Cowboy Under the Mistletoe (8 page)

She came up beside him, touched his arm with the tips of her fingers. Voice soft, she said, “Let go, Jake. Heal from this and move on.”

Was it possible? Or was he fooling himself to think he’d ever come to that point? God had forgiven him, but he needed Quinn’s forgiveness, too, before he could let go and forgive himself. And Quinn’s forgiveness wasn’t likely to happen in this lifetime.

He stepped off the porch and reached for the bucket of irises. “I told Flo I’d bring these over to her house.”

“I have a lot more to say on this subject, Jake.”

“Not today, okay?”

“Will you come to the wedding?”

“I’m thinking.” He started toward his truck, parked on the cracked concrete drive. A clump of grass poked through the cracks.

“A cheap way to say no.”

His shoulders lifted in a sigh. “I’m leaving now. Are you going or staying?”

“Going. With you.” Allison shot him her ornery, Pollyanna grin that let him know she was coming along and there wasn’t a thing he could do to stop her. As if he’d even try anymore. “How else can I tell you about all the work I’ve put in on this wedding? You need to see me in action to fully understand how
awesome
I am.” She laughed and did a silly wiggle dance, letting him know she teased.

Jake rolled his eyes and groaned, but his mockery was all for show. Allison
was
awesome. The cute little cheerleader had become a special lady. So special that he’d rather be stomped by a bull than see her sad.

But as long as she was a Buchanon, hurt was about the only outcome he could imagine.

Chapter Seven

A
llison was nervous.

“You’re being silly.” She stood in front of a full-length mirror in her bedroom—the one Brady had hung on the back of the closet door—and assessed her outfit for tonight’s movie date with Jake. She’d changed four times and now wondered if the skirt and heels were overkill. She was going out with Jake, for crying out loud, not Brad Pitt.

Allison looked in the mirror and saw the truth. She’d rather go with Jake.

Was she out of her mind? How else could she explain this twisted need to be with a man who’d rejected her once before and even now made no promise other than to leave her again?

She fluffed the sides of her hair. Her first official date with the grown-up Jake.

Impulsive. Foolish. And maybe stubborn enough to do the opposite of her brothers’ demands. They were wrong about Jake.

As Mom always said, she led with her heart.

Allison grabbed the tail of her hot pink sweater, about to pull it over her head for one last change, when a knock sounded at the door. She yanked the sweater down again and peeked out the window at the black pickup in the duplex drive.

So much for changing her mind. She went to let him in.

“You’re early.”

He propped a hand on each side of the door facing. Oh, my. He looked really good. “I’m hungry.”

“So you’re all about the food? Thanks a lot. You’re great for a girl’s ego.”

Green eyes danced. He pushed off from the door to gently tug her hair. “So needy.”

She punched his arm. “Am not.” But she was. Needy for him to be more than a friend, more than a guy she used to know.

Inside her small entry, a mere section of tile inside the front door, Jake removed his hat, a nicer one than he usually wore. “I like your place.”

“Buchanon built to my specs. Jayla lives in the other side.”

“I figured you for a girl who’d live with her parents until she married.”

His comment about marriage offered the perfect opening. “When are you going to tell me about the woman in Wyoming?”

He gave her his most innocent look before his gaze dropped to her feet. “Aren’t you going to wear shoes?”

“You can tell me, Jake. I won’t judge. Remember how we could always tell each other anything.”

Their long held secret buzzed in her ear like a gnat. She swatted it away.

“Not worth talking about. She and I didn’t work out.”

Didn’t work out. Was that what he thought about the two of them? They hadn’t worked out so he had chosen never to come home again?

“You look nice.” He stepped close and his voice dipped low. “Smell good, too. Like flowers on the wind.”

Allison’s breath left her body. She reeled back in time to another voice, another man who’d said she smelled good.

But this was Jake. A man she’d trusted as much as her brothers. Mentally, she wrestled the other voice back inside her locked box and found safety in Jake Hamilton’s green eyes.

Beneath the cowboy hat lived a good and godly man. Somehow she had to convince her brothers of that.

“Thanks for believing me,” he said. “About the vandalism. I wouldn’t.”

“I know.”

Expression soft as a cloud, he reached for a lock of her hair and gently tugged. For as far back as she could remember Jake had tugged her hair. Yet, tonight was different. The action held a deeper meaning, a new tenderness that resonated deep within her. His eyes questioned hers. He must wonder, as she did, where this subtle shift would take them—if it could, indeed, take them anywhere.

Warm and pleasant as a baby’s breath, a tingle danced over Allison’s skin. She didn’t know what might happen between them if given the chance, but she believed in the impossible. God could mend the rift between her family and the only man who’d ever mattered.

