Crank (11 page)

tremble. Chase noticed.

* *

Take it easy with this stuff, Bree.

It brings even good people to their

knees. Don't get me wrong. I

like it, too. Just keep cool.

269

One

Spoon

I was cool.

Two, I was too

cool. Three, sub-Arctic. Four, my mouth hit

monster mode.

Chase could barely

keep up. We talked

about:

* *

Good girls

Bad boys

Smothering moms

Indifferent moms

Disappointing fathers

Obnoxious fathers

Stepfathers--one

Stepfathers--three

Annoying little brothers

Brothers with very big footsteps

Summer trips

Boring summers at home

Junior years

Senior years

Early graduation

College boards

Cheerleaders

Football players

Artists

Poets

Tattoos

Piercings

Ex-boyfriends

Ex-girlfriends

Dreams

Doubts

270

Punishments

Loneliness

Old friends

New friends

Gay friends

Lost friends

Desire

Addiction

The monster

More monster

Kristina

Bree

271

I

Had to Explain

about Bree/me; by then, he had

already asked to kiss

me, and I let him because I really

wanted him to, and it wasn't my

first kiss

nothing like that one, in fact, maybe it wasn't

even my

best kiss but it was pretty

fine, and the fact

that he had asked

will forever make

that kiss

272

stand out in my

mind, touch my

heart, make me

remember a kiss so tender it made me cry.

He held me then, smoothed my hair and I asked him to kiss me again and he did, over and over, until

I thought we might

melt together, fused by kisses.

273

In

That Quite Hot Moment

a park ranger cruised by, took a good, long look.

Maybe we'd better go

.

"I should get back anyway.

My mom will wonder if I don't

spend enough of her money."

Ha, ha. I can always

help.

As we drove away, he pulled me

close, rested his hand on my knee, shifted between my legs.

Can I see you again?

"Any time, Chase." Any time.

How weird was that? A few months

back I would have said no way.

Soon?

As soon as I could break away from

Mom's watchful eye. Chase sure

wasn't her type. Was he really mine?

I

like you, Kristina.

"I like you, too." I did. He was nothing like I had imagined.

He was bright, intuitive.

Or do I like Bree?

274

Even if he did ask hard questions.

Jetting on the monster in spectacular

fashion, I didn't know how to answer.

Doesn't matter. What's in a name?

That which we call a rose by any

other word would smell as sweet.

Chase Wagner and Bill Shakespeare.

Talk about your strange bedfellows.

I was in line for that ménage à trois.

275

Chase

Wanted to Walk Around the Mall

with me, but I knew I wouldn't get much

shopping done if I went on a kissing

spree. A word of advice:

* *

Never shop on crank.

Your brain moves beyond the speed of light as you wander through a familiar store. First, you can't find Juniors.

* *

Once you finally do, you need the restroom first, then you get all turned around again.

Then, you can barely take it all in. Sizes. Styles.

* *

Colors. Trends.

Everything looks great on those goofy mannequins, so it's got to look

better on you, right? You grab an armful, stumble to a

* *

dressing room, try on all those darling clothes and nothing you like fits. So you leave silk and velour and suede behind, settle for two identical pairs of jeans.

276

Then you hustle off to the next store and repeat the process, only this time you leave with a couple of tees exactly like a couple you bought last year.

* *

And when you realize that, you laugh your

butt off, but really don't want to hassle with returns or exchanges so you

decide to accessorize instead.

277

A

Second Word of Advice

If shopping for clothes on crank is dumb, trolling for jewelry, belts, and shoes is something

just this side of insane.

Suspenders?

Don't think so.

Nikes. Vans. Doc Martins.

One of each?

Maybe next time.

Scrunchies. Barrettes. Berets.

Ebb the sable flow?

Uh-uh.

* *

I was stressing over earrings when

another hand touched

my shoulder.

I thought you were going to call.

Brendan.

278

T

wo

Guys in One Day?

Almost too much to consider, although Bree found the prospect

quite intriguing. So then I had to explain GUFN again.

"Today is the first day she cut me loose."

* *

Sounds

like a reason to party.

That

was funny. But it was time to catch my ride home. Since Brendan

was

my mom's type--tall, handsome, and gainfully employed--I let him walk

me out. Mom was parked right in front.

* *

Is she a

lways so punctual?

I laughed like he was the wittiest

man alive, and promised to call, wondering what was up. With me.

