Compulsive (Liar #1) (16 page)

--------------------------

A jingling sound stirred me from sleep in the early morning hours. Sun
beamed in from the partially open slats of the French doors. Granger stood at
my feet and shook his head, sending his collar clanking again. Daniel moved,
making me aware of the weight of his arm still draped across me. I adjusted my
position, noting his and smiling at how uncomfortable he looked and must have
been for the hours we were asleep.

“I’m sorry I fell asleep,” I whispered.

“It’s fine, really.”

Something in his voice sounded so alert that I turned
to him. His phone rested on the arm of the couch with what looked like his
email on the screen. If he were on it, he’d have only had one hand to work with
since the other had been around me.

“Were you awake this whole time?”

“I rested my eyes a bit.”

“God, I feel terrible. How long was I out?”

He glanced back to his phone. “About four hours. It’s after
six.”

I collapsed back into the couch, running my fingers
through my demolished hair, feeling drained and embarrassed. “I don’t even know
what to say.” When he didn’t answer, I turned to find him staring at me,
smiling.

“You don’t have to say anything. You had a
breakthrough last night. It was a good thing. I’m glad I was here. I’m glad it
was me you chose to share that with.”

His expression was clear, but his words confused me.
Was he patting himself on the back, because as my therapist, this was a win? Or,
did he feel happy for me because he cared about me? I thought about bringing up
the sketches, or even what he hinted at last night. After what happened, that
seemed pathetic. It wasn’t the time to push. “I guess I do know what to say.” I
sat up and pushed to the edge of the seat, turning to face him. “Thank you,
Daniel.” Instinctively, I looked away when his eyes met mine. But, I owed it to
him to tell him face-to-face so I reconnected with his gaze. “For everything.
Coming to the club…bringing me here and letting me stay and talk…I know those
are not things you’d typically do for a patient.”

Seeing my questioning stare, he responded, “You’re
right, they’re not.” He sighed and picked up his phone. Then, he got up from
the couch and rubbed Granger under the chin. “Let’s get you out, boy.” Granger
trotted behind him to the back door. My eyes followed him. “We both know from
the beginning I haven’t treated you like any other patient.”

“I know…I’m sorry.” It came out almost as a question
since I wasn’t sure an apology fit the situation.

I followed him to the kitchen where he stood on the
other side of a dark granite island, busying himself with making space on the
counter. “You want some coffee?” He pulled two mugs from the cupboard, even
though I hadn’t answered.

His distant demeanor unnerved me after what I’d shared
last night, after what he’d said to me last night. “That’s it? That’s all you
have to say about it?”

“Look, it was a long night for both of us. I thought
coffee might help, and then I should get you back home.”

“You’re right.” I turned my back to the island and
folded my arms across my chest as I ambled back toward the couch. “I’ll pass on
the coffee, though. I’m ready to go when you are.” I’d never been needy or
insecure with men before, so I chalked up the lump in my throat to the emotional
overhaul of the previous night.

Before I realized it, Daniel arrived behind me, his hands
enclosing my arms from behind. “Gray, please, don’t read into this. It’s not
about anything other than the fact that complicating things between us now is
not a good idea.”

“I don’t know anything else but complicated.”

“You will…soon.” His arms slipped around me, enclosing
me into him. The solid feel of them made me delirious with expectation, yet denied
of dreams that seemed an impossible world away. “Coping will get easier. Life
will become clearer. Options more available. One step at a time, Gray.”

Why did he have to be so damn logical? “I’m not trying
to be ungrateful here. I appreciate what you’re doing for me. It’s just…”

His grip on me tightened. With him behind me, we were
safe, but his hold felt desperate. “I know. Believe me…I know.” His soft, husky
voice cut through me. I let my lids fall closed, imagining Daniel turning me in
his embrace so he could kiss me. One of my hands moved from my own arm to his
bicep, running the length of it. His breathing grew louder in my ear, and his
chest moved against my back. Heat pooled low in my belly as my own breathing
picked up. We lingered this way, me frozen with fear of making a wrong choice,
waiting for Daniel to take the lead. We both knew he was the main obstacle
holding us back. A moment later, my phone sounded from an unknown position and
Daniel’s arms loosened and fell. “You know what they say,” he said playfully.

