Come What May (Heartbeat) (8 page)

Adam reappears in front of the cabin without Joey or his mom. As his long legs cut across the yard, I’ve never seen him so angry. Everyone moves out of the way to let him pass. Even the children restrain themselves from running after him. The guilt shows on the faces of the adults. They know their inaction is wrong, but no one speaks up. Joey’s mom is the deciding vote, and she said no. So the rest remain silent. What a bunch of cowards.

Slamming the door, Adam doesn’t mince words. Out of earshot, he rips into them. They stand transfixed, observing the ambulance climb up the hill as Adam throws it in reverse. Keeping his gaze locked over his shoulder, he doesn’t see Joey run out into the center of the group, a stricken expression on his face. I choke back a sob. It’s a waiting game now. When will the symptoms begin to manifest? How long will his mother wait until she brings him in? I don’t want to think about the pain and suffering that’s in store for Joey if the raccoon was rabid.

Those enjoying the park funnel by me in a blur. We get stuck in a line of traffic as we near the exit, but Adam doesn’t hit the lights. We both need a minute to regroup. There’s no rush unless we receive another call. It’s stifling in the ambulance and it zaps my remaining energy. Adam, on the other hand, is eager to take on the world.

“How can a mother do that to her own kid? What the hell is wrong with that woman?” He talks non-stop but I’m content to let him rant. There’s nothing more we can do. To put it bluntly, we failed. And Joey is going to have to pay the price for our ineptitude. We should have convinced his mother to change her mind, but we didn’t. And now what happens to him is our fault, as well as hers. I’m of no use to Adam because I can’t even comfort myself.

The static on the comm turns into a greeting. “Unit 365, do you copy?”

Adam is no condition to respond to another call. I say a little prayer before picking up the receiver. “Yes, we copy. Go ahead.”

“Your previous call needs you to go back. The mother is requesting further assistance.”

Adam doesn’t even wait for my response before making a U-turn around the traffic and back down the hill. And the only thing better than the overwhelming sense of relief is the smile that lights up his face. Somehow he did it. He convinced her. He didn’t lose another patient. There’s no room for Joey in Adam’s nightmares.

Now if I can only help him get rid of Katie.

Chapter Fifteen
Adam

Gradually, I’m getting back in the groove both mentally and physically. I haven’t dreamed of Katie in days and my ribs aren’t as bad as they were. I’m even able to lift the stretcher again without doubling over in pain. Jada, well, she’s really incredible. For someone with limited experience, she really stepped up. At first, I was upset about losing Charlie and Tommy, but now I couldn’t ask for a more capable partner. She has the right blend of intelligence and toughness that the job demands. It’s a privilege working alongside of her. I just haven’t told her yet.

I’m afraid that she’s sort of into me. For starters, she’s not heckling me as much. I was driving like a lunatic yesterday and she didn’t scold me once. She’s also going out of her way to do things for me like bringing me coffee in the morning before inquiring if I slept well. Most nights she sends me a text right before I go to bed with either a joke or a silly picture attached as if she’s trying to keep my nightmares at bay.

And she seems obsessed with my hair. Ever since that day she pulled it back, she can’t stop touching it. Every chance she gets she’s patting me on the head or something. I usually don’t like someone crowding me, but I still get flashbacks of Jada running her fingers through my hair. It felt so good that every part of me responded to her touch.

But I can’t afford to screw things up with her. She’s my partner, bottom line. She’s not someone I can fuck and then walk away from. Even though I’ve fantasized about how her skin would look pressed against mine. And sometimes when her back is turned, I can’t help checking out her ass. What I wouldn’t give to cup that in my hands. It’s beyond firm. I never thought our uniforms were sexy until I saw her curves in those pants. Who wouldn’t be turned on? I get hard just thinking about it. I have to stop.

Because I’m only using her even if it’s just my thoughts and not my actions. My focus remains on someone else. The girl I can’t get out of mind—the one who owns my nights, the one who refuses to be replaced. No one compares to her—not even Jada.

I don’t want anyone else. No one measures up. She’s it for me, my dream girl. I don’t want to move on. She’s the one I was supposed to be with. Instead I’m stuck with only a phantom memory of her.

I’m in love with someone who’s dead. Someone I can never have.

Why did you leave me, Katie Turner? Why do I feel connected to you? Why can’t I let you go?

I’m trying to fill the void where she should be—her place in my bed, in my heart, in my life. These random hook-ups don’t satisfy my desire for her. The camaraderie I have with Jada doesn’t measure up to losing the one I was meant to be with. When Katie uttered my name, it was like I finally came home and she was there waiting for me. Pressing my lips to hers is where I belonged. We shared the same breath, but it wasn’t enough to keep her with me. I was left adrift as she went on ahead.

