Cross My Heart (22 page)

And probably still lose her. But at least he’d know he hadn’t held anything back, that he’d done everything he could to win the woman he loved.

He went downtown the next day to look for a ring. Instinct led him away from the usual stores and into a boutique that sold antique jewelry, where he found an engagement ring that might as well have had “Jenna Landry” in a neon sign above it. It was an art deco square cut ruby set in gold filigree, and it was so perfect he had to stop himself from tracking Jenna down and proposing to her then and there.

But Jenna had enough on her mind right now, getting ready for tomorrow night’s concert. She’d told him—through Claire, of course—that they should come backstage after the show.

That’s when he would propose. He’d do it in front of a hundred people if he had to. But he couldn’t wait any longer than that, with the ring burning a hole in his pocket and his heart aching without her.

***

He and Claire got to the Odeon early, mostly because Claire was so excited she couldn’t sit still. The old-fashioned theater was a great venue, quirky and shabby with a kind of gone-to-seed elegance that appealed to him. He and Claire were sitting in the front row of the balcony, dead center.

He leaned his arms on the railing in front of him and surveyed the crowd below. The opening act didn’t seem to be holding anyone’s attention. There was a standing room only section right in front of the stage, and none of the people down there seemed particularly interested in the band.

“I hope they pay attention when the Mollies are performing,” he said with a frown.

Claire laughed at him. “Don’t worry, Dad. You’re going to see this place go nuts when they come on stage.”

He looked around him, at the people talking and laughing. They didn’t look like a crowd ready to go nuts. They were people of all ages, all backgrounds—even some pushing forty, like him. “If you say so.”

At that moment, the opening band finished their last song and left the stage, to applause that sounded more polite than enthusiastic. The lights came up in the theater, and a crew of people came out on stage and cleared the previous band’s equipment. Then they started setting up for the Mollies, bringing out microphones, amps, and instruments.

That’s when he felt it. A thrum of excitement running through the crowd, like a spark of electricity. He found himself sitting straighter in his seat, watching the crew finish. When they left the stage was ready, but the house lights hadn’t gone down yet.

He didn’t know how it started, but suddenly the crowd was clapping and stamping in rhythm. His heart rate picked up as he felt the slow build of anticipation.

The theater went dark, as if someone had snuffed out a candle. There was a howl of approval from the audience, and then five spotlights came on, one for each member of the band.

Pandemonium. All around him people were surging to their feet, cheering and shouting and stamping, and he and Claire were on their feet, too, carried away by the irresistible tidal wave that swept through the building.

His eyes went to Jenna and stayed there. She was standing a few feet to the left of the redhead at the microphone. She was wearing jeans and a black tee shirt, her hair loose and wild around her face. Her guitar was in her hands, and she was looking out at the crowd with a crooked grin on her face, like she knew every single one of them by name.

“Hey, Des Moines!” the redhead shouted. “Where the hell have you been for the last five years?”

A roar of laughter greeted her, and then she took two quick steps back and looked to the right and left. “One, two, one-two-three-
four
!”

For the next two hours, everyone in the building stayed on their feet. They sang with the band, they danced in the aisles, they clapped until their hands were sore and cheered until they were hoarse. Michael and Claire clapped and cheered with them, and even though Michael only had eyes for one member of the band, he could feel and hear how good every one of them was, and how good they were together.

The music was more than infectious—it was electrifying. And the spark at the heart of it all was Jenna, her hands moving so fast and skillfully over her guitar strings that Michael could hardly follow the movements.

He’d seen her play guitar but never like this. Nothing like this. And the way she sang, the way she moved—it made his body tighten and his mouth go dry.

She belonged there. He’d never seen a human being belong anywhere as much as Jenna did on that stage, bringing a crowd of people to their feet.

The band was encored three times and the audience still didn’t want to let them go. Finally they took their last bows and the house lights went up, and all around him Michael heard people raving over the performance as they reluctantly left the theater.

