Crashing Into Love (32 page)

He clenched his teeth so tight he feared they’d crack. It was either that or ruin the career she’d worked so hard for by telling her he was lying, that he wanted nothing more than to be with her every second of every goddamn day. He managed to shake his head, or at least he hoped he did.

“Why?” she snapped, her beautiful eyes full of hurt.

He swallowed against the lump in his throat.

She grabbed his T-shirt in her shaking fists. Her face went red, and her eyes narrowed. “Tell me why. Was this all a game to you? Because I don’t fucking believe that for one second.”

He met her gaze. His gut plummeted as her tears sprang free.

“Is this payback for my leaving you all those years ago?”

He reached up to wipe her tears, and she swatted at his hand.

“No. You don’t get to touch me. You owe me an explanation.” She stormed across the driveway, then turned around and stomped back again, standing so close he could see red streaks in the whites of her eyes.

Her eyes softened from anger to hurt, and her voice softened again. “I know you love me, Jake. Unless…unless I don’t know you at all.” She nodded, as if understanding was dawning on her. She stumbled backward.

His heart was shattering into smithereens inside him. If this was what it felt like to be unselfish, he was ready to kick the hell out of it. He was afraid to answer her. Afraid of the truth tumbling out like rocks.

“You love me, Jake. I know you do.”

He couldn’t stand to see her so unhappy. “I do love you, Fiona.”
More than you could ever know.

“Then why do you want to be apart?” When he didn’t answer, she shook her head and backed away again. “This is messed up. I don’t know what I did wrong, but long distance doesn’t work for
me
, Jake.”

Anger and sadness swirled inside him and bound together, pushing him forward with the force of a hurricane.

“What were you thinking, Fiona?” He stalked over to her, all the anger of the years spewing forward, and he had no chance of reining it in. “We’re right back where we were sixteen years ago. Your fucking future is on the line, and I won’t be the one holding you back. You wanted your freedom all those years ago and you got it. I didn’t chase you, when that was all I thought about day in and day out. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, and when that didn’t include me, I thought, well, fuck me. It sucked, and it hurt, and I moved on.”

“You hid from it,” she spat.

“So fucking what? You got to live your life the way you wanted. I wouldn’t stand in your way then, and in all those years we were apart, I became the most selfish bastard I’ve ever known. I didn’t fucking care about anyone but my family. No one got close to me, Fiona. Not one damn person.”

She blinked up at him, tears streaming down her cheeks, and she whispered, “Jake.”

“No. It was what it was, and I was ready to let all that go. You made me a better person, Fi. In one goddamn month you made me realize what a self-centered prick I’d become, and it was the best thing you could do for me—and the worst. Because now here we stand. You’re on the precipice of the pinnacle of your career, and here I am. Stuck.” His arms shook with frustration. “I see you in everything I do. When I was jumping out of the damn building yesterday, all I thought about was being extra safe so I would be able to see you again. And when I picked you up at your house, it felt like coming home. But none of that matters, because if I tell you to stay, then I’m the same selfish bastard I’m trying my damnedest not to be.”

“Jake—” She reached for him, and he backed out of her reach.

“No. Let me finish. I want nothing more than to marry you, Fiona. To keep you by my side every second of my life. I want to come home to you, to wake up to you, and you’re the only woman I ever want to make love to again. I want to have a goddamn family with you—but none of that matters.”

He spun away and scrubbed his hand down his face, trying to regain control of his anger. He sank his hands onto his hips, rounded his shoulders forward, trying desperately to ward off the desire to back down. After sucking in one deep breath after another, steeling himself again for the tears he knew he’d see, he turned around.

Her hand covered her mouth, leaving only her damp, wide eyes staring at him like he had three heads.

“Marry me?” she whispered.

He reached for her trembling hand. “Yes. Marry you. I’m sorry, Fiona.”

“You’re an idiot.”

He nodded. “An asshole is more like it, but I’m trying so hard to fix that. Not being selfish sucks, just so you know, but it doesn’t change how much I love you.”

She swallowed hard, then stepped closer. Their thighs brushed. She pressed her soft, warm palm to his cheek, and Jake closed his eyes, relishing in the comfort of her loving touch.

“I’m so sorry, Fi. I want this to work, but more important, I don’t want to take you away from something that makes you so happy.” He looked down at her, feeling his resolve slipping away. “You own me, Fi. You always have.”