I never knew her until her final moments, but I was never so sure about anything in my entire life. Before her eyes closed, she marked me as her own. I don’t want anyone’s hair draped across my chest but hers, that river of fire like silk beneath my fingertips. I don’t want to run my hands down anyone’s back unless it’s against her milky smoothness. I don’t want to bury myself inside anyone but her. I want her to call out my name as I make her come. But that’ll never happen, even though it feels like it did.

And it’s a joke because I can’t refrain from having sex with other women. I close my eyes and try to pretend that it’s her beneath me, but none of them feel right. I can’t get lost in them. They’re not who my soul is crying out for. They’re nothing but a cheap substitute for the real thing.

And that’s what I don’t want to do to Jada. She deserves to be cherished. Whoever spends the night with her should be thinking of no one but her. I refuse to hurt her like that. She’ll see right through me. And I’d never want her to think that she’s not good enough, that she’s not what I want. I’d end up taking my frustrations out on her like I do with everyone else. She’d never forgive me if I just pleasured myself and didn’t give a damn about her. And that’s what would happen. I’d shut her out and try to envision Katie inside my head. Which would only lead to Jada despising me.

***

I rush into the salon five minutes late. I debated whether or not this was a good idea, but it’s too late to turn back now. Jada spots me and waves me over. Her roommate is offering to cut my hair for free. She needed a male volunteer to complete her course requirements, and when Jada asked me about it, I said yes without really thinking it over. I’m going to have to start pushing her away a little more aggressively. She’s getting too close. Our lives are becoming too intertwined.

“Adam, you made it.” She hurries over, grabbing my hand. “C’mon, Simone’s all ready for you.”

There’s a girl holding a smock with a mountain of curly hair piled on top of her head. She’s wearing thick purple-framed glasses while chomping anxiously on a piece of gum. She pats the seat in front of her encouragingly.

“Aren’t you cute?” She looks me up and down appreciatively. “It’s nice to finally meet you in person. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Yeah, same here.” I recline against the plastic chair as she throws the smock over me. Securing the Velcro in the back, her hands feel strange as they brush against my neck. She mouths something to Jada over my head, causing Jada to blush and shake her head. Simone stomps her foot at her before spinning me around.

“I burned my hands with a chemical solution yesterday. That’s why I’m wearing these latex gloves.” She holds up her hands for my inspection. “I really don’t want to get them wet, so I asked Jada if she could shampoo you instead. Don’t worry. She can’t mess that up.”

Just imagining Jada massaging my scalp makes me grateful that the smock is covering my lower half. I have to put a stop to this before it goes any further. I can’t let it happen.

“Uh, Simone? I just took a shower. My hair is actually still kind of damp. Do you think you could just wet it with a spray bottle or something?” I keep my attention fixed on Simone. I can’t bear to look at Jada while I’m rejecting her in front of her best friend.

“Leave the boy alone. You’re lucky he even agreed to do this.” Cool as ever, Jada recovers quickly.

“Fine, but we just got in this new mint scented shampoo for guys that smells so unbelievably good. You don’t know what you’re missing.” Simone gives me her best sales pitch, but I stand firm.

“Maybe some other time.” I wink at her and she responds with a dazzling smile while hastily removing her gloves. Simone is definitely more of a flirt. If she wasn’t Jada’s friend, I’d seriously consider doing something with her. She’d probably be able to take my mind off things for a while.

“I’ll hold you to that, mister.” She laughs poking me in the arm with her finger. Squeezing the trigger of the spray bottle, she starts soaking my head until trails of water drip from the ends of my hair. Reaching for a towel, she wrings out the excess before running a comb through it. “So what do you want? Just a trim?”

“I don’t know.” I pause, scratching my chin. I’m having fun playing with her. “Maybe it’s time I changed it up a bit.”

“Don’t even think about cutting your hair.” Jada’s tone is adamant. I like when she’s bossy. It makes me wonder what she’d be like in the bedroom, ordering me around, telling me what she wanted me to do to her. I shift in the chair uncomfortably.

“Well, I guess that settles it. I have to live with her. You don’t.” Simone separates a section at the back of my head before snipping the ends with her scissors. She moves around me as she works her way to the front.

I’m a little uneasy having Jada watch as her best friend’s face hovers so close to mine. I can practically taste the cinnamon flavor of her gum. I try to clear my head, but it’s not happening. I’m incredibly turned on by the dueling sensations of Simone touching me and Jada staring at me. I lean back and close my eyes, yearning for a release that’s not going to come.

I have to focus on something else, anything else. “So one side isn’t going to be longer than the other, right?” My attempt at a joke elicits the desired response.

