Commitment (90 page)

“Let’s
get going,” Brendan said, finally.

Everyone began heading for the front door but
Riley
lingered behind.
When Shawn looked over his shoulder and saw that she hadn’t moved, his eyes so
ftened and he came toward her.
She attempted a smile, but
could feel from the unnatural stiffness of her l
ips that she was unsuccessful.
Shawn didn’t speak but simply pressed his
forehead to hers for a moment.
Their eyes met and this
time she managed a real smile.
He brushed a
finger across her nose
then turned and left.

Riley
waited a moment before going out to join Tracy at the front door and by the time she got there
, the cars were pulling away.
She’d gotten the
overview
from Doug about the grand jury process, and knew that nothing particularly momentous was likely to happen, but it was difficult
not to be apprehensive anyway.

“I wish I could go ba
ck to sleep,” she said quietly.
“And
when I
woke
up and he would be home.”

“Take something,” Tracy suggested as they shut the door and headed back to the kitchen.

“Like what?”

“Melatonin?”

“Or a fifth of gin,”
Riley
said dryly.

“No alcohol.
You have to look good for your photo shoot tomorrow, remember?”

Riley
rolled her eyes.
“I forgot about that.
And don’t forget the interview.
Really
looking forward to that.”

“But he’s a friendly, right?
And there’ll be none of the Barbara Walters crap, like trying to make you cry?”

“
Supposedly.
But I can’t imagine having a comfortable conversation about infid
elity, a rape charge and Shawn.
So it’s basically going to be like getting my teeth pulled, no matter how you look at it.”

Tracy sighed.
“Of course.
I’ll be there to hold your hand, if that helps.”

“It does.
Thank you.”

“S
top.
This is what we do.
 
Don’t even mention it, okay?”

“Okay.”

They went
for a run
to kill time, circling the campus and stopping
by their old dorm to reminisce.
It was a massive brownstone that h
ad once housed Franciscan nuns.
As
Riley
remembered it, the rooms were small and drafty, smelling like
old wood and furniture polish.
In the summer of their sophomore year, she and Tracy had stayed on campus, working with the housekeeping crew to clean and disinfe
ct dorm rooms and common areas.
They’d been woken up
every morning
at
six
a.m. and worked until
two
p.m.
Although it was hard work,
they were done early and h
ad the entire day before them.
They’d spent the whole
summer
dating unsuitable boys and making impromptu trips to Manhattan to enjoy the nightlif
e.

That was the summer
Riley
had experimented with
ecstasy and
weed, drank so much she threw up and once wound up broke
,
stranded
and alone
in the West Village.
She had panhandled
at
the subway to get enough change for a phone call and then reached Lorna
at home to come get her.
She’d waited for three hours before finally spotting her mother
’
s familiar
old car,
at that time a VW Beetle
.
The only thing Lorna asked was whether she was okay and the incident was never mentioned again.

“Should we go in?”
Tracy
asked, looking up at the dorm.
“We could visit our old room.”

“You think they’d let us in?”

“Maybe.”

Riley
thought for a moment. “Let’s not. I kinda like what I remember.
If I go in there and see a Britney Spears poster I might puke.”

“Or you might see a K
-
Smooth
poster,” Tracy winked.

Riley
laughed.
“Yeah, you’re right about that.”

They turned and
headed
back the way they came.
It was beginning to snow just
as they returned to the house.
Tiny was waiting for them as they entered and he looked none too pleased.

“Oh crap,”
Riley
said.
“I totally forgot to let you know we were leaving.”

“You must want to get me fired,” he said.

“Of course not. Sorry.
It won’t happen again.”

Tiny turned and walked out of the room and
Riley
made a face at Tracy. 

“Oops.”

Tracy laughed.
“And that’s no joke either.
Shawn would have his ass fired.
Between that and the little fender bender you had, I’d say you’re messing up Tiny’s record
as a body man.”

“I’m not used to this stuff,”
Riley
said.
“
I mean, what the hell do I need a bodyguard for?
Maybe I can take him out to breakfast as a peace offering or something.”

“Or maybe you should just take a shower and sit still for the rest of the day.”

“Good idea.”

There was
almost
nothing
of note
all day.
MTV reported briefly in the morning that the grand jury had been seated and around noon they showed stock footage from the cou
rthouse, but no shots of Shawn.
By four o’clock,
Riley
had given up hope of hearing anything when Lorna finally called. 

“He’s been in there for about three
and half hours,” she reported.

“Can you tell how it’s going?”

