Crash Diet (16 page)

I haven’t seen Rhonda in two years, but almost every single day I have gotten a postcard. I’m the only person in my family that keeps up with Rhonda; nobody else wants to hear what she has to say. Sometimes I get scared that they might not give me my card, so that’s why I’m always
there when the mailman comes and why I did not go to 4-H camp last year when everybody wanted me to. They wanted me to, mainly because I had sewed the best dress and they thought I’d win our group a prize. I sew pretty dresses, all right, but they don’t look good on me because of my shape; I don’t have a shape. I have made Rhonda a pink silky party dress, which I’m saving for when she comes home.

I love the cards that she sends; no two have ever been the same. I guess that’s why I hate holidays so much—because the mail doesn’t come. The only other times that Rhonda has not written to me have been during what she calls “hard times.” When I spread all my cards on the bedroom floor, I can see that there have been quite a few hard times but never one that lasted over a week. They’ll start back real soon now. The first card to come after a hard time always says, “WHEW!” I’m expecting to get one of those any day now. Rhonda will say WHEW! and tell me what happened.

The first card I ever got was two days after she left home. She had promised she would send one; she had hugged me so tight and told me that she would always keep in touch. “You are what makes it all bearable for me, Bunny,” she had said. “You know that I love you the most?” I nodded and then she was gone and I did like she said. I didn’t tell anybody that I had seen her; I didn’t tell that she came by the Thriftway and had gotten herself a ride out of town
with a man in a pickup. “There’s a man in South Carolina that I need to see,” she had told me. “He’s in love with me and I need to decide what I’m going to do.” She told me that I’d see one day that having a man in your life changes a lot of things. “But no man will ever change how I feel for you.” I stood in front of Thriftway and waved until I couldn’t see her blond hair flying out the window, couldn’t see which way the truck had gone.

The first card—a giant size—has a picture of the Honeymoon Bed in the Honeymoon Suite of Pedro’s Motel down in South of the Border, South Carolina. It is a beautiful bed with a rich-looking pink satin spread and little pillows, mirrors all around. I have never been to South of the Border, but I’ve heard of it, heard of fireworks and putt-putt ranges and gift shops and restaurants. I could’ve gone with the 4-H group last summer, but I passed because they were going to Myrtle Beach and I would’ve missed the mail for three days. Rhonda isn’t there anymore. When I first got this card I kept thinking about how wonderful it would be if I was there, how wonderful it would be if I was sitting on a stool right there near Rhonda while she introduced me to people.

Hey Bunny! I’m Mrs. Elwood Smith now. We have been married one hour. I hate you aren’t here with me. You know you’re my maid of honor and if I had known I was getting married, I would have bought you a beautiful
dress (and grown-up hose and high heels!) and had you here with me. But sometimes things just happen real fast. (You will know what I mean soon enough.) Just remember, you haven’t lost a sister but gained a brother! (And you will like him better than Ned. HA!) I’m gonna live down here of course. I’ll miss you but don’t you worry! You’ll be on a bus and visiting real soon. Elwood is in the shower. (Weddings make him sweat, he says. HA!) He is a card. You will love him like he will love you. Please tell Mama and Ho Jo’s that I won’t be back! Thanx 10,000 pesos!
R

Nobody was happy for Rhonda and Elwood Smith like I was. Mama and my brothers, Ned and Billy, just frowned and shook their heads. Ned and Billy are both older than Rhonda and they’re married. They married the Townsend sisters, who Rhonda always calls “The Gruesome Twosome.” “She’ll be back,” I heard Mama tell Ned and Billy. “She don’t have a pot to pee in.”

“Well, well, well,” that man at Ho Jo’s said. “Wonder what it’s costing little Rhonda Sue to live down there?”

The second card gave me all the answers, but nobody even wanted to hear about it. The Townsend sisters took me to buy some clothes, said I shouldn’t be wearing Rhonda’s hand-me-downs. I tried to tell them it was okay. She wrote real tiny on this card to fit it all on:

Bunny! Little Bunny! All of the clothes I left in my closet are for you! Elwood bought me a whole new
wardrobe. See the dress Lady Di is wearing on the front of this card? Well, I have a black one
just
like it. Elwood doesn’t look like Charles, though, thank God. HA! He has little ears, looks more like Al Pacino, you know? I hope one day you find someone like him and can move to a nice place like where we live. I go to the beach near about every day. I have a wonderful tan. I’ll look into bus schedules to see when you can come. Elwood’s paying so don’t work too hard at the Thriftway and
don’t
let any boys do to you what I told you they might try! Take it easy baby,
Rhonda

Mama and the Townsends cleaned out Rhonda’s closet and threw everything away. “She’ll deserve that if she thinks she can show her face here again,” Mama said, and I took Rhonda’s blue-jean jacket with the diamond-looking things sewn in and hid it. I don’t know why she didn’t take that with her except maybe she wanted me to have it.

