Complete Works of Jane Austen (327 page)

“Don’t you think it will be necessary to have all the Jewels new set?”

“Necessary for what?”

“For What! Why, for my appearance.”

“I beg your pardon, but I really do not understand you. What Jewels do you speak of, and where is your appearance to be made?”

“At the next Ball, to be sure, after I am married.”

You may imagine their Surprise. They were at first incredulous, but on our joining in the Story, they at last beleived it. “And who is it to?” was of course the first Question. Mary pretended Bashfulness, and answered in Confusion, her Eyes cast down, “to Mr. Watts”. This also required Confirmation from us, for that anyone who had the Beauty and fortune (tho’ small yet a provision) of Mary would willingly marry Mr. Watts, could by them scarcely be credited. The subject being now fairly introduced, and she found herself the object of every one’s attention in company, she lost all her confusion and became perfectly unreserved and communicative.

“I wonder you should never have heard of it before, for in general things of this Nature are very well known in the Neighbourhood.”

“I assure you”, said Jemima, “I never had the least suspicion of such an affair. Has it been in agitation long?”

“Oh! Yes, ever since Wednesday.”

They all smiled, particularly Mr. Brudenell.

“You must know Mr. Watts is very much in love with me, so that it is quite a match of affection on his side.”

“Not on his only, I suppose”, said Kitty.

“Oh! when there is so much Love on one side, there is no occasion for it on the other. However, I do not much dislike him, tho’ he is very plain to be sure.”

Mr. Brudenell stared, the Miss Duttons laughed and Sophy and I were heartily ashamed of our Sister. She went on.

“We are to have a new Postchaise, and very likely may set up our Phaeton.”

This we knew to be false, but the poor Girl was pleased at the idea of persuading the company that such a thing was to be, and I would not deprive her of so harmless an Enjoyment. She continued,

“Mr. Watts is to present me with the family Jewels, which I fancy are very considerable.” I could not help whispering Sophy “I fancy not”. “These Jewels are what I suppose must be new set before they can be worn. I shall not wear them till the first Ball I go to after my Marriage. If Mrs. Dutton should not go to it, I hope you will let me chaperone you; I shall certainly take Sophy and Georgiana.”

“You are very good (said Kitty) and since you are inclined to undertake the Care of young Ladies, I should advise you to prevail on Mrs. Edgecumbe to let you chaprone her six Daughters, which with your two Sisters and ourselves will make your Entrée very respectable.”

Kitty made us all smile except Mary, who did not understand her Meaning and coolly said that she should not like to chaperone so many. Sophy and I now endeavoured to change the conversation, but succeeded only for a few Minutes, for Mary took care to bring back their attention to her and her approaching Wedding. I was sorry for my Sister’s sake to see that Mr. Brudenell seemed to take pleasure in listening to her account of it, and even encouraged her by his Questions and Remarks, for it was evident that his only Aim was to laugh at her. I am afraid he found her very ridiculous. He kept his Countenance extremely well, yet it was easy to see that it was with difficulty he kept it. At length, however, he seemed fatigued and Disgusted with her ridiculous Conversation, as he turned from her to us, and spoke but little to her for about half an hour before we left Stoneham. As soon as we were out of the House, we all joined in praising the Person and Manners of Mr. Brudenell.

We found Mr. Watts at home.

“So, Miss Stanhope (said he) you see I am come a courting in a true Lover like Manner.”

“Well you need not have told me that. I knew why you came very well.”

Sophy and I then left the room, imagining of course that we must be in the way, if a Scene of Courtship were to begin. We were surprised at being followed almost immediately by Mary.

“And is your Courting so soon over?” said Sophy.

“Courting! (replied Mary) we have been quarrelling. Watts is such a Fool! I hope I shall never see him again.”

“I am afraid you will, (said I) as he dines here today. But what has been your dispute?”

“Why, only because I told him that I had seen a Man much handsomer than he was this Morning, he flew into a great Passion and called me a Vixen, so I only stayed to tell him I thought him a Blackguard and came away.”

“Short and sweet; (said Sophy) but pray, Mary, how will this be made up?”

“He ought to ask my pardon; but if he did, I would not forgive him.”