Jake Hamilton held her heart in his cowboy hands—probably always had. As she’d trusted him that long ago night to hold her secret, she trusted Jake to hold her heart with care.

For the briefest, breath-held moment, she thought he might kiss her. Then, as if one of her brothers had tapped his shoulder, he dropped his hand and stepped back.

What would it take to push him over the edge, to break through the regret into the warm and tender center Allison knew existed? To a man who accepted responsibility for wrong, all the while holding a secret that could change attitudes?

Flummoxed and a little disappointed, she reverted to safer ground, a tease, a joke, meaningless chatter.

“Are you going to feed me or not?” Her voice was throaty and a little breathy, a dead giveaway for the emotion Jake didn’t seem ready to handle.

One eyebrow flicked. “Persistent as a buffalo gnat.”

His words teased but his eyes were serious. They’d walked into his emotional danger zone, and he didn’t know what to do about it. Allison didn’t either, though she wanted to go there and find out. Apparently, Jake didn’t. At least, not yet.

She understood. He was the one carrying the baggage, not her.

Taking her tiny handbag from the end table by the love seat, Allison kept her tone light, though her heart rattled with hope and possibility. “Let’s get this party started.”

“Sounds good to me. I’m starved.”

Jake guided her out into the faded day and used her key to lock the house. Against a bruised sky, the sun cast an orange glow along the horizon. There was little wind but the air had cooled into the November fifties, and Allison was glad for the heavy sweater she’d second-guessed.

“Chinese?” Jake asked. Safe topics. Food and weather.

“Perfect. Feed me now, feed me later.” The old joke about Chinese food brought a smile and broke the lingering thread of emotion. He didn’t want to discuss the feelings flowing between, couldn’t face them, but he couldn’t hide them either.

Side by side, they walked the short distance to his truck. When his hand lightly touched her back, Allison smiled.

* * *

Peanut oil. Jake recognized the smell inside the Chinese Buffet, a restaurant that hadn’t existed when he and Allison were in high school. Peanut oil and egg rolls and sweet and sour sauce. His belly did a happy dance.

It was either the smells or the crazy jitterbug he’d had all afternoon about this date. And then at her house. Man. He’d had the crazy urge to kiss her. He knew better. Knew he had no business making moves on Allison when he had nothing to offer but trouble and the memory of his taillights heading out of town.

But she looked amazing tonight. Gorgeous. He hadn’t seen her dressed up in years and he liked the change. A lot. In jeans and sweater she knocked his hat in the dirt. In a skirt and heels, she blew all the common sense out of his head.

He had a lot more praying to do. They were playing with a powerfully combustive fire, and every time he stomped it out, Allison provided fresh fuel. She cared for him. He knew that. Knew and shuddered, both with dread and pleasure. Nothing good could come of a romance with Allison Buchanon. Nothing.

Then why was he here? Why had he agreed to this movie date?

Sometimes a man was his own worst enemy.

With his hand against Allison’s soft hot pink sweater, he guided her into the restaurant.

From behind a cash register next to the entrance a young Asian man nodded a greeting. Above his head a red-and-gold calendar written in Chinese hung next to a panda photo. The place was humming with customers, always a sign of good food.

The restaurant’s one concession to the approaching holiday was a tissue paper turkey above the buffet.

Beneath stainless-steel hoods, heat rose off the buffet in waves that reminded Jake of Allison’s hair. But then, everything reminded him of Allison.

“Buffet or menu?” Jake asked.

Her pretty face creased in an ornery, Allison grin that made his heart light. She did that to him. Made him want things he didn’t deserve and couldn’t have.

“Oh, buffet, definitely,” she said, “so we can try all the mysterious stuff.”

“Chopsticks?” Jake reached into the cylinder and pulled out two pair. Chinese symbols decorated the red-papered sides.

“Are you kidding? I don’t want to starve.”

With a snort, he stuck the chopsticks in his shirt pocket. “Coward.”

Grinning, they took their place in a busy line, and once they’d piled their plates to overflow and were seated, he quietly asked a blessing.

When he opened his eyes, Allison was watching him.

“What?” He touched his chin. “Do I have hot mustard on my face already?”

Her eyes went soft. “I love hearing you pray.”

His insides spasmed. No one had ever said that to him. “Thanks.”

He reached for his napkin, and self-conscious, made a display of shaking out the white square. His faith filled him with a peace he didn’t understand, but he wasn’t a preacher, not even close. He wasn’t even that great at being a Christian, and he didn’t deserve admiration.

“Any luck discovering who vandalized the property?”

“Not yet.” Allison dipped an egg roll into duck sauce.

