Complete Plays, The (411 page)

Patience, I pray you; ’twas a fault unwilling.

Petruchio

A whoreson beetle-headed, flap-ear’d knave!
Come, Kate, sit down; I know you have a stomach.
Will you give thanks, sweet Kate; or else shall I?
What’s this? mutton?

First Servant

Ay.

Petruchio

Who brought it?

Peter

I.

Petruchio

’Tis burnt; and so is all the meat.
What dogs are these! Where is the rascal cook?
How durst you, villains, bring it from the dresser,
And serve it thus to me that love it not?
Theretake it to you, trenchers, cups, and all;

Throws the meat, & c. about the stage

You heedless joltheads and unmanner’d slaves!
What, do you grumble? I’ll be with you straight.

Katharina

I pray you, husband, be not so disquiet:
The meat was well, if you were so contented.

Petruchio

I tell thee, Kate, ’twas burnt and dried away;
And I expressly am forbid to touch it,
For it engenders choler, planteth anger;
And better ’twere that both of us did fast,
Since, of ourselves, ourselves are choleric,
Than feed it with such over-roasted flesh.
Be patient; to-morrow ’t shall be mended,
And, for this night, we’ll fast for company:
Come, I will bring thee to thy bridal chamber.

Exeunt

Re-enter Servants severally

Nathaniel

Peter, didst ever see the like?

Peter

He kills her in her own humour.

Re-enter Curtis

Grumio

Where is he?

Curtis

In her chamber, making a sermon of continency to her;
And rails, and swears, and rates, that she, poor soul,
Knows not which way to stand, to look, to speak,
And sits as one new-risen from a dream.
Away, away! for he is coming hither.

Exeunt

Re-enter Petruchio

Petruchio

Thus have I politicly begun my reign,
And ’tis my hope to end successfully.
My falcon now is sharp and passing empty;
And till she stoop she must not be full-gorged,
For then she never looks upon her lure.
Another way I have to man my haggard,
To make her come and know her keeper’s call,
That is, to watch her, as we watch these kites
That bate and beat and will not be obedient.
She eat no meat to-day, nor none shall eat;
Last night she slept not, nor to-night she shall not;
As with the meat, some undeserved fault
I’ll find about the making of the bed;
And here I’ll fling the pillow, there the bolster,
This way the coverlet, another way the sheets:
Ay, and amid this hurly I intend
That all is done in reverend care of her;
And in conclusion she shall watch all night:
And if she chance to nod I’ll rail and brawl
And with the clamour keep her still awake.
This is a way to kill a wife with kindness;
And thus I’ll curb her mad and headstrong humour.
He that knows better how to tame a shrew,
Now let him speak: ’tis charity to show.

Exit

S
CENE
II. P
ADUA
. B
EFORE
B
APTISTA
’
S
HOUSE
.

Enter Tranio and Hortensio

Tranio

Is’t possible, friend Licio, that Mistress Bianca
Doth fancy any other but Lucentio?
I tell you, sir, she bears me fair in hand.

Hortensio

Sir, to satisfy you in what I have said,
Stand by and mark the manner of his teaching.

Enter Bianca and Lucentio

Lucentio

Now, mistress, profit you in what you read?

Bianca

What, master, read you? first resolve me that.

Lucentio

I read that I profess, the Art to Love.

Bianca

And may you prove, sir, master of your art!

Lucentio

While you, sweet dear, prove mistress of my heart!

Hortensio

Quick proceeders, marry! Now, tell me, I pray,
You that durst swear at your mistress Bianca
Loved none in the world so well as Lucentio.

Tranio

O despiteful love! unconstant womankind!
I tell thee, Licio, this is wonderful.

Hortensio

Mistake no more: I am not Licio,
Nor a musician, as I seem to be;
But one that scorn to live in this disguise,
For such a one as leaves a gentleman,
And makes a god of such a cullion:
Know, sir, that I am call’d Hortensio.

Tranio

Signior Hortensio, I have often heard
Of your entire affection to Bianca;
And since mine eyes are witness of her lightness,
I will with you, if you be so contented,
Forswear Bianca and her love for ever.

Hortensio

See, how they kiss and court! Signior Lucentio,
Here is my hand, and here I firmly vow
Never to woo her no more, but do forswear her,
As one unworthy all the former favours
That I have fondly flatter’d her withal.

Tranio

And here I take the unfeigned oath,
Never to marry with her though she would entreat:
Fie on her! see, how beastly she doth court him!

Hortensio

Would all the world but he had quite forsworn!
For me, that I may surely keep mine oath,
I will be married to a wealthy widow,
Ere three days pass, which hath as long loved me
As I have loved this proud disdainful haggard.
And so farewell, Signior Lucentio.
Kindness in women, not their beauteous looks,
Shall win my love: and so I take my leave,
In resolution as I swore before.

Exit

Tranio

Mistress Bianca, bless you with such grace
As ’longeth to a lover’s blessed case!
Nay, I have ta’en you napping, gentle love,
And have forsworn you with Hortensio.

Bianca

Tranio, you jest: but have you both forsworn me?

Tranio

Mistress, we have.

Lucentio

 
Then we are rid of Licio.

Tranio

I’ faith, he’ll have a lusty widow now,
That shall be wood and wedded in a day.

Bianca

God give him joy!

Tranio

Ay, and he’ll tame her.

Bianca

He says so, Tranio.

Tranio

Faith, he is gone unto the taming-school.

Bianca

The taming-school! what, is there such a place?

Tranio

Ay, mistress, and Petruchio is the master;
That teacheth tricks eleven and twenty long,
To tame a shrew and charm her chattering tongue.

Enter Biondello

Biondello

O master, master, I have watch’d so long
That I am dog-weary: but at last I spied
An ancient angel coming down the hill,
Will serve the turn.

