Cowboys Down (23 page)

“You beat me.”

Calum gaped at her. “I never touched you.”

“Mud sticks.” She glanced at his models. “You’d know.”

“No one will believe I hit you.” Oh Christ, he hoped not. “I want a paternity test.”

“Costs five hundred dollars.”

Calum glowered. “How much do you want to go away and not come back?”

She rose to her feet and walked over to stand in front of him. “Fifty thousand.”

Calum laughed. The sum was nonsensical. “Five hundred seems like the better deal.”

“Twenty-five thousand.”

“I hope you didn’t tell him I’m his father.”

“Twenty thousand and I’ll go now. If you haven’t got it, your father has. I want the money by tomorrow noon or I’ll start to tell everyone he’s yours, you beat me and you’re gay.”

There was a bang on the door and his father called, “Calum!”

Calum reached for the handle, braced himself and pulled the door open.

“Bad news. Frank needs to put Lucy down.” He smiled when he saw Suz. “Hey there. What brings you out here?”

Calum clenched his fists.

“Just passing,” Suz said. “Thought I’d pop in and see how you’re all doing. Sounds like it’s a bad time. I remember riding Lucy.”

“She’s been a good horse. Calum and I need to go see to her. We’ll catch up later.” His father nodded to Calum.

“Out of my room.” Calum hustled her out and locked the door.

“I’ll come with you,” Suz said. “Angie took my son to see the horses.”

Calum held his breath.

“You have a son?” his father asked.

“Name’s Seth. He’s a real cutie.”

“What’s wrong with Lucy?” Calum asked, wondering if his father was jumping to conclusions yet knowing there was nothing he could do to head this off.

“Frank reckons a brain tumor.”

“Ah damn,” Calum muttered. That accounted for the erratic behavior. Maybe Suz had one too. Could they put her down—two for the price of one?

The three of them exited the building and headed for the stables. Suz struggled to keep up in her heels.

“Is Frank sure?” Calum asked.

“Sure enough to recommend she be euthanized.”

Shit.

Gunner came out of the stable as they approached. “Frank’s with Lucy in the back barn. He’s waiting on you. I’ll take Angie and the boy to the house.”

“Take Suz with you,” Calum’s father said.

Angie and Seth walked out of the stable and Calum’s father’s face went through a variety of expressions—shock, joy, love.
Fuck.

“Hello there, young man,” his father said.

Angie pulled at her father’s arm. “Daddy, this is Seth. He wants to ride Misty.”

“Not now, sweetheart. I’ve got something to do. Go back to the house with Gunner.” He stared at Seth, glanced at Calum, and Calum’s stomach churned.

By the time Lucy had been injected with euthanasia solution, Calum felt even worse. It always hurt to see a horse put down, and Lucy had been a faithful, solid pony. He volunteered to dig a grave with the ranch’s ancient backhoe and knew he’d slipped into avoidance mode. The only person he wanted to speak to was the one person who wouldn’t want to speak to him.

Note to self: Make the hole big enough for myself as well.

Chapter Thirteen

Jasper lifted the champagne the airline had given him out of the bathroom sink. The ice he’d snagged from the kitchen had chilled the bottle to a drinkable level. He wasn’t going to take the champagne with him. It seemed unlikely Calum would be joining him so he might as well drink it himself.

He filled a glass and toasted as he drank.

“To the weirdest holiday I’ve ever had.”

“To the most fucked-up, fucking fan-fucking-tastic guy I’ve ever fucking met.”

“To his happiness.”

“To his son.”

In a few hours, Jasper would be ensconced in a motel in Jackson Hole, planning his visit to Yellowstone. Tomorrow he’d watch Old Faithful spurt—alone. Try to spot bison—alone. Eat a meal—alone.

“To Yellowstone.”
Fuck.

Shouldn’t be hard to finish the bottle. Jasper just wished it made him feel happier and not more depressed.

By the time Calum had filled in Lucy’s grave, it was getting dark. He had no reason to linger but he checked the horses, checked the tack room, checked that all the gates were closed before he went back to the house.

