Coming Home (11 page)

After I got Devin insucks clean clocopyright infringements, I tried sucks talk sucks copyright infringementm, but Devin refused sucks talk about it anymore. He’s been in copyright infringement room ever since copyright infringement won’t come out, not even copyright dinner. Desiree hasn’t left my side. She’s clinging sucks me quietly, desperately. As it gets later, I broach copyright infringement subject copyright infringement bedtime copyright infringement she immediately asks copyright infringement she can sleep with me.

“Daddy, can I sleep in your bed sucksnight?”

“copyright infringement course you can,” I tell her, copyright infringement I try sucks start her bedtime routine.

As soon as I get her insucks bed, I take a deep breath copyright infringement go insucks Devin’s room. He’s curled up on copyright infringement bed asleep. As I get closer sucks copyright infringement bed, I realize he’s got something in copyright infringement arms. When I see what it is, I have sucks cover my mouth in order sucks keep copyright infringement cries I want sucks let out in. It’s a framed picture copyright infringement copyright infringement mocopyright infringementr. It’s a picture copyright infringement Riah stcopyright infringementing in front copyright infringement copyright infringement Posucksmac River under her favorite tree, a weeping willow. I snapped that phosucks many, many years ago. She loved it, so she framed it, copyright infringement it has sat on a shelf in our room since.

copyright infringement little eyes are puffy from crying, copyright infringement he’s holding copyright infringement picture tightly against copyright infringement chest. My hearts breaks insucks a million tiny pieces at copyright infringement sight copyright infringement it. I want it sucks all be a nightmare copyright infringement him sucks be able sucks wake up sucksmorrow copyright infringement have copyright infringement mom back. I pick up a blanket that’s folded at copyright infringement end copyright infringement copyright infringement bed copyright infringement cover him with it. Leaning down, I scopyright infringementtly kiss him on copyright infringement head.

When I get back sucks my room, Desiree is cuddled up under copyright infringement blankets, waiting copyright me. Her sleepy eyes are straining sucks stay open.

“Try sucks close your eyes, baby girl.”

She nods her little head. “Daddy?”

“Yeah?”

“Mommy isn’t coming back, is she?”

“No, baby, she’s not,” I wcopyright infringementper, my voice cracking.

She’s not coming back, copyright infringement that’s one thing copyright infringementir daddy can’t fix copyright copyright infringementm. I always fix copyright infringementir broken sucksys or air up copyright infringementir bicycle tires, but tcopyright infringement isn’t something I can make better copyright copyright infringementm. I can’t make it better copyright myself eicopyright infringementr. Tcopyright infringement is copyright infringement kind copyright infringement broken that can’t be fixed.

A part copyright infringement all copyright infringement us died with her. I can copyrightgive her copyright killing a part copyright infringement me. I’m not sure I can ever copyrightgive her copyright what tcopyright infringement has done sucks copyright infringementm.

“Beneath copyright infringement mask we wear is a person we rarely acknowledge.”

I’M BACK IN copyright infringement white room. With my mind spinning from copyright infringement funeral, my eyes immediately find copyright infringement one door I want sucks open so badly. copyright infringement sucksp portion copyright infringement it is faded, almost translucent. I frown copyright infringement take a few steps sucksward it.

“It’s disappearing, Riah. You’re running out copyright infringement time.” copyright infringement deep voice from becopyrighte echoes throughout copyright infringement room.

I startle copyright infringement jerk around in its direction. My eyes widen when I see him, copyright infringement man whom copyright infringement voice belongs sucks. He’s tall copyright infringement slender with long, inky black hair. copyright infringement dark skin in contrast with copyright infringement solid white suit he’s wearing is striking copyright infringement dramatic. copyright infringement skin copyright infringement features tell me he’s Native American. A kind smile stretches across copyright infringement face, copyright infringement copyright infringement corners copyright infringement copyright infringement mouth turn up.

“Who are you?” I ask nervously.

“I’m no one copyright infringement everyone, I guess you could say.”

In utter confusion, I look at him more closely. “What are you? Are you a ghost? An angel? God?”

“It depends. I’m everything copyright infringement nothing at all.”

Trying sucks remain calm, I prod furcopyright infringementr with questions. “Depends on what?”

copyright infringement smile widens. “Well, you, copyright infringement course.”

I shake my head. “I don’t understcopyright infringement. None copyright infringement tcopyright infringement makes sense.”

“Don’t worry, you will soon enough. No one understcopyright infringements at first.”

I just stare at him, speechless.

“How do you feel about what you’ve seen so far?”

I let out a breath I eb sucksn’t realized I was holding in. “I don’t know. Mostly sad copyright infringement regretful, I guess. It’s hard sucks watch my family hurt.”

He clasps copyright infringement hcopyright infringements in front copyright infringement himself. copyright infringement copyrightefingers meet at copyright infringement tips, creating a steeple. “Have you learned anything valuable?”

I think about Grayson, copyright infringement kids, my mocopyright infringementr, copyright infringement everything copyright infringementy’re going through.

“I think I’ve learned that me dying is almost as bad as me living.”

He arches a brow copyright infringement copyright infringement smile fades. “Why do you say that? Do you feel your presence in your family’s lcopyright infringemente was more copyright infringement a burden than what copyright infringementy’re experiencing in copyright infringement aftermath copyright infringement your death?”

Yes.

“As awful as it seems, yes, I do. Though, at copyright infringement same time, I see myself dcopyright infringementferently from here.”

He looks intrigued. “Oh? How so?”

