Continuum (17 page)

“I don't know why anyone would volunteer for this gig.”

“These dance committees are filled with sick, twisted souls,” he deadpans.

“I guess it wasn't completely awful.  Seeing everything come together was kinda amazing.  Not too shabby for a crappy school dance.”

“Yeah, it looks great in there.  I barely recognized the gym, except for the painted lines on the floorboards.  And all the letterman's jackets.”

An unexpected giggle escapes my lips as I picture Ethan’s table, “Yeah, your suit is a bit out of place among the sea of jocks.”  

Sighing, he runs a hand through his unruly chestnut hair.  “I actually haven't been to many school dances.  I thought the suit was requisite.  Especially with the huge stink everyone was making about this dance.”

I resist the urge to reach out and touch his hair.  I look away, my eyes trying desperately to find something to focus on beside the beautiful boy sitting in front of me.  “I'm sure every girl in that room would prefer to be on your arm in that suit that one of those guys in their jock formal wear for special occasions.”  

“Why are you sitting out in the cold by yourself, Fallon?”  

With Ethan, I always say more than I mean to, revealing too much.  I’m out here because I can’t concentrate with him around.  When I can’t concentrate, I’m not in control.  I feel very out of my element and it scares me.  Using his words from the first time we spoke, I reply “It's a bit overwhelming in there.  First school dance of the year and all.  Why are you out here?”

“Feeling a bit out of my comfort zone.”

“I’m at a school dance.  I’m wearing a dress.  I’d say I’m about a hundred and ten miles outside of my comfort zone.  In fact, my comfort zone is in another township right now.”

Ethan laughs quietly at my reaction and leans in to whisper conspiratorially, “It’s actually my first Homecoming dance.”

“Good thing you’re here with Mackenzie.  It’s not her first time at the rodeo.  She is a shoe-in to be this year’s queen.  I'm sure she can show you all the ropes.”  I cringe as the words leave my lips. 
Yes, send him running back inside to Mackenzie’s waiting arms.
  Open mouth, insert foot.

He shrugs, “I'm just here as part of the group.  I told her I only wanted to go as friends.”

Bitterness leaks into my voice as I mutter under my breath, “You don't know Mackenzie.”  

“Yeah, she does tend to lay it on thick...” Ethan drifts off mid-thought, studying his folded hands.  After a moment, he looks directly at me and his voice is quiet and tense, “Why have you been avoiding me, Fallon?”

The intensity of his gaze is paralyzing and my eyes are locked on his as my thoughts scatter.  I can’t look away to gather my wits and I can’t formulate a proper excuse so I tell him the truth, “You make me feel... conflicted.”

His brow furrows, like he doesn’t comprehend my answer, “Conflicted?  What’s there to be conflicted about?”

With great effort, I pull my eyes away from his stare and focus on my hands fidgeting in front of me on the table, “It’s complicated.”  

“Feelings usually are.  What’s complicated?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Do you have feelings for Sam?” he asks bluntly.

I look back up, surprised by his question, “What?  No!  Sam and I are just friends.”

Ethan’s shoulders seem to relax, “We don’t have to talk about it.”

I exhale a sigh of relief.

A shy smile spreads across his lips, “Do you want to dance?”  His eyes are apprehensive as he waits for me to answer.

“Right now?”  My hands are clammy and I suddenly feel very nervous.  Well more nervous than I usually around Ethan.  My years of failed ballet training have left me scarred.

He stands and steps out form behind the bench in a singular fluid movement and walks around the picnic table until he is directly next to me.  His eyes are twinkling mischievously, a full on grin stretched across his lips, “Come on, dance with me.  Please, Fallon.”  His blue eyes are pleading with me and I am faltering. 

“I...We’re... There's no music,” I stammer.

“We'll dance to the sounds of the night.  C’mon, Fallon don’t be shy.  No one's watching.”  He looks so earnest, I don’t know how to respond.

Gnawing on my bottom lip anxiously, I hesitate, “I don't know...”

Ethan stretches his hand out for me to take and all I can do is stare at his open palm, “No more excuses.”

Trepidatiously, I give him my hand and allow him to pull me off the bench.  My heartbeat is thudding in my ears, “I can't promise I won't crush your toes.  These are steel toed boots.”

Ethan rolls his eyes, “I've survived worse.”  