He shouldn’t have let things finish like that with Jasper. The guy was right. Calum hadn’t stood up for him in front of his father. He had afterward, but so what? That wasn’t the main issue. Jasper had figured out Calum didn’t want to bottom. Except, it wasn’t a matter of
want
, Calum couldn’t. And he didn’t want to tell Jasper why. He clenched his fists as memories surged and had to take a few deep breaths to calm himself.

As Calum passed the lounge on the way to his room, he heard Suz laughing. The sound drove splinters of ice into his heart. Maybe he should offer to remarry her. Assuming Seth was his. Why make a kid suffer for the mistakes of his parents? Only Calum wasn’t sure he could live the rest of his life forcing himself to have sex he didn’t care for. No, the better option was to share caring for Seth.

“Calum?” Vera called. “You finished?”

“Yep.” He forced his feet to take him into the lounge. Angie was playing with Seth, building a tower of plastic boxes.

“Come and talk to your boy,” Calum’s father snapped.

Every nerve in Calum’s body went tight as a bow string. “We don’t know that he’s mine.”

“How can you say that?” Suz whispered.

“When I see the results of a paternity test, I’ll do the right thing.” Calum glared at her.

Vera rose to her feet with a resigned sigh. “Get cleaned up and I’ll fix you something to eat.”

“I’ve arranged for a company to send a representative out tomorrow,” Suz said. “They courier the test to the lab. It takes about seventy-two hours. But I can’t afford—”

“I’ll pay,” Erik said.

“You going to give her the twenty thousand she wants to go away?” Calum ground out.

“What are you talking about?” Suz asked.

Calum turned his back and left. His life was falling apart.

Vera caught up with him before he reached his room. She put her hand on his arm. “Are you okay?”

“What do you think?”

“Is he yours?”

Calum shuffled in embarrassment. “We used condoms. I don’t remember any accidents and there weren’t that many times. I didn’t say—but…”

“What?”

“When she was here, I saw Dean coming out of our room. He didn’t see me. When I went in, Suz was naked. Not hard to guess what they’d been doing.”

Vera gasped. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

Calum shrugged. “What was the point? It was over between me and her. It had never begun. I shouldn’t have married her. The whole mess was my fault.”

“Why’s she come?” Vera frowned. “I don’t understand. A paternity test will tell us the truth. She has to be certain Seth’s yours.”

“Or certain that she can make it so.” Thoughts ticked over in Calum’s mind. “Could she do that? Fix the results?”

Vera patted his arm. “Maybe you should go to a lab rather than let someone collect a sample from here.”

Calum nodded.

“By the way,” Vera said. “Jasper’s still here, though your father thinks he’s gone.”

Calum gulped.
Oh Christ.
“He was leaving?”

Vera nodded. “There was a problem with the cab and they said they’d send another, but it hasn’t arrived yet. Jasper said he didn’t want anything to eat, but maybe if I make you both something?”

Thank fuck he hadn’t gone. Though Calum couldn’t figure out how he felt. Happy and excited he had a chance to put things right, nervous about how he’d be received and sad this could be goodbye? Calum pulled Vera into his arms. “Thank you.”

“Wash up first,” she said and held her nose.

“Yes, Mom.”

When Calum saw the smile on her face, he knew he’d made a mistake all those years ago when he’d taken Vera at her word. He’d thought she told him to use her name because she didn’t want him to think she was taking the place of his mother. She’d been more of a mother to him than he deserved.

Calum put down the tray of food and knocked on Jasper’s door. When it opened, Jasper stood in front of him, in his shirt and tie, holding his suitcase, his leather satchel slung over his shoulder.

“Is the cab here?” he asked and swayed slightly.

“Not yet. Hadn’t known you called one.”

Jasper’s shoulders fell and he went back into his room, dumping the briefcase on a chair and the suitcase next to it before he lay on the bed. Calum picked up the tray and closed the door behind him with his backside.

