Consequences (21 page)

34

Nikki

I left the bookstore a little early so I could go by the hospital to see Donovan. I hated going to St. John's Hospital before five because there were never any parking spaces, so once again I was forced to park at the top of the parking garage. I climbed out and made it up to the ICU with plenty of time left to speak with his doctor during their evening rotation. All I wanted was for Donovan to come out of that coma and tell me where Aiden was.

I moved down the corridor and found his door opened. When I stepped around the curtain I found a woman sitting beside Donovan's bed with his hand pressed against her cheek.

“What the . . .” I started, and then I realized who the woman was. “Jackie?”

Smiling, she slowly dropped his hand and rose. “Oh, Nikki, I was hoping I would get a chance to see you while I was here. Rae called an FRG meeting and told us Donovan was in here. I came down to offer words of comfort to both of you.”

“Thank you. I appreciate that.” I stared her up and down. Jackie was fair skinned with freckles and short, reddish brown hair. She looked cute in dark jeans and a yellow peasant blouse.

I was looking over at my husband's lifeless body when I heard her mumble, “I hope you don't mind me being alone with him.”

My head whipped around. “Why would I mind that?” I needed her to explain.

Jackie shrugged. “I don't know,” she began; then I noticed the tears clouding her eyes. “You have no idea how much your husband has meant to me these last few months.”

Okay, she was saying fighting words. “No, but I bet you're about to tell me,” I said with enough attitude that her head jerked back.

“What? Oh, you got it all wrong.” She started shaking her head. “It's nothing like that. Your husband saved my life. After Smitty died and I lost the baby, I didn't know how to go on with my life, but your husband helped me get through it.”

I saw a tear run down her cheek and I felt bad for accusing her of... well, I'm not sure what, but a few minutes ago there definitely had been something running through my mind. Only it shouldn't have been that. Jackie and I used to be close. When she had first found out she was pregnant, I was one of the few people she had contacted. I also remembered when she had called me wondering if I had heard from Donovan because she hadn't spoken to her husband in two days. As soon as the notification came that Smitty had been killed by an IED, I had hurried over to comfort Jackie. However, after that it was just too hard to be around a grieving widow because the same thing could have happened to my own husband at any moment. I'm embarrassed to admit that I started acting like death was contagious if I got too close. By staying away from Jackie it was my way of shielding myself from the same possibility. It had been my way of preventing something like that from happening to my own husband.

“I'm sorry I haven't been by to see you since . . . since Donovan came home. I've been so busy with the bookstore, Donovan, and Aiden. You know how it is,” I explained.

“No, I'm afraid I don't know how it is,” she said, and there was no mistaking the sarcasm in her voice before she forced another smile.

Damn, I guess she wouldn't know. Both her husband and child were gone. I felt like such an ass.

“Did you know your husband's been by to see me almost every week since his return from Afghanistan?” She didn't even wait for an answer. “Well, it's meant a lot. It's hard being without Smitty. Talking about him helps keep his memory alive.” Women like her needed a man in order to survive.

I had no idea my husband had been visiting her. For a brief moment, I wondered what else he had been hiding.

“Jackie . . . Aiden is missing, and since Donovan is in a coma he can't tell me where he is. You spent so much time with my husband . . .” It took everything I could to keep the jealousy from my voice. “. . . would you have any idea where Donovan might have taken him?”

She gasped. “Missing? Oh my! You mean to tell me you have no idea where Aiden is?” Jackie looked just as upset as I felt. “No, I have no idea. He's brought him by the house before, but it's been a while.” She shook her head. “You must be losing your mind!”

“I am. The only person who knows where he is is Donovan.” I sighed with despair. Four days and still no sign of my baby.

“I pray that Donovan wakes up and your son comes home to you.” Jackie looked so sad and pathetic. That woman was just too fragile.

“Thank you,” I said, and I meant it.

Her bottom lip quivered; then she briefly turned away. “I can't help but think that if I hadn't given him Smitty's gun, none of this would have happened.”

“Hold up! You gave him Smitty's gun?” I had wondered how he had gotten another gun so quickly. After the shooting incident at the barbershop, I had taken Donovan's gun and hid it in a box in the garage.

