Crashing Into Love (13 page)

He folded Fiona in his arms again and searched her eyes. She couldn’t know how to fix all the things crawling out of the dark places in his mind, and even though she’d hurt him once, she nurtured parts of him that opened his eyes to what he’d become. And if he really was the person he portrayed… Hell, he had a lot to figure out, but one thing was for sure. Fiona deserved honesty.

“Fi, I can’t make you any promises. Not about us, or about what we did downstairs. And I definitely can’t make you any promises about myself. Most of the time, beyond being a stuntman, I’m not even sure I know who I am anymore.”

She swallowed hard, and he could tell by the watery look in her baby blues that she was trying hard to hold back tears.

“What I can tell you is this. I’ve never felt anything like what I felt when we kissed. You do something to me that no other woman ever has, and frankly, I don’t want any other woman to try.”

“But?” The hope in her eyes dimmed with his admission.

“But there’s a lifetime between who I was and who I am now. I don’t know how a person goes backward, or if it’s even possible. I’m destined to mess up, and maybe in a big way. I don’t know.”

She rested her forehead on his chest and gripped his shirt in her hands. “I know.”

He placed his hands on her cheeks and tilted her head up so he could see her eyes. He needed her to hear what he had to say, and he had to know that she understood the weight of his words—the ones he said and the ones yet to come.

“I hurt you, Jake, so it would only be fair.”

“What are we, six? There is nothing fair about hurting someone who means something to you. If anyone knows that, it’s us, right? Our fathers taught us the hell out of that lesson.” He paused long enough for those words to settle into his
own
mind.

“I have no clue how I’ll act in ten minutes, much less a week or a month.” Jake reminded himself that honesty was important, because he wanted to promise Fiona he could do the right thing, and he knew it wasn’t a promise he could make.

“It’s not like I’m asking for a white picket fence and three point five children. I just want to try being us again. Day by day.”

“Day by day?”

She shrugged, blinked away the dampness in her eyes. “Jake, I’ve got a lot of years out there, too. I’m not a saint, either. We both have stuff to work on. All I know is that I’ve been drawn back to you for years, and I’ve been too afraid to act on it. I was slightly intimidated by your success, but even more afraid you’d hate me for how I ended things…which I guess you kind of did, and I don’t blame you. But as much as I tried to push away my feelings, I couldn’t.”

“Fi…” He didn’t know what to say. He was still processing that she’d been drawn back to him for years but had been afraid to act on it. She was afraid because of the way he’d intentionally built a wall between them, and now he was kicking himself for it. She might say she wasn’t a saint, but he knew Fiona wasn’t a slut, either. She didn’t have it in her to sleep with any guy who made a pass at her. The realization that he’d done just that with women nearly brought him to his knees. He wanted to thank her for taking the chance on him, but every way he tried to form the right words sounded weak in his mind, so he said the only thing he could manage.

“Okay. One day at a time. I think I can do that. I want to do that.” It wasn’t like he was used to committing for more than an hour at a time. This was a big step for him and it scared him, but he wanted to try. Damn, did he want to try. He held her again, silently hoping he wouldn’t hurt her.

Jake walked out of the laundry room, his arm possessively draped over Fiona’s shoulder, thinking about the previous night, when it had occurred to him how deep of a hole he’d dug for himself with this current lifestyle. He wasn’t sure he could ever get out of it, much less whether he really wanted to. But as he walked into the living room and took stock of the people milling about, all he could think about was the woman he was holding and how he wanted to carry her upstairs and kiss her until they both forgot the years that had passed since they’d been together. That wasn’t likely to happen, as Megan Flexx, an A-list, buxom brunette actress, wearing a skintight navy dress that barely covered her ass, was wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing his cheek despite Fiona’s presence.

Jake gently extracted himself from Megan’s grip. “Megan, this is Fiona. Fiona Steele, Megan Flexx.”

“You were in the movie
Transformation
, right?” Fiona smiled at Megan, but Jake felt her shoulders stiffen.

Megan ran her fingers through her long hair and raked her green eyes down Fiona’s body in a way that made Jake want to kick her out of his house. He tightened his grip on Fiona.

“Yes.” Megan chewed a piece of gum like a cow, pausing to blow a bubble. “Jake did the stunts in that film. That’s how we met—right, Jake?” She ran her fingers down his chest.

Jake took a step back before she could get those nimble little fingers any lower.

