Cowboy Under the Mistletoe (15 page)

He worried about her, but then he worried about everything these days. Granny. Allison. Manny. The confounded mortgage. So many of the people he cared about were here in Gabriel’s Crossing.

He wanted to stay, a truth that surprised him. Though he’d never intended to return, being here changed him. Everyone he loved was here. Even his bulls were here.

Jake made a wry face. The bulls were here unless he sold them, a prospect that grew more real every time he spoke to Ned Butterman. Like this morning when the loose-jowled banker had shaken his head in sympathy and promised to hold off on foreclosure until after the New Year.

The trailer in Stephenville could be sold—it was just a place to hang his hat when he wasn’t on the road. He warmed to the idea. The small mobile home wasn’t much but a sale would bring enough cash to buy his grandmother some time at the bank.

He could move home with Granny Pat for good. She’d like that. And he could figure out a way to avoid the Buchanons most of the time.

Except for Allison. As long as he was in Gabriel’s Crossing, he’d seek her out. He could no more ignore her than sprout wings and fly across the Atlantic.

The angst curled in his gut. He loved her too much to leave. He loved her too much to stay.

He sat down on the couch and put his head in his hands. What was he going to do?

Chapter Thirteen

F
aith was back, and with enormous relief Allison talked to her friend about Jake and all the craziness with her brothers.

“You’re glowing,” Faith said while Allison bounced around her bedroom tossing clothes onto the bed.

“That was supposed to be my line.” Allison spun in a circle. “Look at you. Tanned and gorgeous and wildly in love.”

“True. At least the tanned and in love part. And Derrick thinks I’m gorgeous.”

“He’s a smart fellow. I’m so glad you came home for a few days while he settled the business in Oklahoma.”

“I needed to pack up a few more things anyway. Besides, I miss everyone.”

“You have to visit often.”

“We will.” She put her aqua handbag on a chair, folding the strap on top. “Why are you throwing clothes everywhere like a mad thing?”

“Jake’s taking me somewhere special. He said to dress up because it’s a surprise.”

Faith squealed. “This sounds promising.”

“I know! I’m so excited.” A secret hope kept sprouting up like a dandelion, both beautiful and unwanted. She wondered if Jake would propose. “Up until now, he’s stubbornly insisted we’d be miserable together.”

“Would you be?”

“No, of course not.” Allison chewed her bottom lip as she contemplated a brown skirt.

“Are you sure?”

“Now you sound like Jake.”

Faith pushed away the skirt. “Try this red one with the lace top. The flared hemline is adorable, and you’ll look amazing in red heels.”

Allison held the garment to her waist. “Oh, yeah. This one.”

“Any progress with the family?”

“About Jake? No. Except for Dawson. He’s softening.”

“Dawson’s always been a soft touch where you’re concerned.”

“He’s a good brother.”

“They all are, Allison. They love you and they’re afraid you’ll get hurt. They’re afraid of losing you.”

Allison knew that. Sometimes she was afraid, too. Afraid of losing them, of losing Jake again. Both scared her no end.

“Love will find a way.” She had to believe that to keep breathing. “Will you do my nails?”

Faith flexed her fingers. “Put yourself into my capable hands, my dear. I will make you beautiful.”

By the time Jake arrived, Faith had headed to her mother’s house, but not before she’d overseen every detail of Allison’s beauty routine. With her hair flipped and fluffed, her nails sparkling red to match her skirt and shoes and her makeup carefully applied, she felt like a new woman.

Apparently, Jake agreed.

“Wow,” he said when she opened the door. “Glad I brought these.” He pulled a small bouquet of red roses from behind his back.

Allison squealed. “They’re beautiful.”

“So are you.”

Okay, this was going to be a great night. In her heels, she almost reached his chin and with little effort, tiptoed up and smacked his lips with hers.

His grin widened. “Remind me to bring roses more often.”

She liked the sound of that. Jake looked handsome in the same sport jacket he’d worn to Faith’s wedding and a pea-green shirt that darkened the black circles around his green irises. “Let me put these in water.”

He plucked one rose from the many and held it beneath his nose for a long sniff. “One for the road.”

While she placed the flowers in a vase, they flirted and teased. Allison could barely keep her eyes off him and she knew he felt the same because every time she glanced his way, he was staring at her with a half smile.

There was mystery and romance in the air, a night of possibilities. And Allison couldn’t wait to discover what was on his mind.