I can shuffle Rhonda’s cards up and read ‘em like tiny stories, or I can put them all in the right order and read them like a real long letter. That’s what I do at night when Mama’s watching TV. Right now I feel like shuffling and trying to remember where each one fits in the big piece.

Hard times, Bunny. Forgive me for not writing. Enjoy being a little girl (you know what I mean) because being grown ain’t all nylon hose and eyeshadow. The little girl on this card made me think of you. It made me cry. Look at her digging in the sand with her little
pail. She is at Myrtle Beach and soon you will be, too. I want to wait until Elwood comes home, though. Stick your tongue out at the Gruesome Twosome for me and tell Mama, “Smile. Can’t crack your face more than it’s cracked!” Just kidding. HA! Love,
Rhonda

Happy Birthday! Sweet fifteen. I wish I could be there. I bought you a beautiful present but am going to save it for when you come. You keep asking
when
and all I know is that it depends on my job. I am moving right up in this world, work long hard hours. When you come, I can take off. I know what I was doing at fifteen and I hope you know what you’re doing! Got a fella? I bet you do! I bet you look like the front of this card. I bet you don’t even look like Bunny anymore! Buddy says, “Blow hard!” (He means the candles of course.) I’ll call you this weekend when it’s cheap.
Rhonda

I turn that card over and stare at the picture of Marilyn Monroe, bent over, her hands keeping that dress from blowing all the way up. Boy, Rhonda couldn’t really think I’d ever look like that, but Rhonda kind of looks like it, boobs and all. I had planned to tell her that but she didn’t call that weekend. Buddy had been in a wreck, she wrote me later. He got twenty stitches in his head. “Is she still with that man?” Mama asked me once, and I just said, “No.” I didn’t tell her how Elwood had taken all the money that she had saved and left. I didn’t tell how Rhonda had herself a job as
a restaurant manager and was making so much money she didn’t know what to do with it except travel. She traveled all over the country, all the places you’d ever want to see. One of my favorite cards is of the Grand Canyon and it is beautiful. It says, “It’ll take your breath away!”

Didn’t take my breath! Still breathing, still smoking, too. HA! You’re going to love this place, Bunny. I’m thinking I might settle here. I’ll fly you out, OK? It’s sweet what you said in your letter (before Elwood robbed me!) about how you’ve made me a gift. Just wait until you see all the gifts I have for you! They fill up one whole room of the condo I’m staying in. It’ll be like Christmas when we get together. I’m glad you like that boy—what’s his name?—in your 4-H group. Let him know you like him, you know? Take my advice. They will be lined up for you real soon like they are for me here. Whoops! There’s Bronco (a nickname) right now. Love,
R

I still don’t like to think about the time I got that card. It’s been over a year now, but I’ve never been able to look at Rudy Thompson since. I waited for him after the 4-H meeting. I remember it all like it’s a movie or a postcard. I was wearing Rhonda’s blue-jean jacket, and I had on some hoop earrings and some lipstick that I had put on in the bathroom right after our meeting. I had just been told that I had the best piece of sewing, and Rudy had gotten a
blue ribbon for his pet pig. “Hi, there,” I said when Rudy came out. I tried to say it the way Rhonda would; I let my eyes droop a little like Rhonda used to do to that man at Ho Jo’s when she wanted the night off. “I need to talk to you,” I whispered, because that’s what Rhonda on the New Mexico postcard had suggested. “He’ll have to step closer,” she had written. “So wear some cologne so you don’t smell like Thriftway.”

“Yeah?” Rudy stepped closer, and I felt my heart beating so fast when he did. “What is it?” He has green green eyes and kind of rusty-looking hair. He was wearing a belt buckle that had a big bull on it.

“I like your belt buckle,” I whispered and closed my eyes, leaned back against a tree like Rhonda would do. “It’s sexy.” That was the part I practiced the longest. Rhonda had said it always worked for her.

