Courage In Love (10 page)

Chapter 20

“Hey, Ross.” Mark called just as Ross was reaching for the door. Ross did his best not to look impatient as he turned. Mark had just completed the last briefing of the week and the rest of the team had popped smoke.

“What’s up?” Ross asked as he leaned against the door.

“You know, we’re having a team cookout tomorrow. Michelle’s been harping about how you never come and I promised her I’d make you show up this time.” Mark gave Ross one of his looks. It was charming and hopeful but Ross knew that he wasn’t really giving him an option. Ross looked down at his feet and rubbed the back of his neck as he tried to find a polite way to decline.

“Look… I’m seeing someone and I promised that I’d get to Charlottesville before too late, tonight.” Ross explained and Mark’s lips pulled tight.

“I know. We’d like it if you could bring him.” Mark said carefully and everything within Ross locked, his chest became tight and his eyes were wide.

“I didn’t know that you knew. I never really mentioned it…” Ross swallowed past the lump in his throat and Mark shook his head quickly.

“No, you never mentioned it but we all know and it’s cool.” Mark insisted and Ross just stared back. Mostly in shock, partly unsure how to continue. Mark shrugged. “We don’t really talk about it but you know how the wives and girlfriends are. They’re all waiting for you to bring someone and want you to come to more things.” He crossed the room and grabbed Ross’ shoulder and shook it reassuringly and Ross nodded.

“Yeah but it’s only been a few months and I don’t know if we’re ready for that.” He said and Mark’s eyes narrowed as he watched Ross.

“This is you. I know you better than that. If it’s been a few months, it’s serious. He’s important to you.” Mark stated and Ross couldn’t help but nod again. “If he’s important to you, you need to bring him. We don’t do the cookouts and parties with the spouses for us, Ross. We do it for them. We do it so they have a support system if something happens. No one else is going to understand what it’s like being with us.” Mark explained and Ross shrugged.

“Parker’s got Bryan up there. And Ian.” He mumbled. Mark had replaced Bryan as team leader and they’d come up together. Mark smiled and nodded.

“That’s great.” Mark admitted. “But we can’t give them too much support, can we?” He asked and Ross bit his lip as he considered.

He’d never discussed his sexuality with the team. They always made jokes, called each other things like “fag” or “pussy”, but that’s just what they did. Ross played along and lobbed slurs back when it broke the tension and kept them close. But he wouldn’t have come out to the team. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was officially over but that didn’t mean that everyone would accept it and it couldn’t hurt Ross’ career. The team was more like a family but Ross didn’t assume that everything was unconditional. So, he planned to keep that part of his personal life separate.

“I’ll talk to Parker. I don’t want to make any promises though. I don’t know how he’ll feel about it.” Ross offered and Mark smiled.

“Do your best.” He winked and Ross frowned. This was the last conversation he ever thought he’d have with his team leader.

“The whole thing kind of freaks him out. He doesn’t like that he can’t know everything and I don’t know if he wants to hear about how hard it is to put up with us.” Ross said as he began to put together how he was going to bring it up with Parker. Mark waved it off.

“It’s good for them to have others to vent to. And he might need them one day.” Mark patted Ross on the back as he pulled the door open. “My place around 1700.” He gave Ross a pointed look and pushed him through the door. Ross sighed and his shoulders sagged.

“So… If you don’t have any plans and if it’s not too much trouble, could you come down?” Ross grimaced as he stared out the windshield.

“I didn’t have anything specific planned. I guess I can drive down. Why? What’s up?” Parker asked. He sounded fine with the idea and Ross relaxed a little as he heard Parker moving, probably gathering whatever he’d need for the weekend.

“There’s this thing tomorrow, with the team. I should go. I haven’t in a long time and I guess some people have been complaining.” He explained.

“You should go, then.” Parker said and Ross bit his lip. “I’ll come down for the weekend and you can go to your thing. I know your team is important, I don’t want to get in the way.” He was still pretty nonchalant and Ross took a deep breath.

“It’s more for the spouses than for the team.” Ross said carefully.

“Ok.” Parker responded. And waited. Ross squeezed his eyes shut.

“My team leader wants me to bring you.” Ross said quickly. Several moments passed.

“Ummm…does he know that your girlfriend isn’t actually a girl?” He asked and Ross pinched the bridge of his nose. All of this felt so awkward. Ross hated awkward.

“Yeah.” He sighed heavily. “I guess they all know and the other spouses want to meet you.” Ross felt a sense of impending dread. He’d rather kick down a door and face a dozen armed insurgents than show up at Mark’s place with his new boyfriend. Parker hummed thoughtfully.

“Is this something you’re comfortable with?” He asked gently and Ross shook his head.