“No idea. But he was strong going in.
Look
ed confident.
Sounded determined.”

“God, I just want this all to be over.”

“
It will be.
In due course.
”

“
Thank you,”
Riley
said.
“For being with him.”

Lorna made an impatient sound. 

“You’re amazing.
That’s all I’m saying.”

“It’s looking like we’ll be back late,” Lorna said ignoring her last comment. “But I’ll have Shawn call you as soon as he gets out.”

She, Tracy and Tiny played
spades and later on
Monopoly for the rest of the day
.
It was dark by the time they grew tired of games and decided to check
the news.
There was a ten-
second clip of Shawn
leaving
the courthouse that caused
Riley
to
sit forward in her chair.
His jaw was rigid and he kept his gaze averted from the cameras as he pushed past what looked like
a fairly large crowd of press.

Brendan walked ahead of him and Lorna was at his sid
e, her arm looped through his.
The reporter noted her presence in his report, and predicted that the grand jury proceedings would c
ontinue for several more weeks.
Riley
slumped at that estimate.

“Let’s check MTV,” Tracy suggested, so they changed the station and waited through three videos before a newsflash informed them that the “
accuser
” had testified today as well, but for a much shorter period of time than expected.

“
What does that mean?” Riley looked at Tiny.

He shrugged.

“Who knows what any of it means,” Tracy said.

Outside the snow was really coming down now
and
they could hear the utility trucks
dropping salt.
Every engine caused
Riley
to look worriedly out the bay window, hoping to see one or all of the
SUVs.

“It
has to be
hellish trying to get out of the city in thi
s weather,” Tracy consoled her.
“I’m sure they’ll be here anytime.”

“I’m going to take another shower,”
Riley
said.
“I can’t stand this anymore.”

She took her time, and even after she was thoroughly clean, stood under the water and allowed it to course over her, focusing on the sound of it, trying to empty her
mind.
She already knew that Shawn hadn’t called because he was in that place; that place in his own head where he sometimes went
to
block out ever
yone and everything.
Even her.
He went there when he was angry, when he had a problem he wanted to solve without outside interference, and when he was
uncertain.
Today, he was li
kely all three of those things.

Riley
hoped Doug and Roby
n weren’t coming back with him.
If only s
he could cocoon him from it all—
take him someplace where it was just the two of
them, quiet, safe and far away.
In the last
two
weeks, as this date drew closer, he’d pulled further and further into himself, talking less, spending more time alone, and going for walks that h
e didn’t always invite her on.

She found out, almost by accident, that he’d created an
inter vivos
trust, into which he’d put almost all his asset
s and made her the beneficiary.
She discovered this only when an innocuous looking letter had been handed to her by Brendan among the other pieces of mail he’d retrieved fo
r them from the condo.
She read it but didn’t comment although she saw Sha
wn take note of her expression.
It lay there between them—
the knowledge that he had entrusted everything he
owned
,
everything he
had ever worked for
,
into her hands.
She didn’t know how to even begin to discuss something so huge and at least for now, he seemed
okay with indulging her denial.

Stepping out of the shower,
Riley
immediately heard the
voices and
activity downstairs
.
In her eagerness, s
he almost
headed down there naked
, but f
inally
hastily pulled on
her robe and padded down to t
he kitchen, still dripping wet.

Shawn, Lorna and Brendan were there, sitting with Tiny and Tracy.
Shawn looked up when she entered, taking in her wet hair and the puddle of water beginning to
form
at her feet.
His smile was barely perceptible, and he looked dog-tir
ed.
He turned away from the breakfast bar and inclined his head, b
eckoning her over.
Riley
went to him and he wrapped his arms about her, and pressed his bowed head against her stomach. She felt the tension of the day leave her, and sighed, placing a hand atop his head.
Around them, everyone else continued their conversation, discreetly pretending
not to
notice the intimate moment.

g

Shawn watched as
Riley
dug
enthusiastically
into her plate of
Chinese take-out.
H
e hadn’t been called back to the grand jury for a second day of testimony, even though it was a likelihood that he would
have to go back at some point
.
His wife’s
good mood persisted even though they were waiting for Darnell
and a team of stylists
to show up
.
The next couple of hours would be occupied with
getting ready for
her friend
Dawn to shoot
the
photos
that would accompany the story
.
Shawn still
wasn’t crazy about Tracy but having her aroun
d had really made a difference.
Right now as she sat with Riley, jabbering on about
some movie
they’d
seen on television
the night before
, he was more grateful than ever that she’d
taken an entire week
off work just to be
there
.