* * *

Jake was aware of the quiet conversations going on at the nearby tables and the quieter swish of waiters moving through the dining room. He was glad he’d chosen this restaurant even if it strained his weeping budget. Allison deserved nice things and beautiful places.

He loved her, and he wanted to give her the world, but he had little to offer. Nothing really but hard work and heartache. A man of courage would get in his truck and drive away, but Granny Pat was right. He was afraid. Not of the Buchanon brothers, but of shriveling away to nothing, a broken down rodeo bum whose heart had withered and died without his one true love.

He looked across the table at her. She was beautiful in the amber glow of candlelight, this woman who’d begun healing him at seventeen and never stopped.

By the end of the evening, Jake was fighting both his head and his heart. He’d known this date would take a toll, but after all the times he’d failed her on so many levels, he wanted to do this right. Splurge a little. Buy her roses and treat her to a beautiful dinner and a good time. Show his love in the only ways he could.

During his times away from her, the situation was clear. He had to leave. He loved her too much to separate her from her family. But being with her muddled his thinking. Her Pollyanna effect seeped into him and had him wondering if there was a better way.

She reached across the flickering candle and dabbed a napkin against his cheek. “Cheesecake.”

“I was saving it for it later.”

“Ha. Funny.” She leaned back in the chair, fingertips on her stomach and tried for a deep breath. “That was amazingly good. I’m too stuffed to breathe.”

“Me, too. Want to take a walk?” He tossed his napkin beside his plate. “There’s a park not far from here. The Christmas displays are supposed to be nice.”

“Walk? I don’t know if I can move!” But she rose when he came around to hold her chair. “You know I’m a sucker for Christmas lights.”

Yeah, and he was a sucker for her.

In the foyer, he helped her into her coat and guided her through the parking lot, relishing the soft warmth of her hand in his. He was a Texas boy, raised with manners, but a long time had passed since he’d taken such pleasure in doting on a woman.

He wanted it to always be this way. He wanted her to be his forever, and the wanting clawed a raw place in his soul.

* * *

The park was Christmas in all its glory, though the night was cold and their breaths froze in puffs of fog as they strolled through the displays. Allison snuggled close to Jake’s side, breathing in the pleasure of his woodsy cologne and the frosty air. Every naked tree lifted its branches in a lace-sleeved welcome of white lights beneath a starless sky overwhelmed by the earthly radiance.

Though others braved the chill, Allison felt cocooned in a world that included only the two of them. No outside problems. No family conflict. Just a man and woman in love. Was this the way it would be if they lived away from Gabriel’s Crossing?

“Faith is back from her honeymoon,” she said.

“I guess they had a great time.”

“The best. She says Saint Thomas is a fabulous place, especially this time of year. Her photos are incredible. I can’t imagine water that blue or beaches as white.”

“Our water is red and so are the beaches. We’re river rats.”

Allison shivered, though the cold was only part of the reason. She didn’t know why the memory pressed in on her tonight. Maybe the mention of the reddish sand or the fact that they’d not spoken of that awful event at all. Now, here, miles away from her volatile brothers, she wasn’t afraid to bring up the subject.

“I should have told them what happened that night at the river with Terry,” she said softly. “Maybe things would have been different for you.”

Beside her, Jake stiffened. He paused in midstride and turned toward her. “I’d hoped you’d forgotten.”

“A girl doesn’t forget a lesson like that. If you hadn’t been there...” She shook her head. “I never should have gone off with him. I knew he had a wild reputation.”

“Why did you?”

“You.” She hunched her shoulders, recalling that night on the river. A group of them had built a bonfire and were hanging out after a football game. She didn’t realize Terry was drinking until it was too late. “I was angry at my parents because of you.”

“I was pretty angry myself.” He took her hand and chafed it between both of his. “That’s why I was there in the first place.”

“All by yourself at the river.” Regret and sadness poked at her. He’d been so alone back then after the accident, when no one wanted to hang out with him. Except her, and she’d been forbidden. After the incident that night she’d refused to listen to her family on the subject of Jake, but sneaking around had never been her style either.

“I didn’t know your group of friends would show up,” he said. “When I heard the voices, I moseyed on down the riverbank and around the bend, away from the bonfire.”

“You must have despised all of us, down there having fun while you were left out.”

“I deserved it, Allison. The same way Terry deserved a busted nose.”

The images had stayed with her, as vivid now as ever. Her torn clothes, the struggle there on the red sand, her pleas for mercy that only made Terry more aggressive, the wrenching sobs she couldn’t stop. And always the image of her hero, of Jake taking on the bigger boy, of throwing his coat over her exposed body and carrying her to his truck.