“I brought you something to eat.”

“Not hungry.”

Calum put the tray on the floor and sat on the bed next to Jasper’s legs. Jasper had his arm flung over his eyes. Calum caught sight of the champagne bottle.

“Save any for me?” he asked.

“I toasted you,” Jasper mumbled.

“He’s not mine,” Calum blurted.

Jasper lifted his arm from his eyes. “Sure about that?”

“Almost.”

“Would you like him to be?”

Calum took a deep breath. “A bit of me would. Suz wants money. I’m sure that’s what all this is about. Don’t leave like this.”

“Leave like what?”

Calum sighed. “Pissed with me.”

“I’m not pissed with you, I’m pissed with myself.” Jasper hiccupped. “For expecting too much. S’okay. I’ll be gone soon and things will go back to normal. I enjoyed these few days—mostly.” He reached for Calum’s hand and laid his on top. “I’ll miss you.”

The lump in Calum’s throat grew larger. “Is that right?”

“I shouldn’t have said that to you.” Jasper pushed himself up to a sitting position. “About you not wanting me to fuck you. We’ve known each other a few days. I know what it’s like to want something and yet not want it at the same time. It isn’t so different from what Ben wanted me to do. It had to be my decision not his. Just like this is your decision not mine.” Jasper stared straight into Calum’s eyes. “What I’m saying is that it’s okay. What you want and don’t want is fine with me. I understand.”

Calum lifted his hand to Jasper’s face and trailed his fingers down his cheek. “I want you.” He gulped. “I know I can’t have you, but I still want you.”

There was a long pause before either of them spoke.

“Lock the door,” Jasper whispered.

OhGodohGodohGod.
Calum crossed the room and flipped the latch only for it to spring open again. His fingers shook. He tried again and this time it held. When he turned, Jasper had stood to kick off his shoes. He’d unfastened his shirt and tie, his hand now massaging his groin.

“Undo your fly,” Calum croaked.

He watched as Jasper flipped the button on his chinos and then slowly eased down the zipper. His cock tented blue boxers, a wet spot at the head. Jasper slid one hand inside his briefs and ran the other over his chest, squeezing his pecs, pulling a nipple between his fingers, sliding his hand over his abs.

Calum was riveted by the flex and play of Jasper’s muscles. He reached to trail his thumb along the line of Jasper’s jaw, down his throat, into the depression between his rounded pecs, down the line of dark hair to join Jasper’s hand inside his boxers. Calum pressed his lips against Jasper’s while their hands played with the same hot, hard toy. Jasper moaned into Calum’s mouth and the sound echoed through him, sending pulses of heat racing to his cock. Inside Jasper’s briefs, their hands worked together, rubbing and stroking his erection. Calum let Jasper guide his hand, felt his fingers tighten as they reached his tip and then relax as Calum drew his hand down. Their tongues surged in time with their hands, and Calum couldn’t think straight, couldn’t concentrate on anything but the way this felt, the way Jasper felt.

Then Jasper’s hand was gone and he was undoing Calum’s jeans, reaching for his cock, and Calum sighed into Jasper’s mouth. Their hands moved together again, cocks pressed one alongside the other and Calum gritted his teeth against the pressure building in his balls. Desperate to stave off the inevitable, he pulled Jasper’s fingers away and pushed the guy back to the bed and onto his back before licking his way down his chest, leaving a trail of hot, moist kisses in his wake. Jasper’s fingers threaded his hair, pushing him down, but Calum set his own pace, laving a slow path over chiseled abs to the jut of Jasper’s hipbone.

“Calum,” Jasper whispered in a long drawn-out sigh.

He loved hearing his name come from Jasper’s lips, loved the way he said it. Calum pressed his face into the warm, fragile skin between Jasper’s cock and the angle of his hip and inhaled him—dark musk, soap, essence of Jasper. Calum refused to think this might be the last time. He brushed Jasper’s fingers away from his cock so he could have it all to himself and tugged at the guy’s chinos to get better access.