Copperback (21 page)

I
was afraid to ask what it was. He was attacking me for asking questions. I had
forgotten he hated them as much they hated him. I was willing to drop the
subject, but he continued in a calmer voice. We pulled out onto another highway
leading west, as he talked.

“I
was supposed to stay behind while everyone escaped our home. I should have died,
like the rest of them. It was honorable to know that I had given my life to
save others, but I was ordered to go. I could see the look in their eyes when I
was placed in line. I could see they hated me, knowing one of them – one of
their family members – would be left behind because of me.”

“I’m
sure they had a reason. You had to be someone special that could help when you
got here. I’m sure they all don’t–”

“They
do, and I’m afraid to see the look in their eyes. I was a nobody – nothing. I
did my job, and that was all. I wasn’t a leader, wasn’t anything special. I
didn’t deserve it. That’s why I didn’t try to escape the camps. That is why I
never left my previous owners, even though I was offered the chance. I didn’t
want to face them, knowing where I should have been.”

I
had no idea he had been given opportunities to run and leave. He could have
avoided Derrick and the torture. At any time, he could have left, but never
did. I didn’t want him to think it was a punishment. “If you had stayed and
died…you never would have met me. You make it sound like Derrick should have
just killed you that night, like Chase should have left you in a field
somewhere. Like I should have just let you die. Is that what you really want?
Do you have a death wish? If so, I can turn around and leave you there.”

“No.”

It
came out almost in a whisper. He was still having problems dealing with his
guilt. As much as he cared for me, it was taking over, and it scared him.

“Then
I am going to take you to Dugout Canyon. I’ll stand by your side the whole
time. If they are there and hate you, like you think – we can leave. We can go
anywhere else. Just give it a chance. I think you’re blaming yourself for
something that was out of your control.”

“If
they don’t take me, then we can go? Together?” His voice was still unsure.

“Yes.
Anywhere. You and me.”

I
put my hand back out to take his. This time he didn’t stop me. I gave it a
small squeeze, and he squeezed back. He had gotten it out of his system, and
trusted me to stay with him through everything. I had no problem being his
support.

He
readjusted himself in the seat, getting comfortable in the tiny car. The
movement caused another wave of pain to hit him. His hand tightened around
mine. I was growing more concerned that he was hiding how badly he had hurt
himself during the fiasco at the house.

“You’re
not doing so good. Do I need to stop?”

“I’m
fine – just keep driving.”

“You
know, you can lean the seat back–”

“I
said I’m fine,” he said, irritated.

We
had only been on the road a little more than an hour. The front of my shirt had
mostly dried, feeling taut against me. Stiff strands of hair crunched under my
fingers as I pulled them away from my face. I could feel my feet sloshing in my
wet tennis shoes, surely turning my toes into prunes. The wetness of my jeans
and shirt had become unpleasant, and I squirmed in my seat, pulling the back of
my shirt away from my skin, where it had stuck.

“I
have dry clothes in the back. I can pull over and–”

“I
told you I’m fine. Will you just stop asking?” he said, annoyed from my
constant questioning.

“I’m
not. I feel like a drowned rat.”

“You
look like one.”

I
could see he was grinning, making an attempt at being funny. I really wasn’t in
the mood for jokes, but I couldn’t help but laugh. “You don’t even know what a
drowned rat looks like,” I teased back.

“Yes
I do. And they taste awful.”

I
was afraid he was going back down a bad road. The last time he had talked about
the camps, he had broken down. I looked over to check his expression. He was
fine, except for the wrinkled nose and tongue sticking out, showing his disgust.

“Worse
than onions?”

“No
– nothing is worse than those.”

He
had a way of making me feel good when I needed it. He interlaced his fingers
with mine, rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb. His soft, printless hand
gave me a chill, and I shivered for a moment from the sensation.

“If
you’re cold, we can pull over. You don’t have to drive all night.”

