Crave Me (The Good Ol' Boys #4) (34 page)

Call it intuition if you would, but the second I saw Austin coming out of the bathroom later that evening, I knew. Clear as fucking day he had just used. I wanted to call him out on it and yell at him for going back down this road again.

“What the hell are you doin’, man?” I overheard Dylan ask as I walked toward them.

“Not this shit again. Give me a fucking break,” Austin roared, raking him up and down.  

“Wipe your nose a little better next time and maybe I won’t ask you.”

Austin immediately bowed his head, sniffling, cleaning his nose.

“Get out of my fucking sight before I search you,” Dylan warned.

Austin took a deep breath like he wanted to say something, but at the last second changed his mind, turned and left. I didn’t have to wonder what he was going to say.

I knew the chance of relapse would be high. I just didn’t think it would happen that fast. Which I guess made me really naive.

“How long has it been this fucking bad?” Dylan asked me, pulling me away from my thoughts.

I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything. I stood there dumbfounded as much as he was.

“Jesus Christ,” Dylan whispered, tugging his long hair back at the nook of his neck. That's when I noticed he was strapped and right next to that on his holster was a shiny badge.

“You’re a cop?”

“Detective,” he corrected me.

I had no idea. Austin never talked about his friends.

“Well, thanks for not searching him.”

“He’s my fuckin’ brother, Briggs. I love him.”

“I know," I whispered, lowering my head, defeated.

He sighed. “I know he went through some shit after the car accident, but I thought… shit… I hoped he had worked it out. Especially having you by his side now. He fuckin’ adores you, that's not hard to see." He shook his head. "I’ve never seen him look at anyone like he looks at you.”

“I love him more than anything in this fucked up world. I’m trying, Dylan. I swear to God I’m trying. He's been clean up until now.”

“Try harder,” he simply stated and left.

I didn’t give our conversation too much thought. I needed to find Austin. After searching the house and asking if anyone had seen him, I found him. He was down at the beach, sitting in front of the shoreline with his arms draped over his knees. A cigarette in one hand.

I stopped when I was a few feet behind him, taking in how handsome he looked with the full moon shining down on him. The soft lighting was all around us with the gentle breeze blowing by. I wrapped my arms around my waist in a comforting gesture, needing any solace I could find.

“I used to come here as a kid. Watch the waves roll in, smell the saltwater in the air. It used to be my favorite place to not feel so fucking lost. And here I am sitting in the same exact spot, more fucking lost than I've ever been.”

“So those two weeks of Hell that we both went through to get you clean." I paused, trying to fight back tears. "They were for nothing? Why do you need drugs to escape, Austin? Why can’t you just face life like everyone else?”

A single tear slid down my face onto the sand between us.

“I’m sorry, baby.”

“You know what the worst part is? I knew the second I held Bo that you would relapse. I didn't want you to see me with him. It’s why I went with Alex into his room. The second I heard her say your name, I knew it was too late. I knew with every fiber of my being you would be fucking weak, that you would betray me and use again. Just tell me one thing… did you already have them on you?”

“No. I’ve lived in Oak Island all my life, Briggs. It just took a phone call.”

“Do you have more?”

“I did but I threw it in the ocean.”

“And I'm suppose to believe you? I can’t do this anymore. I can’t—”

He was up and over to me in three strides.

“I won’t do it again. I promise. It was a one-time thing. I swear—”

“I don’t believe you.”

“I don’t lie to you. I’ve never lied to you.”

“Omitting the truth is lying. Jesus Christ, Austin, you don’t have to say it for it to be a lie.”

“Baby…” He reached for me, and I stepped back, even though all I wanted was for him to hold me.

“Don't fucking ‘baby’ me right now. I can’t go through watching you suffer again. I can’t keep going through this. Either you go to rehab or I’m gone. It's your choice.”

“I don’t need rehab. All I need is you.”

“If that were true, you wouldn’t have just used.”

I bowed my head, rubbing the back of my neck like I always did when I was pissed. I had no one to blame but myself.  