Had I lost one boyfriend, to gain

two? And how could I possibly

want

these two,

opposite squares on the chessboard?

279

Damn, your

mom is fine.

That

wasn't funny at all. I had to live with my mom, obey her rules, accept her punishments. But I would

never

accept her as competition.

* *

Not as fine as you, of course.

Okay. Better.

280

Mom Wanted to Hear All About Brendan

I told her what I knew, hoping I didn't talk too

much. Or too fast.

He's really cute.

Oh, great. Mutual attraction.

I almost opened my mouth, thought better of it.

Did he ask you out?

In a manner of speaking,

I supposed. Out. In. I

doubted he was picky.

Do we need to have the talk?

At that, I really had to stifle Bree. Let me tell

you, it wasn't easy.

He did seem like a nice boy.

Seeming and being are two different things. You

seem nice, too, Mommy dearest.

Anyway, did you find some nice clothes?

281

I showed her what I

bought, and she grinned a killer smile.

At least you're consistent.

I had to laugh, speeding along with the monster.

Consistent? Not!

282

I

nconsistent Me

could barely look at dinner.

I told Mom I ate at the mall.

What?

What, what?

What exactly did you eat?

Quick, Kristina, think.

"Stir-fry. You know, fast food Chinese."

Did you eat all your veggies?

OMG! Here I was, busting

my brain on first-class speed, and all she cared about was if

I'd consumed my greens?

'Cause you can't stay smart

eating only junk food.

Stay smart? First I had to get smart, and it wasn't about to happen

holding hands with the monster.

Besides, vegetables give a girl

a healthy glow.

283

Damn. Wasn't I glowing?

Then again, even if I was, it could hardly qualify as healthy. Still, Mom

didn't insist I share the dinner table.

It's only leftovers, anyway.

By the way, a letter came

for you today.

284

D

ear Kristina,

Hope everything's okay. Hope you're okay.

Things are okay here.

* *

My mom got a new job and she's dating her boss.

He already thinks he's my stepdad or something.

Says I'd better think about what I want to do with my life.

Besides party, that is.

I hate him already. You know?

* *

Lince is home and I guess she's better.

She has to go to PT

--physical therapy--

every day.

She's learning to walk and talk, just like a baby.

It's weird, really weird.

I try to spend time with her, but it's hard. You know?

* *

I'm sorry about that phone call.

I didn't mean to upset you.

I was at the end of a three-day binge.

Too long without food and sleep.

Your brain starts to play tricks. You know?

285

I do love you, Kristina.

You were a summer gift, one I'll always tre

asure.

You were a dream I never wanted to wake

up from.

You opened my eyes to things I'll never rea

lly see.

You're the best thing that will ever happen

to me.

* *

Be safe. Be smart. Stay you.

* *

Adam

286

Why

Was Everyone

suddenly worried about my IQ?

I sank into my

down

pillow-top, reread every word

twenty times, right down to his signature.

Adam had a poet's soul.

I put the letter down and considered crying, wondering how loving

him could bring me so far down, wondering how to stop

loving him, wondering

if the monster would soon

let me come down.

287

I Did Cry

Then

Climb-and-dive on the crank coaster,

I unlocked my heart, let the hurt out.

And then, like he was listening at the keyhole, Chase called.

(He even asked for Kristina.)

Hey, sweetheart. Just

checkin'

U

p on ya. You okay?

Let's see. Speedin'. Wantin' tobacco.

Cryin' over a guy I thought I was over.

Probably going to start my period--just in time to encourage a few new zits right before school started. "Fine."

Really? You don't sound fine.

Can I make you feel better?

I told you he was intuitive. Even

if he wasn't the type I could

bring home to Mother. Yes,

I liked Chase Wagner.

I'd sing to you but I'm pretty

sure that wouldn't

help.

288

I jumped into his well of ever-present

cheerfulness, gulped deeply, laughed out loud. We talked until

Scott needed to use the phone.

You probably won't sleep

much tonight. Think of me

once or twice?

At least. I hung up, feeling much less

alone. Pulled out my journal and started to write. Wrote all night.

The monster and I had a lot to say.

289

C

hase Was Right

I didn't sleep much that

night and not for the next

day or three afterward, either.

Sarah invited me

over,

I told her I felt under the weather, both to escape inevitable

questions

demanding uneasy

answers and to consider my

options.

290

possibility number

one,