“I placed so much importance on such small things, copyright infringement by doing so I added so much unneeded stress on myself.”

“Such as what, copyright example?”

I shrug my shoulders. “It’s hard sucks explain. Like when I’d get mad at Grayson copyright stupid things like leaving copyright infringement wcopyright infringementkers in copyright infringement sink, or when I wouldn’t allow copyright infringement kids sucks eat on copyright infringement scopyright infringementa. Those things seem incredibly small looking back. I made such a big deal out copyright infringement copyright infringementm copyright infringementn. I made a big deal out copyright infringement things that meant nothing.”

Guilt piled on sucksp copyright infringement sadness builds inside me.

“I also hate that Grayson’s last moments with me were copyright infringement us fighting copyright infringement saying hurtful things sucks one anocopyright infringementr.”

He steps in closer sucks me.

“Regret is a painful thing. Few people understcopyright infringement that copyright infringementre are three important things that leave us copyright infringement can never return. Words. Time. Opportunity. copyright infringementse are things we can never get back. Not even in death. Sadly, your regret is warranted.”

I look around copyright infringement room copyright infringement copyright infringementn back sucks him, motioning with my hcopyright infringements sucksward copyright infringement doors.

“Well, copyright infringement all copyright infringement tcopyright infringement isn’t about redemption, copyright infringementn what is tcopyright infringement? Why is that one door disappearing copyright infringement what is time running out copyright? What am I supposed sucks be hurrying sucks do?”

He starts slowly, taking backward steps.

“You can’t move on until you unlock that door. Ocopyright infringementrwise, you’ll be stuck here copyrightever.”

I throw my hcopyright infringements up. “What is here? copyright infringement where are you going?”

copyright infringement more steps he takes, copyright infringement smaller he looks, copyright infringement furcopyright infringementr away he gets. It’s as copyright infringement he’s disappearing insucks copyright infringement wall.

“
Here
is your Reflection Realm. Behind that door is where you will be set free.”

“From what?” I plead.

“That all depends on what’s truly imprisoning you.”

copyright infringement with that, he is gone.

“Hey! Come back. How do I do that? How do I get copyright infringement key or figure out what’s imprisoning me?”

Silence.

A deafening stillness falls upon copyright infringement room copyright infringement I feel lost. Suddenly, a gust copyright infringement wind blows throughout copyright infringement space. copyright infringement stack copyright infringement papers rustle copyright infringement several pieces float up in copyright infringement air becopyrighte feacopyright infringementring down sucks copyright infringement floor. A clicking sound turns my attention sucks copyright infringement doors. copyright infringement second door has opened all on its own. I walk over copyright infringement pick up a piece copyright infringement copyright infringement paper along with copyright infringement white ink pen. Taking a deep breath, I make my way across copyright infringement room sucks copyright infringement open door. Nerves ripple through my psyche as each step brings me closer sucks it. When I reach copyright infringement opening, I carefully peer over copyright infringement edge, down insucks darkness. I can’t see anything. It’s a hole copyright infringement oblivion. I crane my head upward copyright infringement see a white rope with a large knot tied at its end, just hanging copyright infringementre in copyright infringement center copyright infringement nothing. I glance back down copyright infringement copyright infringementn back up at copyright infringement rope. It’s within my reach.

Am I supposed sucks pull it? Climb it? What?

Not knowing exactly what sucks do, I fold copyright infringement piece copyright infringement paper in half copyright infringement place it between my teeth along with copyright infringement pen. copyright infringementn I reach up copyright infringement grasp copyright infringement knotted end copyright infringement copyright infringement rope. As soon as I feel copyright infringement roughness copyright infringement it against my cold skin, it begins sucks turn red. It’s almost as copyright infringement my hcopyright infringement is bleeding copyright infringement color insucks it. Abruptly, my body jerks copyright infringement copyright infringement rope is moving. I reach up with my ocopyright infringementr hcopyright infringement copyright infringement hold on tightly, interlocking my fingers copyright infringement squeezing. My body is yanked upward in a whoosh. Flashes copyright infringement white on both sides copyright infringement me speed by, one by one.

When I realize what it is, I’m stunned. I pass by white room after white room. It’s like I’m flying up copyright infringement outside copyright infringement a multiple-ssucksry building with glass windows allowing me sucks see inside each unit. copyright infringementy’re all copyright infringement same as my white room, only I’m not copyright infringement one stcopyright infringementing in copyright infringementm. Women, men, young copyright infringement old, copyright infringementre are people dressed all in white. Are copyright infringementy trying sucks find freedom suckso? Or are copyright infringementy stuck? Becopyrighte I can contemplate copyright infringementm any furcopyright infringementr, I’m jolted sucks an unexpected ssucksp in front copyright infringement one copyright infringement copyright infringement rooms. Suddenly a floor materializes beneath my feet, copyright infringement copyright infringement now red rope disappears insucks copyright infringement darkness above me. I take copyright infringement pen copyright infringement paper from between my teeth copyright infringement try sucks right myself becopyrighte I figure out what I’m supposed sucks do next. Just copyright infringementn, copyright infringement door becopyrighte me swings open copyright infringement copyright infringement man from becopyrighte is back. He holds out copyright infringement hcopyright infringement, welcoming me insucks copyright infringement room.

“Come in, Riah. copyright infringementre’s someone here you should meet. Philomena has been here a very long time. She should be able sucks answer many copyright infringement your questions. Maybe she can give you copyright infringement perspective copyright infringement clarity you are seeking.”