“Uh, yeah.”
Crap
. Fiona’s feigned smile faded fast. “I want to introduce Fiona to a few people. We’ll see you around.” He guided Fiona toward the French doors leading to the backyard. “I’m sorry about her.”

“It’s okay. You have a life, Jake. I get that. You weren’t exactly expecting me.”

You can say that again
.

“Jake!” Kenny Clayton, an up-and-coming actor, waved from the bar by the pool, where he had a redhead draped on one side and a blonde on the other.

Jake felt like he was moving in slow motion as laughter and music filled his ears. Susie Clifton, a petite actress with big brown eyes, hollow cheeks, and slightly crooked teeth, handed Jake a drink.

“Thanks.” Jake tightened his grip on Fiona.

Susie gave Fiona the same once-over, only slightly less noticeable than Megan’s. Fiona was sexy as hell, and she was a natural beauty. She didn’t wear much makeup, but she’d never needed it, and even with her hair tousled from the rain, she looked gorgeous. He was glad when Susie flashed a genuine smile and held a hand out in greeting.

“Hi. I’m Susie.” Her Southern drawl was thick now, which was how Jake knew she was sincere. She used her LA dialect when she was trying to impress, as she had when she’d first met him, and her hometown twang when she was just being a normal girl. It didn’t happen very often.

“Hi. I’m Fiona.”

Jake felt some of the tension ease from her shoulders.

“You are
so
lucky. Fiona is such a great name, unlike Susie. I mean, could I be any plainer?” Susie touched Jake’s hand. “You keeping her all to yourself? She must be very special.” Without waiting for a response, she took Fiona’s hand and pulled her from Jake’s grasp. “Come on. Let’s get you a drink, too.” She looked over her shoulder at Jake. “Go mingle. I’ll take good care of Fiona.”

Jake had the urge to follow them. He didn’t want Fiona around the actors and up-and-comers. They were all players. Hell, nearly everyone in LA was a player—at least it seemed that way in his circles. He watched Kenny and the guys check out Fiona, and his chest constricted with jealousy, as it had years ago when they’d gone to the County Fair and a group of hotshot seniors from a neighboring town were checking out Fiona. He’d taken things into his own hands back then and warned them off. He hadn’t felt that way toward any woman since. Until now.

“Dude, you okay?”

Jake turned and found Zane downing a drink.

“Yeah. I didn’t know you were coming over.”

Zane shrugged. “Figured if I could find a soft body to keep me warm tonight, it would be here.” He patted Jake on the back and nodded toward Fiona. “Mm-mm-mm. She’s a sweet one, isn’t she?”

“Yeah. Real sweet.” He gritted his teeth against the urge to warn Zane away from Fiona, but she wasn’t his to claim. Not yet anyway.
Day by day
. What did that mean in terms of monogamy? He watched Kenny sling an arm over Fiona’s shoulder and whisper something that made her laugh. He was shocked with the realization that he knew what he wanted
day by day
to mean. The idea of Fiona with another man made him crazy. It hadn’t been easy to ignore the fact that she might be with other men when they were miles apart, but he’d managed it fairly well. Now that she was here with him and he’d tasted her sweetness again and held her…Now that he’d looked into her eyes and allowed her to touch the part of him that he’d buried away, it was impossible for him to ignore the cording of his muscles at the thought of her with another man.

“She’s coming to the cast dinner. I might hit her up there.” Zane sucked back the rest of his drink and lifted his chin in the direction of the bar. “I’m gonna fill up. Want one?”

Jake grabbed his arm much rougher than he intended to. “Cast dinner. Not a good idea, Zane.”

Zane’s brows knitted together. “Why not?”

“Because I’ve got something going on with her.” Wow, did he really just claim her? Jake took stock of the six-million-dollar smile spreading across Zane’s face. Yeah, he’d claimed her, all right, and he had a feeling it was a smart move.

“Nice. That was fast.” Zane glanced at Megan, who was making a beeline for Jake. “Want me to keep Fiona busy while you swing downstairs with Megan?”

Jake bit back the unfamiliar distaste at Zane’s comment, and it took him by surprise. He and Zane had been each other’s wingmen, and before he’d run into Fiona in Trusty, he’d probably have taken him up on the offer. But now he felt like that guy he’d been, the guy like Zane, was a world away from the man he’d like to be.