“What?” Rudy acted like he was frozen, and it made me have to stand up straight, to smear that lipstick off a little with the back of my hand. “Bunny?” he asked, making the most horrible face, like he’d been expecting Coca-Cola and got buttermilk. Then they were all there, everybody, listening in, Rudy’s face so red I thought he might kill me. “Sexy?” a boy called out. “Wooo wooo, Rudy!” All the girls were just staring at me like I might have been green and I wished I was green. I wished I was dead, but more than anything, I wished I was with Rhonda in one of those fancy motels where she likes to go, places with big bathtubs for a
bubble bath and champagne, though Rhonda says I have to wait a little longer, maybe a year, before champagne. I ran home as fast as I could; that word,
sexy
, sounded in my head over and over like the principal at school on the P. A. system or like what Rhonda had described when she was in that bar that got raided that time. Rhonda said the police had done that, called everybody out, took everybody to the police station, and made them spend the night.
And there I was just minding my own business
, she had written.
What ignorant pigs! They made me take my clothes off! HA! I know why, too
—
a cheap thrill for the deprived slobs who work there
.

I have never been able to look Rudy in the eye since. It has taken a whole year for people to stop teasing me. I’d be in the cafeteria line and I’d hear somebody say, “It’s so sexy.” Sometimes Rhonda doesn’t stay in one place long enough to get my cards, but she did get the one that told what happened. She wrote me right back, too. She sent a card that she must have saved from South of the Border way back because it had a picture of that giant-size Mexican Pedro which I still have not seen. The 4-H people who can talk to me without laughing told me that you can see that giant Pedro for miles. Anyway, now I don’t even have to see it for real because I’ve got the picture:

Bunny. I’m sorry that what’s-his-name didn’t bite the hook. They don’t always, you know? Why I had a man
break up with me just last week. (Of course, I had threatened to tell his wife. I hear that’s what Marilyn Monroe did to the Kennedy boys so I figured what the hell?) DON’T mess with married ones. They are
never
right in the head. That should just let you know that what’s-his-name is
dumb
like most of the men in that town. I hate your boss. Did I ever tell you? He tried to get me to you-know-what once and I was insulted. If he ever makes up bad things about me, that’s why. I’ll be so glad when you can move and be with me. Then you’ll meet some nice people. Love,
R

One of the funniest cards has Mona Lisa on the front and Rhonda had written: “Well, I see Mama is
trying
to smile.” And then another has a cartoon of a two-headed Martian and the Martian is disagreeing with himself. One head says, “I want to go out,” and the other head says, “I want to stay home.” Below it is printed, “Ever have trouble making up your mind? Two heads are not better than one.” Rhonda had written: “I see the Townsends haven’t changed a bit! HA!” Of course, I would never show any of these cards. I keep hoping that when I move and live with Rhonda, Mama and Ned and Billy will start to be nice to her.

Another funny card has a picture of this dog peeing on a tobacco plant and it says, “Have your cigarettes been tasting funny?” Rhonda had written, “You better not be smoking. If you do, you will love it and never ever stop. Jim and I go through five packs a day.” When I got that
one I smoked one cigarette. I didn’t like it, but it had made me feel kind of grown-up and close to Rhonda. It was just last summer that I smoked it. I took one out of my boss’s pack, and then I sat out back of Thriftway on an orange crate and smoked it. It was kind of nice in a way because I could hear people talking inside and hear the big freezer humming, Willie Nelson on the radio, but I felt real safe. “You can always count on me, Bunny,” Rhonda had just written on a beautiful silver valentine card.

But now I’m looking for those cards that came right after hard times, so maybe I can figure out what’s keeping Rhonda so long from writing this time. There’s the one after Elwood robbed her, the one after she had to take her clothes off and stay in the jail, and here’s another one. It’s from the Statue of Liberty in New York City. Rhonda had circled the blond head of a woman that’s in the crowd looking, and from the back it really does look like her. “That’s me!” she had written and then on the back:

Hey Bunny! Whew! I have finally seen the light. (Get it?) I’ve had hard times, have decided men aren’t worth the trouble. You’ll see. All they want is to get in your pants or steal your money. Don’t fall for the tricks. I’ve been trashed too many times but now I’m starting over: good job/new friends. By the time you graduate (and you do need that diploma), I’ll be ready for you to move in. Right now I’m staying with a friend who says I really should be an actress! Imagine!! This city has
everything! I have a whole new life. I don’t eat meat. Love and Liberty,
Rhonda