“I don’t like to think what would have happened if you hadn’t been there.”

“I was scared of what he’d done.”

“Me, too.” She touched his cheek. “Thank God, as ugly as it was, it wasn’t the worst. I was terrified of what my brothers would do if they found out.”

Jake captured her fingers against his chilly skin, brought them to his lips and kissed them. A thrill raced through her.

“That’s the only reason I agreed with your idea to keep the whole mess a secret. You were so upset. The way you cried for hours scared me. I would have agreed to anything to make you feel better again. Your family had been through so much with Quinn, and he was still recovering. Knowing what Terry tried to do might have sent them over the edge.”

“I was afraid they’d do something terrible and end up in jail. Especially Brady with his temper.”

“They might have. I certainly wanted to.”

“I think I should tell them now.”

He tilted his head to one side. “What good could possibly come from that?”

“You. I know my brothers. They’d respect what you did. The way you helped me.”

“No.” He gripped her fingers tighter. “Don’t go there, Allison. Don’t rip open a hornet’s nest at this late date. Not on my behalf.”

“I want them to accept you, Jake. As the man I love, the man who was there for me when they weren’t.”

“And what if you tell them and nothing changes? What if you open up a can of worms and they do something crazy. Aren’t you concerned about that? Terry has a wife and family and seems to be a solid citizen now.”

“You checked him out?”

He shrugged. “Had to. Didn’t want that to happen to any other woman.”

Jake’s strong arm came around her. “As much as I wanted to drown the guy for hurting you, you were right when you asked me to keep the secret. Your family didn’t need more grief.”

“I thought so then.” Now she wasn’t so sure. Now, she worried her humiliation had been the motivator, not her concern for her brothers.

Jake bundled her close to his side. “You’re freezing. Come on, let’s head for the truck. Want to stop somewhere for hot chocolate?”

“Jake,” she said, frustrated.

He touched his lips to the top of her head and in a quietly pleading voice, said, “Not tonight, okay? Just let it go.”

She got the message. He wouldn’t let her try to make him a hero in her brothers’ eyes.

“Okay. For now.” She put her hand over his heart and whispered. “You’ve always been my hero.”

“Ah, Allison.” His chest rose and fell in a quiet sigh. When she tipped her chin up, he kissed her. With the cold air swirling and a snowman display singing “Frosty the Snowman” in a tinny, animated voice, Allison let herself revel in his embrace.

Jake bewildered her at times. If he loved her, why wouldn’t he do whatever he could to make things right with her family? Why wouldn’t he take a chance when their future together hung in the balance?

But of course, she didn’t have answers any more than she ever had. That had been their dilemma for nearly ten years.

* * *

Jake thought his chest would crack open with love for his special lady. He was no hero, but she made him feel like one.

He didn’t understand why Allison had brought up the subject of that night on the river, an incident he’d buried as deeply as possible. No man wanted pictures in his head of the woman he loved being attacked by another man. Thinking about Terry Dean still had the power to infuriate him to the point of combustion. Didn’t she understand that her brothers would feel the same?

Telling them wouldn’t resolve a thing. It would only cause more trouble.

Slowly, he pulled away from the tender embrace, holding her perhaps an extra moment longer than was wise. If he had his way, he’d never let go. He’d stand right here in a Sherman, Texas, park until he turned into a Popsicle.

“What do you want for Christmas?” he asked.

She cocked her head and her dark hair took flight in a fickle puff of arctic air. “Are you going to buy me a present?”

He could see she was delighted. “Depends on my wallet and the size of what you want.”

“A Mercedes-Benz.”

“Done. With a big red bow on the hood.”

They both laughed. A Mercedes was as unlikely as paying the mortgage on time.

“What would you like?”

You. But he didn’t say that. “To take you to church on Christmas Eve.”

“Jake, that is so sweet. I’d love to. But I still want to buy you a gift. Tell me something.”

“You can give me your accounting medal. I think I may need it.”

Allison’s hitching laugh rang out. Glad they’d moved away from the unpleasant topic of Terry Dean, Jake took her hand and they sauntered on through the park sharing silly gift ideas. They admired the displays, laughed at some, including a moving dinosaur wearing a Santa hat.

“That’s what I want for Christmas,” Jake declared.

“What? A wire-framed dinosaur?”

“No, the Santa hat!”

By the time they reached the truck, chilled to the toenails, lips frozen and teeth chattering, their mood was light and fun and Jake almost believed in the impossible.