Conflicted (Secrets and Lies) (32 page)

Ethan stepped away looking guilty. "I already took care of your car. It's at your house."

"What!"

I hopped to the floor and went to the other side of the island. Ethan carefully watched me.

"I had your keys so I had a couple of the guys at the club take care of it last night. You don't need to worry about anything being vandalized," he pointed out.

"I'm not worried about it being damaged," I snapped.

"Why are you so angry about it?"

Ethan ran his hands through his messy hair as he stared at me.

"I'm angry because this isn't the first time you've pulled this shit with me. I get that you like to dictate most situations but when you use it against me, it really pisses me off," I shot back.

He took several deep breaths. Either I'd confused him or he was about to get pissed with me too. It was hard to tell with him.

"What do you mean that I use it against you?"

"You make decisions without looping me in. It's fine when it comes to your company but not outside of it. It's my car so you shouldn't have done what you did without telling me."

Ethan grasped his neck and I knew that move. He was working hard to keep his patience with me. I maintained my frustration with the situation.

"I didn't take care of it to start a fight with you."

"Why did you move it without telling me?"

His face fell and sadness crept into every pore of him. It chilled my ire with him.

"I moved it because I want to be the one to take you home. I have a bad feeling that once I drop you off that you'll act like this weekend never happened," he admitted.

I felt like I'd been slapped in the face and kicked in the gut all in one shot. My unpredictable actions scared him and rightfully so since I didn't know what was going to happen between us. As the grief continued to grow throughout him, I realized that I didn't want to hurt him anymore than I already had with my carelessness. I wanted to throw up. The idea of losing him terrified me. It made every breath difficult. I never wanted to be the cause for that look upon his face. I had to give up what Harrison offered me. My arms clutched around me to shove everything away so I didn't fall apart.

"Are you okay?" Ethan asked as he watched me with worry.

"Yes," I choked out. My voice was having trouble working with the amount of fear running rampant within me.

No, I'm not fricken okay. I'm a horrible human being that deserves every ounce of heartache that is more than likely to come down around me. I'm such a fucking idiot.

"Are you still mad at me?"

"No," I whispered, holding myself tighter.

Ethan made his way over to me. "Are you able to answer with more than one word?"

"Yes," I rasped.

"That's still one word," he pointed out.

He took my hands from around my sides and placed them on his hips. My body calmed with his touch as my heart rate picked up. I squeezed my arms around him. I was desperate for his touch if only to ease my aching soul. He settled his hands upon my cheekbones.

"I'm fine. I'm sorry I overreacted."

"It's okay. You had somewhat of a point."

Ethan leaned forward sweeping his mouth along my lips. He kept the kiss tender so it was no surprise to me when he moaned loudly after I turned it into a much deeper kiss. I threw every ounce of myself into it. The pain and guilt disappeared with my body fixating on wanting to show him that he was at the precipice of getting every part of me. My insides sprang to life wanting to express how much I needed him. Ethan started moving us but our lips never parted. He set me on the island and I tangled my legs around his waist. His mouth broke from mine to go down my neck to my earlobe where he placed a soft kiss. Our breathing was heading towards an all too familiar place. I pulled his lips to mine for a kiss that left us breathless.

"Wow," I whispered.

"What?" Ethan panted.

"I can go from one extreme emotion to the next in a matter of seconds around you."

"What are you feeling right now?"

"You know exactly what I'm feeling," I husked, running my nails down his back.

"Yes, I do," he groaned, laying me on the island as he got rid of our clothes.

~

We were lounging in his living room and I was lying on his lap. The TV was on but I hadn't been paying any attention to it. My fingers were outlining his tattoos. I was more alive since meeting Ethan than I had been throughout my entire life. Even lying here doing nothing my entire body hummed on a current that made every touch and sound that much more noticeable as I absorbed them. He brought out the best and the worst in me but I was more at peace with him than anyone. My fingers lowered to his hand and I brought it to my lips for a light peck.

Ethan beamed. "What was that for?"

"No reason. Just couldn't help myself," I confessed.

"What are you thinking about?"

"I'm thinking about how much you consume me. We were supposed to try to get out today but we couldn't go without getting hot and sweaty long enough to make a decision."

"That's not my fault. You started an argument with me that I tried to end nobly. You're the one that took that kiss to a different level. You can't push my buttons like that and expect that I'm not going to take you."

"Here I was thinking that you were trying to see how many places you could have me," I teased.

Ethan had a wicked grin upon his face as moved his hands with dexterity across my body. My insides started to melt with his touch. I paused his fingers to keep him from traveling any further south of my stomach. He settled them along my thighs with a gleam in his eye. "Do you still want to go out today? I'm sure we could add a few more places to that list."

"No, I think I'd rather stay right here with you. The real world will be there in a few hours."

He tensed. "Are you saying what is happening here isn't real?"

Here we go. I can feel the fight coming on already.

I shuffled out of his lap and over to the side of him. "No. Why do you assume the worst?"

"I can never tell with you Mia. It's how you word things," he shot back.

"Ethan, this is real. It's going to be complicated but it's definitely real," I reassured.

My stomach knotted at his doubt and the rigid look in his eyes did nothing to ease it.

"Why do you keep referring to everything outside of my apartment as the real world?"

"What do you want me to say? You don't want to talk about work or tomorrow but that's part of the real world," I defended.

He gave a flippant wave of the hand. "Tomorrow will be fine. You seem more hung up on what is going to happen than me."

His nostrils flared and his fists curled as he worked to keep his breaths even. My own temper was on the rise as everything within me constricted with my high level of irritation.

"Bullshit. You believe I'm going to wake up tomorrow pretending like this weekend didn't happen. What do you want me to do to prove that I'm not going to act like that again?"

"I don't know."