Effortlessly, he pulls me toward him until the lines of our body come together.  I can’t help my gasp as our bodies meet.  He feels so warm, I just want to sink into his arms but instead I gingerly place my hands on his broad shoulders.  He places his hands on the small of my back underneath my leather jacket.  I feel a shiver go through my body that has nothing to do with the cold.  

We sway slowly to the sound of chirping crickets and leaves scuttling across the ground.  After a moment of swaying, he pulls me closer until my cheek is resting against his chest.  He smells wonderful--clean and woodsy with a hint of musk.  I feel quite small next to him, the top of my head grazing his chin as we move in a small circle.  

His lips move against my hair, sending a tremble down my spine, “How come you don’t like me, Fallon?”

My throat is dry and my mouth feels like it’s full of cotton, “I like you as a friend, Ethan.”  Even I hear the doubt in my voice.  I wish I could think of a witty, playful reply but as always, he has caught me off guard.

“I can be your friend if that’s what you need.”

“Thank you.  You’re a better friend than I deserve.” 

“Why do you think that?”

Through the soft fabric of the dress I can feel his fingers tracing along my spine and it is very distracting, “I don’t know.  I just do.”

“How come you never say what’s actually on your mind?”

I’m surprised.  Here I thought I tended to say too much around Ethan, “What do you mean?”

“You’re always so... evasive.  I can never tell what you’re really thinking.”

I am always so evasive because I didn’t want anyone getting too close.  Pressed against him in the darkness where he can’t see my expression, I confess against his chest, “I don’t know how to be your friend, Ethan.  I’ve gotten used to keeping to myself.”

Ethan leans down, his artfully disheveled hair brushing against my cheek.  His lips against my ear, the longing in his voice is evident, “Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight, Fallon?

My heartbeat picks up double time and the power of speech escapes me.  His phone buzzes from the inside pocket of his suit jacket.  The vibration against my body brings me crashing back to reality.

Stepping back, I pull away from his hold.  My eyes fixed resolutely to the ground, I stammer, “I need to... I have to... I should go back in.  I have to man my station.  And your friends are waiting.”  

He steps forward, reaching for me, “Wait, I’m not ready to go back in yet.”

“I... I have to go.  Mackenzie is probably looking for you.  I’ll see you around.  Have fun tonight, Ethan.”

Ethan

There she goes, running away from me again.  Definitely a world record now.  My phone buzzes again in quick succession.  I give Fallon a head start back into the dance so she won’t be too scandalized.  Sighing, I sit back down at one of the picnic tables.  

I don’t really want to go back in yet so I pull my phone out of my pocket and check my messages.

Mackenzie:
Ethan, u said u would BRB...

I delete the three other texts from Mackenzie without reading them.

Sam:
Ur date is driving me nuts.  She is FREAKIN OUT!! 

Liam:
Mackenzie sent sam & i to look 4 u.  She is annoying the crap outta me.

Sam:
Fallon is gone 2.  Pls tell me u r in the bathrm and not with her.

Liam:
She is abt to kill u.  The girls r trolling the hallways looking 4 u.  Where r u???

Sam:
Just got back 4m the bathrm & saw fallon sneaking back into the dance.  I can only cover 4 so long.  Mackenzie is ready to kill u btw.  U SO OWE ME.  

Without replying to any of their text messages, I tuck my phone away inside my breast pocket.  I sit for a moment longer and as my phone buzzes against my chest, I contemplate whether I should even return.  I don’t have the energy to face off with Mackenzie and I don’t fancy seeing Fallon after she ran off on me.  Again.  

I rub my face with my hands, feeling the stubble that’s starting to grow back in.  Fallon confuses me like no girl I have ever known.  At the same time, she fascinates me endlessly.  She’s beautiful, smart, talented, and more closed off than North Korea.  My phone buzzes again shaking me out of my daze.  Sam and Liam will probably want to kill me themselves if I don’t head back in.

I stand back up and look out at the moonlit forest one last time before slipping back inside.  My phone buzzes several more times as I make my way down the empty hallway toward the gymnasium.  The second I reach the table, Sam and Liam shoot me matching evil eyes as Mackenzie gives me a tight, annoyed smile.  

“Ethan, we were all looking for you,” her smile is plastered so tautly across her face, I’m surprised she can speak. 