“I don’t know. Maybe, if I had a little more time to think about it but it was something between a strongly worded request and an order. And it’s kind of a good idea.” Ross admitted.

“Do you think so?” Parker sounded genuinely curious.

“Yeah. It’s important for our spouses to have all the support they can. They’re good at listening to each other and sharing information.” Everything became still on the other end.

“And you think it’s appropriate for me to be there?” Parker’s tone was neutral and Ross wasn’t sure how to answer that. “Am I your spouse?” He asked and Ross shut his eyes and let his head fall back against the headrest and he groaned as he wished he was jumping out of a C-130.

“I don’t know. Maybe. Sort of? You could be, one day…” He decided to throw everything up and hope that something was the right answer. This was a much bigger discussion than he was wanting to have at the moment. Ross was just trying to survive the conversation.

“Ok. I’ll go to this thing.” Parker announced and Ross exhaled loudly as the tension drained from his body.

“Great. Thank you so much.” Ross whispered then cleared his throat. “It shouldn’t be that bad. Just a cookout. We’ll eat some grilled food and drink a few beers. It should be pretty relaxed.” He frowned as he stared across the parking lot.

“Sounds fun.” Parker replied. “I’m just about ready to go. I’ll call you when I’m on the road.” He said and Ross heard a bag being zipped.

“Ok, bye.” Ross mumbled as his frown grew.

“Bye.”

Ross hung up and scrubbed a hand over his face as his shoulders and neck tightened again. Getting Parker to agree to go was just the first hurdle. They actually had to
go
to the cookout. The team was going to meet Parker. Parker was going to meet the team.

Chapter 21

“Can we talk about why you’re so tense?” Parker asked as Ross reversed out of the parking spot in front of the grocery store. Ross’ lips pulled tight as he looked at Parker. He’d been quiet and withdrawn since Parker arrived the night before. Parker gave him a pointed look, he wasn’t going to accept that everything was fine. Ross sighed as he put the car in Drive.

“I never felt like I fit in until I enlisted. The longer I was in, the more I started to feel like I knew who I was and the more I understood the type of people I work with. When I was a kid, I never had a place. Even in foster homes, I was just there, because they let me be there and in the back of my mind, I was always waiting to have to leave. You’re a bit of a nomad when you’re in the military but you know that’s part of the deal and you know when you’re moving, for the most part. And everyone’s the same, to a certain degree.” He glanced at Parker to see if he understood and Parker nodded. It was a little sad but very revealing. Ross’ eyes darted about as he watched the traffic around them. “I’ve been with the team for about five years now. Bryan brought me in and they’ve been sort of like my family. Mark replaced Bryan as team leader three years ago and two other guys left and were replaced; but for the most part, our group has been pretty solid. They’re all great guys but I didn’t know how they’d take it if they knew I was gay. We operate in conditions that are sometimes really close and intense. I was afraid that some of them would get paranoid about me looking at them sexually. That would be a big problem for guys like us. We’re used to violence, adrenaline and pressure. Thinking the guy next to you is soft and picturing you naked could be a distraction. We have to be able to trust each other and I would never do anything to compromise that. I planned to keep my personal life separate from them, I didn’t want to risk losing their respect.” Ross cringed as he looked at Parker. “Not because I’m ashamed but because it’s still the military and I have to trust these people with my life. I have to accept them no matter what their opinion of me would be and it just seemed more practical to avoid any potential conflict.” He explained and Parker nodded again.

“I get it, Ross. Activism is great but sometimes, we have to be practical. If you’re doing something really important, then making a statement, on that scale isn’t going to be worth it. But it sounds like your team cares for you as much as you care for them.” Parker watched as Ross rubbed his jaw thoughtfully.

“I’m not really worried about the team, as a whole, now. There’s just a few people that I think might have an issue.” His body became visibly stiffer as they turned into a neighborhood of large, newer colonial style homes. There were all the trappings of typical suburbia as Parker scanned the front lawns and vehicles. There were picket fences, minivans, porch swings and rocking chairs, sprinklers, brightly filled flower beds… As an anthropologist, Parker saw the symbols and patterns. As a man sitting next to a man that might be his future, Parker wondered if they might find themselves living in a neighborhood like this.
Would he even want that?
Parker put the thought aside as Ross parked the car on the street in front of a house at the end of a cul-de-sac. The driveway and street were already full of cars. Ross took a deep breath before he turned to Parker. “Look. I’ll introduce you to Mark and Michelle. Stay with one of us until you get a good feeling for more of the group. If you have a problem with anyone, let me know.” Ross’ eyes searched Parker’s face and Parker smiled as he took Ross’ hand.

