Confessions of a Serial Alibi (7 page)

As more time went on I assured myself that he was probably focused on more important people and things. I also figured there must have been a reason for the lack of contact. I began to assume that perhaps my time with him on January 13th was not important. It’s even possible that I assumed that perhaps I had mailed the letters to the wrong address. Then I began to assume that Adnan
was
Hae’s killer and that perhaps the murder took place later on January 13th or a different day all together. Considering that I didn’t follow the case and it wasn’t something that my friends and I discussed, my assumptions became my truth.

Ever since my letters and affidavits have been made available on the Internet, many people have had their own speculations and questions about my wording choices. My 2000 handwritten affidavit is no exception. Why is the handwriting so different? Why was one document handwritten, while another was typed and so on? All I can say is that they are what they are. I will attempt to explain as best as I can but ultimately it’s all just a fascinating coincidence. As with many people my handwriting changes depending on my writing circumstances. What I’m writing, where I’m writing and with what sort of writing instrument I am using plays a major part in how my handwriting looks. I myself have four different signatures that I use depending on the magnitude of my laziness in any particular moment. As many moms can relate, you put me in a retail store with my two toddlers and you’re lucky if you can get my initials legibly.

In terms of my original affidavit the majority of the negative speculation surrounds the sentence “We [Adnan and I] talked about his girlfriend [Hae] and he seemed very calm and caring.” To many folks it seems rather suspicious that I would include such a sentimental description of my conversation with Adnan. To many it may seems like this wording may have been orchestrated (by Rabia) to make Adnan sound more docile or innocent. To some degree I would have to agree with you; however, Rabia had nothing to do with it. When I wrote that description, I intended to describe Adnan as simply what I did, calm and caring. Its original intention was to convey a greater sense of acceptance of Adnan’s demeanor in reference to the breakup. It also happens to be true that, to me, Adnan seemed very unfazed and compassionate about Hae’s love life choices. Rabia didn’t need to coach that sentiment out of me. It was already a sentiment that I had taken from my actual conversation with Adnan on January 13th.

During the post-conviction hearing in 2016, prosecutor Thiru Vignarajah stated that Rabia testified that she called me after Syed’s conviction in early 2000. He also claimed that the purpose of her call was to schedule a time to ask me questions about January 13th, 1999. As I sat in court that day in 2016, I could not remember that phone conversation ever taking place. I did testify to the feeling of surprise when Rabia arrived at my door. I don’t know if perhaps there was another reason for remembering a sense of surprise by her visit. Who knows, this was me in the midst of testifying, attempting to recall a memory from seventeen years prior. Perhaps she was different than I expected. Perhaps she was shorter or prettier than I anticipated. Perhaps she arrived late or early. Perhaps it was because she may not have been alone when she arrived. I can’t tell you. What I can say is that in the days after testifying I began to remember glimmers of speaking to Rabia on the phone. It began to feel like a small crack had opened up in the memory vault in my mind. I started to have the feeling that a phone conversation did take place with Rabia and that maybe I was in the kitchen making food when she had called. I’m not sure. The feeling was and still is very eerie to me, because I’m not certain about it and I’ve never been able to recall anything concrete.

I have racked my brain over and over trying to remember something definitive, however nothing comes to mind. I can only assume that I didn’t hold on to that memory because to me the conversation wasn’t important. The point of the conversation was for her to schedule a visit and the actual visit is what was important to me and what I remember. It is also being thrown around that Rabia testified at the first post-conviction hearing that she, Saad and I also visited the Woodlawn Public Library in addition to going to see the notary. This could be true; I don’t remember. I can only remember going to the notary and I don’t remember anyone else being in the car. Again, this is after asking me how many years later?