Jake shifted his gaze to Fiona, holding a glass between her hands, tension evident in the strength of her grip, eyes locked on the ground. Kenny’s mouth was moving a mile a minute. There were two other guys with them who must have come with him, because Jake had no clue who they were. Susie was busy talking with another woman by the bar. She’d left Fiona alone. His protective instincts kicked into gear, spurring his legs into action as he blazed a path toward her.

“No, man. I’m good,” he said to Zane before heading for Fiona. She must have sensed Jake’s gaze on her as he closed the distance between them. She lifted her eyes as he slipped an arm around her waist, noting the relieved look in her eyes.

“Let’s get out of here,” he whispered as he turned back toward the house.

“But your friends?” She glanced over her shoulder. “I didn’t get to say goodbye to Susie.”

Zane lifted his glass as they walked by.

“Susie was really nice. I’d like to say goodbye to her, at least.”

Jake was used to women wanting to leave parties with him, following his lead, not arguing about staying to say goodbye to someone they’d just met.

“She’s fine. She won’t care.”

Fiona stopped walking and pressed her lips together. “Maybe not, but I do. It’s rude, Jake. Just give me two minutes.” She headed back toward Susie without giving him a chance to stop her.

Jake watched every determined step she took and noticed every longing gaze from the guys standing by the bar. Fiona walked directly to Susie without even a glance at the other men. She said something, to which Susie smiled, and then they embraced. It had been so long since Jake had cared about anyone that he’d almost forgotten what it felt like to take extra time to get to really know people. And there was Fiona, doing it naturally, at the risk of losing time they’d have had together. He respected the hell out of her for it and realized that he wanted her to see those qualities in him again, too.

When she joined him, she was much more relaxed. He laced his fingers with hers as they walked through the house.

“Thanks, Jake. She’s so sweet. I really like her.” She slowed their pace again. “Don’t you want to at least go say something to your friends?”

“They’re fine. They’re not really friends in the sense that you think of friends, Fi.” He guided her through the living room, snagged his keys from the table by the door, and headed toward the garage. “Most of them are takers, clingers. I never realized how superficially I knew most of them until just now.”
And it bugs the shit out of me.

The overhead lights turned on when he opened the garage door.

“I still can’t believe these are all yours,” she said, pointing at the cars.

Jake opened the door of his Mercedes McLaren for Fiona. “Far cry from who I am in Trusty, right?” He had a feeling that these luxuries would be another turnoff for Fiona. She was getting a clear view of his world, and damn if he didn’t get a sinking feeling in his gut.

“You could say that.” She gave him the address of her apartment again and fidgeted with the ends of her hair.

Jake reached across the console and took her hand in his. “Two worlds colliding, huh?”

“You might say that.” Her voice was so soft he barely heard her. She gazed out the window, giving him a chance to drink her in. She twisted the ends of her hair in that nervous, adorable way she had that made him want to scoop her into his lap and reassure her.

It was surprising how for sixteen years Jake had felt like he was trekking through quicksand, and now it was as if those years had barely existed. Fiona’s brows furrowed, then eased, and then her eyes narrowed. He saw the maturity in her features now that he’d missed back in the Brewery. Her eyes were more intense, as if she’d seen things that had strengthened her. He wondered if she’d been hurt along the away, and the thought tweaked those protective urges again. He realized the magnitude of what she’d risked that night in the bar and how it had taken tremendous courage for her to approach him.

You were strong enough to do what I’ve been pretending I didn’t want to for years.

FIONA COULDN’T FIGHT the feeling that she might have bitten off more than she could chew. She didn’t belong in Jake’s new world. She wasn’t a partier, at least not on a daily basis, and when she’d seen Megan Flexx drape herself over Jake, she’d wanted to claw her eyes out.

Jake opened the car door for her in the parking lot of her apartment complex and pulled her into an embrace before lowering his lips to hers and taking her into another thrilling kiss that pushed all those worries away.

He held her close, his eyes shifting as they crossed the parking lot.
Some things never change
. She smiled to herself, remembering when they were younger, how he was always aware of their surroundings. As if at any time someone might jump out of the darkness and he’d be there to protect her. She’d always felt safe with him, and when he’d set that dark, protective gaze on her by the pool in his backyard, she’d felt it surrounding her like a safety net. It felt so right to be with Jake again, but around those people at his house, even though he’d done all the right things, she was uncomfortable. She’d known that he was popular, and she’d even anticipated seeing women clamoring to get to him, but to see it taking place in his own house was a shock. And knowing that men and women showed up unannounced was even more concerning.