“I'm afraid so.” She nodded. “Last week, he had come out to the house to see me and asked about Smitty's gun. Donovan knew exactly where he'd kept it in the attic. I don't like guns in the house so I let him have it. But I n-never expected him to use it on himself.”

Neither had I, and now my husband was lying in a hospital bed and my son was missing. “Well, he did.” I wished she'd just leave. It wasn't like I could sit there and talk to her about my problems. The woman was too much of a basket case. All she would do is get all emotional and make me feel even worse than I already did. “Thanks for coming by, but I would really like to be with my husband . . . alone.”

She flinched as if I had struck her. I guess the word
husband
hit a cord. “Yes, I guess you would. I would give anything to see my Smitty again. But I guess that won't happen again.” There was a bitter edge to her voice.

Okay, so here we go with that again. It wasn't like I wasn't a sympathetic woman, but her husband had been dead more than a year. I know some people grieve longer, but I had my own problems to deal with. Finding my son was my top priority. My husband waking up from his coma was second.

“Anyway, if you need anything . . . I mean
anything,
please let me know.” Her smile was sincere and for a moment I felt guilty for rushing her off. “Before Smitty died we bought this old house in Belleville, so I've been slowly trying to renovate it the way I know he would have wanted. I'll be out there if you need anything.”

“Thank you.” I hugged her and waved her good-bye.

After Jackie left, I moved over to the seat she had vacated and stared at my husband lying in the bed with all those damn tubes attached to him.

“Donovan, please . . . if you can hear me, please give me some kinda sign. I need to know where Aiden is. Please . . . I need to find our baby.”

And then he squeezed my hand. My heart started pounding heavy and I looked up at his face and saw a single tear coming from the corner of his eye. “You can hear me, can't you?” I jumped from my seat and screamed for the nurse.

35

Trinette

Nikki was sitting in the large recliner with Rudy in her lap. “I know what I saw. Don was trying to give me a sign!”

I felt so sorry for Nikki. She had been so sure her husband was coming out of the coma when he squeezed her hand. But according to the doctor, it was just a reaction from the medication they were giving him. “He probably was trying to find a way to tell you something. I've seen movies where people have said they were in a coma and could hear everything that was being said around them. One woman was stupid enough to think since her husband was in a coma she could whisper in his ear that she was riding his best friend's dick in his bed until his return.”

“What?” Nikki screamed and then started laughing. I was trying to cheer her up, so that was exactly the response I had hoped for.

I reached for another slice of pizza. “Yeah, girl. He woke up from that coma two days later and repeated everything she had said to him word for word.”

“Hmmm. I wonder if he'll remember me telling him about my relationship with Kenyon.” Nikki rubbed her hand along Rudy's coat. That dog was so spoiled.

“Maybe.” I paused, then asked, “What do you think was running through Donovan's mind after he read Kenyon's letter?”

Nikki shook her head with despair. “Betrayal, hurt, even revenge.”

Yep. The same way Leon had felt after he found me screwing Jrue at the condo. “Nikki, I wouldn't be surprised if Donovan went to confront Kenyon.”

Her head whipped around, eyes wide with surprise. “Drive to Fulton? Do you really think so?”

I shrugged. “I don't know. You'd have to check the date on the envelope, but there's no telling how long Donovan had that letter. He could have been thinking about you messing around, waiting for the right opportunity. Hell, if he was anything like me, I would have wanted to get all my facts straight first. Then I would have paid Kenyon a visit.”

She just sat there staring off in space, probably thinking about what I had just said. “Anything is possible. Netta, I'll never be able to forgive myself for not telling him sooner.”

Her eyes were all red from all the crying she had been doing since she'd gotten back from the hospital. “Back then you didn't think he needed to know about the affair. Hell, there were a lot of things I never told Leon.”

She gave a rude snort. “And you see where that shit got you. So what's your plan now?”

I chewed my pizza and shrugged, because I really had no idea what the hell I was going to do now. I had no job, no place to live, and was a tank of gas away from being broke. I wasn't sure what I was going to do at this point. “I don't know. I guess I'll stay with Mama until after the baby is born.”