“Fuck,” I groaned, kicking at the sand. “Fuck,” I said a little louder. “FUUUUCK!” I finally screamed out, grabbing a rock from the sand. “Goddamn it, fuck you!” I chucked it as hard as I could in front of me, cursing myself for being such a fuck-up.

Breathing heavily, heart pounding, mind battling. Fighting all my thoughts, all my emotions, every last sentiment pulling me deeper and deeper until I didn’t know which way was up or down. Knowing the difference between what was right and what was wrong didn’t matter. All of it consumed me as if I were drowning in the waves of the ocean.

Taking me further down the path of destruction.

My body was shaking.

My heart was breaking.

I couldn’t take it anymore, it was too much, and it was too fucking real. I peered back up at Briggs with my arms out in the air beside me.

Defeated.

Once again, fucking defeated.

With nothing but my remorse, my shame, my guilt.

“Do you think I want to be like this? Do you think I like being this fucking weak? This big of a goddamn pussy? Do you think I want to fucking live like this, Briggs? I hate myself right now! I hate that just watching you hold a baby in your arms can do this to me! Can make me run back to the one thing that will take you away from me! The one thing that fucking matters the most in my life! I don’t know how to be any other way! I don’t know how to feel, to cope and be fucking normal! Even though it’s all I want! I want that more than anything!” I yelled, struggling to keep it together.

“I can’t do this anymore, Briggs! I can’t fucking live like this! I feel like I’m dying, baby. I feel like I’m fucking dying! Every time you look at me the way you are right now. Every time I know that I have hurt you again! Fucking disappointed you! I didn’t think I could hate myself as much as I do right now! And I don’t know what to do! To make it better for me… for you!” I cried, broken, fucked-up tears falling down the sides of my face. 

“Please… please… fucking help me. I don’t want to lose you, baby. I can’t live without you. I fucking love you! But I know…” I sobbed so hard my body shuddered to the core.

Taking down the last bit of strength I had. The last bit of courage that was left in me.

The last part of Austin.

I fell to my knees in pain. I couldn’t take it anymore and started bawling harder. I sobbed for the first time in front of Briggs, in front of the woman who was trying to save my life, while I just kept trying to destroy it.

My resolve broke like a chain that had been stretched to the max. I heard it snap loud and clear. Shattering into a million pieces, blending into the sand along with my demons. Except the shackles that were tied around my soul, my heart, and my mind were now secured tighter, restraining, pressing in so fucking deep. So fucking intensely, to the point of blinding agony. Dragging Briggs right along with me.

I was killing her as much as I was killing myself.

Our love was bleeding, oozing from the shackles, hammering out of me with each passing second placed between us. I could physically feel it deteriorating away, piece by piece.

I placed my hand over my heart desperately trying to keep it together. To keep our love where it’s supposed to stay forever, but it was too late. I couldn’t stop it, and for the first time I was terrified that it would never let me go.

“I know that if I keep using, if I keep going down this road, I’m going to die, and I don’t want to fucking die,” I bellowed, shaking my head. “That’s not an option. I’m not trying to die. But I don’t know how to fucking break free from the demon that lurks in my shadow. Seeing what I saw tonight, you with baby Bo, broke my heart again. I needed to numb the pain, even if it was only for a few minutes.” I looked up at her with a trembling lip, struggling to continue. “I saw her again. Our daughter standing right in front of me with so much sadness in her eyes. Not smiling like all the times before. She took one look at me and shook her head, Briggs. My own drug-infected illusion was disappointed in me. Then she was gone, she vanished.”

My body fell forward burying my face in my hands letting everything out.

Every last part of me.

“I don’t know what to do, Briggs! I wish I could be stronger for you. For us! I wish I could be the man you fell in love with. But I don’t know how! Every single day is a struggle for me to stay sober, and I don’t think it’s ever going away. As much as I want it to… as much as I pray… it’s apart of me now. AND IT WON’T LET ME GO! I thought leaving New York and coming here would eliminate the triggers, but it hasn’t. Please God! Please… fucking help me!”

She didn’t waver, getting down on her knees to hold my crumbling body in her arms. I went willingly, needing comfort, needing solace.