“Saved by the bell,” I whispered listlessly. I
followed the sound of my phone to the couch and then rummaged around in the
cushions. The sound stopped before I found it. The screen showed a missed
called from Nathan and a text,
Call me
.

“He’s a good man,” Daniel said, watching me.

My brows rose before a grin pulled at my cheeks.

“Who else would be checking on you at this hour?”

“You’re right. He is a good man…and so are you.”

He shook his head and turned away. “There are times
when I’m not so sure about that.”

“How can you say that? Especially after all you’ve
done for me. After all you’ve had to put up with.”

“Helping people isn’t always easy, but you really
haven’t seen all that I am. You don’t know everything about me, Gray. I might
not be the man you think.”

I reacted before I had a chance to wonder how true
that was. “And I might know more than you think.”

His head snapped to me, eyes narrowed with something
that resembled suspicion or worry. I didn’t back down, determined to show him
that I wasn’t as clueless as he thought. He broke the connection first when
Granger scratched on the door. “Well…I’m glad you have Nathan in your corner.”
He opened the door, and Granger hopped inside. “I can see he really cares about
you.”

“He does. Although at times I’m amazed he’s still
around.”

Daniel’s smile told me he didn’t buy my denial.

“We’ve shared a lot. And I’ve been there for him
almost as much as he’s been there for me. We’re sort of stuck in this pattern
that goes nowhere, you know?”

“I get it. But being there for each other always
counts for something.”

A sting of sadness stabbed at my heart, remembering
our last confrontation and still Nathan came to the bar for me.

“What are you thinking?”

“Nathan and I got into it a few months back. He said
that he thought we were bad for each other. That we were enablers.”

“I’m sorry. You never told me that before.”

“I’m not sure why I’m telling you now. In fact, this
probably isn’t the time or place. All I seem to do is suck up your time.”

“You know that’s not true. In fact, most of the time
we spend together you’re paying me...” He shot me a toothy grin. “…in a way.” I
returned his look with my feigned insulted expression. He snatched his keys
from the counter. “I’d like to see you this week so we can talk more. For now,
why don’t we get you home?”

* * *

I texted Nathan from the car, telling him that I was okay and on my way
home, but he hadn’t replied before I arrived. When we pulled up to the bar so I
could get my car, I told Daniel I was fine, even though he offered to follow me
home. I’d thought about the time I’d gone to my car and spotted him in the
parking lot waiting for me. That caused my mind go to those sketches I’d found.
What about me inspired him to do it?

I’d had enough of awkward goodbyes, so when we pulled
into the lot, I simply thanked him. I thought about mentioning that had no one
come for me last night I’d have made the choice to back out on my own. Or that
I’d have taken a cab home and not driven. It seemed moot at this point. I
promised I’d be in his office for our regular session, and then I exited with a
bit of sadness, hoping for some last words of encouragement that never came.

When I got behind the wheel, something wouldn’t let me
drive home. The car wandered about the streets, and I watched the city wake,
examining the souls of strangers. I arrived at the cemetery without noticing
the path I took. And when I knelt down between my two most beloved, I let my
words be spoken out instead of in my head.

“I didn’t come here to make either of you any
promises. We all know I’m not good at keeping them. I just came to say I love
you. And thank you…for being the best part of my life. People say to appreciate
the ones you love while you have them. I did that. I know I did that. Some
things are fuzzy…some memories incomplete, but I know in my heart I was
thankful for both of you. I always understood how lucky I was. I just had no
idea then I would get so little time with you.” I licked salty wetness from my
lips, surprised I still had tears left. “So, you see, sometimes appreciating
someone you love is not enough. Sometimes we get screwed out of a good thing. I
know I sound bitter, but I miss you both so much. I miss what we never had the
chance to experience. I think this whole time I could never figure out who I was
because you were both gone. You were supposed to help me…to show me who I could
become.” I stood, still staring down at them. “I guess it’s up to me now.” I
placed a hand over my heart, raised two fingers to my lips, and then pointed
them to the sky.