“Really?” Her brow rose with surprise. “Are you feeling well?”

“It's not like I have much of a choice. I can only stay here so long. Eventually your husband and son will both be home.”

Nikki released a long sigh. “I sure hope so.”

“I figured I could stay with Mama. Until this baby is born I can't even look for a job.” My little savings will be long gone before then. I guess that's what I get for never bothering to prepare for a rainy day. All my life I have lived from one man's payday to the next and spending mine in between. It is so sad. I am a woman in her thirties with absolutely nothing to show for it. All my life I have climbed on the shoulders of some and stepped on the toes of others. As a result, I am homeless and Nikki is the only friend I have left.

“You wanna go and see a movie or something?” I suggested.

Nikki gave me a gloomy look, then shook her head. “No, my mind is on too much. I wouldn't at all be good company.”

I met her sad smile. “Okay. I understand. Just trying to find a way to cheer you up.”

“I just appreciate you being here. Although I'm starting to think the only reason why your pregnant ass drove nine hundred miles was because you didn't have anywhere else to go.”

I laughed. “I guess that's partly the truth. My black ass sat there watching my furniture get loaded on a truck and realized I had finally hit rock bottom.” I shook my head. Just talking about it made me realize just how pathetic my life was. “But you're my girl and I woulda been here regardless—even if I had a man at home laid up in the bed waiting on me.”

“Wow! That means a lot coming from you.” Nikki gave a sad laugh and then hugged Rudy close to her body. “I just wished Donovan would wake up just long enough to tell me who has my son. That's all I ask.”

“I guarantee my godson is just fine. Don loved that boy and he would never have done anything to hurt him. Speaking of hurting . . . once again my bladder is full. Dammit. I can't get a break for nothing.” I pulled myself up from the couch and was walking around the table when I felt something wet running down my leg. “What the hell? Now I'm peeing on myself.”

“What?” Nikki jumped up from the chair and moved to take a closer look. Just then I felt a huge gush and I completely wet the floor.

“Oh, my God!” I gasped.

For the first time since I arrived, Nikki gave me that goofy laugh of hers. “Netta, honey. Looks like you're in labor.”

 

After that everything started happening so fast. I contacted my OB office back in Richmond and the receptionist assured me she'd have Dr. Brown contact labor and delivery with my medical history. By the time we finally arrived at Barnes Jewish Hospital and I was admitted to a private room, I started freaking out while Nikki just got a kick out of the entire scenario. People were sticking me in my arm and strapping devices to my belly. It was way too much. And let's not forget the pain.

“Nikki, what the hell is happening to me?”

“Netta, you're having a baby.”

I wanted to slap that silly smirk off her face. What the hell was there to be happy about? Here I was about to become a single parent with some demon child trying to rip out my insides. There was no way this shit was happening to me.

“Hurry and get it out of me!” I growled.

Nikki came over and started stroking my cheek. “It's not time yet. You've only dilated six centimeters.”

I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths. The pain was gone for now. I didn't know what in the hell possessed a woman to ever want to give birth a second time, because this was the worst pain I had ever felt in my life. My legs were jackknifed along my stomach, I was sweating like crazy, and there was no doubt I looked a hot mess. What woman in her right mind would want to endure these kinds of cramps?

My nurse walked into the room. “How's she doing?”

“How the hell you think I'm doing? My insides are being ripped out and no one cares!”

The nurse gave me a sympathetic smile. Like I wanted her pity. If anything, I should feel sorry for her and that jacked-up weave on her head. I guess God don't like ugly because another contraction hit me and this one was worse than the last. I screamed and Nikki took my hand and I squeezed it.

“I want something for pain!”

The nurse shook her head. “I wish we could, but you're too far along. The baby should be here pretty soon.”

This was not happening to me. Here I was lying in a hospital bed having a baby with no father by my side to tell me how beautiful I looked and that everything was going to be all right. It just wasn't fair.

There was a knock and I glanced up long enough to see Mama coming through the door with a small flower arrangement. What the hell did I need with flowers? What she should have been doing was sneaking in some drugs.

“How's my angel doing?”

Nikki gave a rude snort. “Acting like the devil.”