Tranio

What is he, Biondello?

Biondello

Master, a mercatante, or a pedant,
I know not what; but format in apparel,
In gait and countenance surely like a father.

Lucentio

And what of him, Tranio?

Tranio

If he be credulous and trust my tale,
I’ll make him glad to seem Vincentio,
And give assurance to Baptista Minola,
As if he were the right Vincentio
Take in your love, and then let me alone.

Exeunt Lucentio and Bianca

Enter a Pedant

Pedant

God save you, sir!

Tranio

 
And you, sir! you are welcome.
Travel you far on, or are you at the farthest?

Pedant

Sir, at the farthest for a week or two:
But then up farther, and as for as Rome;
And so to Tripoli, if God lend me life.

Tranio

What countryman, I pray?

Pedant

Of Mantua.

Tranio

Of Mantua, sir? marry, God forbid!
And come to Padua, careless of your life?

Pedant

My life, sir! how, I pray? for that goes hard.

Tranio

’Tis death for any one in Mantua
To come to Padua. Know you not the cause?
Your ships are stay’d at Venice, and the duke,
For private quarrel ’twixt your duke and him,
Hath publish’d and proclaim’d it openly:
’Tis, marvel, but that you are but newly come,
You might have heard it else proclaim’d about.

Pedant

Alas! sir, it is worse for me than so;
For I have bills for money by exchange
From Florence and must here deliver them.

Tranio

Well, sir, to do you courtesy,
This will I do, and this I will advise you:
First, tell me, have you ever been at Pisa?

Pedant

Ay, sir, in Pisa have I often been,
Pisa renowned for grave citizens.

Tranio

Among them know you one Vincentio?

Pedant

I know him not, but I have heard of him;
A merchant of incomparable wealth.

Tranio

He is my father, sir; and, sooth to say,
In countenance somewhat doth resemble you.

Biondello

[Aside]
 
As much as an apple doth an oyster, and all one.

Tranio

To save your life in this extremity,
This favour will I do you for his sake;
And think it not the worst of an your fortunes
That you are like to Sir Vincentio.
His name and credit shall you undertake,
And in my house you shall be friendly lodged:
Look that you take upon you as you should;
You understand me, sir: so shall you stay
Till you have done your business in the city:
If this be courtesy, sir, accept of it.

Pedant

O sir, I do; and will repute you ever
The patron of my life and liberty.

Tranio

Then go with me to make the matter good.
This, by the way, I let you understand;
My father is here look’d for every day,
To pass assurance of a dower in marriage
’Twixt me and one Baptista’s daughter here:
In all these circumstances I’ll instruct you:
Go with me to clothe you as becomes you.

Exeunt

S
CENE
III. A
ROOM
IN
P
ETRUCHIO
’
S
HOUSE
.

Enter Katharina and Grumio

Grumio

No, no, forsooth; I dare not for my life.

Katharina

The more my wrong, the more his spite appears:
What, did he marry me to famish me?
Beggars, that come unto my father’s door,
Upon entreaty have a present aims;
If not, elsewhere they meet with charity:
But I, who never knew how to entreat,
Nor never needed that I should entreat,
Am starved for meat, giddy for lack of sleep,
With oath kept waking and with brawling fed:
And that which spites me more than all these wants,
He does it under name of perfect love;
As who should say, if I should sleep or eat,
’Twere deadly sickness or else present death.
I prithee go and get me some repast;
I care not what, so it be wholesome food.

Grumio

What say you to a neat’s foot?

Katharina

’Tis passing good: I prithee let me have it.

Grumio

I fear it is too choleric a meat.
How say you to a fat tripe finely broil’d?

Katharina

I like it well: good Grumio, fetch it me.

Grumio

I cannot tell; I fear ’tis choleric.
What say you to a piece of beef and mustard?

Katharina

A dish that I do love to feed upon.

Grumio

Ay, but the mustard is too hot a little.

Katharina

Why then, the beef, and let the mustard rest.

Grumio

Nay then, I will not: you shall have the mustard,
Or else you get no beef of Grumio.

Katharina

Then both, or one, or any thing thou wilt.

Grumio

Why then, the mustard without the beef.

Katharina

Go, get thee gone, thou false deluding slave,

Beats him

That feed’st me with the very name of meat:
Sorrow on thee and all the pack of you,
That triumph thus upon my misery!
Go, get thee gone, I say.

Enter Petruchio and Hortensio with meat

Petruchio

How fares my Kate? What, sweeting, all amort?

Hortensio

Mistress, what cheer?

Katharina

Faith, as cold as can be.

Petruchio

Pluck up thy spirits; look cheerfully upon me.
Here love; thou see’st how diligent I am
To dress thy meat myself and bring it thee:
I am sure, sweet Kate, this kindness merits thanks.
What, not a word? Nay, then thou lovest it not;
And all my pains is sorted to no proof.
Here, take away this dish.

Katharina

I pray you, let it stand.

Petruchio

The poorest service is repaid with thanks;
And so shall mine, before you touch the meat.

Katharina

I thank you, sir.

Hortensio

Signior Petruchio, fie! you are to blame.
Come, mistress Kate, I’ll bear you company.

Petruchio

[Aside]
 
Eat it up all, Hortensio, if thou lovest me.
Much good do it unto thy gentle heart!
Kate, eat apace: and now, my honey love,
Will we return unto thy father’s house
And revel it as bravely as the best,
With silken coats and caps and golden rings,
With ruffs and cuffs and fardingales and things;
With scarfs and fans and double change of bravery,
With amber bracelets, beads and all this knavery.
What, hast thou dined? The tailor stays thy leisure,
To deck thy body with his ruffling treasure.