“I
just want to get a little further away till it gets dark. I’ll pull off and get
a room. We can change there, and get some sleep. The only canyon I know of is
the Grand Canyon, and that is going to take a few days.”

“How
are we going to get a room? Don’t you need money for one? I don’t have any.”

“Here,”
I said, handing him my purse. “In the wallet. I sold that bracelet, and Sally
paid me double the first week you stayed with me. I used a little for clothes
and food, but I should still have enough to cover it.”

He
reached in and pulled out the stack of bills I had crammed in there. I knew
there was at least $400 left after the shopping spree.

“You
prepared for this?” he said, stuffing the cash back in the wallet.

“Yeah.”

“You
planned on taking me, before I tried to–”

“Turn
me down? Yeah.”

“Why?”

“My
mom used to help your people escape. She died trying. I didn’t know, and when I
found out, I hated her – you – for it. I didn’t want you in my house, and I
begged Sally to take you. After getting to know you, I understood why she
risked her life. At first, I did this because I wanted to do it for her, but
now…I want to do it for us.”

He
set the purse down and took my hand again with both of his, bringing it up to
his face and kissing it. Instead of the chill, like before, I could feel warmth
flood through my body. His lips were so soft, I thought I may lose my
concentration and wreck the car.

He
set my hand back down, but still held it tight, leaning back in the seat and
closing his eyes. I drove in silence, except for the rhythmic beat of the
wipers. I tried not to think about anything except the road. It was still
raining, and as the light outside turned to black, it was harder to make out
the lines. I could feel Job’s hand in mine, gripping at every bump in the road,
letting me know he was still in pain, his easy breathing interrupted each time.
The wipers were becoming hypnotic, and I knew I would have to get off the road
soon, either by choice or by force.

There
were motels littering the highway as I came closer to the city. I wanted to get
as far off the track as possible, in case someone would see my car and discover
us. Turning off, I followed the road signs to a rundown motel with a flashing
vacancy sign, barely legible from the burnt out bulbs of neon. Without waking
Job, I took my purse and got out – the rain still coming down, chilled by the
cold winds blowing across the parking lot.

I
paid for the room in cash, running from the lobby back to the car. Job was
already awake, looking out the window at the dive I had picked.

“Sorry
it’s not any better,” I said, hoping he wasn’t upset with my choice.

He
laid his head back against the headrest, still worn out from the restless
sleep.

Pulling
up to the front of the room, I was already regretting my decision. I should
have sprung the extra for a slightly better motel, but it was already paid for,
and the woman at the front didn’t look like she would be offering a refund
anytime soon.

Job
struggled getting out of the car. He wasn’t able to hide the expression on his
face. I got him in the room as quick as he could move. He didn’t have the
energy he had before. It took everything he had just to get to the door. He
stood hunched over his crutches, looking as though he would fall over at any time.
The swelling in his left leg was already tight against his jeans. Panic was
setting back in, and I starting barking orders.

“You
need to lie down. Get your leg up. I think there was an ice machine at the end.
I’ll be–”

He
grabbed my arm, pulling me in to him. I turned around to meet his gaze, inches
from his face. He didn’t hesitate to lean in and kiss me, sliding his hands
around my waist and holding me as close as possible. It took me by surprise,
since there had been no build up this time. At first, he pressed hard against
my lips, but felt me relax and softened the intensity. I put my arm around the
back of his neck, begging for the forcefulness he had started with to come back.
Every movement of his mouth kept pace with mine, till at last, a tingle of
warmth began to develop, like an electrical current biting at my lips. I could
feel the skin of his arms start to warm across my sides after a few seconds,
but didn’t want to break free, hoping that it would pass. Before the heat
became too intense, he let go, and I stepped back. I was dizzy and could barely
focus on anything in the room other than the sound of his voice forcing back
soft grunts of pain. I waited to see how long it would last this time, worried
that I had held on too long and was going to ruin the moment he had created for
us.

“Just
in case we get interrupted again.” He said, still catching his breath as the
discomfort passed.

