Counseling Through Your Bible Handbook (35 page)

The essential quality of self-control is restraining desires that may pull you down so that you may achieve your goals.
⁵
It is saying no to a negative habit so you can say yes to a positive goal. Self-control is a gift from God that empowers you to fulfill the will of God.

Steps to self-control:

Start
with a commitment to God
.
⁶

— Believe that God is good and just.
⁷

— Believe that God has the desire and power to help you.

Separate
yourself from sin
.
⁸

— Repent and confess that your habit is sin.

— Review in your mind, on a regular basis, the negative consequences of your habit.

Set
a new goal
.
⁹

— Make it your goal to know God.

— Make it your goal to depend on God.

Stand
on the truth
.
¹⁰

— Know that in Christ you are set free from the penalty and power of sin.

— Know that you no longer have to be a slave to sin.

Substitute
God’s thoughts for your thoughts
.
¹¹

— When you think you are powerless over a habit, say, “I can do everything through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13).

— When you think no one will know about the habit, understand that “nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account” (Hebrews 4:13).

Surrender
your will
.
¹²

— Acknowledge that God has authority over all your thoughts, words, desires, time, money, and possessions.

— Acknowledge that the decision to change is yours.
You
are making a choice!

Stay
on track
.
¹³

— Avoid thinking it will be okay to occasionally indulge the habit.

— Avoid moving out from under God’s grace into self-sufficiency.

Stop trudging around in your muddy ditch and move up to higher ground to the Road to Transformation and the opportunity to “clean up” by clothing yourself in good habits. Habits reflect the underlying character of a person, so good habits become the apparel you wear to reflect the character of Christ (see Romans 8:29). Begin today! Take off the tattered rags of sin and replace them with the beautiful robes of Christ. Here are the steps to doing that:

Faith is developed through hearing God’s Word.

“Faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ”

(R
OMANS
10:17).

Faith is strengthened by believing the promises of God.

“[Abraham] did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God”

(R
OMANS
4:20).

Put On the Habit of Goodness

Goodness is developed by storing up what is good in your heart.

“Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him”

(M
ATTHEW
12:34-35).

Goodness is displayed by acts of kindness and generosity to others.

“Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share”

(1 T
IMOTHY
6:18).

Put On the Habit of Knowledge

Knowledge is developed by studying God’s Word.

“Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth”

(2 T
IMOTHY
2:15).

Knowledge is displayed by a willingness to accept discipline.

“Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid”

(P
ROVERBS
12:1).

Put On the Habit of Perseverance

Perseverance is developed through trials and testing.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance”

(J
AMES
1:2-3).

Perseverance produces maturity.

“Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything”

(J
AMES
1:4).

Put On the Habit of Godliness

Godliness is developed by turning away from the pursuit of evil and worldly gain.

“The love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness”

(1 T
IMOTHY
6:10-11).

Godliness is displayed through the power of Jesus living His life through you.

“His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness”

(2 P
ETER
1:3).

Put On the Habit of Brotherly Kindness

Brotherly kindness is strengthened by honoring others above yourself.

“Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves”

(R
OMANS
12:10).

Brotherly kindness is displayed by showing hospitality and sharing with others in need.

“Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality”

(R
OMANS
12:13).

Put On the Habit of Love

Love is developed by recognizing that God first loved you.

“This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins”

(1 J
OHN
4:10).

Love is strengthened by obeying God’s commands.

“If you love me, you will obey what I command”

(J
OHN
14:15).

Many habits are the result of childhood experiences. But, no longer a child, you do not have to be controlled by the attitudes and actions of others. You can choose to plant, cultivate, and harvest good habits that are desirable and pleasing to God. As His precious child, you are called to:

— Study the Scriptures daily so you can know God’s standards.

— Consider what it means to “have no other gods before me” (Psalm 119:11).

— Be open to the truth when others criticize you.

— Think about your negative attitudes and review their consequences.

— Confess your failures to God, and ask forgiveness from those whom you have offended.

— Read Proverbs 28:13.

— Acknowledge the gifts of God for which you can be grateful.

— Thank God for what He is teaching you through each trial.

— Read 1 Thessalonians 5:18.

— Choose to forgive others even when you feel justified in your anger.

— Remind yourself of the many times God forgives you.

— Read Colossians 3:13.

— Set a high standard for yourself, expect less from others.

— Perform an act of kindness toward someone each day.

— Read Philippians 2:3.

— Seek out time every day to be alone with God.

— Be quiet in your spirit, and wait on God to reveal Himself to you.

— Read Psalm 104:34.

You are not born with bad habits…
you weave them and wear them.
Your habits can be the rags of destructive addictions or the royal robes of Christlike character.

—JH

Luke 16:13

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Romans 6:1-2

Galatians 5:16

Psalm 139:23-24

1 Peter 1:13

Philippians 4:13

Psalm 116:16

1 Thessalonians 5:24

For additional guidance on this topic, see also
Alcohol and Drug Abuse, Codependency, Crisis Intervention, Depression, Dysfunctional Family, Fear, Forgiveness, Guilt, Hope, Identity, Lying, Overeating, Prejudice, Rejection, Salvation, Self-worth, Sexual Addiction, Stress Management, Victimization, Worry
.

W
hen someone is sexually attracted to a person of the same gender, confusion can abound and sexual identity can be questioned. And when God’s truth about homosexuality either is not known or rejected, people can find themselves in a ditch of sinking sand, with serious consequensces and deep sorrow.

Same-sex attraction does not reflect the individual’s
true identity
as created by God. Rather, it can result in a
mistaken identity
. This creates a desperate need for truth—God’s truth. Jesus said, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32).