Needing her.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Please help me, Daisy… please God help me. Please, please.... Take away this fucking pain in my heart. I need you, baby, I need you like I need fucking air to breath. I'm nothing without you! NOTHING! Please… just fucking help me!”

“It’s going to be okay, Austin. I’m here,” she wallowed, her heart breaking for me.  

I sobbed harder, my face tucked in to her chest with my arms wrapped tightly around her. She was the only thing keeping me together, even though there wasn't much left of my hollow existence.

Everything changed that night on the beach.

Briggs took me home, and I slept in her arms all night. Knowing that after tonight I wouldn’t get to hold her for a while. She woke up early the next morning, and I stayed in bed for as long as I could. Battling between my craving to go use and my desire to stay with her. Thank God…

My love for her won.

She checked me into rehab.

And
I
went willingly.

Four years later

“Go fuck yourself,” Briggs sassed.

“Why would I do that? When I could just fuck you.”

She immediately got up from her chair to run away.

“Where do you think you’re going?” I laughed, grabbing her around the waist.

She shrieked, doubling over as I tickled her.

“You’re supposed to let me run first. It takes all the fun out of it if you catch me before I get a chance to run, Austin!” she giggled, gasping for air.

It was still the sweetest sound I’d ever heard.

“Why would I have to chase you if you’re already in my arms?”

“Because I run and you chase! That’s the game we play,” she playfully teased.

I loved these moments with her. She was so carefree and happy again.  

My girl.

“Is that right?”

I tickled her one last time before turning her around to face me, roughly smacking her luscious ass and giving it a squeeze. She let out a yelp and squirmed in my arms, trying to break free.

Her mouth parted and she bit her lower lip, making my cock twitch. I picked her up to straddle my waist, rubbing her up and down my hard dick.

“I like this game better,” I rasped, carrying her over to the front counter of my tattoo shop.

Positioning her ass on the edge.

It had been four years since my relapse that night on the beach. Each day was a struggle, but it was getting better and easier as more time went by. Briggs dropped me off at rehab the morning after I used. I checked myself into the ninety-day program. We only told Dylan what was going on. She told everyone else that I had to finish up some work stuff in New York.

No one asked after that.

During that time Briggs got really close to my family and friends, including my dad, which shocked me more than anything did. But then again, she always had that effect on people. She was hard not to love. I knew having a family was what Briggs had always wanted, and I was thrilled that they were able to offer her that.

Rehab fucking sucked.

But I stayed and did what I was supposed to.

For her.

Anything for
her
…

I tried exercises and stretches, but my back pain was still there. Mostly, I just kept ignoring it. It became a part of me like my addiction. I went to my classes, I did my therapy, I found a sponsor, and I worked through my steps to achieve my ultimate goal.

To stay in recovery.

I was scared shitless the last day of my program, even though I wanted nothing more than to go home to Briggs. To sleep in our bed together. To hold her anytime I wanted or needed. My counselor said that was normal for everyone to feel scared to enter the real world again. That it would have been weird if I didn’t feel that way. It was easier to stay clean in a controlled environment.

Briggs found us a four-bedroom, three-bath house with a pool and a huge backyard. She had it fully decorated by the time I came home. The house was beautiful but not nearly as beautiful as the smile on her face when she jumped into my arms the day I was discharged with a treatment plan that I kept everyday for the last four years.

We christened every corner of our new home, making up for lost time.

Twice.

We had more money than we knew what to do with, but I was getting restless needing to do something. I started sketching again, after years of being so fucking high, and numb. It not only affected my body but also my creativity. One day out of nowhere, I was drawing a sleeping Daisy on the couch beside me and for some reason her tattoos were my main focus in the sketch.

When she woke up I asked her what she thought about me getting my license to become a tattoo artist. She smiled, replying by kissing all over my face and sucking my cock like a goddamn pro in approval.

We opened a shop not long after. I tattooed and she handled all the managerial, customer service bullshit that I didn’t give a fuck about.

Her uncle had come to visit us a few times, checking in and keeping tabs on us I imagined. They still had a weird dynamic, but at least he was trying to be around in the only way he knew how. During his visits, we never talked about the past, but it was always lurking just around the corner. I would be lying if I said that seeing him didn’t trigger the demons that I had managed to keep at bay. I think a part of him knew that too.