I
craved more. I knew I needed to wait, but it was exhilarating. His lips were
like electricity on mine. Instead, I buried my head into his chest, wanting to
have the next best thing – his touch.

He
wrapped his arms around me, holding me close. I could barely feel the ache in
my shoulder, because it was being overpowered by a new feeling. I knew I longed
to be with him, but this other emotion was different in a way. It was deeper – more
grounded. It still gave me butterflies in my stomach, but at the same time it
was thrilling. It was a spark that was igniting something in me. I had never
felt it before, but I knew what it was the moment it took over. I was falling
in love with him.

He
had stripped out of his wet clothes and sat on the bed in his boxers by the
time I came back with a bucket of ice and the bags from the trunk. It was a
little unnerving seeing him in so little. It was really no less than the shorts
he had worn before, or even the towel, but it was distracting me this time. My
pulse raced just being in the room with him.

“Do
I need to cover up? I don’t want you to be so nervous.”

He
was amused by my reaction. I hadn’t even turned around yet, and he knew that I
was uncomfortable. I worked on getting ice cubes from the bucket to a bag, but my
trembling hands kept spilling them on the floor. Each time I picked one up, I
would drop another, having to chase it across the dirty carpet. I saw him with
his one eyebrow raised, waiting for an answer. I eventually dropped them back
in the bucket, and – with a bit of fumbling – pulled my dry clothes out of a
bag and ran to the bathroom before he could ask again.

The
light in the filthy bathroom was dim at best, and there were large brown spots
in the tub. It looked like no one had cleaned the place between guests. I
wasn’t sure if it was a trick of the light, but the spots looked like they were
moving. Leaning in closer, I took another glimpse.

The
roaches in the tub came to life with the sound I made, scurrying out, or down
the drain. I couldn’t help the scream that followed and quickly backed out of
the bathroom, not wanting to look away in case one was following me.

Tripping
over my own feet, I fell backwards into arms that shouldn’t have been there – catching
me lightly and holding on. Another scream erupted before I could see that Job
had me and was laughing at the sight of my fear of bugs.

“Calm
down. It’s just a couple of cockroaches. They’re not going to hurt you.” He tried
to hold back the laughter. He helped me stand back up, but I backed up against
him, better equipped to deal with my nerves around him than with my fear of the
insects roaming the bathroom.

“They’re
disgusting,” I said, cringing as they ran into the corners to hide.

Job
wrapped his arms around me, putting his head on my shoulder.

“They
are disgusting. I would say those taste worse than onions.”

“That
is just nasty,” I said, pulling his arms back off me. I was trying to play off
the gross-out factor, but I was actually moving to get him off my arm, shaking
off the pain that persisted. “Is there anything you haven’t tried to eat?”

“Come
to think of it, no.” He was still grinning from ear to ear.

He
had gotten me past my anxiety. I was back in the room with him, feeling a
little more relaxed. I still had the daunting task of getting undressed in
front of him. Slipping past him, I faced away, figuring he would get the hint
as I pulled my shirt off.

My
undergarments were still damp, but I wanted to leave them on, in case he hadn’t
turned around. Creeping around him, I pulled back the covers, checking for more
bugs before crawling under the sheets, keeping them away from my face, in case
they were as dirty as the bathroom.

He
was facing the dresser, putting ice in the bag, a task that I was unable to do.
He made his way back to the bed, sliding underneath the covers with me. Moving
in close, he rolled on his side, wincing in pain, eyes shut tight. I rolled
over into him, ignoring the ache down my arm. His smooth skin felt like silk against
mine. I ran my hand across his chest onto his neck, waiting for him to recover.
He opened his eyes, the gold glimmer catching the light.

“Do
you need me to…I don’t know what to call it,” I said. “But I promise not to
freak out this time.”

I
wanted him to say yes. Not just to help him, but to give me an excuse to kiss
him again. I wanted to be close to him. I wanted an entire night to hold him
and wake up to his face in the morning. He shook his head, turning me down.