“His Submission, then, would not be very useful.”

When we were dressed we returned to the Parlour where Mama and Mr. Watts were in close Conversation. It seems that he had been complaining to her of her Daughter’s behaviour, and she had persuaded him to think no more of it. He therefore met Mary with all his accustomed Civility, and except one touch at the Phaeton and another at the Greenhouse, the Evening went off with great Harmony and Cordiality. Watts is going to Town to hasten the preparations for the Wedding.

I am your affectionate Freind, G.S.

THE MYSTERY: AN UNFINISHED COMEDY

DEDICATION

TO THE REVD GEORGE AUSTEN

Sir,

I humbly solicit your Patronage to the following Comedy, which tho’ an unfinished one, is I flatter myself as complete a Mystery as any of its kind.

I am Sir your most Humle

Servant

THE AUTHOR

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

Men

Women

Colonel Elliott

Sir Edward Spangle

Old Humbug

Young Humbug

and Corydon

Fanny Elliott

Mrs Humbug

and Daphne

ACT THE FIRST

SCENE THE 1ST

A Garden.

Enter Corydon.

Cory. But Hush! I am interrupted.

(Exit Corydon)

Enter Old Humbug and his Son, talking.

Old Hum. It is for that reason I wish you to follow my advice. Are you convinced of its propriety?

Young Hum. I am, Sir, and will certainly manner you have pointed out to me. Old Hum. Then let us return to the House.

(Exeunt)

SCENE THE 2ND

A Parlour in Humbug’s House.

Mrs Humbug and Fanny, discovered at work.

Mrs Hum. You understand me, my Love?

Fanny. Perfectly ma’m. Pray continue your narration.

Mrs Hum. Alas! it is nearly concluded, for I have nothing more to say on the Subject.

Fanny. Ah! here’s Daphne.

Enter Daphne.

Daphne. My dear Mrs Humbug, how d’ye do? Oh! Fanny, t’is all over.

Fanny. It is indeed!

Mrs Hum. I’m very sorry to hear it.

Fanny. Then t’was to no purpose that I ....

Daphne. None upon Earth.

Mrs Hum. And what is to become of? .....

Daphne. Oh! that’s all settled.

(whispers Mrs Humbug)

Fanny.And how is it determined?

Daphne.I’Il tell you.

(whispers Fanny)

Mrs Hum. And is he to? ...

Daphne. I’ll tell you all I know of the matter.

(whispers Mrs Humbug and Fanny)

Fanny. Well! now I know everything about it, I’ll go away.

Mrs Hum. and Daphne. And so will I.

(Exeunt)

SCENE THE 3RD

The Curtain rises and discovers Sir Edward Spangle reclined in an elegant Attitude on a Sofa, fast asleep.

Enter Colonel Elliott.

Colonel.My Daughter is not here I see ... there lies Sir Edward ... Shall I tell him the secret? ... No, he’ll certainly blab it. ... But he is asleep and won’t hear me.... So I’ll e’en venture.

(Goes up to Sir Edward, whispers him, and Exit)

END OF THE 1ST ACT.

Finis

A FRAGMENT

WRITTEN TO INCULCATE THE PRACTISE OF VIRTUE

We all know that many are unfortunate in their progress through the world, but we do not know all that are so. To seek them out to study their wants, & to leave them unsupplied is the duty, and ought to be the Business of Man. But few have time, fewer still have inclination, and no one has either the one or the other for such employments. Who amidst those that perspire away their Evenings in crowded assemblies can have leisure to bestow a thought on such as sweat under the fatigue of their daily Labour.