Her lips curved up in a smile.

“Be selfish, Jake. This is the one time you
can
be selfish.”

“You’re not making this easy. I’m really trying to do the right thing.”

“This is the right thing,” she said softly.

And it fucking sucks
.

“
This
is the right thing.” She circled her arms around his neck and lifted herself into his arms, then fastened her mouth to his.

Salty tears seeped into their mouths, and their hearts slammed a frantic beat against their chests. His strong arms cocooned her. She felt too damn good, too damn right. Maybe it wasn’t the right thing to do, and maybe he really was a selfish man at heart, but with Fiona’s approval, he couldn’t lie anymore. He tore his lips from hers and stared into her loving eyes.

“The hell with the promotion. Marry me, Fiona. Get a job here, or work remotely, or don’t work at all. I’ll support anything you want to do, except I’m not unselfish enough to let you go again. It’s selfish, and I’m a goddamn asshole for asking you to give up what you love, but I want you, Fiona, and I let you go once. I’m not letting you go again.”

She pressed her palms to his cheeks and gazed into his eyes with a serious look. “I already turned down the promotion and submitted my resignation earlier this morning.”

“You…”

She nodded. “I knew you loved me. I don’t want to love you from afar or wish I was with you on location. I want to be with you every second.”

“You quit.” He couldn’t wrap his mind around it.

“I left you to find myself once, and I accomplished what I wanted to accomplish. I made my mark in my field, and I’ll still publish as I’m able, but what I found when I went searching was that it’s not the discoveries or publications that make me whole. I found myself, but a piece was missing all along. The most important piece. I’m not whole without you, Jake. You’re my missing piece.”

He touched his forehead to hers and breathed her in. “Marry me, Fi. Raise raucous boys and smart girls with me. Be my wife. Be mine. God knows I’m already yours.”

“Don’t you feel it, silly? I’ve been yours all along.”

JAKE AND FIONA held hands and smiled like they’d just eaten an entire birthday cake meant for someone else, only it wasn’t cake that had put interminable smiles on their faces. Monday’s filming had been canceled at the last minute, and Jake and Fiona had taken full advantage of the day. They’d spent the day in each other’s arms, making love more times than they’d ever fess up to, and had left their love nest only long enough to use the bathroom. They’d finally showered and dressed an hour ago. It was seven o’clock Monday evening and they were sitting on Jake’s bed, dressed for the actors’ dinner and staring at the monitor of his laptop.

“Ready?” Jake asked, hovering the cursor over the Skype icon.

“Click it already. Your driver’s supposed to be here in ten minutes.”

Jake pressed his leg to hers, causing the slit in Fiona’s silky white dress to fall open. He placed his hand on her thigh and nuzzled against her neck.

“Are you sure? We can skip the Skype call with my family and skip dinner.” He glanced over her shoulder at the bed and arched a brow.

Her cheeks flushed pink. “You’re insatiable. Make the call.”

They’d called each of Fiona’s brothers last night to give them the news. Reggie, Jesse, and Brent all gave Jake applause-worthy big-brother threats about taking care of their sister. Finn had a gentler message for Jake.
Fiona likes people to think she’s thick-skinned and strong as an ox, but really, she’s a lovely, strong woman with a big, sensitive heart. Protect her heart, Jake, and we’ll be good friends forever. Damage her heart, and you’ll never know what hit you.
Jake respected her brothers’ threats, because he had done the same thing to Dae with regard to Emily. It’s what brothers who loved their sisters did. Family was everything to Jake, and he knew her brothers would never have to carry through a single threat. He planned on making Fiona the happiest woman on the planet every day of her life.

He fell more in love with her with every passing second. He looked at her now, then at the laptop, and finally back to her with a serious gaze.

“Okay, but remember, you’re with me. Don’t fall for my cousin Sam.”

Fiona rolled her eyes with the tease. “Okay, I’ll try to refrain, but only if you can promise me that when the too-sexy-for-her-own-good Megan Flexx wraps her arms around you in a hug, you won’t enjoy the feel of it.”

“Shit. That woman’s got nothing on you.”

“Exactly. Neither does Sam on you.” She pointed to the laptop.