“Not
again. It’s been a long day and I just overdid it. You have already done enough
for one night. Right now, I just want you to turn over – away from me. I’ll
stay close.”

I
did as he said, pressing my back against his chest – his arm under my head, so
that I was still cradled into him. His hand swept away my hair, allowing him to
kiss my neck, arm and shoulder. His gentle lips tenderly running across my skin
helped the throbbing subside and replaced it with a warm sensation that
traveled to the ends of my fingers. It was his way of saying sorry again for
the accident. I was more than willing to accept an apology like this over the
spoken words.

His
lips stopped abruptly, and were replaced by a cold chill that ran down my back.
It was shocking, and I tried to clamber away, but his arm held me in place
while ice melted and dripped down my spine.

“That
was supposed to be for you,” I said, still trying to fight him. His strength
was too much, and I gave up, letting him overpower me.

“It’s
bruised, and I know it hurts. You have taken care of me enough. I told you,
it’s my turn.” His voice was filled with guilt.

The
frostiness of the ice took a while to get used to, but after a few minutes of
being held prisoner, it too helped draw away the discomfort. The extremes of
his warm body and the cold ice, along with the intoxicating breath coming from
over my shoulder, relaxed the tension throughout my body, and I felt as though
I was floating on a cloud in a dream. I could hear the whispering in my ear but
his voice was speaking words I wasn’t grasping. It wasn’t the white noise of
his language, just English, but I couldn’t focus on the words as I was being
carried further into sleep.

*****

Job’s
warm arms were still around me as the morning light peeked through the closed
curtains. I had no desire to move from his embrace. I didn’t want to think
about having to run again, about the long drive ahead of us. As unappealing as the
room was, I considered paying for another night, just so I could pretend the
world outside didn’t exist.

“Good
morning.” His voice was no more than a whisper.

I
rolled over to face him. He propped his head up on his arm, flexing his bicep,
leaning in for a morning kiss. It was irresistible, feeling his lips flow with
mine. It was like a magnet, and I couldn’t pull from the attraction. I
continued until I could feel his lips burning mine, making it difficult to keep
contact.

I
backed away, to look at him; His eyes were closed tight, refusing to let his
pain control him. He took several deep, slow breaths, focusing on the room, while
I waited. “Is this going to happen every time we do this?”

“I
don’t know; it seems to be less each time,” he said, eyes still closed.

“Should
we just get it out of the way now, then?” I was willing to deal with the last
bit of watching him suffer, if it meant that it wouldn’t stand in our way
anymore. I longed to be close – kiss him as long as I wanted. I was tired of
the small spurts of passion, followed by either agony or having to keep my
distance.

“Not
right now. We should get back on the road, and I’m not sure how long it would
take to recover. Besides, I want to get there before your car breaks down. I’m
not sure it can handle the long trip.”

“If
it does, I can steal a car. Do you know how to hotwire one?” I inquired
jokingly.

“What
is a hotwire?” he asked, curious, not catching on.

“Forget
it. I’m not going to try and explain it.” I inched out of the bed, feeling the
chill of the room biting at my bare skin. After a quick refresh in the bathroom,
avoiding the roaches on the floor, I came back out to see Job rummaging through
the clothes. I had brought everything in so that we had a selection to choose
from. He was holding up the jacket, examining it with a bit of excitement.

“I
thought you could use it when it got colder out. Not sure if it will fit. The
guy told me I could return it if it didn’t. I get the feeling we won’t have
that option.”

He
laughed at the comment and set it back down, pulling out a shirt and jeans,
hopping back over to the edge of the bed. While he dressed, I got out my
clothes, opting for another pair of jeans over shorts, knowing that the weather
would be a bit cooler till the afternoon due to the frigid rain the night
before. I also took out the hooded pullovers and, after pulling off the tags, I
tossed one at him.

