mouth to speak, but the words become trapped in the back of my throat:
nothing co
me
s
out.

“Get inside,” Daniel demands
.

His voice is
like ice on my skin
,
the chill escalating.
My mouth cl
amps shut, and i
t’s all I can
do not to burst into tears a
t the sound
of it
. He’s
livid
,
noticeably worried . . . which,
knowing him
, probably
pisses
him
off
even more
. I’m not sure which i
s worse: my mom and dad being
mad at
me
, or Daniel. N
o one
has
e
ver
been
this kind of angry
at m
e
. Maybe that’
s th
e worst part of all this: if I’ve never been told no before, I’ve
also never been in
serious
trouble.

I follow
Daniel into the dining room, whe
re everyone except for my dad i
s sitting around the table. The wall clock, slowly tickin
g the moments away, reverberates
throughout the room.

I take
a brief inventory. Daniel? Fuming. Mom
? Mad. Sarah? Concerned. Anxious
for me, even. Phillip? The same as
always—leaning back in his chair
,
arms crossed
,
only wanting a fron
t row seat to the show. I will
mys
elf not to roll my eyes
and ta
k
e
an
other deep breath. “Mom,” I begi
n.

“
No. You sit down,” she commands
.

I swallow hard, and pull
out the chair at the head of the table. Dani
el si
t
s
down beside me.

“Before I say anything else, I want you to know
that you are grounded,” she says
.

My eyes well
with tears. I bit
e
into my lower lip, nodding.

“You are forbidden to do
anything
outside of school
. A
nything that is not related to school. There are no extracurricular activities. You’re done . . . for the rest of the school year. That means no Blake, no Savannah, no ball games, no walks, or charities, or fundraisers.”

I nod
aga
in, the warm tears spilling over to
my cheeks.

“Do you have an explanation for
what happened today?” she asks
, folding her arms across her chest
, face grim
. “At this point
it doesn’t even have to be good.”

I sha
k
e
my head, wiping
my runny nose with the back of my hand. “No.”

“You can imagine how surprised I was to get a call from the
office
, Jaden. You didn’t look well this morning, but being sick never kept you from s
chool. This is the first time
you’ve ever missed perfect attendance
and
,
good excuse or not, I’d like
to know what was behind your decision to skip classes and not tell anyone.”

I ca
n’t
li
e. It’s a small town. T
hey’ll
fi
nd out one way or another. It’
s better for me to tell them everything than for them to find out t
hrough a third party
. Besides, there’s no te
lling what kinds of rumors will
circulate around school.
My
reputation as a conscientious
Bedford citizen
i
s officially
over
.

“I, u
m, was having a bad day,” I begi
n
quietly
, “and decided I c
ouldn’t go to school.” I offer
a small shrug
, as if it were this
simple
.

“And
you didn’t come home?” she asks
, not understanding
.

“No.”

“Why
?”

“Because
.
. . .
”
I swallow hard.
“
I thought I needed to get away for a while. So . . . I left town.”

Mom sha
k
es
her head in disapproval. I ca
n’t read her expressi
on. Disappointment, maybe? It’s as if she’s
seeing me—truly seeing me—for the very first
time,
in all my disgrace and imperfection.

“I’m afraid to even ask this, because I
think I already know the answer, but d
oes this have anything to do with Parker Whalen?”

“You be
tter say no,” Daniel interjects
.

“Daniel,” Sarah says
.

I lower my ey
es, unable to meet anyone’s gaze
.
This is where it gets ugly
.
“Yes,” I murmur
, lip trembling.

Daniel
slams
his fist on
the dining room table. I jerk to attention
at the sound. “I knew it! What the hell is
wr
ong
with you, Jaden?” he shouts
.

“Daniel, stop,” Sarah begs
.

I burst into fresh tears
, sinking under his anger
. “I . . . I know! I probably
shouldn’t have done it!” I cry
.

“Probably?
Probably?
You are so
effing
naive sometimes! What were you even
thinking
?”
His eyes flash
, jaw tightening.

“I . . . I wasn’t. I just . . . I couldn’t go inside.”

“Why not?” he demands
to know.

I open
my mouth to tell them about Harvard, the words poised on my lips. But seeing their
faces . . . Mom and Daniel so angry
,
so disappointed. . . . “I just . . . I needed to get away, that’s all.”

“This ha
d to be his idea,” Daniel states
.

“It was mutual,” I correct
, not wanting Parker to take the entire fall. “I went with him.”

“Where d
id you go?” Sarah ask
s
.

“Hamilton,
”
I whisper
.

Daniel shoots
to his feet,
chair scraping across the hardwood floor,
holding his head in disbelief. “You let a guy you don’t even
know
drive you all the way to
Hamilton
? That’s over an hour away, Jaden! What if something would’ve happened?
Jesus Christ!
No one could even
reach you today!” His voice gro
w
s
louder with every
panting
breath.

“You know,” Phillip interjects
calmly
, “this isn’t the first time one of u
s has skipped school.”

I look
over at him, surprised.
We all do.

“T
hat’s not the point,” Mom says
, eyeing him suspiciously
. “I punished you boys for the same.”

“Yeah,
the days you knew about.” He si
t
s up and folds
his hands, resting them on the table. “Come on, you had to know we skipped school way more than
that
.”

“That’s
not the point,” Daniel repeats
. “Jaden is better than that. We were stupid. She knows better. She’s going to Harvard
for God’s sake
.”

I flinch,
cringing,
but before I can
correct him
. . .

“Maybe that
’s the problem,” Phillip replies
. “Maybe she’s tired of being
Good Little Jaden
all the time
. I mean, God. N
o one can be that perfect. I don’t think she’s ever been grounded in her
life
. She’s never made a single bad decision. When were we not proud of every little thing she’s done? At least she’s acting like a normal teenager.
” He sits back in his chair.
“
Frankly, I’m relieved. I was beginning to think she was a
freakin
’ prude.”

I
feel
a half-smile tugging at the corners of my lip
s, appreciating the effort he’
s making in defending me.

“
She’s grounded now,” Daniel says
, matter of fact
.

Phillip rolls
his eyes. “
She’s eighteen years old and this is the first time she’s ever been grounded?
Come on, you guys. So she skipped
school with a gu
y we don’t know
. . .”