Jake clicked the icon, and a few seconds later Emily’s big brown eyes were staring back at them. She squealed and jumped up and down.

“Emily!” her mother called from behind her.

“Hi, you guys!” Emily waved like she hadn’t seen them in years. Jake’s mother peered over her shoulder.

“Hi, guys. Love you,” his mother said.

“Hi,” Jake and Fiona said at the same time.

Wes peeked in from the side.

“Hey, bro,” Wes said. “Hey, Fiona.”

“Hi,” they repeated.

“You guys look…happy.” Wes winked at Fiona.

Jake’s eyes went serious as they swept from Wes to Fiona.

“We are, but we only have a few minutes.” Jake laced his fingers with Fiona’s.

“That’s not what I heard. I hear you have a lifetime.” Emily pushed Wes to the side and grinned. “Shea texted and said Fiona was staying in LA.”

“I was hoping to give you guys the news myself.” Jake looked at Fiona.

Fiona crinkled her nose. “Sorry. I sent her a text last night.”

“That’s okay.” He kissed her softly.

Emily
aww
ed, Wes whispered,
Christ
, as if he were annoyed, but Jake knew he was just mocking the way Jake had recently made fun of all of his siblings’ relationships. Then a deep voice Jake hadn’t heard in ages boomed, “Dude. Are we in your bedroom?”

Sam’s handsome face filled the screen. He had thick black hair, a sparse beard, and eyes full of mischief. He was Jake’s second cousin, and owned a river rafting company on the East Coast near the rest of his cousins.

“Sam, it’s been forever! This is Fiona, and yeah, we’re in the bedroom,” Jake answered.

“Cool. Hey, Fiona. I’ve heard a lot about you.” Sam reached an arm out to the side, and Sam’s sister, Shannon, appeared beside him. Shannon was in her early twenties, with long brown hair and warm hazel eyes.

“Hey, Shannon,” Jake said. “This is my fiancée, Fiona.”
My fiancée
. He had no idea what universal powers had blessed him with Fiona, but he wasn’t going to mess it up this time. No way. No how.

“It’s so good to see you guys. Emily said you would have only a few minutes, but we really wanted to say hi.” Shannon lived in Peaceful Harbor, Maryland, and it had been almost three years since Jake had seen her.

“You look great, Shannon. How long are you two in town?” Jake asked.

Shannon pressed her palm to her chest. “I’m here for a couple months for an environmental project. Doing a study in the mountains. Maybe we can catch up next time you’re in town. After visiting with everyone here, I’m going to stay with Uncle Hal for a while. And Sam…” She leaned to the side so Sam could look into the camera again.

“I don’t know how long I’ll be here, man. My team’s putting things together for our next trip.” Sam’s company hosted rafting trips in different areas of the country.

Jake’s mother peered into the camera again. “Jake, maybe after you wrap up filming, we can get together and celebrate your and Fiona’s engagement.”

“That would be great, Mom. Thank you.” Jake pulled Fiona into a hug.

“Thank you so much. I’d really like that,” she said to his mother.

“It’s great to see you guys. Shannon, Sam, we’ll catch up soon, I promise, but we have to get off the line in a minute and I need to talk to Wes. Can you pull him into the mix real quick?”

“Yo, bro.” Wes appeared between Shannon and Sam. “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to tell you that when we get together again, I’m going to pound the shit out of you.” Jake smirked.

“Seems to me you should be thanking me for taking you to the bar that night.” Wes lifted his chin in challenge.

“Yeah, you’re right about that. For that, I’m not going to kill you, but for deceiving me, I’m going to hurt you pretty bad.”

“Jake!” Fiona nudged his shoulder. “I won’t let him do that,” she said to Wes.

“It’s okay, Fiona. I can take him,” Wes answered.

“But we won’t let him.” Callie peered into the camera from over Wes’s shoulder and lifted Wes’s casted arm. “Your brother and his buddy Chip decided to go bull riding. The bull got the best of them. How about we call it a draw?”

Jake pulled Fiona in close. “I think I’m the clear winner.”

ON THE WAY to the actors’ dinner, they listened to the playlist Fiona had made for Jake and snuggled in the backseat of the limousine. They didn’t talk about what the songs meant or why Fiona had picked them. They didn’t need to. As with most things, now that Jake learned to follow his heart, they were both on the same page.