Creed of Redemption (S.I.N. Rock Star Trilogy #2) (21 page)

“I’m sorry, Lourdes,” I say for the first time.

“I don’t know why I had the meltdown. Yes, you teased the hell out of me and made me want you so freaking bad, but I can’t explain what came over me.” She sniffles. She looks away, trying not to cry. She turns her back to me—I hate when she does this. The fact that she can’t face me. “God the fucking tears won’t stop. I’m the one who is sorry. I practically begged to have all of you and then I completely freaked the hell out.”

“Fuck.” I cringe. She’s still in an emotional state and doesn’t even have an understanding of why. “Come here, baby.” I wrap my arms around her from behind and just hold her.

“Sorry, Diesel, I—,”

“Don’t you dare. You did nothing wrong. I fucked up. I brought you to subspace, not thinking about how it would affect someone who has never experienced it. I will make this up to you. Just please tell me you will let me. Please tell me that my fucked-up desires haven’t pushed you away—” She spins around in my arms and brings my lips down to hers. She kisses me slowly and this feels different. I lift her so that her legs wrap around my waist. She’s wearing those shorts again so my hands gladly palm her ass to keep her from slipping. Our tongues meet and I’m lost in her. I don’t want to let her lips go. I want them bruised from my passion and my need for her. I can feel the tables starting to turn and I’m powerless to stop it. I suck on her neck and her little intake of breath makes me hard. I won’t go there with her now, but I sure as hell want to. I want to give her the orgasms she deserves.

“Well, I didn’t fucking see this coming,” we hear from behind us. It’s Gable.
Shit.
“Xander is going to kick your ass, Diesel. What the fuck, man?” I have no explanations for him right now. There is nothing I can say or make up. We’re busted. I let Lourdes down and then whisper to her that it will be okay.

“I’m going to go,” she whispers back. “Talk later.”

“Don’t say anything, Gable,” she pleads on her way out. He nods at her but doesn’t give her an answer either way. She closes the library door that I fucking left open. No wonder I didn’t hear anyone come in. Not that I would have with Lourdes as my distraction, but still.

“Of all the pussy you have access to now, you choose our band member’s sister?” he fumes. “You know how Xander feels about her, man. This could ruin everything. Why her? Why take the risk?”

“First off, watch your fucking mouth. Don’t ever compare Lourdes to the groupie bitches ever again.” Now I’m the one fuming.

“Shiiiittt. It’s worse than I thought. How long has this been going on? Are you two a thing?”

“I don’t know what we are,” I admit. I purposely ignore the
how-long
question. Truth is, I don’t have a clue. I know I don’t want a relationship again, but I want her. Not as a fucking friend either. I want her in my bunk—free to do whatever the hell we want without hiding it. I know I can’t have that with her though, and it fuels my anger. “Look, just keep what you saw quiet and shit will be okay.”

“Whatever, man. This is going to blow up in all of our faces. You want her because you’re not supposed to have her,” he huffs and storms out.

Could he be right? I have this insane attachment to her, but what if it’s another symptom of my need for control. She’s supposed to be off limits and I say fuck the limits.

The more somebody tells me no, the more I rebel. It’s a scary possibility that what Gable just concluded is indeed my reality. Knowing this doesn’t change the way I feel. I want her. We will not have a repeat of last night, but she will be underneath me again.

I head to meet the guys at rehearsal. They look like shit, but we’re doing this. Gable is already here and doesn’t make eye contact. Fine by me. What I do with my dick is none of his business.

“Keyser and Xander, set us up with the rifts from Ben Khan’s
Drive
,” I suggest. They nod and give me the distraction I need. Gable joins us on drums and the rehearsal begins. I love the sexiness of this song. The sensual lyrics against the melody are definitely a panty dropper.
“Let’s have sex in the back seat,”
I sing.

Reckless Ambition walks in just as we begin and Anderson immediately takes his place next to me after grabbing one of the mics. He begins to sing an octave below me and the shit just works.

“Fuck yeah!” Ivy yells, looking to find another mic. Xander nods in the direction of one sitting on the piano we’re not using. She grabs it and winks at me. I guess she’s not too upset with me anymore. “
Let’s have sex in the back seat
,” she joins in a couple octaves above us. We look between each other with grins on our faces because we know we have straight fire with this one. Even Gable is smiling now.

We find another song for Ivy and I to do a duet to before we wrap it up. Tonight is going to be epic. Now to fix things with Gable. No need for shit between us to be weird. I get his concern. Taking the high road can be pretty damn exhausting, but I need our band focused on our music and not on my sex life.

“Where did you disappear to last night?” Lily inquires. We’re backstage watching our guys perform from the monitors in their dressing room.

“I was around,” I answer nonchalantly,

“You hear that Brooke? She was around,” Lily giggles.

“I heard,” Brooke says joining the laughter.

“Funny thing is. I guess Diesel was
around
too. I overheard the guys looking for him a couple times to do some shots. They assumed he was with Ivy, but I happen to know she was upstairs hooking up with the lead singer, Jude, from Insanity.”

“That little slut. I guess she likes her lead singers,” I joke. This news makes me immensely happy. Let her move on to someone else.