“Listen, I don’t know what Jada told you, but I’m a wonderful stylist. You’re going to look fantastic.” Simone’s pep talk slices through the tension, and I begin to relax.

“Yeah, unlike me,” Jada chimes in as Simone’s instructor strolls by, taking notes on a clipboard.

“Jada, shut up. Are you trying to get me in trouble?” Simone motions with her chin at the instructor’s back. “Well, I bet Adam sure loved your red highlights. Didn’t you, Adam?”

But it’s an image of Katie’s red hair that floods my mind, not Jada’s. I cough to cover my distress in order to ignore the question. Instantly, Jada picks up on my unease, noticing the change in my demeanor.

“Simone, don’t go fishing for compliments. Just concentrate on what you’re doing, okay?” Annoyed, Jada rips into her a friend a bit harshly.

“All right, Miss Thang. Give a girl a break.”

But I don’t hear a word they are saying. I’m lost inside my head.

While Simone’s trimming the front of my hair, her lips are directly opposite mine. I shudder slightly as I feel her breath on my face. Aware of the reaction she is causing, she runs her tongue slowly across her lips. She’s so close. All I want to do is lean in and grab her bottom lip with my teeth. I want Jada to watch as I make out with her best friend, pulling her onto my lap and encircling her tiny waist with my hands. Just to see Jada release her pent-up jealousy would make it all worth it. I want to drive her crazy. I want her to ache for me.

“Oops. There’s a hair on your mouth. Let me get it.” I don’t feel anything, but Simone’s finger glides over my lips. She smiles smugly. She knows exactly what she’s doing. I restrain myself from opening my lips. All I want to do is pull her finger into my mouth with my tongue.

Jada pretends to tune us out by scrolling through her phone. She is livid. Simone is so going to get chewed out when they get home. But there’s something about sitting in a stylist’s chair that’s sexy as hell. It’s like submitting to the touch of a beautiful woman while granting her hands free access to your body. I’ve never been so aroused in public before. The only way it’d be better is if Jada were the one touching me, but forcing her to watch ain’t bad either.

Simone quickly caresses the side of my face before turning on the blow dryer. She’s really enjoying this. She must be a handful in bed if she’s this playful on the job. I look up at her through my eyelashes and she grabs a handful of my hair, pulling it hard. So she likes it rough, does she? I smirk crosses my face as she tousles my hair in front of my eyes, blocking my vision. I haven’t laid a hand on her—but this foreplay or whatever it is—is driving me insane. I’m straining against the seams. Subtly beneath the smock, I unzip my jeans and start working myself over.

Jada detects the hint of motion and looks at me like I’m out of my mind. I plead with her with my eyes not to give me away. I need this, and I need it now. She stands up and removes her jacket. She pushes Simone out of the way and with one tug rips the smock off of me. I’m exposed for all to see, but it’s only Jada I’m concerned about. She rakes her eyes over every inch of me while fingering the pendant at her neck. As she slides her hand between her breasts, I resume my motion. Watching her touch herself, I take it all in.

One by one she undoes the buttons on her blouse, revealing the black satin bra beneath. Striding toward me, she positions herself above me. She whispers in my ear, “Sit up.” I rise out the seat and she bends down yanking off my jeans along with my boxers. Unhooking her belt, she lets her own pants skim to the floor before stepping out of her lace panties. She rejoins me, straddling me with her legs. All that remains is her bra, and I don’t break eye contact as I unclasp the back and pull the straps off her shoulders.

But she’s not satisfied. Not yet. She raises my arms and removes my shirt with one quick movement. My hair is still wet and drops of water scatter down her neck and across her breasts. Our hands devour each other as her caramel skin covers mine. But I can’t wait any longer. Grasping her hips, I lower her onto me. She cries out as I enter her. Riding me, she matches me thrust for thrust, but I’m already so close. I was ready under the smock. Bucking, she cries out my name, exploding around me. I hold her in place as my pace increases. Losing control, I cry out, “Katie…”

Refocusing her vision, she gapes at me in disbelief.

But before I have a chance to say anything, there’s a beeping sound and the scene fades away.

Simone is drying my hair, humming away while Jada is still playing with her phone. Their conversation has ceased due to the noise of the dryer. Thank God they have no clue what I was imagining. Yeah, guys think about sex all of the time. But it’s embarrassing to get caught. Blinking rapidly, I realize my phone is vibrating. Reaching into my pocket, I rub a hand across my forehead as Simone begins sweeping up the pieces of hair scattered across the floor. If it was only a fantasy, then why do I feel so guilty?

Looking at the screen, I notice I received a series of texts—all from Jada—with silly pictures of the worst haircuts imaginable.

The last one says:

YOU’RE ENJOYING THIS A LITTLE TOO MUCH. DON’T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE.

If she only knew…