“What's your favorite thing to do, Austin?” Briggs whispered, looking deep into my eyes as she wrapped her arms around my neck.

Bringing me closer to her.

I immediately caged her in with my arms around her pretty little face. Slightly pulling back her hair at the nook of her neck just like she loved. I leaned in close to her mouth, biting her bottom lip and huskily rasped, “Fucking you, baby. That's my favorite thing to do.”

We were happy again.

And more in love than ever.   

“Prove it,” she challenged.

I didn’t have to be told twice. It was after hours, and we owned the fucking place. She was counting inventory and decided to sass me with her smart-ass mouth.

Her body was perfectly proportionate with mine as I stood in between her legs. She looked up at me with adoration and yearning. The heady expression that I could never get enough of had me losing control. I roughly grabbed the back of her neck and plunged my tongue into her eager and awaiting mouth. It went back and forth between us, each giving the other what we craved. She clutched on to my hair and I pulled on hers, beckoning her head to fall back and give me the liberty to assault her neck.

I ran my nose from her chin to her collarbone, kissing all over her breasts.

“Who’s my girl?” I baited, knowing she loved it when I asked.

Her nipples were already hard when I pulled down the front of her dress, waiting for me to take them into my mouth. I sucked and gently bit one while my hand caressed and fondled the other. Her breathing escalated and both of her soft, delicate hands gripped my hair as her hips gyrated forward on the edge of the counter, on the brink of falling.

I heard the rustling of my jeans as she unbuckled my belt, pulling out my hard cock. My hands went around to her ass, as I effortlessly picked her up off the counter. Sliding her panties to the side and slamming her right down onto my cock before she even saw it coming.

In one thrust, I was balls deep inside her.

Home.

We moaned in unison, both appreciating what the other was giving. She fit like a fucking glove, tightly wrapped around my cock. My arms leveled her up and down, thrusting her onto my shaft.

“Fuck… you feel good.”

Her g-spot was hitting the tip of my cock ring so perfectly and precise.

“Let go a little, look at me, I got you, you’re not going anywhere.”

She loosened her hold and hitched in a breath when she looked into my eyes. I braced my forehead on hers and we never once took our eyes off each other. I knew it took all her willpower to not let her eyes roll to the back of her head.

Within seconds, we were both gasping and breathless for air. Her moans were getting louder and heavier. I could feel her come dripping down my ass. I fucked her harder and with more determination. Wanting to feel her sweet pussy come on my cock. Within minutes, neither one of us could take it anymore.

We both came together.

Hard.

I kissed her one last time before placing her back down on her feet. Holding her upright till she balanced on trembling legs.

“I want you to give me a tattoo,” she said out of nowhere, looking sincerely into my eyes.

“Right now?” I replied, tucking my cock back into my jeans.

“It won’t take long.”

I walked toward my chair, patting for her to sit.

“Where and what would you like, pretty lady?”

She grinned, grabbing a piece of paper from her purse, sitting in the chair, lifting up her dress to point on her lower abdomen.

“I want these dates in numerical numbers.”

She handed me the piece of paper with a serious face.

“You want this date from a week ago and this one from almost a year from now?” I asked, confused. “Why?”

“It’s the day I found out I’m pregnant and the day the baby is born.”

I jerked back. “What did you say?”

“Your baby is in my belly.” She smiled.

“How?”

She cocked her head to the side with a snide smirk. “Well… when a man and woman really love each other they—”

I laughed, “You’re on the pill.”

She shrugged. “Sometimes it doesn’t work. This is one of those times.”

“You’re sure? Like positive? One hundred percent?”

“I went to the doctor and she confirmed it. I’ve just been trying to find the right time to tell you.”

“We’re going to have a baby?” I questioned again, needing more confirmation.

She enthusiastically nodded with tears in her eyes.

“I can’t tattoo you, Briggs. You’re pregnant… But you’re going to have my baby?”

She beamed, and I pulled her into my arms.

Finally holding everything we ever wanted.