“I’ll be fine. I know how to handle straight people and make them love me.” Parker teased and Ross squeezed his hand.

“I don’t care about that. If I was worried that you weren’t appropriate… That didn’t even cross my mind.” He insisted as he turned the car off. “I don’t want anyone to make you uncomfortable. You might want to keep your distance from Jones. I’m worried about him the most.” Ross’ eyes flicked to the house and a look of resignation, mixed with determination flashed. “He’s not a bad guy but he’s just…” He bit his lip and shook his head. “You’ll see.” Ross opened the door and got out. Parker stepped out and shut the door and went to the back to grab the bags. They brought chips, dips, cookies, a fruit salad and two cases of beer. Ross insisted they were bringing too much but Parker had never been to a cookout and he wanted to make good impression.

“Wow! You’re hot!” Michelle exclaimed as she took the bags from Parker. He slid a nervous glance at Ross and he shrugged as he set the beer on the counter.

“Go easy on him.” Ross whispered loudly as he kissed her on the cheek. She elbowed him and he grunted.

“You’ve got a lot of nerve, giving me orders.” She hissed as she stretched on her tiptoes and hugged him. “You don’t show your face for months and when you finally do show up, you bring Mr-Goddamned-Perfect.” Michelle pushed him toward the back doors. “Go out and get a beer, I’ve got business with Parker.” She gave Parker an exaggerated wink and he decided she was good people. Ross clapped a hand on Parker’s shoulder.

“If you get scared, I’ll be out back.” He smiled and saluted as he went out the doors. Michelle hooked her arm in Parker’s and led him toward a closed-in patio.

“Now, we have a tradition when there’s a new girl. Clearly, you’re not a girl but you still have to be initiated.” She saw Parker’s eyes flare and he looked over his shoulder and out the french doors at the men gathered in groups around the grill and a ping pong table.

“Initiated?” He asked nervously. Parker’s mind tried to assemble all the dark possibilities as he eyed Michelle warily.
Try to relax. How bad could it be? She’s a fucking soccer mom.
He reminded himself. Michelle gave him an evil grin as she pulled the patio door open.

“Ladies!” She said loudly and ten sets of eyes widened when they fell on Parker. “Look at what Ross brought us.” Michelle announced and a chorus of excited gasps and clapping filled the room. “This is Parker.” She waved around the room and started rattling off names and Parker did his best to keep track. “You know what this means.” She said archly and several women nodded seriously as she shut the door and Parker looked around nervously.

“Umm…” He licked his lips and one of the women, a petite blonde with a pixie cut sighed. “I just thought of something that I need to tell Ross.” Parker murmured and Michelle laughed as she pressed her hands to his back and pushed gently.

“Nonsense. You’ll be fine.” She insisted as she guided him toward the corner. Toward a bar.
“Shots, Parker.” Michelle informed him as a tall hispanic woman darted around the bar and grabbed a bottle and several plastic shot glasses. “You have to do one with every woman that isn’t pregnant.” Parker looked around the room and blinked as he surveyed. Aside from one very obvious candidate, he wasn’t even comfortable guessing if anyone else was.

“And how many is that?” He whispered and Michelle laughed.

“All but two, so you’ll be doing nine shots.” She explained and Parker groaned. “And make him a margarita, Rosa.” Michelle winked at the woman behind the bar and she chuckled as she reached for a glass.

“Rocks or frozen?” She asked and Parker decided that resistance was futile.

“Rocks, no salt, please.” He said as he turned to Michelle. “Ok. What are we shooting?” He asked and she laughed.

“Tequila. Duh.” She said as she began to pour. “Line up, girls.” Michelle commanded and a plate of lime slices was set on the counter. Several of the women started to bounce excitedly and Parker raised a brow at Michelle. “We’re a really close group. We like to make new members feel welcome with body shots.” She explained and Parker’s brows rose.

“You all did body shots off of each other?” He asked dubiously and several women nodded and a few blushed. “That’s insane.” He decided and Michelle shrugged.

“Once you do a body shot off of someone, it’s pretty easy to trust them.” She pointed out and Parker’s lips twisted as he considered.

“Fine. But you’re explaining this to Ross.” Parker said as he turned to Michelle and offered her a lime slice. She shook her head.

“I want to go last.” She said. “We have to share something about ourselves that the group doesn’t know before we take a shot. I’m hoping for something juicy with my shot.”