* * *

Climbing the stairs to my apartment, the exhaustion set in fast. I
welcomed it like the rising sun signaling new beginnings. My thoughts focused
on one thing—falling into bed and sleeping until I had the energy to figure out
exactly how to create a new life for myself. The key in the door turned with
ease and without the usual sticky click. Then, voices and the television hit me
as I swung the door open. Alyssa and Nathan sat in the living room like a
little make-shift family, arguing about something that made my head hurt but
could potentially be a much needed diversion. Nathan held the remote with his
arm jutting away from Alyssa’s reach like some annoying big brother.

I drew in a breath of strength. “Hi, kids. Mommy’s
home.” My words laced with sarcasm came out at almost a yell. I banged the door
shut with more force than I meant.

They both froze for about two seconds before Alyssa
laid in. “Gray, your freaking boyfriend is making me watch this shitty cooking
show. I mean, what kind of tattooed, beer drinking, tough guy watches cooking
shows?”

“The kind that makes his living cooking. And what
about you, Courtney Love? You look like a bad girl rocker, and you’re begging
me to put on some goofy animal show?”

“Who’s Courtney Love?” she asked.

Nathan and I laughed, and I read forgiveness in his
eyes. Of course, he wouldn’t have held last night against me. Alyssa took
advantage of our squabble and grabbed for the remote, but she wasn’t fast
enough. Nathan mangled her hair with one hand and shoved the remote under his
ass with the other. “And if you’d learn how to cook, you could put something in
your mouth besides that guy’s tongue I saw you mauling when I walked up.”

Alyssa gaped at me, red-faced with her mouth open as
wide as mine was. A pillow smack a quick beat later across the face was
Nathan’s payback. “What are you, my dad?”

“Um…will one of you please tell me what’s going on
here? What’s with the family reunion?”

Alyssa folded her arms and gave me the death stare.
Nathan aimed a playful grin in my direction. “Be a good little woman and grab
me a beer first.”

After what I’d pulled last night, it wouldn’t kill me
to play along. “Whatever.” I dropped my purse onto the kitchen table on the way
to the fridge.

“You have beer?” Alyssa yelled from the couch. “Bring
me one, too.”

“Right,” I said, coming up behind the sofa. I handed
them each a soda and then went around to the front to sit.

“This place blows,” Alyssa said.

I jammed my body in the small space between them. “And
you’re not in school, why?”

“It’s a teacher prep day or some crap like that.”

The motherly head tilt I delivered came naturally.

“What? It really is. Who am I to question?”

“All right. So, who’s this guy?” My usual interest in
her life was boosted with an added hint of worry.

“Yeah, what’s the tongue-inator’s name?” Nathan said,
leaning over to eye Alyssa. “Looked a little too old for you, too.”

“He’s just a guy from school. Aiden. He’s a senior.”

“Should I be worried?” I said.

“Should I be worried you didn’t come home last night?”

“No.” I turned from her stare. “My aunt needed me, and
it got late. I crashed on her couch.” When I turned back to check Alyssa’s
reaction, the sheer look of disappointment twisted my gut to knots.

“Right.” Alyssa leaned over and set the soda unopened
onto the coffee table, then focused her attention on the television.

I put my hand on her arm. “No, it’s not right. I’m
sorry I lied to you. I went out last night, made a couple of bad decisions, and
then Nathan and Daniel had to come take care of me. I spent the night
talking
with Daniel.” I’d glanced over at Nathan when I said the part about
talking. His tight smile made reading his thoughts difficult.

Alyssa shifted her body on the couch and smiled. “See,
now was that so freaking hard?”

I laughed out loud at her immature way of being
mature. “Actually, no, it wasn’t. I want you to know that I’m trying to change.
I’m not doing a very good job of it, but I’m trying. I know I’m not a very good
role model for you, and that worries me.”

“Shit, don’t worry about that. I mean, my own mom has
been stellar up to this point, so I’ll let her take the credit for any bad
decisions I make.”