His eyes darted away from but I caught a mixture of emotions behind them. His anger was present but there something else that I couldn't place. It made my frustration with him grow even more because he was holding something back.

"Tell me this. How do you want me to act tomorrow? Because I have no clue," I snapped.

"Act like you normally do around me," he said without concern.

"Seriously! Have you thought about how you've been with me all weekend?"

"Yes, of course. It's some of the best moments I've ever had with a woman," he said seductively, trying to steer me in a different direction.

I scowled. "Stop it. Think about what you did on Friday."

"Are you saying that you don't think that you'll be able keep your hands off me?"

He leaned closer and I pulled away. He was teasing me and I found no humor in it.

"I'll be working alone with you for eight hours. It's been a challenge to go a few hours over the weekend. You know what you do to me and that is why you pulled that stunt. I was beyond furious with you. Can't you find someone else now that you have me?"

I didn't want to fight with him but his strange attitude towards working together was pissing me off. He glared at me with harshness behind his eyes that stilled my anger for a second.

"No."

"You admitted that you did it to get me. News flash - you got me. Game over!"

"I said no," Ethan shot back even more harshly.

I tossed my hands in the air as my blood boiled over with fury. "Why?"

His hands slammed against the side of the couch. "I'm not reversing the decision."

"But," I argued.

"No. End of discussion Mia!" Ethan shouted.

His face was bright red with how furious he had become with me. His fists were curled so tight that his knuckles were white. Ethan rose from the couch and left the room in a huff. I sunk further into the couch. I laid on the armrest of the couch and turned over to see what he had on TV. It was some romantic comedy making me a little envious. Life was never as simple as what you read in a book or saw on TV. If my life were a movie, the end credits should've rolled with the happily ever after the second that Ethan and I got together. Deciding to be with him just made my life more complicated. I closed my eyes not wanting to think about it any longer.

~

I rolled over to find myself back in Ethan's bed. He was lying on his side with his head propped up by his arm with his eyes on me. My hands rubbed my tired eyes awake.

"Hey," I murmured.

Ethan ran his hands through my hair in delicate strokes. It made my heart skip a beat when he was this tender with me. He paused to place his hand on my cheek with tiny grin on his face. "I'm sorry about earlier. I walked away because I was losing my temper. When I came back, you'd fallen asleep. Since you don't do that a lot, I didn't want to wake you."

I sighed. "I was so mad at you."

"I know. Our emotions have the potential of becoming cataclysmic. I realized that when I pinned you against the shelves in the conference room. I was so angry with you. At the same time, I wanted you so much so that I was having a hard time from not turning you around and taking you right there. Hearing you react to me the way you did only amplified all those urges. I don't always think rationally when I'm around you," Ethan revealed.

"I knew I wasn't going to be able to deny you any longer in that moment," I admitted.

I rested my head into the crook of his shoulder. His fingers fiddled with them of my shirt.

"You did?" Ethan asked in wonderment.

"Yes. I was so angry with you but it didn't stop me from wanting you. It was an overwhelming feeling," I confessed.

Ethan exhaled heavily. "I don't like arguing with you."

His hands started to wander underneath my shirt. It wreaked havoc on my focus with him.

"I'm not fond of fighting with you either but it's bound to happen with us," I admitted as my heart began to flutter.

"Do you really think so?"

He removed my shirt and ran his hands along my sides. With every inch he passed upon me, my skin and everything deeper within me ignited with a heavy burn for him. My insides jumped to life insisting for more.

"Yes, I do. We have so much to learn about each other that we're going to have arguments. The important thing is that we try to talk through them," I said, attempting to even my breathing.

"I do like this part of each other that we share. At least when I hold you this close, I can feel your need for me and that eases my mind," he admitted, tugging my boxers down half way.

"I like that too," I breathed, gliding my hands up to his neck and shoulders.

"Will you give that to me now?" Ethan asked huskily as his hands found my hot spot.

His fingers and thumbs worked their magic as he rolled me onto my back.

"Yes," I moaned, yanking off his boxers as he slowly lowered over me.

Ethan brought his hand up above my eye letting his fingers trace down my cheek before gently placing his hand behind my neck. He brought me closer to him resting our lips next to each other. Everything was moving at a very deliberate pace including his hands. I either needed him to pick up that pace down there or replace his fingers all together.

"Oh God..." I groaned.

I pushed my tongue past his lips eagerly wanting him to match the frantic beats of my heart with his mouth but he remained at his measured pace.

"I want this time to be different Mia," Ethan breathed.

He paused at my lips to bring his teeth along the bottom one gently grazing back and forth.

"Ah...you are going to make me come if keep doing that," I moaned loudly.

His lips left mine heading south to my breasts where he began licking and suckling. His mouth focused on one while his fingers did the same to the other. Both nipples were at full attention in a matter of seconds and I was burning everywhere. He successfully sensationalized every single part of me.

"I want to leave you with a lasting impression of me," he whispered, nibbling under my ear.

Ethan ran his tongue up my throat to my mouth and pushed inside as if he was on a mission. My hands found their way down to him where I began stroking at a much different pace than his. His breathing picked up but he made no move to go faster. Ethan restrained my hand from any further action. He kissed the top of it before placing it above my head. His lips went down my neck making a trail through the center of my breasts to my belly button until they settled between my legs. I didn't care what he did to me as long as he was going to get me to a release soon. His tongue slipped up and down in such an erotic rhythm that I couldn't stop the scream that built up in my chest.

"Oh. My. God. Don't. You. Dare. Stop."

He continued running his tongue along in a precise pattern while his hands did the same on my hip and breast. My head arched off the mattress as my hands clutched around the sheets. I was so very close with toxic sensations in so many places. He brought me to the precipice of my climax before changing to an entirely different tempo.