“I’ll go first!” Rosa leaned over the bar and licked Parker’s neck without any warning and he jumped. She laughed as she doused him with salt and held up the plate of lime slices. Parker put one between his teeth and Rosa nodded in approval. “Hector is getting a vasectomy because I promised him lots of butt sex because I don’t want anymore of his crazy babies.” She said loudly and the lime flew across the room as Parker laughed in shock. Rosa shrugged as she offered the plate again. “There isn’t a lot these women don’t know about me.” She grabbed Parker by the shirt and practically pulled him over the counter before she licked his neck (a bit more thoroughly than he would have thought necessary) before she tossed back a shot. She grabbed his face and her mouth closed over his as she collected the lime and she moaned happily as she released him. Parker groaned as he looked down at the row of shots in front of him and shook his head in disbelief.

“I have a feeling I should consider it a miracle if I get out of here without fathering any children.” He mumbled as he picked up the salt shaker and Michelle laughed.

“Be careful.” She warned. “We’re a fertile bunch!” The room erupted in laughter and Parker grinned as he leaned toward Rosa. She purred as he ran his tongue up her neck and he was able to refrain from gagging as the bitter taste of her perfume coated his tongue. He shook some salt onto her skin and selected his first shot.

“You better make it good, I’m giving up butt sex.” Rosa reminded.

“I think we all know that’s a given in my case.” Parker countered and the room exploded in giggles. He nodded decisively as he reached for Rosa. If he was going to do this, he was going to do it right. Parker slid his hand around her jaw and cupped the back of her head and she gasped. “I didn’t lose my virginity until I was twenty.” He slowly slid his tongue up her neck and cat calls and whistles filled the air.

By the time Parker got to Michelle, he was shirtless and all but the two pregnant women sat stunned and smiling dazedly. She ran her hands appreciatively down his chest and laughed as she licked one of his pecs before she poured salt on him. Parker knew he had to be turning red and hoped everyone thought it was due to the eight shots of tequila. He’d had his ass groped, his nipples pinched and one woman stuck her tongue down his throat. Parker couldn’t remember what her name was but she looked as if she was going to have to be carried out. Rosa informed Parker that she’d already had six margaritas before he'd arrived. They were strong margaritas.

“Does everyone get this warm of a welcome?” He asked as he leaned on the bar and squinted at his last shot.

“You’ve still got your pants on, Parker.” Michelle said pointedly and he frowned as he heard Rosa laugh.

“I still haven’t figured out how I lost my panties.” She stated as she refilled Parker’s margarita. Michelle nodded knowingly as she held up a lime slice.

“We always get a bit too touchy but the next day, it doesn’t matter and we know that if we need anything, any of the women in this room will be there.” She explained and every woman nodded emphatically. Parker nodded too. It had only been a little more than an hour and he was sure he’d walk through fire for any of them. Then again, that could be all the tequila talking.

“So, what’s your story?” Parker asked before he stuck the lime between his teeth and Michelle gave him a wicked grin.

“I dated a girl in college and Mark likes to hear about it when we’re having sex.” She smiled when Parker’s brows rose, he was impressed. Michelle licked the salt off of his chest and downed her shot before she grabbed Parker’s face and sucked the lime from his lips. She flipped it with her tongue and winked before she sucked on it and spit it out. Michelle pulled the collar of her v-neck t-shirt down, giving him a peek at the cup of her bra and pointed just above it. “Right here, please.” She demanded and Parker shrugged as he lowered his head and licked the very ample swell of her upper breast. “Dear God.” She murmured as she held onto the edge of the bar and he chuckled as he reached for the salt.

“If I don’t get some food soon, I’m going to make a total ass of myself.” He warned.

“They should be just about done grilling.” Michelle said breathlessly as Parker raised his head and smiled drunkenly at her.

“Ross tastes like sour apples.” He chuckled as several woman looked at him in confusion. “You know, when he…” Parker licked his lips and he wiggled his eye brows before he dropped his head and licked the salt off of Michelle’s skin.

“That’s so hot.” She whispered before she bit down on a piece of lime and he nodded as he knocked back his shot then bent her over his arm and locked his lips over hers. The rest of the women cheered as Michelle went limp as Parker sucked on the slice without taking it from her and licked his lips. He set her back on her feet and she grabbed his arms for support. Michelle cleared her throat and pushed her hands through her shoulder length hair. “Welcome to the group.” She slurred and everyone gathered around and took turns hugging Parker. He decided he loved them all, dearly. “Let’s get some food.” Michelle said as she hooked her arm in Parker’s again and turned him.

When they stepped out into the sun, it only took Parker a minute to figure out which of the guys was Jones, after his eyes adjusted to the bright light. Most of the faces that met Parker were smiling or staring in mild shock. Someone pushed Parker’s shirt against his chest and he gasped in horror before he quickly pulled it on and buttoned it. Everyone laughed except the large black man that glared at him over a bottle of Heineken. Parker could tell that he was a “Brother” and knew what his problem was and decided that Ross was probably right in suggesting that Parker steer clear.