“The fearsome foursome still pointing at me?” He couldn’t explain how much that had hurt, especially when history gave them reason to suspect him, but he’d fretted about the situation all day.

He reached for a wonton and crunched. Cream cheese. Not his favorite but he wasn’t complaining.

“Not to my knowledge.” She held the egg roll an inch from her lips. Pretty lips. He remembered how soft they were. How they trembled when she cried and how they tasted when she kissed. Like coconut. He dropped his gaze and fiddled with a pair of chopsticks. He shouldn’t remember things like that.

“Can we please not talk about my family for one evening?” she asked.

Not that he could stop thinking about them or the shooting for one minute with her sitting across the table. “They’re a part of you, Allison. A big part. Being with you brings everything back.”

She touched the top of his hand with her fingertips. “I’m sorry. We have to find a way to move past all that.”

“Why?”

“You know why.”

His heart clattered like horse hooves against his rib cage. Coward that he was, he didn’t ask what she meant. He was afraid she’d tell him.

To step away from the danger zone, Jake held up a bamboo skewer. “The teriyaki chicken is amazing. Want a bite?”

As soon as he asked, he wished he hadn’t. Feeding her a bite of chicken was too personal, too romantic. Already, he could imagine the moment. Allison’s lips close to his fingers. Watching her nibble the bite, her breath slipping like silk over his skin.

His insides shivered at the unwanted image.

This is the way he’d always feel if he let her close again. A mix of pleasure and pain fueled by a past that drew them together while simultaneously forcing them apart.

Thankfully oblivious to his random thoughts, Allison wiggled her index finger at something behind him. “Charity and the kids.”

Great. Another Buchanon.

Jake twisted on the chair, wary, anxious. He didn’t want Allison taking flack over a Chinese dinner. Her older sister came toward their table, and when Charity saw him, she smiled, an encouraging sign. Unlike their brothers, the Buchanon women had shown more pity than anger.

“Charity,” he said, tipping his chin, though he couldn’t bring himself to smile.

“Jake.” Up close, he noted that her smile was strained and didn’t reach her eyes. She wasn’t glad to see him, but he understood that, too. He was trouble with a capital
T
as far as the Buchanons were concerned.

If Allison noticed the tension, she played dumb. As chipper as a Christmas elf, she tugged the children close to her chair. “These little dumplings are Ryan and Amber.”

Amber dimpled up, a dark-eyed charmer already. Like her aunt, he thought.

“Are you a real cowboy?” she asked in that big-eyed innocent way of little kids.

“As real as they get, I guess.”

“You ride bulls, don’t ya?” Ryan, as blond as his mother but with freckles on his nose, looked vaguely familiar. Probably because of the photo Alison had shown him. He hoped that was all. Having a Buchanon kid mess with his bulls was the worst possible scenario.

“I try to.”

“I’m going to ride bulls someday.”

Jake’s gut lurched.

“No, you are not.” Charity scuffed his hair.

Expression mutinous, Ryan shrugged her off but didn’t argue.

“Your mother’s right, Ryan.” Jake figured the least he could do was discourage the boy, just in case. “Bulls are dangerous animals. Even experienced guys like me get hurt.”

“But you still ride.”

The kid had him there. “Maybe I’m not too smart. A boy like you can go to college and make money without putting your life in danger.”

“My dad has a dangerous job.”

“Yeah, he does, for a lot better reason than money. I heard he’s coming home soon.”

“A little less than six months. A hundred and seventy-one days to be exact.” Charity offered a genuine smile this time. “But who’s counting.” She put her hands on Ryan’s shoulders. “Come on, kids. Let’s find a table or we’ll be late to the football game.” She looked to Allison. “Are you going? The Bears and the Tigers are a big rivalry and this is the season ender. Tonight is win, lose or go home until next year.”

Jake’s teriyaki soured in his stomach. He’d seen the Beat the Bears and All the Way to State signs slathered on the store windows with white shoe polish.

“Movie night for us. You all have fun.” Allison bent forward and smacked a kiss on Amber’s cheek. “Love you, princess. You, too, Ryan, though I know you’ll gag if I kiss you in public.”

Ryan made a gagging noise with a hand to his throat.

Charity hooked an elbow around his neck and as she led him away, she looked at Allison and said, “Could I see you for a minute? Privately?” She jerked her chin slightly away from the table.

Allison glanced at Jake before laying her napkin aside. “Be right back.”

Jake watched her sister lead her a few steps away, studied the intensity of the brief conversation before Allison returned to the table.

Retaking her seat, she avoided his gaze. He was no fool. Charity, the polite, didn’t like seeing her sister with Jake Hamilton.