It was a beautiful, warm spring day when Rabia parked her car outside my grandparents’ house. I remember thinking that it was a dirty, unappealing little car, maybe blue (I’m not sure and I can’t exactly ask). The outside was dirty and I remember that she had a lot of papers inside of it. Either way I recall not liking her car and feeling kind of suspicious about her legitimacy as an attorney because of it. I also remember talking to her outside on the porch. She was a stranger and I was not about to invite a stranger into my home while alone. Female or not. I had been a “latch and key kid” from a very early age, and “no strangers in the house” was a cardinal rule that I never broke. I remember feeling confused about the purpose of Rabia’s visit because I did not follow the Syed trial and my knowledge of all the evidence heard by the jury was non-existent. As such I remember initially feeling quite guarded when Rabia showed up. I do remember that she was very polite and that I was the one who was somewhat a little rude and impatient. I had made plans to go somewhere that day and she was holding me up. I remember contemplating whether or not I should write the affidavit because I wasn’t sure to what degree I was volunteering to re-involve myself with the case. At some point I recall essentially saying to myself, “Screw it. What’s the worst thing that could happen? He’s already in prison.” I knew it was the right thing to do, so I went with my gut and agreed to write the affidavit anyway. Rabia grabbed a sheet of paper and wrote the word “Affidavit” at the top. She then handed me that same sheet of paper along with a pen. As I grabbed them from her I said, “Okay, now what?” and she responded by telling me to just repeat what I had just told her verbally in the affidavit. It was at this point I reminded Rabia that I had never written an affidavit before and that I didn’t know how to start it. She suggested that I start by stating my name, that I was of sound mind, my age and where I was previously and currently attending school. It made sense to me to do so, for identification and legitimacy purposes, so I obliged.

Many people have speculated that Rabia spoon-fed me important times to relay in my first affidavit but this is simply not true. I don’t even recall Rabia telling me when the state had theorized that Adnan had killed Hae. Perhaps that she thought I was already aware. Perhaps she thought I understood the importance of the affidavit that I was writing, (call me naïve or stupid) but at the time I did not. In the affidavit I repeated the story of my chance encounter with Adnan Syed. While writing, I recalled that Woodlawn had already let out for the day at 2:15 PM. I also recalled that all the school buses were about to take the majority of students off the school property, thus why I wrote 2:20 PM in parentheses in the affidavit. I stated the amount of time that Adnan and I spent together and our location, along with a brief description of Adnan’s demeanor. Towards the end of writing the affidavit Rabia once again asked if I was sure that no one from Syed’s legal team had ever contacted me, to which I replied “yes.” This seemed to be of great importance to her (because she had asked me multiple times throughout our conversation) so I made sure to include a statement referring to that fact at the end of my affidavit.

When it came to signing the affidavit, I remember that I did have the fleeting thought of waiting until an adult came home before signing it. I wasn’t quite sure when that would be, so instead of waiting (because I had other plans) I made the decision to go ahead and sign the affidavit without waiting. This is when Rabia especially annoyed me. I was ready to end the conversation thinking that my duty was almost complete. Rabia then informed me that my signature needed to be witnessed and signed by a notary. Again, this highly annoyed me because I had somewhere else to be and considered it a huge inconvenience of my time to have to leave with Rabia to get the notarization done. I don’t remember exactly where the notary was located; I believe at a check-cashing place at a local shopping center. I have read online that the notary location had been criticized. Why didn’t Rabia take me somewhere more official like a bank? Best answer I can give you is that A) the banks were closed and B) she was trying to get me somewhere close and quick because she could tell that my patience was running low.

So into her little car we went. The fact that I was getting into the car of a stranger did cross my mind, however it was another fleeting thought that I eventually shook off. As I got into her car I remember thinking that I could “hold my own” if she began to drive me anywhere other than where we’d discussed. Funny thing is after she began to drive, I remember checking to see if my passenger door was unlocked (and it was), in the event that I needed to jump out of her moving car. Yeah, I thought I was pretty badass back then. The thought of road rash was something I was willing to take over being kidnapped and possibly murdered any day. Luckily Rabia was cool and we didn’t have any issues that required me to activate my “badassdom.” You’d think I’d remember more about the notary experience itself but I do not. Probably because I was in a rush to get it over with. It was my first time ever having a document notarized but I don’t remember the exact location or the person who notarized it. I do remember that it wasn’t too long of a drive from my house and that I was perplexed after Rabia accidentally drove past my house (by about two houses) when she attempted to drop me back off at home. I remember thinking, “Really? Weren’t you just here, lady?” and then she, embarrassed, apologized for her error.