I shrug unapologetically and pull out the empty chair next to Mackenzie and sit down, “Sorry, I was outside for a minute.  Needed some fresh air.”

Mackenzie opens her mouth like she’s about to say something but thinks better of it, pressing her glossy lips into a tight line.  She relaxes microscopically and the table resumes their chatter.  Every time I shift in my chair, her eyes dart not letting me out of her sight.  When I stand up to stretch my legs and survey the room, I can feel her watchful eyes boring into my back.   

Fallon is sitting next to the punch bowl, leaning forward so her elbows rest on her knees.  Her chin is resting on the back of her clasped hands as she stares out the solitary window next to the refreshments table.  Her long hair is a dark curtain swept over her shoulder and I cannot see her face.  She looks so lonely.  

I will her to turn and look at me but she continues to be lost in her own world.  Feeling resigned, I sit back down.  I feel lonely despite the large group at my table, their chatter is just white noise to my distracted brain.  Slowly, the guys are pulled one by one onto the dance floor by their dates.  Mackenzie and her friends are dressed more for sitting and looking pretty than dancing.  

After a few songs pass, Mackenzie is too busy making mean comments about other girls with her friends to pay me any notice.  Her voice is dripping acid, “Oh my God, who wears tulle to Homecoming?  Pink tulle?  Are we in kindergarten?”

Chloe chimes in, “Those curls are not working for her face shape.  She’s so round already!  It looks like she’s melting.”

“Those shoes were a terrible idea.  They emphasize her cankles,” Sophia adds.

Emma is doubled over in laughter when she throws in her two cents, “Is she color blind?  That lipstick makes her teeth look even more yellow.”

“Maybe she cracked all the mirrors in her house,” Mackenzie can barely contain herself and they all dissolve into vicious giggles.

I am tapping my foot along to an upbeat song that is fading out when a familiar song starts up.  I know this band.  My brother had sent me a link to their page a few months ago.  Mackenzie is too busy locating her next victim that she doesn’t notice when I get out of my chair.

Fallon is still staring out the window, probably planning her escape route.  I bend at the waist, until my lips are next to her ear, “I love this song.  Will you dance with me, Fallon?”

The sound of my voice in her ear startles her and she swivels around so quickly in her chair, it starts tipping over.  Reflexively, I reach out and grab the back of the chair, steadying her.  Her green eyes are round with surprise and maybe a touch of fear.  I drop my hand from the back of the chair and stand back, proffering my hand.  

She hisses back in a low voice and I have to lean in closer to hear her, “You want to dance with me?  Here?  Now?”

“Yes, that’s why I said.”

Her eyes dart nervously around the gymnasium, “Have you lost your mind, Ethan?  Everyone is staring at us.”

“I don’t care whose watching, Fallon,” I reach over and take her hands in mine and gently pull her out of the chair.  Not releasing her hands, I walk her toward the dance floor and her feet shuffle forward grudgingly.  I place her hands around my neck and then wrap my arms around her waist, pulling her close but leaving a few inches of space between us.   

As we slowly move around the dance floor, other dancing couples stop to openly gape.  I astutely ignore my table but I can feel Mackenzie staring daggers at me.  When we spin past Sam dancing with Chloe, he gives us a wide grin and a wink.  Fallon’s face flushes and she hides her face behind her long hair, clearly embarrassed by all the attention.

My body is acutely aware of how close Fallon is.  It would be so easy for me to lean in and kiss her, but I’m not sure if she wants that.  That uncertainty keeps my urge to close the distance between us in check.  She is chewing on her bottom lip, her eyes fixed on the floor.  I try to take her attention away from the social piranhas around us, “Do you like the song?”

She peers up at me from under her dark lashes, giving me a small shy smile.  “Yes, it’s a lovely song.  Who is this?”

“Gosh, you need to get out more Fallon.  They’re the biggest band out of the UK.  My brother sent me a link to them ages ago.”  

“What I lack in street smarts, I make up for in book smarts.  My familiarity with music from the UK stops somewhere during the time of William Byrd.”

I arch an eyebrow in response, “William Byrd?  Like Renaissance music?  Oh my, you have a lot to learn.”

“I can safely say I’m acing European History but you’ll have to school me on my UK pop music.  Current events are not my strong suit,” she replies, her lips curling into a playful smile.  It completely lights up her face and an answering smile spreads across my face.