“Uh-uh.” Lily shakes her finger. “Don’t try to change the subject. Did you have your own hook up session going on with a lead singer?” I try to turn away from her because I don’t want her to see my guilty expression, but I’m too slow. “You little bitch,” she laughs.

“Hush it. Brooke went off with that Jack dude and you were with Xander. I was a sitting duck,” I explain.

“And what? You ran into Diesel and your legs fell open?” Lily teases. Brooke cracks the hell up.

“That’s the real reason you didn’t return my texts until later, isn’t it? He wore you out and then you needed to go to bed early,” Brooke jokes. If she only knew how accurate she was.

“You two are terrible.” I roll my eyes. “I’ve already said too much.” I’m not going to give them a play by play. Their vanilla minds couldn’t handle it anyway. I wonder how one would classify my mind since it’s no longer vanilla yet I’m not all that experienced either?

“We already know you were with Diesel,” Brooke says. “I hope you know what you’re doing. The mouth always says one thing and the body does another. Be careful and don’t let your guard down. If you’re just getting a little of that yumminess for yourself, I say good for you.”

I give her the thumbs up. “I agree,” Lily says. “Now that the mystery of where you were is figured out, let’s fix ourselves a drink.”

“One drink,” I agree. I don’t need a repeat of their last show where I needed a babysitter and had Xander pissed at me. I pour myself some Jameson from the guys’ stash and I’m hit with memories from last night. A tingle hits me between the legs, remembering drinking from his mouth. I’m watching him perform with Anderson and Ivy but he has my complete attention. He’s singing about having sex in the back seat and all I can think about is wanting that with him. My pussy picks now to get her act together—when I’m not actually getting the dick.

I see Ivy put her slutty hands on his chest as she sings the lyrics with him and I swear my heart skips a few beats. Diesel backs away to keep from being obvious in his diss. He smiles at her but then goes to the front of the stage and seduces the women in the crowd. He lifts his tank to show off that fucking washboard of his and they go nuts. His reaction to Ivy was subtle, but not so much to us. Brooke and Lily turn to look at me and we smile because he didn’t give into her advances. She needs to just stick with that Jude guy and leave Diesel alone. I finish my Jameson straight and watch the rest of their performance on a high. He is going to get so much pussy for that move. I’ll see to it.

Tonight is our last night at the mansion. We’re heading to Texas in the morning where they have three tour stops. Brooke leaves in the morning, but I’m craving Diesel. I need to make up for last night. We’re sitting around the bedroom talking about her hook up with Jack last night, and his piercing, but my mind keeps wondering where Diesel is. I know Reckless Ambition is still here too. What if she got her hooks in him now.

“Call him, Lourdes,” Brooke says suddenly.

“What? No. We need to enjoy your last night here before you have to go back.”

“Look, I can see your mind is preoccupied and I can’t say that I blame you,” she smiles. “You know once you two are back on the bus, there will be no chance for sex, so get it now. I’ll cover for you if anyone asks.”

“Are you sure? I mean, I can come right back. I just need to see him,” I explain.

“Yeah. See him inside you.” She’s in hysterics now.

“Very funny.” I shove her and she laughs harder. “I’ll be back. Nobody should be looking for me. I know Keyser and Gable have their own hook ps. Xander is somewhere up Lily’s ass.”

“Probably literally,” Brooke says laughing at what I just unknowingly insinuated. “Now go so you can get back and tell me all about it.” I roll my eyes, but let her push me out the door.

I walk out into the hall just in time to see Ivy knocking on Diesel’s door—the same room he had me in last night. He opens the door only half way, but I can’t make out what they’re saying. He finally looks past her and sees me. I don’t want to see if he lets her in but I don’t want to retreat back to the room with Brooke either. I can’t face the questions that will surely come from her about why I’m back so soon. I head downstairs with no plan in mind. I finally decide to head to the library again, sure nobody will be in there. I’ll wait about an hour and go back to the room with Brooke. My mind is running a mile a minute. Why isn’t she still upset with him after the whole Melissa showdown? Did he make it up to her somehow? Did he only sidestep her advances on stage because he knew I was watching? God, I’m so stupid. I bet she won’t freeze up and zone out like I did last night. I bet a woman like her knows how to handle him.

I pace from one end of the room to the other. I look up when I hear the door shut and the distinct click of it being locked. “So where were we before we were interrupted earlier?” Diesel asks, standing by the door.

“Don’t you have Ivy waiting on you?” I sass. He closes the distance and has me pinned against the bookshelf so quickly, I barely have time to react.

“Does it look like I care? You’re the one I came to find!” He secures my arms above my head with one hand while his tatted arm slides under my shirt and underneath my bra. He massages my tits and just like that all my anger just leaves my body. I close my eyes, but they snap open when he nips at my lips. “Keep them open,” he commands. He removes both of his hands, but somehow, I just know to keep my arms above my head. He digs in his pockets for something and I think he’s searching for a condom. I know we didn’t use one last night. Bad idea, but I know he’s usually diligent about wrapping it up. I still remember the freak out he had when we first slipped up. I hope that it’s only me that he can be free with because I need him in me now. The hotness raging in my jeans means I’m ready tonight.