Confessions of a Serial Alibi (20 page)

Let’s get one thing straight. I don’t know if Adnan is guilty, but what I do know is that Jay is guilty of helping to dispose of someone’s body. An innocent girl who was a friend to some of my very best friends. Hae was a sweet person with enormous promise. When she went missing, everyone knew about it and everyone said a prayer. She deserved so much better. I do think that Jay knows a lot more than he is willing to tell. Whether it involves more culpability on his part or perhaps other assailants is something only Jay can tell us. Since he isn’t willing or able to tell us anything more, I guess we will never know. So for Jay’s known part in Hae’s tragedy, it’s safe to say that my classmates and I will forever consider Jay a scumbag.

Adnan

Adnan is the hardest for me to talk about. With him I often find myself at a loss for words. What do you say about the guy that you may be helping out of prison after over a decade? About the guy who may or may not be a cold-blooded murderer? I know Hae’s and Jay’s role in all of this, however I am still quite clueless about Adnan’s. Every time I find myself going down one path of emotions, I’m reminded of the alternative path. Having spent over a decade wondering about his innocence, I have visited both sides of popular opinions. I have bounced from #FreeAdnan to #JusticeforHae many, many times and in the end I’m left exhausted. All I can really say is that whatever the case may be, I hope he has found peace with God. Whichever way this whole thing goes, he’s going to need it.

CHAPTER TEN

THE END?

I know that there will be those who will criticize me for writing this book. Those who will say I did all of this for money. To those people, I would like to say this: you’re entitled to your opinion but you are wrong. Until you have walked a mile in my shoes, you can’t comprehend how strenuous and, at times, heart-wrenching this situation has been for me. You have no idea how it feels to be tied to this awful tragedy by nothing more than your own conscience and admission.

Writing this book is one of the most emotionally draining tasks that I have ever embarked on. There were times when I wanted to quit and many times when I temporarily abandoned this project all together. If it had not been for the love and support of family members and close friends, I would have never had the courage to finish it. Publishing this book is not something that I have taken lightly and it has required a tremendous amount of thought and effort for me to complete. With all the speculation and misinformation out there, I just felt compelled to set the record straight concerning my involvement. I know there will be a lot of people who will judge this book before even reading it. There are a lot of those who will worry about this book damaging my credibility as a witness. I want you all know that the last thing I would want to do is muddy the waters of justice. This book consists of my story and I think that I should have a say in how it is told. This journey has been one of many dips and curves and the outcome to this day is not clear. I hope you have enjoyed getting a peek behind the curtain. A chance to get more back-story. There’s a lot that went on in between news cycles, as I am sure there is more to come.

Judge Welch is a gentleman. He is both kind and generous. I find it hard to believe that a man who would lend his coat to a freezing stranger would not be passionate about seeking the truth. Hopefully my part in all of this is done. The likelihood of the prosecution or the defense asking me to reappear in court is very low. The defense has already established me as an alibi witness for a particular time period on January 13th, 1999. The prosecution now needs to make their case without the 2:36 “come get me call” that Jay previously testified to. I guess the real questions are now whether they can and whether they even want to try.

As I think back to the very beginning of all this, I can’t help but wonder what impact my testimony would have made at Adnan’s original trial. Would he have spent over sixteen years in prison? Would there have even been a trial? If not, how would that have impacted Hae’s murder investigation? What impact would that have on Jay Wilds’s confession and plea deal? I guess it’s all kind of spilled milk at this point. How ill-fated it is that we will never know those answers. I suppose in a sad way, we should all be grateful for the popularization of such travesties. SERIAL and its contenders seem to be shining an awful amount of light on many of the great injustices of our time. In our country there is supposed to be equal justice for all under the Constitution. Unfortunately, the system is so broken that many prosecutors only care about winning and not whether a defendant is truly guilty or innocent. Ultimately, the question still remains. Did SERIAL give Adnan a do-over? So far, I’d definitely have to say yes, but to what extent? I guess we will just have to wait and see.

Since episode one of SERIAL, the infamy of this trial has grown beyond belief. It was only a matter of time before my face was plastered across the Baltimore six o’clock news. Now to some that might seem like a thrilling occurrence, but to me it has become a chore to tolerate. I might like to dress nice and talk/post about things other people might deem “domestic” or trivial, but at the end of the day I’m no “fame junkie.” I am a stay-at-home mom and I enjoy my simple life—it isn’t an episode of
Real Housewives
and it’s certainly not reality TV-worthy in any sense (so don’t hate). In the past, I didn’t really anticipate that SERIAL would become so popular. I know for a fact that Sarah Koenig didn’t either (no one did). I never anticipated that people would take such great interest in me, or that such great debates would be sparked as a result of my words and actions. I can’t say that I’m flattered, because the spotlight is often quite blinding. These debates concern me more because they only highlight people’s disconnection to other human beings. The nature of Internet’s autonomy and the curiosity within human nature allows assholes to flourish. People are so quick to fully express themselves online these days, often with little or total disregard for those that they may be harming in the process. In my opinion, there is a certain level of freedom that our Internet community must begin to use more responsibly.

In closing, there is one major aspect of this whole circumstance that I have been struggling to wrap my head around. Like many of you, the unforeseeable end to all of these court proceedings appears very grim. Many of my classmates and I agree: every time it appears that things are headed towards the finale, there seems to be some sort of new development. With every progression comes something that ultimately is left to the mercy of a judge or jury. As a result, the whole process seems never-ending. I can only imagine what the Lee and Syed families must be feeling. Month after month, year after year passing not knowing what the future holds for Adnan. My classmates and I agree. No matter how long or hard this process is to get through, it is worth it if we can all someday find peace. Every step in this process, no matter how arduous, is important. Every step brings us closer to closure, no matter the end. As for myself, I take pride in the lessons I have learned throughout this process. I am solid in my belief that I have done the right thing and that my motivations have always been of the best intentions. I look forward to the day when we all can say that this situation is settled. Until then, all any of us can do is pray for the best and live life one day at a time. God Bless.

THE DOCUMENTS

LETTER #1

LETTER #1 Continued

LETTER #2

LETTER #2 Continued

LETTER #2 Continued

2000 AFFIDAVIT

2000 AFFIDAVIT Continued