“I
thought this might come in handy to cover up the scars and hair, in case you
wanted to get out of the car at some point.”

He
looked at mine and at his, noticing the identical emblems.

“Why
the same?” His curious brown eyes fixed on mine.

“In
case I – never saw you again.”

I
was still unsure if he would leave for good. Still clinging to my feelings for
him, I wanted to believe that I wouldn’t have to return home alone. It was hard
to know how this could turn out in the end. I knew I would never leave him
unless he requested it of me. It was going to be harder to let go when the love
that was growing in me was getting stronger. I could sense he knew the turmoil I
was dealing with. He stopped in the middle of putting on his shirt and got back
up.

Coming
up behind me, he wrapped his strong arms around my waist. The bare skin of his
chest touching me made the thought of losing him that much harder, and I
struggled to hold back tears. “I’m not going to leave. I care too much for you.
Here.”

He
pulled off the necklace with my copper penny hanging from the chain. I could
feel the warmth of the coin – retained from his body heat – as he clasped it
around my neck. It had been my gift to him to help save his life, and now it
had become a token of his affection for me.

“Don’t
you still need this? I thought you said the pain made you shift.”

“I
can control it now.”

He
stretched out his hand to show me. In a flash, his hand dissolved in front of
me. Tan particles the color of his skin flew around in a hand-shaped form. It
was mesmerizing to see.

“Can
I–?”

“Go
ahead.”

I
reached out to meet the silhouette with my fingers, feeling the grains flow
around, dispersing as my hand passed through. They were as warm as his skin had
been, but softer than anything I had ever felt. The solid form of his arms
changed, still holding me firmly but enveloping me, surrounding me. It was the
most amazing feeling in the world, making me tingle as each speck bounced off
my skin. As much as I wanted to hold on to the feeling, he moved back, allowing
his body to form again. I stood speechless, unable to find the words to
describe the experience.

His
lips pressed gently against the nape of my neck, sending a shiver down my spine,
and electricity through my body. “We should get going,” he whispered in my ear.

I
was unable to move. In the moment of exhilaration, I couldn’t recall where we
were. Everything we needed to do came back to me in a rush, nearly knocking me over.
I thought my legs had given out, but Job was there to help me balance again.

“I
got you shoes, too,” I said weakly, hoping he could hear me as I attempted to regain
my composure.

“How
very thoughtful of you. Can you pass me the right one?”

As
fluid as his movements were, I had forgotten he was still hobbled by his injury.
Watching him maneuver himself back to the edge of the bed in silence, I
couldn’t help but look at him and still feel there was so much more I could do
for him. It had only been two weeks since he had come into my life, and he had
made leaps and bounds in his recovery. Sally would be so happy to see how far
he had come.

In
the wake of all the events from the previous night, I forgot that I still
needed to call my family and let them know we were safe. Looking at the cell
phone, I could see there was only one bar left; enough to call one person – Sally.

Hoping
she would answer, I dialed the number for her cell. She picked up before the
first ring had even finished. It was still early enough that she hadn’t made it
to work yet.

“Emily?
Please tell me you’re okay?”

Her
voice was a relief to hear. Even in the sweet melody of her tone, I could hear
the traces of fear. She knew what had happened, and was concerned.

“We
are. I can’t tell you where we are or where we are going, but we have a plan.”
I blurted out as quickly as possible. The phone beeped at me, letting me know
the battery was going to die.

“Chase
told me everything, but was worried when he saw the chair had been broken in
the kitchen. He was afraid Derrick had gotten there before you could leave.”

“Don’t
worry about it. It was just an accident. We left before he got there. Please
tell Chase I love him.”

I
knew it would be a long time before I would see him again – if ever. I had to
hurry to say everything I wanted to. The phone beeped again.

“I
want you to know that I love you, and your mom would have approved.”

Her
telling me this stopped my heart. I wished that my mom was there to see me. I
wanted to tell her how much he meant to me – that I was in falling in love.