She chuckled gleefully. “I can't wait to hold my little granddaughter.”

The doctor came in and introduced himself as Dr. Kevin Mason. The second I was hit by another contraction, he poked around inside my coochie and I screamed. “Dammit, get this baby out!”

He removed his hand and grinned. “I think we're ready to have this baby.”

“About time,” I murmured. I was already getting tired. Having a baby was just too much damn work.

I laid there while they disassembled the birthing bed and my feet were finally in the stirrups.

“Just relax. You're almost there,” Nikki said, trying to make me feel better. She had been a good friend and I don't know what I would have done without her. It's funny, but at the end of the day all you really got is family and friends, 'cause a man ain't dependable for shit.

“Trinette,” the doctor said. “With this next contraction I want you to push.”

I just started nodding my head when that pain shot through my pelvis. “Aw w ww!”IscreamedandsqueezedNikki'sfingers.

“Push, Netta!” my mother said. She was standing behind the doctor staring at my stretched-out kitty-cat.

“Dammit, I am pushing!” Oh, the shit hurt so bad I started crying.

“You're doing just fine,” Nikki said.

I fell back against the bed and exhaled and barely had time to take a few short breaths before the pain hit me again.

“Trinette, I need you to keep pushing,” the doctor said like he had somewhere else he needed to be. Who the hell did he think he was, rushing me?

“Netta, I can see her head!” Mama was clapping her hands and getting all excited. “She's got a full head of hair.”

Who cares? I leaned forward and pushed as hard as I could, but I was tired, dammit.

“That's it,” Dr. Mason kept saying. “Keep pushing.”

“I'm too tired!”

“Netta, dear . . . listen to your Mama. You have to push, baby.”

“I can't do it!” I cried. “It hurts too bad!” I wailed and wished they would all just get out of my room and let me rest.

“Netta, the faster you get that baby out, the better you'll feel. Now push, dammit!” Nikki said, trying to be the boss of me. As soon as the pain hit me again I leaned forward and pushed with everything I had. I don't know how long I lay there panting and pushing before I finally heard a baby cry.

“It's a girl! A little girl!” Mama cried. “And she's beautiful.”

Of course. I didn't expect any less.

“You did good, girl,” Nikki said with that silly grin and then kissed my cheek.

I lay back against the bed breathing heavy and was so glad it was over.

“Oh, she is beautiful!” I heard Nikki shriek.

I closed my eyes while the doctor stitched me up. I could hear the baby crying and my breasts tingled. I guess that's that weird maternal bond shit I had read about in magazines. A woman's body knows the child who lived in there for nine months.

Nikki and Mama were oohing and aahing, and next thing I knew I felt something on my chest.

“Congratulations, Mama, you have a beautiful little girl.”

The moment I opened my eyes and stared down at my daughter, I don't know what happened to me. It was like my world started swaying beneath me and I felt this tug that was ten times stronger than when I met a gorgeous man. All I kept thinking was I had brought this little life in the world. She was lying there looking so helpless and beautiful. I don't think I'd ever seen a baby that breathtaking before, and I'm not just saying that because she belonged to me. She truly outshined any baby I'd ever seen before.

Mama's eyes got all misty. “Netta, she is so beautiful.”

I struggled to find the words to speak. “Yes, she is.”

I couldn't stop staring at her. All I could think about was protecting this precious little creature from all the evils in the world. And the second she opened her eyes, I gasped and knew who her father was.

Leon.

I started to weep because I had taken this little girl's daddy away from her. And she would grow up like I had, never knowing what it felt like to be truly loved by her father.

“She's got Leon's eyes.”

I glanced over at Nikki and nodded. “And his forehead.” I started laughing and crying at the same time.

This was my daughter. I was now a mother. Now ain't that some shit?

I must have dozed off because I woke up hours later to find the lights dimmed and my mother asleep on the couch in the room. I turned to my side and groaned the second I felt those stitches down low.

Mama stretched, then opened her eyes. “You're finally up, sleepyhead?”

I smiled. I remembered she used to call me that when I was a little girl. It's funny that for the first time I actually remembered the bedtime stories and the few and far between moments we had shared together when she wasn't chasing after the next high.