He couldn’t seem to move. He stayed where he was, staring down at the empty stage, until Claire poked him in the ribs. “Dad! Are you ready to go backstage?”

“She should do this,” he said softly, his eyes on the place where she had been.

“What? What are you talking about?”

“This. She should do this. I can’t believe she ever stopped.”

“Well, bands break up all the time. Sometimes they get back together, and then break up again, and—”

Claire’s chatter faded into the background. He couldn’t believe he’d been so selfish as to think Jenna should stay with him, buried in Iowa, when she could do something like that.

He took a deep breath. “Let’s go find her.”

It was a zoo, of course. They had backstage passes, but even so, Michael was on the point of suggesting they leave when Jenna caught sight of them. She called out a greeting and made her way towards them, pushing through the crowd. Her face was glowing.

“I’m so glad you came. What did you think?” she cried out when she reached them. She gave Claire a huge hug and then turned to give him one, too. It was the first time they’d touched since that last morning, and in spite of his new resolve, he had to force himself to let her go.

“It was unbelievable,” Claire said excitedly. “You guys were tight.”

“We really were—if I do say so myself,” she added with a grin. She turned to him. “What about you, Michael? What did you think?”

“I—” he couldn’t think of the words to tell her how good she’d been.

“Not your cup of tea?” she asked after a moment, the bright light in her eyes fading a little.

“My God, no. Jenna, you were incredible. The whole band was incredible. In fact...” He hesitated. “I know you’ve got a hundred people waiting to talk to you, but if you have a minute—there’s something I have to tell you.”

Jenna glanced over her shoulder. “Molly! I’m taking five, okay?”

Molly gave her a thumbs up from several yards away.

Michael looked at his daughter. “Claire, do you mind waiting for me for a few minutes?”

Claire was looking at him with big eyes. “No, of course not.”

He was acutely aware of the ring box tucked in his right front pocket as Jenna led the way to a deserted dressing room.

“Is this okay?” she asked, leaning back against the Formica counter that lined the room.

He nodded. “Yeah, this is great.”

He hesitated a moment, gathering his thoughts, but Jenna spoke before he did. “I have something to say, too. I want to apologize for avoiding you this past week. That last morning was pretty intense, and I...I guess I needed a little space.”

“Of course,” he said. “I understand.” He hesitated again. “I need to apologize, too.”

“For what?”

“For being a selfish jerk.”

She stared at him. “Michael, you’re not a jerk. If I said something to make you think—”

“Jenna. I really need to get this out, okay?”

Her eyes searched his before she nodded. “Okay.”

He took a deep breath. “When I asked you to stay with me...I didn’t understand.”

“Didn’t understand what?”

“I didn’t understand this part of you. I thought I did, but...deep down, I don’t think I really took your music seriously. Not the way I should have.”

She tilted her head to the side as she looked up at him. “I haven’t always taken myself seriously.”

He nodded. “I know. And instead of helping you get over that, I treated your music like a hobby. Like something you could give up to be with me.” He took another breath. “But tonight I found out that it’s not your hobby. It’s your calling. I saw you on that stage, and...” he shook his head slowly, words failing him again. “My God, you were incredible. You were incandescent.”

She smiled at him. “Incandescent? I like that.”

“It doesn’t do you justice. Watching you tonight, I realized how selfish I was to suggest you give this up for me. You shouldn’t ever give this up, Jenna. Not for me, not for anyone.”

She stared at him in silence for a moment. “You mean that?”

“Yeah, I mean it. And I hope you can forgive me for asking you to be less than you are, just so I could keep you with me.” He smiled a little. “My only excuse is that I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, and it made me greedy.”

She was looking down now, and he couldn’t tell what she was thinking.

He knew he should tell her the rest. Even though they couldn’t be together—even though she’d never belong to him—he wanted her to know how he felt. Especially because he didn’t expect to feel this way again. Once in a lifetime was probably all you got for this kind of thing.