The last thing that I recall about the whole situation was that it immediately felt like Rabia was going to hug and kiss me all over my face after the document was “official.” I remember her being very happy and thankful, kind of like the type of thankfulness you’d imagine getting when returning a lost child. In any case I remember that her reaction made me feel good inside. As I went to close the door, I stopped and said, “Oh, my boyfriend and his buddy Jerrod remember seeing Adnan that day too. They aren’t the type to want to get involved with cops and court stuff, so don’t involve them unless you have to. I know they remember because I asked them before I wrote those letters.” Rabia agreed and then she left. Looking back, I wish I had never told Rabia to hold off on contacting them. Perhaps she could have gotten them to sign affidavits. Then, them not remembering now would be a nonissue. In any case, it would be many many years before I would come to understand the true gravity of that affidavit, but for the time being I had done something that made her very happy and that made me feel good.

After The Affidavit

As much as I hate to admit it, Rabia’s visit was soon forgotten. In all honesty Adnan became the furthest person from my mind. Things between Derrick and I had become excessively strained due to his constant run-ins with the law. After being together for a couple of years, Derrick mysteriously disappeared one day for a few weeks. Like Jerrod and many of Derrick’s other friends I was concerned, more so downright distraught, at his sudden disappearance. Unfortunately for me in particular (being his girlfriend) Derrick’s mother wasn’t giving anybody any answers. Several weeks went by (over a month) only for me to find out that he was being held captive at his grandmother’s home on house arrest. I never figured out if it was an official or family-induced house arrest but either way he wasn’t allowed to leave her home. In any case, I wasn’t supposed to know where he was, therefore I definitely wasn’t allowed to visit him or speak to him on the phone.

In addition to this relationship drama, I was a new student at Catonsville Community College. Back then, I was completely unsure of what I wanted to do with my life. Like most young adults that age, I was very indecisive about all the educational and career paths that lay before me. All my friends (the magnet kids) were attending state colleges like UMBC and had their academic majors outlined and figured out. For the first time I felt completely and utterly alone, which only added to my hatred of my college experience. As a consequence, I had cultivated a handful of new friends, none of whom were really doing anything with their lives and I just felt as if I was going down a bad path. I worked part-time as a sales assistant at the Clinique Cosmetics counter at the Security Square Hecht’s Department Store. I was very unhappy with the way things were going. Community college was not a good place for me. I think like my magnet friends I needed the “full college experience” and the lack of that experience was causing me to rapidly lose interest in school all together. Community college felt like it was full of strangers, I felt alone and like I did not fit in anywhere. I can remember walking around campus with my earphones on, now equating that experience to that of Star-Lord, on an alien planet. For the first time I felt like a loner.

It wasn’t until December 1999 when one of my best friends, Stacie Allen, came home for her winter break. She was attending an out of state college that she loved but was having some issues with on-campus housing. As a result, she wanted to get an off-campus apartment. She didn’t have any volunteers for roommates and her father was not comfortable with the idea of her staying alone off-campus and out of state. Once I told her how things were going for me, she invited me to come live off-campus with her in an apartment. I thought about the offer and considering I could attend community college anywhere I decided to go out of state with her. The following spring break, I visited her, made some new friends and soon after we found an apartment. I began to make plans to relocate to my life the following summer. Just a few months before all of this I had signed the first affidavit. I soon forgot all about Adnan, Rabia and the affidavit, as I was dealing with all the challenges that come along with living on my own, out of state for the first time. Once I moved, nothing went according to plan and I experienced a lot of turmoil, personally and financially—issues that would consume my life and attention for the following six and a half years. I can admit now, much of my stress was self-inflicted, the result of my determination and stubbornness to remain independent of my family.