A beautiful description of the different effects of Sensibility on different Minds

I am but just returned from Melissa’s Bedside, and in my Life tho’ it has been a pretty long one, and I have during the course of it been at many Bedsides, I never saw so affecting an object as she exhibits. She lies wrapped in a book muslin bedgown, a chambray gauze shift, and a French net nightcap. Sir William is constantly at her bedside. The only repose he takes is on the Sopha in the Drawing room, where for five minutes every fortnight he remains in an imperfect Slumber, starting up every Moment and exclaiming ‘Oh! Melissa, Ah! Melissa,’ then sinking down again, raises his left arm and scratches his head. Poor Mrs Burnaby is beyond measure afflicted. She sighs every now and then, that is about once a week; while the melancholy Charles says every Moment ‘Melissa, how are you?’ The lovely Sisters are much to be pitied. Julia is ever lamenting the situation of her friend, while lying behind her pillow and supporting her head — Maria more mild in her grief talks of going to Town next week, and Anna is always recurring to the pleasures we once enjoyed when Melissa was well. — I am usually at the fire cooking some little delicacy for the unhappy invalid — Perhaps hashing up the remains of an old Duck, toasting some cheese or making a Curry which are the favourite Dishes of our poor friend. — In these situations we were this morning surprised by receiving a visit from Dr Dowkins ‘I am come to see Melissa,’ said he. ‘How is She?’ ‘Very weak indeed,’ said the fainting Melissa—’Very weak,’ replied the punning Doctor, ‘aye indeed it is more than a very week since you have taken to your bed — How is your appetite!’ ‘Bad, very bad,’ said Julia. That is very bad’ — replied he. ‘Are her spirits good, Madam!’ ‘So poorly, Sir, that we are obliged to strengthen her with cordials every Minute.’—’Well then she receives Spirits from your being with her. Does she sleep?’ ‘Scarcely ever.’—’And Ever Scarcely I suppose when she does. Poor thing! Does she think of dieing?’ ‘She has not strength to Think at all. ‘Nay then she cannot think to have Strength.’

THE GENEROUS CURATE

A MORAL TALE, SETTING FORTH THEADVANTAGES OF BEING GENEROUS AND A CURATE.

In a part little known of the County of Warwick, a very worthy Clergyman lately resided. The income of his living which amounted to about two hundred pound, and the interest of his Wife’s fortune which was nothing at all, was entirely sufficient for the Wants and Wishes of a Family who neither wanted or wished for anything beyond what their income afforded them. Mr Williams had been in possession of his living above twenty Years, when this history commences, and his Marriage which had taken place soon after his presentation to it, had made him the father of six very fine Children. The eldest had been placed at the Royal Academy for Seamen at Portsmouth when about thirteen years old, and from thence had been discharged on board of one of the Vessels of a small fleet destined for Newfoundland, where his promising and amiable disposition had procured him many friends among the Natives, and from whence he regularly sent home a large Newfoundland Dog every Month to his family. The second, who was also a Son, had been adopted by a neighbouring Clergyman with the intention of educating him at his own expence, which would have been a very desirable Circumstance had the Gentleman’s fortune been equal to his generosity, but as he had nothing to support himself and a very large family but a Curacy of fifty pound a year, Young Williams knew nothing more at the age of 18 than what a twopenny Dame’s School in the village could teach him. His Character however was perfectly amiable though his genius might be cramped, and he was addicted to no vice, or ever guilty of any fault beyond what his age and situation rendered perfectly excusable. He had indeed; sometimes been detected in flinging Stones at a Duck or putting brickbats into his Benefactor’s bed; but these innocent efforts of wit were considered by that good Man rather as the effects of a lively imagination, than of anything bad in his Nature, and if any punishment were decreed for the offence it was in general no greater than that the Culprit should pick up the Stones or take the brickbats away. —

FINIS

ODE TO PITY

To Miss Austen, the following
Ode to Pity
is dedicated, from a thorough knowledge of her pitiful Nature, by her obedt humle Servt

THE AUTHOR

ODE TO PITY

1.

Ever musing I delight to tread

The Paths of honour and the Myrtle Grove

Whilst the pale Moon her beams doth shed

On disappointed Love.

While Philomel on airy hawthorn Bush

Sings sweet and Melancholy, And the thrush

Converses with the Dove.

2.

Gently brawling down the turnpike road,

Sweetly noisy falls the Silent Stream —

The Moon emerges from behind a Cloud

And darts upon the Myrtle Grove her beam.

Ah! then what Lovely Scenes appear,

The hut, the Cot, the Grot, and Chapel queer,

And eke the Abbey too a mouldering heap,

Cnceal’d by aged pines her head doth rear

And quite invisible doth take a peep.

June 3d, 1793