So it would be a damn shame if he never got to say it out loud.

“I’m madly in love with you, Jenna.”

She looked up then, her eyes wide and her cheeks flushing. “Michael—”

“Don’t,” he said quickly. He wasn’t sure which would be worse—finding out she felt the same, or finding out she didn’t. “Whatever you were going to say, you don’t have to. I just wanted you to know because—well, I thought you should. But it’s not going to keep us from being friends,” he added. “Nothing’s going to keep us from being friends. If only so I can get free tickets to Red Mollies concerts.”

That made her smile, although her eyes were suspiciously bright.

“We should probably get back now,” he said after a moment.

She nodded. “We probably should. But...before we go...” She hesitated. “Would you kiss me goodbye?”

He couldn’t have said no to save his life.

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her softly, slowly. He savored the taste of her, the scent of her, knowing it was the last time. He pulled her closer, until he could feel her heart pounding against his.

And then he let her go.

Chapter Thirteen

A month and a half later, the Mollies’ reunion tour officially ended. They’d played Kansas City and Omaha, Madison and Minneapolis, and finished up with two shows in Chicago.

They’d been a raging success.

So much so that Derek’s old manager from his Irontown days wanted to take them on. That, of course, would mean an exhausting tour schedule and recording sessions—and an official launch into the big time.

Jenna should have been ecstatic.

Instead she was lying awake in a Chicago hotel room, thinking about Michael.

She’d been sure that touring would be the perfect distraction, that it would fill every corner of her mind so there wouldn’t be room to miss him.

She’d been wrong.

She missed him every day, every hour, every minute. It didn’t affect her playing—if anything, she was better than ever, because every time she went on stage she remembered that he’d called her incandescent, and she was determined to live up to that.

But she missed him all the time.

The worst was at night, alone in her hotel room. She missed him so much then it was like the phantom ache amputees talk about—an ache in the missing limb.

A part of her was gone, and on some level she couldn’t accept it.

She and Claire emailed back and forth all the time, but somehow she couldn’t bring herself to email Michael.

She’d finally figured out why. If they started using email as a means of communication, she wouldn’t have a reason to call him.

Which meant she’d never have a chance to hear his voice.

She turned her head to look at the clock. She’d gone to bed relatively early tonight and it was only eleven. Michael often stayed up that late, reading or working on the computer.

She sat up in bed and grabbed her cell phone from the nightstand. She wouldn’t call, but she could text him. Instead of a persistent ring that would wake him up if he’d gone to bed early, a text would send just a single beep.

Are you awake?

She lay back down, curling up on her side with the phone in her hand.

It rang in less than a minute.

“Yeah, I’m awake. How about you?”

He sounded amused, and the rich, deep timbre of his voice sent a familiar thrill coursing through her. “I’m awake, obviously. Did you think I was texting in my sleep?”

“Well, I know your schedule’s been pretty hectic. Are you on the bus, or in a hotel room?”

“Hotel room. We’re here another couple of nights, while we figure out our next steps. We...we don’t have any obligations for the next couple of weeks, although Mitch wants us in New York by November.” Mitch was Derek’s old manager. They hadn’t signed with him yet, but they were talking about it.

There was a silence, and she wondered if he’d suggest she come for a visit.

“Yeah, I think Claire mentioned you were heading east. She showed me your interview in
Rolling Stone
, by the way. Even I know that’s a big deal.”

She took a deep breath and tried not to feel disappointed. “Yeah, we were all pretty excited. But I don’t want to talk about any of that. I want to hear about you and Claire.”

She heard him chuckle. “Don’t tell me Claire doesn’t keep you fully informed. She emails you all the time.”

“Sure, but I want to hear it from you. How is she doing in school, now that she’s had a couple of months to settle in?”

“She’s doing great. She won a writing contest last week, did she tell you?”

“No! She didn’t tell me. I got a three page email detailing her fear that no one will ask her to the winter formal, and not one word about this. Tell me all about it.”